Loving Julia

by Karen Robards

  She was inclined to doubt that there were.

  “What are you thinking about, my own?” He downed the last of the roll as he spoke, and helped himself to a sip of her chocolate.

  “How handsome you are,” she said, smiling at him. He looked startled, then grinned back at her as he replaced the cup.

  “You’re wasting your time,” he advised her. “Flattery will not lure me into your bed. Nothing will, until you’ve fully recovered.”

  “I wasn’t trying—” Julia began indignantly, glowering at him, only to laugh as she realized that he was teasing her. “Conceited beast!” she chastized him without heat, watching him with open pleasure as he came to his feet beside the bed, and stretched with lazy grace.

  “I have a present for you,” he said. When she looked at him inquiringly he reached into his coat pocket and brought out a small box. Julia’s eyes widened at the sight of it. Even without opening it, she knew it must contain a ring.

  And what a ring it was! Its huge central diamond was surrounded by marquise topazes set in yellow gold. Julia stared at it speechlessly, then looked up at him. He was frowning down at her, his lean body slightly tense. Her long silence had apparently made him uneasy.

  “I had it sent down from London. If you don’t like it, we can get something else.” His diffident tone was so unlike him that Julia smiled.

  “I love it.” Her soft assurance must have been utterly convincing because he dropped down to sit on the bed beside her again, taking the box from her. She watched the long fingered hands as he removed the ring from its box, then caught her left hand and slid the ring onto her third finger. He pressed a kiss to the knuckle just above the ring before releasing it.

  “How do you feel about short engagements?” he asked, watching her as she turned her hand this way and that, admiring the stones as they sparkled in the light streaming in through the long windows.

  “How short?”

  “Say, a month from today?”

  That caught her attention. She looked at him, her eyes the exact color of the stones in the ring.

  “Oh yes, Sebastian,” she breathed, and for once unaware of her injuries she threw herself at him, flinging her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his willing mouth. He kissed her thoroughly before he freed her, and she enjoyed the experience so much that she didn’t even mind the twinges that prickled over her cheeks from her bruised mouth, or the aching of her still sore body where it pressed close to him.

  “I hurt you,” he said, concerned. He caught her upper arms in a firm yet gentle grip and held her away from him while looking down into her face.

  “No, you didn’t,” she insisted, but he knew better. He put an admonishing finger over the lips he had just kissed, and frowned severely at her.

  “No more of that, now. The doctor said you needed the most tender care for the next few weeks, and I mean to see that you get it. So quit tempting me, you baggage. I mean to save myself for our wedding night.”

  She smiled at him, a slow sleepy smile that made tiny flickers of fire leap to life in the backs of those blue eyes.

  “Am I tempting you, Sebastian?” The question was a husky, provocative murmur. He stared hard at her for a long moment, then released her arms and stood up.

  “You know you are.”

  “Good. Because you’re tempting me, too.”

  With that, flickers in the backs of his eyes flamed to vivid life and for a moment she thought he was going to come back down on the bed beside her. But his hands clenched into fists at his sides, and he almost glared at her.

  “I find that I need some exercise. If you don’t object, I think I’ll go riding. I’ll be back before luncheon, of course.”

  Julia smiled at him and sank back upon her mound of pillows. It was pleasant to think that he wanted her so much that he had to leave the house to control his impulses—and equally pleasant to imagine him getting back into his normal routine. Their relationship would come to grief if he continued to treat her like a hothouse flower forever.

  “I don’t object at all. Just don’t break your neck. Or anything else,” she added with a naughty smile and a downward flick of her eyes. This surprised an unwilling smile from him, and he bent down to drop another quick kiss on her mouth, straightening before she could catch and hold him.

  “Just wait until after the wedding,” he threatened in a growling undertone.

  “If I have to,” she pouted, peeping up at him from beneath sooty lashes. He grinned, told her that she did indeed have to wait, flicked her nose with a finger, and exited. Julia sank deeper into her pillows as she listened to the sound of his boots retreating down the hallway, feeling very content.

