Let Me Love You

by Lily Foster

  “I don’t understand what’s holding you back then.”

  Was he this thick? “Charlie, you know how I feel about Caleb. I love him. He’s it for me. There’s no one else.” I didn’t think I could be any clearer than that. I now had a sinking feeling that our remaining time here was going to be all sorts of awkward. “Charlie, I didn’t do anything to give you any other impression, did I?”

  He took a deep breath. “No.” Then he looked up and shook his head. “Rene, it’s on me. I’m all right. I was just hoping…you know what I was hoping.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder. “I hope we can be friends. I’d miss your friendship.”

  “Yeah, we can.”

  In truth, I didn’t feel like we could just return to being friends. And with that, we broke for the day and I went back to call Caleb. I didn’t tell him about this episode. There was no need, nothing happened. He, of course, could sense that something was wrong but I played it off that it was a combination of fatigue and missing him that had me this way. “What date do you return?”

  When he asked me that, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. Between sobs I got out, “They keep extending it. Meredith is gone already but they want me here for another two weeks. That’s going to make it seven weeks all together and I’m not sure they won’t try to extend it again. I feel like I can’t say no because being put on the air with my level of experience is unheard of. I know Meredith is handing me a career gift on a silver platter but I can’t fucking stand being away any longer.”

  “Hey, don’t cry, Rene.” He laughed a little before he went on. “I know when you curse it’s really bad. How about if I sneak over for a few days? I can get away the day after tomorrow.”

  “Caleb, I can’t have you come running whenever I act like a baby and cry.”

  “Rene, first of all, you pretty much never ask for help, ever. You’re not acting like a baby and I wouldn’t offer if I couldn’t do it. Anyway, with all that’s going on with this terrorism case I wouldn’t be surprised if they asked you to stay a few extra weeks either.”

  “I don’t want you to come if it’s going to interfere with your work but if you can come I’d—” Damn, I started crying again. I was a puddle.

  “I’m coming.”

  He was a sight for sore eyes. He grabbed me into a tight embrace in the hotel lobby and didn’t let me go for the longest time. He backed off then and looked at me with concern. “Shit, Rene, you’re too skinny. Do you feel all right?”

  “I’m fine, Caleb. I’ve just been working long days and sometimes I don’t even realize I’ve skipped lunch or dinner. Once I’m home I’ll be back to myself.”

  With that, Sal came over. “Is this your fella, Rene?”

  I happily introduced Sal and we chatted for a few minutes before Sal asked if we wanted to grab a drink with everyone at the hotel bar. I was wary but didn’t want to explain why. Caleb seemed into it so we followed Sal into the bar where about ten of the location guys were watching soccer in the sports lounge. Everyone yelled out to me as we walked in. I could tell they’d all already had several. I noticed Charlie wore a tight expression and he looked down into his beer glass after eyeing Caleb. Caleb said to me low, “Do you work with all guys, Rene?”

  “Pretty much, now that Meredith and her assistants are gone.”

  Everyone came over and I introduced them all to Caleb. They were a great group and Caleb fell right in with everyone, as usual. After a few minutes, Charlie came over and stuck out his hand. “So we finally get to meet the famous Caleb.” After they shook hands Charlie put his hands on my shoulders, a little possessively, and said, “Our girl talks about you nonstop.”

  I could tell Charlie had had too much to drink. And I could sense Caleb was immediately irked by Charlie’s hands on me.

  Caleb stood to his full height and gently put his arm around my waist and drew me close. “I understand that you kept Rene safe when the explosion went off. I owe you a big thank you, Charlie.”

  He tousled my hair and then kind of slurred as he said, “Yep that’s me, always taking care of my Rene.”

  Poor choice of words on Charlie’s part. This was about to turn into a giant pissing contest. “Ready, Caleb? I’m beat, let’s go upstairs.”

  I saw Sal grab Charlie’s arm and pull him back after he started to sneer, “Yeah, you two go upstairs.”

  I let out a deep breath as the elevator doors closed. “Okay, Rene, what was that?”

