The Love He Craves (The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Book 2)

by Jenkins, Gemma

  Nyxie refused to look at her, but suspected the woman's lips were pursed as tightly as a cat's asshole. That thought made Nyxie fight a little smile.

  "In your first year or two of marriage, you are setting the groundwork for how you will treat each other the rest of your lives. You need to stand up for yourself and let him know you are an equal partner in your marriage."

  "I'm happier than I've been in my whole life. Why would I risk that by making demands that don't matter to me? You're not the one married to him, I am."

  Out of the corner of her eye, Nyxie could see her shaking her head as she made a closed-mouth huff.

  Nyxie’s arms crossed over her rib cage and she took a small step closer to the doors. The elevator stopped one story too early and people stepped on, keeping Dorothea from saying more.

  Declan had to have known when his mother wanted her to go to the cafeteria with her, that she intended to confront her. Telling her what she should eat only made matters worse.

  Stupid jerk.

  As soon as the elevator landed on the correct floor, Nyxie stepped out and began following the signs to the cafeteria. Major made no effort to keep up. Nyxie had the urge to try to lose her and head back to the RV alone, but decided running from her problems wouldn't solve anything. Declan wouldn't like it if she didn't stand up for herself. She stopped and waited for Dorothea to catch up.

  "I don't like confrontations," Nyxie said. "I'm stressed enough with Declan being in the hospital without you adding to it."

  "I'm just trying to understand what the heck is going on. Declan wasn't raised to hit women or to be the kind of man who would be so controlling."

  Nyxie thought about demanding to know what she knew about the way he was raised since she left his formative years to her parents. But she knew that would just add to the conflict.

  "I can't explain to you something I don't understand myself. But Declan and I love each other and this is the dynamic that works for us."

  "That's what works for you, him bullying and beating you and you kowtowing to his every whim?"

  "It's not like that," Nyxie protested as they arrived at the open double doors to the cafeteria. With the sweep of her hand, Nyxie allowed the older woman to enter first. By tacit agreement, they fell into silence as they lined up behind others.

  As the line progressed, Dorothea selected dried wheat toast and coffee from the prepared food. Nyxie asked the first employee she saw if she could have an omelet made. They didn't do that since the budget cuts, the woman said. Nyxie asked if they had a salad bar, thinking if she could get spinach greens with boiled eggs there, it would practically be the same thing. The woman said, it would not be stocked until 10:30.

  Nyxie pulled out her phone and googled high iron foods and began looking for anything on the list of foods. Were pork products considered red meats? She didn’t think so and people were in line behind her, compelling her to keep moving. She was so intent on finding something on her list, she walked right by the eggs. They had no nuts or seeds, no dark green leafy veggies, no dried apricots or raisins, no watermelon. God. She ended up with a glass of milk, a bottle of veggie juice, and a bowl of granola, hoping it was fortified like kids' cereal. Had she not been so distracted by her lack of food choices, she might have had the presence of mind to offer to pay for Dorothea's breakfast, but Dorothea pulled out a twenty and told the cashier she'd pay for both meals.

  Dorothea led Nyxie to an empty table in the corner away from the other diners.

  Nyxie couldn't help but frown at her food. She had no idea if anything besides the milk had proteins and doubted if she had gotten more than a microbe of iron. Declan better not give her hell about it, or in her present mood, she'd give him hell back.

  "Are you going to be in trouble for not eating what he told you?"

  Nyxie looked up and met her mother-in-law's critical expression.

  "No, I don't think so," she answered, shaking her head. "It's not as if I intentionally defied him."

  "But he'll ask?"

  "Probably."

  "Why don't you just lie. It's not as if he'd know."

  Although Dorothea was not smiling, Nyxie sensed a smugness in her tone and realized Declan's mother was pleased that Nyxie could not comply with his wishes.

  "I've promised to be honest."

  Dorothea rolled her eyes reflexively, but Nyxie saw it. "Are you trying to see what he would do if I defy him? Are you trying to figure out if he'll punish me for it?"

  "Punish you? Is that what you call it? Beat you is what they called it in my day. You don't have to worry. He won't be laying a hand on you in front of us."

  Nyxie almost smiled at the prospect of Major or Coach getting between Declan and her.