  XXXVII

  The twentieth day of July in the year of our lord eighteen hundred and forty-two was Julia’s wedding day. The ceremony was to take place at two in the afternoon in the great hall at White Friars. By noon she was completely dressed except for her veil. She wanted to have time to stop by the nursery and show Chloe her wedding finery—the little girl would love to see it, she knew.

  Julia smiled as she thought of Chloe. Miss Belkerson had first brought Chloe to visit her while she was still confined to bed, and something about seeing her so battered must have touched the little girl’s heart. Twice more before Julia was allowed to get up, Chloe had come on her own to visit, peeping shyly around the doorway until Julia saw her and bade her come in.

  Chloe never did—she always ran at that point—but Julia could not help but feel that the little girl considered her a friend. Perhaps the child had missed her in the months she had been absent from White Friars, she thought. Certainly Chloe remembered who she was, and seemed pleased to see her again.

  Once Sebastian allowed her to get out of bed, she made a practice of visiting the little girl in her rooms every day. Sometimes she would sit and talk to Chloe through her doll. While the child never responded, she did seem to listen intently to Julia’s nonsense. At other times she would accompany Chloe and Miss Belkerson outdoors for their afternoon walk. Chloe was always quiet and well behaved on these occasions, but once in a while, as a bushy tailed squirrel scurried across their path, for instance, the little girl would stiffen and point, displaying a silent excitement and interest that gave Julia hope that she might one day be a normal child again.

  As the days passed, Julia felt a flowering of affection along with a keen sense of responsibility for the child. Almost as much as she wanted to marry Sebastian, she wanted to bring Chloe into the magic circle of their love. Love was what the child needed, Julia thought, although she fought so hard against accepting it. It hurt to think of the little girl leading such a separate, unnatural life when she and Sebastian were so happy. But even if Chloe could eventually be coaxed out of her shell, it was something that could not be rushed. It would have to be done one small step at a time.

  Mindful of the fiasco that had resulted the last time she had interfered, Julia had not suggested that Sebastian again attempt to befriend his daughter. And he had not tried it on his own. But she kept him informed, in the most casual way she could contrive, of her own progress with the child. She was hopeful that as time passed and Chloe grew to accept her more and more, she might eventually be able to persuade her to accept Sebastian, too. But even if that never happened, she herself intended to treat Chloe as her child. She would love the little girl, and they would see what love could do.

  The consensus was that actual attendance at the wedding might prove too much for Chloe. Julia had not even discussed the matter with Sebastian, but she had talked to Miss Belkerson and Mrs. Johnson. They all agreed that unless they wanted to risk subjecting Sebastian to a nasty scene, it would be wiser to keep the child away.

  Julia did mean to include her in as much of the celebration as was possible under the circumstances. She had already told Chloe, with the help of her doll, that she would be staying at White Friars with her and her papa forever. She had also explained that after the very special ceremony that wo
uld take place on this day, she hoped that Chloe would come to like her as much as she, Julia, had come to like Chloe.

  Chloe had said nothing, but Julia had thought that she understood. Now she meant to go to the nursery to show the little girl her beautiful dress; she had already learned that the child loved clothes, and indeed any pretty thing. She had a gift for Chloe, too: a small replica of her wedding bouquet of creamy white roses and baby’s breath. Chloe would like that, Julia thought as Emily carefully threw the lace veil over her hair and anchored it with the circlet of creamy roses that matched the ones in her bouquet.

  “Oh, Miss Julia, you do look a picture.” Emily sighed as she stood back to survey her handiwork.