  “Yeah, I know. That was a little ridiculous.”

  “Has he been acting that way towards you this whole time?”

  “No. He was a perfect gentleman. I mean, I really considered him a close, close friend. The other night, though, he was drunk and…whatever…told me he had feelings for me and it’s been so awkward and so awful working alongside him since. That’s why I called you so miserable the other night. I’m just so ready to get out of here.”

  Caleb looked up at the elevator ceiling and let out a deep breath. “Has he tried anything with you?”

  I lied. “No, nothing really, and I can handle it.”

  He leveled his gaze at me. “I have no doubt you can handle it, Rene, but what does ‘nothing really’ mean, exactly?”

  “It means nothing.” We walked down the hallway and I let us into my room. “It means I don’t want to waste our time together talking about this nonsense. Caleb, I’ve been waiting to see you for so long. I don’t want you angry.”

  “Rene, things are always better when we’re straight with each other. Do you think I’m so immature that I’m going to spend the few precious hours I have here fighting with some prick that you work with? I don’t feel threatened by him. But I do need to know what’s going on.”

  “He tried to kiss me, I pushed him off. End of story. But we still have to work together every day and as I said, it’s really awkward.”

  “Was he forceful?”

  “No. Really, he’s not a Neanderthal. He’s harmless and I’m fine. He’s just acting like a jerk today because he’s drunk.”

  Caleb raked his hands through his hair and took a few quiet, deep breaths. “Come here.” He sat on the bed and moved me to stand between his legs as he rested his hands on my hips. “I can’t stand the thought of anyone putting their hands on you, Rene. You’re mine. No one touches you but me.”

  A smile crept onto my face. I liked when he got all cavemen possessive about me. “I don’t want anyone else to touch me, Caleb. I’ve been aching for you to touch me.” I reached down then to stroke him. “And I’ve been dreaming about touching you.” I pushed him back on the bed and climbed up over his lap. I was like a woman possessed. I hiked up my skirt and pressed into him as I lifted my shirt over my head. I knew he’d like the bra I had on. It was a demi-cut where the tops of my breasts pushed up. “Do you want me, Caleb?”

  He reached up to lift my breasts out of the lacy cups and stroked my nipples into hardened peaks. His eyes were heavy with want. “Do I want you? I’m going to fuck you so hard and so deep, Rene, I’m never coming out.”

  He rolled me off him and then stood above me to pull my skirt off. He let out a low growl when he stood gazing at me in my panties and bra. He told me to take them off in a commanding voice. He undressed, never taking his eyes off me as I lay there naked on the bed. I was literally aching between my legs for him. I started to touch myself. One hand on my breast and one hand on my center, wet and wanting. “When I’m alone and thinking of you,” I arched my head back when it started to feel good, “I do this but it’s no good, Caleb.”

  He was rock hard and massive. He was breathing heavily. “It’s no good, Rene?”

  “No. I need you. I need you inside me, Caleb.”

  “Rene, you’re so beautiful. You’re mine, only mine.”

  He knelt down and pulled my hips forward. He pleasured me, making me cry out with just a few flicks of his tongue and his fingers expertly pressing on my center. Then he rolled me over and lifted my hips so I was on my hand
s and knees on the bed. He came up behind me. I could feel him, hard, pressing into my bottom. He leaned over me and cupped my breasts and let out a satisfied groan. “Only I touch you.”

  He guided himself into me and the position let him in deep, so deep. I couldn’t hold back the moans of pleasure. I had needed this for so long, needed him. He was powerful and demanding but left me happily and thoroughly satisfied when he finally found his release in me and then lowered my body down on the bed and curled me on my side, still never coming out of me. We stayed like that for a few minutes quietly and then he brushed the hair away from my face and leaned into me. “Jesus, Rene, you don’t know how much I’ve missed you. Not just being with you like this but just…seeing your face.”

  Caleb was only staying two days. That was a terribly long trip to take for such a short stay and I really appreciated it. I felt better, healthier and stronger now that I had him with me, feeling his love for me.

