“I don’t know. I think the only rule that matters is to love your neighbor as yourself. That’s what it means to worship God.”
“My mom would say that because she loved ‘queers,’ she is forced to condemn them, so they will change and not suffer eternal damnation.”
“Well, I think Jesus would say, ‘remove the stick from your own eye first,’” Caleb said, referring to the famous passage condemning judgmental hypocrites.
Joshua laughed.
“And ‘judge not less thou be judged,’” Caleb added.
“Okay, I like that.”
“Besides, if a rule is really from God, you feel it when you break it. You know?”
“I’m not sure,” Joshua said, uncertain where Caleb was going with this.
Caleb looked deep in thought for a moment, but he finally responded in a solemn tone. “When you hurt someone, you can tell, in your gut. You feel like God is talking to you, telling you he doesn’t approve. Urging you to atone for what you’ve done. But in a gentle and loving way. Not that hellfire crap.”
“So you think your God talks to you?” Joshua asked.
“Well, no… I mean, well yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it. Don’t you think your God talks to you?” Caleb inquired.
“I don’t think,” Joshua said. “I know.” As much as he wanted to, Joshua couldn’t deny the reality of his dreams, and the messages the manitous conveyed to him. “Every night in my dreams, as a matter of fact.” Joshua thought his faith a bit awkward. He had almost considered himself an atheist prior to this summer, thanks to his mother’s version of faith. Her belief in God and hatred were so fundamentally connected, it had nearly ruined religion for Joshua. “It’s complicated,” Joshua said. “I don’t know what I believe. Maybe I don’t believe anything, thanks to my mother.”
“I don’t get it. Is she an atheist?”
“No, she is Christian, very Christian.”
“Yeah, I got you,” Caleb smirked. “Ironic, isn’t it?” he asked. “In trying to deepen your conviction in Christ, she drove you away from him. Gandhi said it best when he was once asked why he wasn’t a Christian. He replied, ‘I would be a Christian if it weren’t for the Christians.’”
Joshua laughed again. Usually he felt angry or upset after talking to Christians, but Caleb put him a good mood. He felt like he could talk to him about anything. “I don’t think my mother feels it in her gut when she hurts someone.”
“She may surprise you,” Caleb said.
“It’s more likely that she’ll surprise you,” Joshua replied.
Caleb was taken aback by Joshua’s judgmental tone. And for a moment, Joshua wanted to qualify himself, but in the end, he couldn’t. Caleb didn’t know his mother and obviously had never met people like Pastor Bob before. Maybe some people had goodness deep within them, but in his experience, some people clearly did not.
“Okay, I get it,” Caleb said, obviously knowing when to stop. “I’ve been around long enough to know that I’m not always right.”
Joshua had a lot to think about, which he found ironic. He had gone canoeing hoping to avoid any further reflection. But being around Caleb, it was inevitable. He said nothing as the two headed back to shore. Pywacky looked antsy, apparently wanting to get back to land. Joshua was in complete sympathy with that sentiment.
CALEB RETURNED to the interns’ campsite after his afternoon on the lake with Joshua. Joshua enjoyed getting to know him better, but it was so unexpected. Though the reservation had been filled with new experiences and new people, he wasn’t expecting to meet a new kind of Christian. Caleb was so different, and Joshua understood being different. And though Caleb challenged his beliefs concerning the bigoted nature of Christianity, he felt great after his canoe ride and the resulting discussion. It was as if a whole new world had been opened up to him.
Joshua got so caught up in his thoughts that he instinctively resumed his normal routine from earlier that summer and headed up the path to find Mokwa. Pywacky, to Joshua’s surprise, felt confident enough to leave behind the solitude of the lakeshore and ventured off with him, following close behind.
“Come on, Pywacky,” Joshua said, coaxing his friend to explore the village further. “They’re not all bad.”
MOKWA HAD just dismissed the last tourists of the day from the Wisdom Lodge, pointing them toward the trail leading to the Indian Skills Camp. Little Deer would take care of them from there. In the meantime, Mokwa had to put away all the display items for the night. Taking everything down and putting things away inside the Wisdom Lodge was his least favorite part of working at the village. But it was also one of the most important, as just a tiny bit of rain could destroy countless hours of work. He had just finished folding up a handful of handwoven blankets, laying them gently inside a basket within the lodge, when he heard his name being called.
