by Lisa Olsen
“Very well, if that’s what you wish,” he agreed, sitting higher on the bed. I felt it the second his will reached out for mine, without him having to say a single word. In that moment I was his, my every breath attuned to his, every muscle in my body awaiting his command. It made the kind of compulsion I practiced seem like a parlor trick.
“There is no pain when you think back on your time with Rob, his act of betrayal is nothing to you. I will add this… the heart is a strange thing, Anja. It often wants what it cannot have. I would have you suffer no pain for this. There is no shame in loving another, even if they do not return your love.”
“What was that last part? I blinked, coming out of it as he released me.
“I merely do not wish you to suffer for unrequited love as I have.”
“Unrequited love?” I frowned. “Who said anything about that? I didn’t give you permission to add anything extra. Take it back.”
“I would spare you the heartache, petal. I see how you must suffer for Ulrik’s rejection.”
I couldn’t explain it, but I didn’t want him messing with any of my emotions where Bishop was involved. If I felt rotten about his being with Carys, then that was that. I didn’t want to be okay with it as though we’d never had anything between us – that was somehow worse.
“No, that’s not what I asked you to do. Whatever I feel or don’t feel belongs to me. I only wanted you to make me not care that I walked in on Bridget and Rob.”
“And I’ve seen to that. But I can plainly see it pains you that Ulrik has chosen Carys over you.”
“He didn’t choose her over me, he just chose her, that’s all,” I insisted, feeling an overwhelming sense of ickiness because in that moment, it didn’t bother me at all – and I knew that wasn’t right. “Bishop and I are friends, we’re good. Just fix the Rob parts and put the rest of me back the way I was.”
“As you wish,” he sighed. “Your feelings for Ulrik are your own, and if it pains you that he has chosen Carys, so be it,” he replied in a bored voice. “Will that do?”
I took a deep breath, feeling weird sitting there on his bed trying to explore my feelings to see what felt false and what didn’t. The sting of Bishop’s involvement with Carys was back, and I clung to it like a drowning man clings to a piece of jagged wreckage in a storm – it hurt to hold close, but at least I knew I was alive.
More importantly, the core of sadness I’d lived with about Rob had dissipated. On an intellectual level I understood what he’d done, but it didn’t make me sick to my stomach any more to think about it. I was free to love him and move on.
“Thanks, Jakob, I think that’s exactly what the doctor ordered,” I beamed, leaning down to kiss his smooth cheek. “Get some rest, I’ll check on you at dusk.”
“I hope this is what you want it to be, älskling. You have only to say the word and I will remove the compulsion.”
“I’ll remember that, thanks.”
I kept the confident smile on my face until I stepped out of the trailer. What the heck was I doing? When in the history of ever was it a good idea to invite someone to compel you? I spotted Bishop and Carys slipping into another trailer, their hands all over one another, and I considered turning around and getting Jakob to add on that bit about not caring one way or the other about Bishop’s choices. Then again, was that how I wanted to drift through the afterlife – with a numb heart? He’d made his choices and I’d made mine. It was time to move on.
* * *
I snuck into the tiny caravan as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake Rob if he’d already drifted off, but his eyes were open as I slipped inside. “Hi,” I whispered, irrationally feeling for a moment that he’d take one look at me and instantly know what I’d had Jakob do. But Rob gave no sign that he picked up on anything amiss. Why would he? I was still me, just more accepting, that’s all.
“Hullo,” he answered back, his voice low and raspy. “How’s himself?”
“Jakob seems to be doing better. Still weak, but awake and lucid.” And strong enough to successfully compel me, though I wasn’t about to admit to that. Now seemed like a good a time as any to test whether or not it’d worked. “Are you feeling tired now?”
“A bit. I’ll budge over some, you can have the space by the wall so’s you don’t fall out of bed.”
“Thanks.” I climbed over him, well aware of the way my body slid over his. The space in the narrow bed was tight, and I had to tilt part of my body against his once I got to the other side of him.
