Let Me Love You

by Lily Foster

  The town they stayed in was just as Darcy had described it, paradise. It was low key, sleepy, nothing fancy. They always rented the same house from one of Dr. Donovan’s colleagues. It was big for the area, right on the beach, with a big second story deck and large windows overlooking the ocean. There were hammocks in the trees, beautiful tropical flowers all over and a pool surrounded by plush loungers. The whole atmosphere just forced you to relax. It was heavenly.

  We were in our suits and in the water with cold beers in hand shortly after noon. In Paris, of all places, Caitlin and I had picked out new suits. Correction, she picked out multiple suits, I splurged on one really well-fitting white bikini. I was wistful packing as I put this suit and then the blue one Caleb has rescued from the beach that summer into my bag.

  After we came out of the ocean we all lounged around by the pool with Darcy’s parents. They were such a great family. What would life have been like growing up with parents and siblings like hers? How different? Dr. Donovan was such a smart guy but down to earth and approachable. Sarah, Darcy’s stepmother, was so nice and you could tell she was exceptionally talented and accomplished, although she expressed everything in an understated way. We sat talking around the pool for hours. Conversation flowed easily with them and they were so genuinely interested in what all of us were doing. They were excited to hear all about my internship and my impressions of living in the city last summer. With them, I felt like I was talking with two old family friends, not simply my roommate’s parents.

  I noticed they treated Jenna almost as if she was another daughter; she had spent a lot of time in their home over the years. They were so warm. You could see how easy it would be to truly feel like a part of their family. I had to squash that feeling down immediately, though, as it made me choke up.

  That first night we went to a local bar within walking distance of the house. It was right on the beach, a mom-and-pop joint. Just a juke box, the best pastellios I’ve ever eaten, cold beers, locals, and some northerners who came to this spot for the surfing. We had a lot of laughs and were back home in bed fairly early. This was definitely a more mellow vacation and I was thankful for that. I was still pretty tired; I didn’t crawl out of bed until eleven that next morning and that was just what I needed. We spent the next day paddle boarding, swimming and lying on the warm sand. Dr. Donovan also tried, and failed, to teach us how to surf. He said if we couldn’t catch a wave that day then we were basically hopeless. The Donovans barbecued for us on the deck the next night and then we crashed early again. Heaven.

  I woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee and voices in the kitchen. I rolled over and noticed Caitlin was already up. I probably slept the latest again. I smiled to myself thinking that I was turning into a new person—one who took frequent vacations and slept until noon.

  Caleb

  I was feeling pretty confident until the plane actually touched down. Then I was a wreck wondering if I’d made a big mistake. I went to see Luke and Kate before I’d left. I told them I was heading down but made it clear they shouldn’t tell anyone. “You think I shouldn’t go, Luke?”

  “No, I think you should. You’ve got to know once and for all, right? If it doesn’t work out, though, it could be all sorts of strange with everyone else there. That’s my only concern. But if I were in your shoes, I would go.”

  I gave Kate a big kiss and a pat on her giant belly before I left for the airport. “Call me if there’s any news, ok?”

  “I’m not due for four more weeks but we’ll keep you in the loop, Uncle Caleb, don’t worry!”

  I pulled up to the house and took a deep breath. As I walked into the kitchen I was preparing myself, trying to think of what I’d say when I saw her.

  I had nothing.

  Darcy was alone when I walked in. I was thankful for that but then thought she was bound to wake up the entire house with her happy squealing. I shushed her and when she asked what had changed, why I was there, I started in with some bullshit about wanting to surf. I had checked the conditions before I left and they weren’t ideal. She looked at me a little funny. I guess there were no waves to speak of. Then she smiled and said, “Sure this trip isn’t because you’re missing a certain waitress?”

  For a split second I was thinking she was referring to Rene as the waitress but then it dawned on me that she’d probably seen the way Elena all but preyed on me when we were in town. I looked around to make sure that no one heard her and then spat pretty harshly, “What the hell are you talking about?”

  She was a little shaken by my tone but I managed to smooth that over and get the message across that my coming here had nothing to do with Elena. That’s all I needed Rene thinking.