  Julia, looking at herself in the cheval glass, had to agree. Her wedding dress was of white lace over satin, with the satin underdress cut away in a modest scoop above her breasts so that only the filmy lace covered her neck and arms. Seed pearls painstakingly sewn by Miss Soames to accentuate the delicate pattern of the lace swirled over the slim bodice and the full, graceful lines of the skirt. With the demi-train in the back and the floor length lace veil, her bridal outfit was a dream come true. Indeed, in those long ago days she had never even dared to dream of such a dress; or imagined that one so exquisite could exist. But now she was the very embodiment of a bride, a vision in white. Even her skin was velvety pale. The only touches of color about her were the ebony of her upswept hair and winged eyebrows, the gleaming gold of her eyes, and the soft rose of her

  mouth. Julia imagined Sebastian’s reaction as he watched her come down the stairs to him. The blue of his eyes would deepen, and he would smile….

  A knock sounded on the door, effectively banishing her daydreams. It would not be him, she knew. Everyone from Mrs. Johnson to Johnson to Leister to Emily to the footmen and parlor maids had insisted that it was bad luck for a groom to see his bride on their wedding day before the actual ceremony. He had laughingly agreed to stay out of her way. He was probably in his rooms now, Julia thought, picturing him donning the morning clothes that he had decided were most suitable for the solemnity of the occasion.

  “You’re looking very beautiful, Julia. Sebastian will be pleased.”

  The cool, quiet voice was Caroline’s. Julia, lost in her imaginings, had not even realized that Emily had admitted her soon to be sister-in-law. She smiled affectionately at the other woman, who was looking very lovely herself in a powder blue silk dress. Caroline had insisted on coming down for the ceremony, to provide family support, she said, and would be standing with them. Julia deeply appreciated Caroline’s show of loyalty after the scandal they had brought down on her head. Julia would have welcomed her without reservation if she had not brought the dowager countess with her. But Sebastian’s mother had come as well, and would be present, she said, at the ceremony. Julia was inclined to view this seeming olive branch with grave suspicion, but it seemed to please Sebastian, so she said nothing of her numerous reservations. If it made Sebastian happy to have his mother with them on their wedding day, then she would bear the woman with good grace. Unless she said something typically nasty about Sebastian, or Chloe.

  “And dreamy,” Caroline added with a hint of humor as Julia was slow to respond to her remark. Julia’s smile widened as she acknowledged the truth of that—she could not seem to keep her mind on anything today—and returned Caroline’s compliment with utmost sincerity.

  “Thank you. Well, we are quite the mutual admiration society, but that is not why I have come to you at this moment. I ran into Miss Belkerson in the hall, and she tells me that she has not seen Chloe all morning. She bade me ask you if the child was with you, but,” Caroline finished, her eyes sweeping the chamber, “obviously she is not.”

  “No, I haven’t seen her,” Julia said, frowning. “Has Miss Belkerson been looking for her long?”

  “For about three-quarters of an hour, I gather. Perhaps the best thing to do, as the child is not with you, would be to have some of the menservants look around the grounds. Ordinarily I would not worry, but …”

  “But?”

  Caroline looked oddly hesitant for a moment. Then with a quick shake of her head, she said, “She may be upset about the wedding. It’s hard to tell, of course, with her. But last night when I visited her I thought she seemed a little more … brittle, I suppose, than usual.”

  “Yes.” Julia frowned abstractedly. Chloe had not, to her knowledge, disappeared since her own return to White Friars. From what Miss Belkerson had said, it was something she only did when she was upset. Had she understood more about the wedding than Julia had realized, and had the knowledge upset her? Julia had carefully avoided telling her that she would be her new mother, but perhaps she had overheard some of the servants gossiping. Instinctively Julia knew that Chloe would find the idea of a new mother wildly upsetting.

  “I believe I know where she may have gone,” Julia said slowly. “There is a place she sometimes goes when she is upset. Emily, unfasten this dress, if you please. I am going for a quick walk, I believe.”

  “Julia! You can’t go anywhere! You’re marrying Sebastian in two hours!” Caroline sounded aghast.

  “I should be back in half that with Chloe, if I’m right. Come, Emily, do as I say.”