“Here, let me shift a bit.” He rolled to his side, and so did I, leaving us pressed up against each other, nose to nose. “Hullo,” he rumbled, his face inches from mine.
“Hi.” My tongue darted out to moisten my lips, and his gaze dipped to follow the motion. His tongue mimicked the action, and I suppressed the urge to chase after it. His hand curled against my hip where it rested, the pad of his thumb stroking across the strip of exposed skin sending a current of desire through me.
Rob cocked a single brow. “It’s a bit early for you to go to bed, ain’t it?”
“It’s been a long night.”
“That’s the truth. You tired then?”
“No, not especially.”
He went completely still as he took my meaning. “The things you say…” he rumbled, leaning closer until an almost pained expression came over his face, his body going rigid and his thumb went still. Before I could ask him what was wrong, he said, “Maybe I should take the chair after all, yeah?” That famous self control kicking in.
It was what we’d agreed to, taking it slowly. The rational part of my brain knew that was probably for the best. I was riding on a runaway locomotive of emotions that night and I had no business stopping over for the night in Tastytown. But Rob loved me and I loved him. How could it be a bad decision to express that love, especially since I’d paved the way for it with Jakob’s compulsion?
“I trust you,” I said softly, relaxing, because it was finally true. He’d never hurt me again, I knew that as surely as I knew the sun would rise and set.
“I’m not so sure I deserve that trust. I think…”
“Shh…” I placed a finger across his lips. “It’s time we both stopped wallowing around in what we think and started to feel again.” I could tell there was more he wanted to say to that, but I silenced him with a kiss. I was going to give him my whole heart, like Luca said, and that came with surrender. First to Jakob and now to him.
Rob felt that submission in the kiss and quickly took charge of it, wooing me away from any doubts. There it was, that old feeling again. Not just desire, but the comfort of his familiar touch, his unique taste that brought back a hundred memories. He knew exactly how to make me forget everything outside of that trailer, where I liked to be kissed, the perfect touch to make me see stars.
But where was my music?
Where was that blissful communion that transcended words and became something beautiful in its own right when we came together? Had Jakob’s compulsion failed me? He’d been gravely injured, after all. But it wasn’t the thing with Bridget keeping me from connecting to Rob on the next level, that wasn’t it at all. I didn’t see them together when he touched me, and I when I forced myself to think of them together, the burning rage was missing. So what was the problem?
“Something wrong?” Rob looked down at me, his brows bunched together, and I wondered when he’d stopped kissing me, because I hadn’t even noticed.
“No, why, what do you mean?”
“You’ve gone all still, it’s a bit like kissing a fish.”
Because who didn’t find that attractive in a girl? “I’m sorry,” I groaned, absolutely mortified. “I’m just a little…”
“I understand,” he cut me off.
“You do?” Could you explain it to me?
He brushed back a strand of hair from my forehead. “We said we’d take it slow, so that’s what we’ll do then, yeah?” Laying a kiss to the spot he’d cleared, he rolled o
nto his back, pulling me close to snuggle atop him. “Get some sleep, things will look brighter on the morrow.”
Who would’ve thought it, Rob was an optimist in sheep’s clothing. So much for him being a proper villain, as he liked to say. “I’m sorry,” I tried to say again, but he gave a tired sigh, squeezing me tight.
“It’s alright, Anja. We’ve time enough to sort things out. Let’s get some sleep, yeah?”
Only I couldn’t sleep.
Rob stilled and I climbed over him, slipping my shoes back on and fixing the clothes that’d been half off before I did my impression of a dead trout for him. The sun would be up soon, and I got it into my head that I wanted to watch it rise. It’d sting, but I knew I could take it if I covered up enough and didn’t stay out for too long. Besides, I craved that light and warmth, feeling the chill that October morning, despite my vampire resistance to the cold.
Catching up a long knitted shawl, I wrapped it over my hair and around my face, until I’m sure I looked like an Eskimo bundled up against the cold. Only then did I open the trailer door to sit on the step and watch the sky grow lighter.