  "It's not like that. Trust me, I may not have my head wrapped around what it is, but I have witnessed spousal abuse and this ain't it. Everything he does to me is consensual. If I tell him to stop, he will."

  Milk dribbled down the side of the glass onto the table as Nyxie poured half of it into her granola and began mixing it with her spoon. She took her napkin and dried the table and the side of the wavy-sided glass.

  "I don't know if you're lying to me or to yourself. Your backside tells a different story. Those bruises were in different stages of healing so I know this wasn't a one-time thing."

  Dorothea bit off the corner of her toast and chewed it a few times before washing it down with a sip of black coffee.

  "Frankly, Mrs. Stryker, it's none of your business."

  The alarm on Nyxie's phone went off, reminding her to take her vitamins. She pulled the sizable plastic bottle out of her purse, and swallowed the large pill with a swig of V-8. When the juice made her mouth burn, she took a longer look at the label. Her brows knitted as she realized she had accidentally grabbed the spicy variety. She put the lid back on it and set it aside, hoping it didn't upset her stomach. This conversation was enough to make her stomach roil with acid without the added heat.

  As Nyxie reached for the vitamin bottle to put it back in her purse, Dorothea's hand shot out and turned the bottle so she could read the label, making the older woman gasp.

  "Prenatal vitamins? Are you trying to get pregnant?"

  "That's not why I'm taking them. Emily did my blood work and gave it to me before I ever slept with Declan."

  Dorothea relaxed back into her seat. "So you're definitely not trying to have a baby?"

  "Maybe you should talk to Declan about that," Nyxie said evasively, making Dorothea look angry.

  As she put the plastic bottle back in her purse, the rattle of pills reminded her that she was almost out. She picked up her phone and sent off a text to Emily to ask if she needed a prescription to get more.

  "I'm sorry," she said when she noticed the look of irritation on Dorothea's face. "I know that was rude but I'm almost out, and if I don't take care of these things when I think of them, I'll forget."

  Nyxie took a bite of her cereal, hoping to get breakfast over with, so she could return to the room where Declan would be a barrier between his mother and her.

  Her phone rang and Nyxie thought about sending it to voicemail, but saw it was Emily calling. With a mumbled apology to her eating companion, Nyxie answered the call.

  "Hey, you didn't have to call me back," she said.

  "I wanted to get an update on Declan. I heard he had an accident and Dr. Patel was calling in favors to make sure he had the best care. What happened?"

  "He took me mountain climbing. While he was getting the equipment ready, I decided to climb up a little ways. I was only going to go up fifteen or twenty feet. It was so stupid. I should've listened. He told me to slow down. He told me to be careful, but I stepped on a rock and it came loose and hit him right in the face."

  Nyxie's voice cracked several times as the memory brought out all the fear and guilt she had been going through.

  "But he's okay, right?"

  "Yeah, the doctor doesn't think he'll lose his sight but when I think what I could h
ave done."

  Nyxie closed her eyes and shifted her weight so she could feel the bruises on her bottom. She needed the pain as much to punish herself as to feel Declan's love.

  "Some honeymoon," Emily said.

  "And if that wasn't bad enough, my period started yesterday."

  Nyxie felt a blush spread across her face as she remembered his mother was sitting across from her. It wasn’t as if she didn’t already know after she had grabbed her purse on the way to the bathroom earlier. "Emily, may I ask you a question? I kind of feel dumb asking you this, but I don't really have anyone else to ask. My mother was gone before I got my period. And since you're a doctor, I didn't figure you would laugh at me."

  "Even if I weren’t a doctor, I wouldn't laugh."

  Nyxie's face burned even hotter and she looked down at her hands. She lowered her voice and turned her head toward the wall. "How do you use a tampon? I've looked on the back of the box of every brand and none of them say. I probably could've figured it out, but I didn't want to waste money if I couldn't," she said quickly in one breath.

  "Not a stupid question at all, Nyxie, but they have instructions inside if I don't explain it well enough."

  Nyxie's free hand came up and shielded her eyes as she listened to Emily's explanation, trying to picture what she was saying. Her face burned so hot with embarrassment, that she could feel sweat prickling at her pores.