  I heard voices then as Jenna and Caitlin made their way out. Where was Rene? Fuck, if I flew all the way down here and she had decided to stay back for some reason, I was going to lose my shit. Jenna ran over and gave me a hug while Caitlin’s eyes went super wide. She collected herself then and said, “Hey, Caleb, thought you were swamped at work?”

  After some banter back and forth with them about me crashing on the beach so I didn’t mess up the sleeping arrangements, Rene came walking into the kitchen with a wary look on her face. She looked gorgeous, barefoot in just her suit top and some short shorts. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw that pale blue bikini, the one she’d thrown to me the night we went for a swim together.

  “Hey, Rene, how are you?”

  “I didn’t think you were coming.”

  “I wasn’t planning on it but I couldn’t stay away.”

  Before it got awkward in there I grabbed my stuff and said something about going surfing. I threw my things next to the couch and grabbed some board shorts out of my bag. On my way to the bathroom my parents came in from their walk. They both called to me simultaneously, “Caleb?”

  I tried to sound as casual as I possibly could. “Hey! It was so rainy and cold in New York I just decided last minute to shoot down. I’ll just crash on the couch or in the hammock. How are the waves, Dad?”

  “Sorry to disappoint you, Caleb, there are no waves. I thought you would have checked the conditions before deciding to come.”

  “No, I didn’t. Ah well, the sun’s shining, that alone makes the trip worthwhile.”

  Dad laughed. “Yesterday there were tiny waves. I was trying to teach Darcy’s friends the basics on an easy day. Either I’m an awful teacher or they don’t possess any natural talent for surfing.”

  Mmm. I’d like to have Rene out in the water steadying her on the board, holding onto her lower back before I helped push her off into the wave.

  Someday…

  Rene

  Breathe, Rene.

  As I walked out of the bedroom I heard his voice and stopped in my tracks. What was he doing here? Okay, I couldn’t hide in the room. Deep breath. I had to face him.

  I don’t remember what I said or what he said. He was looking straight at my chest and I saw a faint smile creep across his face. The bikini, did he remember it? I felt myself flush crimson and I was finding it hard to act natural. He looked a little flustered too and then grabbed his bag and left the kitchen.

  I grabbed some coffee and looked at everyone to see if that moment was as awkward for them as it was for me. Besides Caitlin, who had a huge grin on her face, no one else seemed to have noticed.

  I was nervous but hopeful at the same time. Why would he come here unless he wanted to see me?

  I went to find him. I had to clear the air and see what his deal was. Was he still with his girlfriend? If so, why did he come? He wasn’t on the beach or by the pool. Caitlin saw me then and told me Caleb had just driven off a minute ago. “You know why he’s here Rene.”

  “I don’t know anything. He could just be here for some sun.”

  “Oh please, I noticed how he looked at you. He wants you, Rene, and you better decide what it is that you want. Really, Rene, if you push him away again now it might be the final straw, you know? Looks like he’s the
one taking the big risk here…to show up not knowing how you’ll react?”

  Darcy and Sarah walked in just then and suggested we all go into town for lunch and some shopping. Darcy took us all over the area and we didn’t get back until nearly dinnertime. Dr. Donovan and Caleb were outside on the deck getting the grill ready. When Dr. Donovan started taking requests for shrimp or steak, I heard Caleb start, “Rene can’t—”

  He was about to tell his dad I couldn’t eat shrimp, that I had a shellfish allergy, but he stopped himself. “Rene, can’t hear you. Did you say shrimp or steak?”

  “Steak. Thanks, Caleb.” We all sat out on the deck until late. Margaritas were flowing but I was nursing the same one all night. I was too nervous and had too much to say. I didn’t want to be anything but totally sober. I noticed that when Caleb walked by with the pitcher he refilled everyone else and skipped over me. Darcy didn’t look like she was going down easy and the thought crossed my mind that she might have been waiting for us to leave so she could talk with Caleb alone. I retreated back to our room with Caitlin but after an hour I made my way back out. I needed to talk to him. I had to know.