The party had died down, no more music, nothing but smoke coming from the banked coals in the campfires. If I focused, I could hear the odd hushed conversation and the snores of the gypsies who’d sought their beds, even the soft cries of couples coming together with love. I pulled my focus when I fancied I recognized one of those cries, even though that was probably ridiculous, and none of my business. I was on the right path, moving on.
That little voice inside that popped up from time to time was front and center, clamoring for my attention, demanding to know – what the hell are you doing?
Trying to move on, to be happy, I answered simply.
By fighting your way past your doubts? Genius plan. I’m glad you’re the one in charge, not me.
I looked in to where Rob lay on the narrow bed, the sunlight streaming through the door leaving him untouched in the shadows. “I love him,” I whispered, trying to slay those doubts.
Keep telling yourself that.
“I do. The curse…”
You love him so much you had to ask Jakob to compel you to be okay with making out with him?
But if Jakob’s compulsion had really worked, where the heck were all these doubts coming from? Why had I stopped myself from getting too close to him again?
Tears pricked at my eyes, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the sting of the rising sun or the path I’d placed myself on. I love him, I told myself. I must love him, or he wouldn’t have been so affected by the curse. A love like that could be nursed back to health again. If I had to fight my way past a few doubts… well, he was worth fighting for. He would’ve done the same for me, I was sure of that. I felt better about it once I made that realization.
So why was I sitting out on the stoop of a dilapidated old trailer as the sky grew brighter instead of snuggled up next to Rob?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
It was early yet, Rob was still asleep, and Maggie and I were sharing a drink in the Great Hall while Lee was off doing something wolfy with Tucker. I thought it was sweet how he’d taken the boy under his wing, and Tucker flourished under his gentle guidance instead of Brody’s jerky attitude. Jakob was tucked away in his suite with Nelleke playing nursemaid to him. None of us were sure how long he needed to avoid vampire blood in order to meet the terms of the sacrifice for the curse, but he’d had a steady parade of humans to feed from since we returned to Vetis.
Carys reclined on Aubrey’s throne with Bishop to one side of her and Aubrey on the other. If it bothered Aubrey to see Bishop wrapped around Carys’ finger again, he gave no sign of it. Maybe he was used to it, or didn’t want to lose face in public. I took a page from his book and ignored them the best I could. Jealousy schmealousy. For all intents and purposes we were one great big happy family.
“I have decided I wish to be Elder of Vetis,” Carys declared spreading her skirts out to drape to perfection across her legs. We all looked up at her and a polite tittering of laughter sounded, but I don’t think any of us honestly thought she was serious. Who says something like that?
Aubrey was the first to recover. “Your wit is still sharp as ever I see,” he chuckled. “You know you’ve never needed to hold office, luv. You have only to ask, and five and twenty men jump to do your bidding, just like that.” He snapped his fingers.
“I’m quite serious,” she insisted, her expression serene. “I’ve quite a yen to explore the yoke of power in this age. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?”
He stared at her for long moments as the room got super quiet. Finally, he forced a polite smile. “No, Your Grace. I think you’ll make a fine Elder.” The death grip he had on the arms of his chair said otherwise though.
Bishop’s eyes widened and he turned to meet my gaze, but didn’t say anything.
“Can she do that?” I murmured to Maggie, who stood by my side, just as surprised by the declaration of power. Was that really all it took?
“I’ve no idea,” she whispered back.
“You’ll stay on as my Warden, of course,” Carys continued. “You seem to be doing a credible job of it thus far.”
“Thank you, Your Grace,” Aubrey nodded, going green around the gills. I had the sneaking suspicion he’d still be doing all the work while she reaped the benefits of the title. Bishop still hadn’t said anything, but he looked troubled as he sat by her side.
“Lovely, it’s all settled then,” she beamed. “And to prove I’m a benevolent ruler, we’ll have a ball, shall we? We’ll invite everybody who’s anybody. I’m dying to see who’s still around, and I’m sure they’re eager to make my acquaintance again. Won’t that be fun, Bishop?” When had she started calling him Bishop?