  With a word of thanks, Nyxie hung up with Emily and put her phone away.

  "You could've asked me," Dorothea said.

  "It's not really the kind of thing one asks her mother-in-law."

  Dorothea's eyebrows strained against the Botox to lift slightly.

  "No, I suppose it's not," she said. "May I ask you about what happened to your mother?"

  Pressing back into the chair's cushions, Nyxie tried to figure out how to avoid answering but couldn't think of anything to say other than a whitewashed version of the truth.

  "My father said she ran off with a truck driver."

  "By the way you phrased that, I take it you don't believe it."

  Nyxie realized Declan must've inherited his intelligence from his mother. Most people would not have had the intuition to realize she did not believe her father's version of the events.

  "No."

  Nyxie crossed her arms over her ribcage, not elaborating on what she believed. Dorothea seemed like the type of person who would store the information away and use it against her sometime in the future. But if Major hoped to use it to end her marriage to Declan, Nyxie didn't think she would be effective. Declan already knew.

  "Why would he lie…? Unless…. Do you think your father killed her?"

  Nyxie could not open her mouth to answer and only nodded her head in response.

  "Was your father abusive?" Nyxie’s head bobbed in the tiniest of nods. "Did they fight before she disappeared?" She nodded again. "Maybe they fought because she was leaving him," Dorothea speculated.

  Not knowing how small their home was, Dorothea could not fathom that unless she had slept through it, Nyxie could not escape from hearing every word—even if she had remained cloistered away in the safety of the closet.

  "No, they fought over Momma getting the electricity turned back on. He wanted to know where she had gotten the money. Why would she waste that kind of money on us if she planned on leaving?"

  "Maybe that was her way of taking care of you before she left."

  Nyxie thought on that for a moment. If her mother had left of her own accord, it was not planned. She would have left in fear for her life. "She would've taken Cody."

  "But not you?"

  “No. She liked me less than you do."

  Dorothea had the good grace not to deny it. "Are you finished eating?"

  Nyxie looked down at the soggy half eaten bowl of cereal, the V-8 that made her stomach hurt, and the milk that had no doubt grown tepid. Declan would not be pleased.

  "Yes," Nyxie said, sliding her chair back so she could standup. “Tell Declan I'm going to go back to the RV to take a shower. I would really appreciate thirty minutes to myself."

  Chapter 40

  Nyxie was in no hurry to go back to the hospital room. She showered, dressed, and took extra care with her hair and makeup. She called Kylie to check on the kids, spending several minutes on the phone with each one, letting them know what had really happened—that the RV had not broken down, but they hadn't wanted to worry anyone when Declan had been hurt. When Nyxie suggested the kids go horseback riding again while they made the drive back, the children had begged off the notion with complaints of saddle sore bottoms.

  When she could think of no other excuse to delay her return to the hospital, Nyxie picked out a change of clothing for Declan and made her way back to his room.

  "… Two… One… There she is," Declan said looking up from his phone.

  Although Nyxie was glad to see he now had one eye no longer bandaged, she was sorry she had missed the doctor. She would have wanted to hear what he had to say. If Declan told her at all, he might feel the need to paint a rosy picture, so she wouldn't feel as guilty.

  “Using your family stalker app again?" she asked flatly, but didn't wait for an answer. "I brought you some clean clothes."

  "I could've worn yesterday's shirt and shorts back to the RV. I hope you saved me some water, I need a shower."

  "We can put a bag over your head to keep the bandages dry. I can hold it closed if we don't have tape."

  Declan eyed her speculatively, the bloodshot whites bringing out the green of his gray green iris.

  Nyxie's arms crossed over her chest and her mouth sealed into a tight line as she stepped away from the bedside.

  Declan took in her closed off stance. "How was breakfast?"

  "Peachy."

  His very bloodshot eye pivoted to his mother before falling back on Nyxie, who was pointedly not looking at him.

  "What happened?"

  His mother was standing six feet away, why on earth would he think she would say anything in front of her. "Nothing."

  "Nyxie, tell me."

  Nyxie's mouth remained clamped shut.

  "Would you like to spend some time on your knees until you feel like telling me?" he said in full Dom voice.

  "Yellow," she said after a brief moment elapsed.