  He wasn’t on the couch or on the deck but I wasn’t really looking for him there; I suspected he’d be down at the beach. He was sitting in the sand facing the ocean. I stopped cold when I got about ten feet from him. I was afraid all of a sudden; petrified that he’d tell me he loved someone else.

  I must have stood there for a full minute before he patted the sand next to him and said, “Come sit with me, Rene. I’ve been waiting for you.” When I sat he took my hand and kissed it. Without looking at me he said, “I’ve been waiting so long for you.”

  I took a deep breath. “Caleb, do you still love me?” As I said it, I felt a single tear roll down my cheek.

  He looked over at me and smiled then. “I’ve loved you since way before I even kissed you, Rene, and I’ve never stopped.”

  My shoulders slumped as I started to cry tears of relief. “Caleb, I’m sorry I stayed away so long. I just felt so awful and the only way I’ve ever known to deal with things is to close myself off. I’m used to handling things alone and keeping people from getting too close.”

  He didn’t say anything. He just kissed my hand again. Another deep breath; I was putting it all out there. “I love you, Caleb, and I need you. I don’t want you to be with anyone else.”

  I lowered my head and braced for the worst.

  He scooped me up in one quick motion and then laid me gently into the hammock before he climbed in and hovered over me. He looked at me tenderly and shook his head as he whispered, “No one else for me, no one else for you.”

  In between the soft kisses he planted on my lips he whispered, “I love you, my sweet Rene. You’re mine.”

  I felt like a year of tension, sadness and anger had bled out of me. I felt peaceful. “I’ve missed you.”

  He pulled me in close, tucked my head under his chin, and wrapped his body around me. I thought I heard his voice crack as he said, “Just stay here with me, Rene. I’ve wanted to hold you again for so long. I can’t let you go.”

  I woke to the sound of waves crashing, seagulls chatting and Caleb planting soft kisses on my face. “Good morning, sweet angel.”

  I smiled up at him and breathed out, relieved. “Good, I’m glad this wasn’t just some really awesome dream.”

  “You wanna take a swim?”

  “Um, yeah? Now?”

  “Yeah, early morning swims are the best.”

  “I thought night swimming was the best.”

  He laughed. “Yes, Rene, naked night swimming with you is the best.” He went on, “I’m just saying that unless we jump in for a swim soon I’m going to have to explain to my dad why I have one of my sister’s roommates trapped in a hammock with me.”

  I struggled to get up but felt like I was getting nowhere in that hammock. “Oh crap, Caleb!”

  “Easy, Rene, we have a few minutes. I’ve been thinking…I’m all for full disclosure but shocking the family and friends with this right now would leave us with a lot of explaining to do. I feel like our history is our history. We don’t have to share anything with anyone.”

  I nodded gratefully and kissed him. Then I peeled myself away from him, shimmied out of my shorts and made my way into the water. I looked back and saw Caleb lift his shirt over his head. He was so beautiful.

  Right on schedule I heard Dr. Donovan call out, “Who’s taking such an early swim? Is that you, Rene?”

  “Yes. I couldn’t sleep. Anyway, I love early morning swims.”

  I saw Caleb stifle a chuckle.

  “I’m surprised Caleb isn’t in there with you. Oh, speak of the devil. Morning, Caleb.”

  “Hey, Dad. Yeah, she just woke me up with all that splashing around.”

  “Sorry, Caleb. What are you doing sleeping out here anyway?”

  “Are you kidding? I just had the absolute best sleep of my life out here. You should try it sometime.”

  Now I was holding back a laugh.

  Dr. Donovan seemed none the wiser. “All right, I’m off. See you two later. Hey, Caleb, the waves are picking up a little. Maybe you could teach Rene and the other girls to surf today. Maybe you’ll have more luck than I did.”

  Once his dad turned to go, Caleb took off running, dove into the waves and swam underwater until I could feel his hands on my bum. When he came up he kissed me hard and pressed my body against his. “Shit, Rene, I’ve missed you so much.”

  Then he pulled back a little. “But I’m not looking to rush anything with you, Rene, ok?”