“Mokwa,” Gentle Eagle greeted as he entered the site where the Wisdom Lodge stood.
Mokwa was surprised at his presence, not only because he hadn’t seen Gentle Eagle for most of the day, but because Mokwa was usually better at detecting people approaching him. “That you, Old Man?” Mokwa said, still finishing up his work.
Gentle Eagle stopped just short of entering. “We haven’t seen each other much today.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve been schmoozing with the good pastor all day, while we’ve been doing all the work,” he joked.
“Yes, anything to avoid work,” Gentle Eagle said. “I learned from the best.”
“You got that right, Old Man. And speaking of avoiding work, I was wondering if—”
“Mokwa,” Gentle Eagle interrupted. It wasn’t like him to interrupt. But when he did, it was important. “We need to discuss something.”
This isn’t good. Mokwa peeked his head outside the Wisdom Lodge, realizing he had to face Gentle Eagle. Guilt welled up inside him once again, weighing him down like a ton of bricks. His friends were right, he couldn’t keep a secret. “So, what’s up, Old Man?” he asked, trying to sound cool and relaxed.
“I want to ask you about….” Gentle Eagle paused for a moment as if he were examining Mokwa’s soul. “About Joshua.”
Mokwa suddenly exploded, not being able to take any more of Gentle Eagle’s interrogation. “Oh my God, he’s here, at the village! He has been all day! I mean all night. I mean, he got here last night. Not here at the village, but on the Rez, at the campgrounds, and then he came here. I mean, not last night, but this morning. That’s when I saw him, and then I saw you, and he promised, I mean, he made me promise, and I lied to you, oh God, I lied to you, Old Man, I’m so sorry!” Tears flowed from Mokwa’s eyes as he had a breakdown in front of the one man he respected more than anyone in the world, the one man he never wanted to disappoint.
Gentle Eagle put his arms out, inviting a hug. Mokwa collapsed in Gentle Eagle’s loving embrace as the tears dripped from his chin.
“There, there, my son. It’s okay. It’s okay,” Gentle Eagle said in a calming embrace.
“I only wanted to protect him”—sniff—“he needed my help”—sniff—“his mother, she wants to kill him”—sniff—“and, and—”
“It’s okay,” Gentle Eagle said, patting Mokwa on the back.
Mokwa buried himself in Gentle Eagle’s shoulder, taking in the unconditional forgiveness. “I just did what I thought was—”
“I know you did.”
“Are you going to kill me?”
“No, not today,” the old man teased.
“I love you, Old Man.”
“Love you too, my son.”
“MOKWA,” JOSHUA called from the trail, skipping hastily into the site of the Wisdom Lodge. “Hey Mokwa,” he called again. “We need to get this place cleaned up before Gentle Eagle gets….” Joshua came to a sudden stop as he saw the two people he loved more than anything in the world joined in a tight huddle, hugging, crying, and forgiving.
Gentle Eagle gazed at Joshua, still holding Mokwa in a tight embrace. Joshua forgot
all his problems as he gazed back into Gentle Eagle’s compassionate eyes. In that instant, he forgot that he was a fugitive hiding out at the village. All that mattered to him was reuniting with his grandfather. He ran forward and joined the huddle.
The giant human lump quickly rearranged itself to make room for its newest member.
“Hi, Grandfather,” Joshua said, as tears poured from his eyes.
“Hello, my grandson,” Gentle Eagle responded in a kindly tone. Joshua could sense the relief in his voice.
The three continued to hug, and cry, and comfort each other for a few minutes, without any further words. None were needed. A confused Pywacky stood nearby, still on the trail, eyeing the three curiously. He finally worked up the courage to explore the huddle from up close. He wove his way between the feet of his new friends, his tail fully upright as he enjoyed the warm comfort of their legs. Finally, Pywacky placed his front paws up on Joshua’s legs, desperately calling for his attention.
“I see you met our newest intern, Pywacky,” Gentle Eagle teased as Joshua lifted Pywacky up into his arms, holding him upside down like a little child. Pywacky purred in perfect contentment.
“We have some history,” Joshua said.
As the three broke their huddle, Mokwa wiped his wet face on his sleeves.