  "We need a moment alone," he said to his parents. "I doubt the nurses are going to let me walk to the RV. Maybe you could pick me up in your rental car and drive me out there."

  "Remember what I said," Roy said.

  "If I decide to spank her, I'm not going to do it here."

  "It's none of your business, Coach Stryker," Nyxie said. "If he spanks me, it's consensual."

  Dorothea walked out first, followed by Roy who cast one last look at them before leaving.

  Declan looked as if he were trying to suppress a laugh.

  "Lower the bed rail so I can get up, please."

  As soon as it was down, Declan threw his long muscular legs over the edge and stood up. He opened his arms to her and when she did not readily step into his embrace, he came to her and wrapped his arms around her, trapping her arms where they were.

  "What happened?"

  When she hesitated, his voice lowered to the tone he used when his patience was wearing thin. "Tell me or present. The choice is yours."

  With her face pressed to his chest, she scowled. "Well, let's see," she said, her tone so sweet it oozed sarcasm. “You went full Dom on me in front of your parents and told me what to eat. That wasn’t a bit embarrassing. Why couldn’t you trust me to do my best?”

  “Did you eat what I asked?”

  She pushed out of his hold, throwing her arms up in frustration that he chose not to answer her question. Her arms crossed over her chest and her head and neck moved sideways in one of the oh-no-you-didn’t moves that only millennial females could master. "Oh no, don't jump ahead in my story. I'll get to that."

  He chuckled. Apparently, he found angry Nyxie amusing. It didn�
��t help matters when he acted as if he were indulging her by listening to her story.

  "Okay. What happened?" he asked, stepping back up to her and putting his arms around her again, tucking her wayward head under his chin.

  "Let's see, after you humiliated me—"

  "It's not as if they didn't already figure it out after walking in on you."

  "Nevertheless, all the way down to the cafeteria, your mother is telling me I don't have to eat what you told me to eat—that she won't tell. But I'm trying to be a good sub and I tell her I want to comply. So we get down to the cafeteria and no omelets. But instead of coming up with a strategy to make my choices on the way down, I'm arguing with your mother and trying to figure out what I'm going to do if they don't have an omelet with spinach. So I ask if they have a salad bar because I figured the next best thing to spinach in my eggs, is boiled eggs in a spinach salad, and I don't even care for eggs in my salad, but I figured it would please you that I figured out a way to comply. Only they don't put their salad bar out until lunch time.

  "So I grabbed my phone and searched for high iron foods. Red meats. No beef, just pork and I'm not sure if pork is a red meat because the pork industry says it's the other white meat. But I don't get it because I know you don't like it when I'm eating fatty meat, even though the sausage and the bacon both look delicious and whereas most women just crave chocolate during their periods, I crave nitrates and pasta too. I don't know why, but I do. Bacon, sandwich meat, hot dogs. But no, I skipped the meat for you. But the line is moving forward and I have to make up my mind and I'm checking the list: nuts and seeds and steel cut oatmeal. The only oatmeal they have is instant and the only seeds I see are poppy seed on a bagel, but I doubt there are enough poppy seeds to have more than a speck of iron, and I know you avoid carbs and I don't know if I would like poppy seed and the line is moving up. I read on my phone that cereal is enriched with iron, so I grab a bowl of granola, hoping if it's not enriched with iron, maybe it has a couple of nuts. The milk was in a glass, so I have no idea if it's whole. Then I see a V-8 in the cooler and I take it, because maybe there is spinach in it and I'll get more iron, and your mom is waiting for me at the register. When we get to the table, I looked down at my meal: no fruit, and the only protein in it is the milk, and when I look at the label on the V-8, there's no iron, and I've failed miserably, and your mom is happy because I couldn't comply, and I know she wants me to lie to you about it. Then your mother starts badgering me about our relationship, and when I got sick of defending it, I told your mother it was none of her business. When I took my vitamins, I realized I was running low so I sent a text to Emily asking if I need a prescription to get more. But instead of texting me back, she called asking how you were doing. So I tell her, and then I get my nerve up to ask her how to use a tampon—because I've never had anyone to ask and there are no instructions on the outside of the box, and I'm too cheap to buy something that I don't know if I can figure out on my own.