  “Yes, Miss Julia.” Emily sounded extremely disapproving as she did as she was bid. The veil and dress were reverently laid aside, and Julia, at her direction, was buttoned into a daydress of white sprigged, pale yellow muslin. Her satin slippers were replaced with sturdy walking shoes, and she was ready.

  “At least tell me where you’re going, so that I may tell Sebastian if you should happen to leave him standing there at the altar with no bride in sight.” Caroline’s normally placid voice was faintly tart.

  Julia smiled. “I would never in my life leave Sebastian standing at the altar! He wouldn’t like that one bit. And if you must know, I am going to the old monastery where I discovered Chloe one day when she ran away from her governess before.”

  “The old monastery,” Caroline said slowly, her eyes clouding. “Chloe goes there? Do you think you should go there alone, Julia?”

  “Because of what happened to Elizabeth, do you mean? I don’t believe in ghosts, Caroline—and I think that is where Chloe will be.”

  “Would you like me to come with you?”

  Julia smiled at her affectionately. She could sense Caroline’s distaste for the place where her cousin had died, and yet she was enough of a friend to offer to accompany Julia there.

  “Thank you, but no. I think this is something that Chloe and I can best work out alone.”

  “As you wish,” Caroline said quietly, her eloquent shrug telling Julia that her friend thought her crazy, even if she wouldn’t argue with her anymore.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I possibly can. Which will be in plenty of time, I promise, so don’t look so disapproving, the pair of you!” With this half-laughing, half-exasperated remark, Julia left the room.

  Caroline looked after her with clouded eyes, while Emily, who was lovingly smoothing nonexistent wrinkles from the bridal dress, signified her opinion of such carryings-on on one’s wedding day with a loud sniff.

  The walk over the heath would have been very pleasant at any other time. The sky was a gorgeous bright blue that reminded her irresistibly of the color of Sebastian’s eyes, and the tiny leaves of the sturdy green shrubs were a vibrant green. Birds and small animals fluttered and scurried about their business, while the heady scent of the heath itself rose to curl about Julia’s nostrils. But she barely noticed the spicy scent; her thoughts were all centered on the small girl who was in all likelihood crying her eyes out in the bell tower of the ruined monastery that was even now visible to her as she topped the small rise.

  She stood for a moment, shading her eyes as she looked at the magnificent ruin silhouetted against the halcyon sky. But Chloe was nowhere in sight. Julia sighed. She estimated that she had been gone for nearly twenty minutes already, which didn’t leave much time t
o extract Chloe from the tower, return with her to White Friars, and then get into her bridal regalia again. But the passage of time was not the only reason for her rising uneasiness, she realized; she was conscious suddenly of a strange reluctance to approach the place where Elizabeth had met her death. Only the thought of Chloe’s small figure as she had seen her before, huddled and crying heartbrokenly in the place where her mother had spent her last minutes on earth, kept her from turning back.

  It was all imagination, of course, but as Julia approached the monastery she felt she was not alone. It was the same feeling that had plagued her during her walks about the heath the previous summer. Now, as then, she could see no one else around. If it was a human being who was responsible for the eerie feeling…. She was being ridiculous, Julia told herself firmly as she clambered over the fallen rocks that blocked the monastery’s entrance. Of course Elizabeth’s ghost was not following her about. How absurd could one get?

  Still, when she stood inside the little chapel, and felt the sudden chill caused by coming inside the ancient stone walls after just having been in the warm summer sun, Julia could not repress a shiver—and it was not from the chill. The sun was shining through the broken window just as it had been the one previous time she had been here, only this time the red glow beamed down on the arched entryway to the tower. Julia walked slowly toward it. Her reluctance was growing ever stronger. Again she had to fight the urge to turn tail and run.

  She compromised, standing at the foot of the stairs and calling out.

  “Chloe! Chloe, dear, come down, please! It’s Julia!”

  But of course Chloe did not appear on the stairs, as Julia had known she would not. The child would probably not answer a summons like that at the best of times. And today, as upset as she must be, she would likely not even hear it.