“So, maybe it’s time the two of you tell me what’s going on,” Gentle Eagle said. It was neither a judgment nor a condemnation.
Little Deer suddenly appeared from behind the group, having finished up with the last tourists for the day. “We should check on Joshua before Gentle Eagle gets back,” he said, before realizing it was too late. “Oh,” he said as he saw Gentle Eagle staring back at him.
Pywacky continued to purr.
THE THREE boys, along with Pywacky, joined Gentle Eagle as he led them back to the picnic table in front of the Trading Post. Along the way, Joshua explained to his grandfather everything that had happened to him, with Mokwa occasionally chiming in to fill in the missing pieces, almost as though he had been part of it. Little Deer listened quietly as always.
By the time they arrived, Gentle Eagle knew everything about the bullying, about Robby, and about Levi’s death. He also knew the details of Joshua’s escape from home, of the long bus ride to the reservation, his overnight at the campground, and his adventures at the village since. But what he didn’t know, the one thing Joshua hadn’t yet told him, was about Cody. He wasn’t ready for that. His grandfather was an old man, after all. It’s possible that he wasn’t as open and understanding as his friends were. If so, Joshua couldn’t handle the rejection. His grandfather meant more than anything to him. If Gentle Eagle abandoned him, he would be devastated. So he left that detail out, and thankfully Mokwa didn’t fill in the neglected detail.
That aside, Joshua was relieved he didn’t have to hide from his grandfather anymore, and that he could hang out in the open once again. But at the same time, he wouldn’t be able to stay on the reservation much longer now that Gentle Eagle knew he was there. His grandfather would have no choice but to inform his mother where he was.
“So you see, Old Man, that’s why we couldn’t tell you,” Mokwa explained, his face still red from his earlier breakdown.
“I understand that you think you were protecting Joshua,” Gentle Eagle said calmly. He looked at Joshua. “And I understand that you think you were protecting me,” he added. Joshua liked that his grandfather always stated the other’s position before giving his own. It showed that he was listening and that he understood their perspective. Joshua looked up at his grandfather, anticipating what was coming next.
“But I still don’t think I understand why you ran away,” Gentle Eagle added, sounding a bit confused.
“Well, because of Cody,” Mokwa jumped in, as though the answer were obvious.
“Cody?” Gentle Eagle asked.
“Yeah, Cody dies in Joshua’s dream, because Cody’s father, Pastor Bob, finds out he’s gay, because of his relationship with Joshua.” Mokwa said it so matter-of-factly, like it all made perfect sense to him.
Joshua shot Mokwa a cold death stare, embarrassed that he had just revealed his most personal secret.
“What?” Mokwa said, looking confused. He looked to Gentle Eagle. “Didn’t I tell you Joshua was gay?”
“No,” Joshua said, as he thumped his forehead down on the table. His face was red, though no one could see it.
“You’re making a hole there,” Little Deer said, noting Joshua’s bad habit.
Just then Jenny arrived, walking up the trail from the Moon Lodge, and saw everyone hanging out at the table. She instantly noticed that Joshua was out in the open.
“I’m assuming it’s safe to say you know Joshua is back now?” Jenny said to Gentle Eagle, amused that the group had reunited at their old hangout.
“Yes, indeed,” Gentle Eagle said. “It seems that many secrets have just been revealed.”
“Why the red face?” Jenny said, looking right at Joshua.
“How can you tell? It’s pressed up against the table,” Little Deer teased.
“It’s all over his cute little cheeks,” she said.
Joshua couldn’t avoid this any longer. It was all in the open now. Ready or not, he was out of the closet, and there was no going back. His grandfather knew his deepest secret, and Joshua couldn’t handle any more judgment. What if Gentle Eagle was bigoted and cruel like his mother? Joshua then felt terrible for daring to entertain the notion that Gentle Eagle would be anything but loving and kind toward him. Of course he’ll accept me. Won’t he? Joshua couldn’t bear this anymore, and he peeked up with one eye, trying to gauge his grandfather’s reaction to the news. He sat up and waited for his grandfather to say something.
“So, you all knew this?” Gentle Eagle said.
“Yep, pretty much,” Mokwa said. “Oh, and Black Crow too.”