  I smiled at him. “Ok.”

  He smiled too. “We’ll ease back in slowly if that’s what you want.”

  “I want you, I do, but I want to take it slow, ok?”

  “Yes, Rene, we’ll take it slow. You don’t know how happy you make me.” He kissed me and then picked me up and carried me back to the shore. When he put me back down on the sand he looked over my body, smiling as he took in the sight of me. “When I first saw you yesterday and you were wearing that suit I hoped it was a good omen.”

  As we got closer to the house we parted ways. It wasn’t that hard to pretend we were just friends because truly, we were friends. Caleb made sure to talk to all of us girls equally that day and he took each one of us out on the waves trying to teach us to surf. He might have touched me a little more than the others when he was my surf instructor. I doubted he had his hand on anyone else’s upper thigh, rubbing his thumb in circles, as he steadied them on the board and I’m sure he didn’t tell them to keep their “perfect breasts” pressed close to the board before pushing up to a stand.

  Caitlin knew, of course, but I was pretty certain no one else did.

  We were flying out the next morning. What I wouldn’t give to stay here a few more days with Caleb alone.

  Sarah suggested we head to the same beachside café for dinner that last night but Caleb insisted on treating everyone to a nicer place in town. By nicer, I mean you could still wear your shorts and flip flops but they had a selection of beers and served food on actual plates. We had a lot of laughs. Everyone jumped in the pool when we got back and enjoyed drinks that Dr. Donovan served in the pool-safe, flamingo-colored plastic margarita glasses he had just bought in town.

  What a life.

  Caleb, Darcy and their parents were staying another day before heading back. The three of us had an early flight and Caleb had already volunteered to take us to the airport.

  After I was fairly certain everyone was in bed I snuck out again and headed down toward the beach. He was in the same place and patted the spot in the sand next to him as I got closer. As I plopped down he took my hand and kissed it again. “Any chance you’ll take a swim with me tonight, Rene?”

  “I’ll race you in.”

  With that, he pushed me down and jumped over me, stripped down to nothing and then ran in. I called after him trying not to raise my voice, “A little overly competitive, aren’t we?”<
br />
  I followed, diving under the waves and coming up within inches of him. “Should I go suit on or suit off?”

  He shook his head. “I can’t weigh in on this one, I promised you I’d go slow.”

  I undid the strings on my new white top and then took off the bottoms as well. I teased, “Please don’t lose this suit. It’s brand new. I just got it in Paris.”

  “Ooh la la. In that case, mon amour, I’ll personally walk it in.”

  He looked like a Greek god, his wet skin glistening in the light of the moon. He turned to face me, shameless, and then slowly made his way back in until he was a foot away from me.

  “Remember that first swim, Rene?”

  I nodded. “I remember wanting to get closer to you.”

  “I was fighting with myself to keep a three foot distance.”

  I closed the short distance between us now and wrapped my arms and legs around him.

  He swallowed. “Hey now, you’re making it hard to go slow.”

  “I’ve wanted to feel your body against me again for so long, Caleb.”

  His look turned serious. “You know you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever held in my arms? I feel like everything is going to be all right now, Rene. All the pain, all the fucking sadness, it’s over.”

  “I’m so sorry, Caleb.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Rene. Don’t apologize. I just couldn’t be happy without you. I think since you’re the first person I ever really loved I wasn’t ready for how bad losing you made me feel.”

  I smiled. “You’ll never be able to get rid of me again.”

  He kissed me deep then and cupped my bottom as he pulled me closer to him. We were probably in the water kissing and exploring each other with our hands for close to half an hour.

  When he led me out of the water he placed me on the shore and stood close behind me. I could feel him, hard, pressing into my lower back. As I arched my head back, reached around and laced my hands into his hair, he began to put my top back on me. What??? After he had me tied in relatively well he moved down my body, kissing a trail from the area right under my breast, down to my hips and then down the side of one thigh. He gestured for me to lift one foot at a time and then slid my bottoms back up to cover me. I turned to face him, let out a frustrated sigh and then smiled. “I know, taking it slow like I asked you to.”