“A ball?” he considered aloud. “That’s actually not half bad. It’ll be a good way for you to establish yourself, and there probably won’t be another Gathering for another fifty years or so. Are you sure this is what you really want?”
“Of course it is. You said yourself you can’t be at my beck and call all the time. You’ve got your interests and so I must have mine. This way I won’t miss you so terribly when you’re off running your Order and I’ll keep myself out of mischief.”
Ha, I bet. I could practically guarantee that Carys + Elder of Vetis would equal all kinds of mischief with a capital M.
“Thanks, I appreciate that,” Bishop smiled, leaning in to kiss her on the lips.
Seeing as how I didn’t want to stick around to watch them make out, I turned to leave when I heard her call out my name.
“Anja, you shall be my special guest at the party.”
“Me?” I had to have heard that wrong.
Carys held her hands out to me and I felt pretty much forced to approach her seat of power. “Of course. You were my inspiration for this venture. You’re right, there’s no reason why a woman can’t take the same power a man does in this day and age. I’ll be relying upon you to help introduce me to all the other Elders.”
“I can do that,” Bishop butted in. “I’m sure Anja has better things to do than to stick around here and show you the ropes. Between Aubrey and me, I’m sure we can point you in the right direction.”
Was he trying to get rid of me? What happened to wanting to be friends? Besides, as much as I wanted to avoid the train wreck that was Carys in office, I’d be obliged to attend the party if everyone else was going. “Actually, I’d be happy to help introduce you to some of the other Elders,” I said, putting on my best diplomatic smile. Maybe then I’d have a front row seat when she fell flat on her face.
“Splendid!” She clapped her hands together with glee. “Shall we say tomorrow night?”
“I think that will be a tad soon, Your Grace,” Aubrey recovered his tongue and she shot him an unfriendly stare when he contradicted her. Boy howdy, I did not envy him the job of Warden to her Elder.
Bishop stepped in to smooth things over. “I think what he m
eans to say is, we need to give the others time to make arrangements to come to the party. I’m sure no one will want to miss it, and some are coming from pretty far away.” That seemed to mollify her, and I chimed in with my own two cents.
“And you’ll want time to have a dress made for the ball, right?” I tried, appealing to her love of the spotlight. “Something one of a kind? I know the best seamstresses around. I’m sure they’d be happy to drop everything and create a gown especially for you.” For a fat paycheck, I was willing to bet. “They’re quick, but they’d have to get here first. And you’ll want Jakob to be up and around so you can be seen at his right hand, of course.”
“Ah yes, I hadn’t thought of that. How clever of you to have,” she smiled her thanks in my direction. “Indeed, I shall require something splendid.” Carys tapped at her upper lip with a carefully manicured finger. “Saturday next then? Do you think that’s sufficient time?”
“Next Saturday.” I did a swift mental calculation. “That’s Halloween.”
“Let’s make it a fancy dress ball then!”
“That means a costume party, right?” I muttered to Maggie, who’d taken a position behind me and to the left.
“Yes,” she whispered back.
“Costumes are cool,” I allowed, though I knew everybody didn’t enjoy dressing up as much as I did. “I’m not sure if the rest of the Elders will want to dress up or not.”
“Oh, I’m sure they’ll be enchanted with the idea,” she insisted. “Might I borrow your girl? She seems very capable and I’m certain Aubrey will make a muck of the preparations if left to his own devices.”
I looked to Maggie in time to see her eyes widen in surprise, and I gave her an inquisitive tilt of the head. It was up to her if she felt like dealing with Elderzilla or not. She gave a very small nod, and I turned back to Carys with an incline of the head.
“Maggie will be happy to work with your staff to get the ball rolling, but I’m sure they’re more than capable of pulling off a fantastic shindig on their own. The last one I attended was to die for.” I caught Aubrey’s gaze, who was at once grateful for the plug, and contrite, because he knew as well as I did, I’d ended up shot through the chest.