“But not his mother?” Gentle Eagle asked, looking concerned.
“Doesn’t even suspect,” Mokwa said.
Gentle Eagle looked a bit relieved, as though it would have complicated things. “That’s probably wise,” he said.
Joshua anxiously awaited some sort of reaction to the news, and he didn’t get it. He simply had to ask his grandfather how he felt. “So you’re not, um, well, creeped out?”
Gentle Eagle snickered. “No, not creeped out. I’m not your mother.”
“You mean, you don’t care? You don’t care at all that I’m gay?”
“I didn’t say that I don’t care. I do care, my grandson.”
Joshua looked worried, but then his grandfather continued.
“I care that you are a two-spirit, and that the manitous have seen fit to bestow such a precious gift upon you, and such an honor upon me.”
Mokwa looked visibly impressed. “Dang, the old man gets Grandpa of the Year,” he said, giving Little Deer a high five.
Joshua smiled as pride welled up deep inside. It meant even more to him than when he had heard it from Caleb earlier in the afternoon. This time it was from the man he admired more than anyone on earth.
“So, can he stay?” Little Deer said, wanting to get to the point.
“It’s complicated,” Gentle Eagle said. “I understand that you were trying to protect Joshua, and myself, but there is something none of you have considered.”
“What?” Mokwa asked, pretty sure that he had in fact taken everything into account.
Gentle Eagle looked at Joshua. “Your mother believes you are here on the Rez. She is sure of it.”
“So.” Mokwa said.
“So, when Pastor Martin tells her that he isn’t, what do you suppose she will do?”
“Totally freak out,” Joshua said.
“Yes. And then what?”
Joshua knew exactly what she’d do. It was obvious. “She’ll call the cops,” he said, realizing where his grandfather was going with this. “Oh God, I’m totally screwed.” Joshua’s heart raced as sweat accumulated on his forehead. His imagination took over fro
m there. The cops would do a nationwide manhunt for him. It would get national coverage. The FBI would be out looking for him. And then, when he was finally found on the Rez, he’d be arrested and go to prison for all the money the search cost the government. There might even be a shoot-out! His imagination left no room for doubt. That’s exactly how it would go down.
“What should we do, Old Man?” Mokwa asked, giving in completely.
“This is difficult. I should think some more.”
“Do we have time for that?” Mokwa asked.
“Pastor Martin has given us till morning,” Gentle Eagle said.
“Dude, you convinced Pastor Martin to let you wait till morning?”
“Yes.”
“Dang, you used those mad Midewin powers on him, didn’t you?” Mokwa joked.
Gentle Eagle smiled. “Something like that.”
“Wait, that could work,” Little Deer said.
“What?” Jenny asked, trying to keep up with the conversation.
Mokwa’s eyes lit up, clearly seeing where Little Deer was going with this. “Little Deer is right! We’ve got a plan to implement tonight.”
“I don’t think I like the sound of this,” Gentle Eagle said, eyeing them suspiciously.
“No, Old Man, we’re going to use Joshua’s dreams to find an answer. Tonight, we’ll all help him. You got to let us camp out here, so the dreamer can dream!”
“Hmm.”
“Come on, Old Man, it’s in his name. You gave it to him!”
Gentle Eagle sighed as he saw everyone staring at him, almost as if they were mentally trying to convince him to let them try it. “Okay, it’s a plan,” he said, finally giving in.
“Ouch,” Little Deer said as Mokwa gave him another high five, this one obviously harder than he had intended.
REALIZING HE couldn’t wait till morning, Pastor Martin picked up the phone and dialed Joshua’s mother. He had to tell Catherine something. He imagined what it must be like for her to be sitting there, alone, wondering what had happened to her son. But at the same time, he just knew that Joshua was on the reservation and that he was safe. All he had to do was tell Catherine that, and she would be relieved, maybe even grateful to him, he dared to believe. He had also managed to convince himself that he could keep his promise to Gentle Eagle at the same time. Surely Catherine would understand the importance of the reservation for Joshua. After all, he had run away just to see his grandfather again. And so surely it would be easy to convince her to agree to some kind of arrangement whereby Joshua could occasionally stop by to greet his family and friends, with Pastor Martin’s supervision, of course.
Onwaachige the Dreamer Page 10