  While Caleb was in town I wasn’t as involved with work and everyone was good about it, pitching in to make up for my occasional absence. I hadn’t crossed paths with Charlie either, which was good. I didn’t want any run-ins between him and Caleb. Caleb and I walked back from dinner on his last night there and went back up to the room. He hugged me tight as he breathed in the scent of my skin and said, “I wish you were coming home with me. I’m taking you away with me when you get back.”

  “No! I’m not taking any trips. The only place you’re taking me is to your apartment. I want to be locked in there with you for a week straight. I just want to be at home with you.”

  He sat on the sofa and pulled me to stand between his legs as he held my hips. “I want you to be at home with me all the time, Rene.”

  I closed my eyes dreaming about it. “I want to be there too.”

  “All the time?”

  “All the time.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  What was he asking me, to move in with him? I hoped he wasn’t going to go there. I felt disappointment rising in my chest and I closed my eyes again to make sure I didn’t start crying. It didn’t take much to make me cry lately but Caleb thinking that moving in was the kind of commitment I wanted might have brought full-on sobs at this point. “You know I want to be with you, Caleb.”

  “Do you want to be with me all the time, Rene? Forever, Rene?”

  “You know I do.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Caleb

  I wanted to wait until I took her to Puerto Rico next month and propose to her on the beach but with all that had happened in the last month, I decided before I left for this trip that I couldn’t wait any longer.

  She was getting me nervous because I couldn’t read her expression. She looked a little sad, a little shaky. She just wasn’t totally herself but I reasoned that she’d been through a lot. I was just going to do it. I moved her back a step and got down on one knee before her, taking the velvet box out of my jacket pocket. I’m such a big fucking baby. As soon as she opened her eyes and looked down at me I could feel a giant lump form in my throat and tears were threatening at the corners of my eyes.

  I’d had the ring since our last trip to Paris. I’d taken one of her rings before she left for her cooking lesson and went to Cartier. It was an antique setting on a platinum band. I hoped she liked it. “Rene, I started to care about you from the day I met you. And once I started getting to know you, I was in love and that’s never happened to me before. I’ve never wanted to be with anyone, take care of anyone, or plan out my future with anyone before I met you. I want you to marry me, Rene.”

  She closed her eyes again and then started laughing as tears started to stream down her face. “Yes! Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  My hands were shaking as I slipped the ring onto her finger. “Caleb, this ring is so beautiful.”

  “I’m sorry this isn’t the most romantic, well-staged proposal, Rene. I wanted to wait but I just can’t anymore.”

  “Do you think I’d rather be in a hot air balloon or something, Caleb?” She started laughing. “I was bracing for crushing disappointment a minute ago. I thought you were going to ask me to move in with you.”

  “Well you’re doing that too, right away. Got it?”

  She teased, “I’m not sure. I’ll see.”

  Rene

  That night we talked about our future, talked about when we wanted to get married. He was so thoughtful. It had not even crossed my mind before but the whole big wedding thing? Family, dear old dad walking you down the aisle and giving you away—yeah, that was not me.

  Caleb suggested something non-traditional. He said he wanted a weekend-long wedding on the beach in Puerto Rico with just our closest friends. I knew he was doing that for my benefit and I loved him all the more for it. We stayed up late looking at marriage license requirements and other technical details. The excitement took over and we decided on a mid-to-late April date, just weeks away. I had no doubts, no misgivings—even after he told me about Elena and her being the reason we couldn’t have the rehearsal dinner at the beachside bar close to their house that I liked so much. I was on air by the time he was heading back to the airport. “Do you think we’re crazy getting married so quickly?”

  “No, Beaumont, I don’t. Remember, we’re telling only Caitlin and my family so the date works for them. Everyone else can be surprised when they get their e-vite.”

  My eyes widened. “We’re inviting people by e-mail?”

  “Absolument, mon cher amour. They have really nice ones now.”

  I shrugged and smiled. “Ok.”

  “Low maintenance, I love it.” His look turned serious then. “You sure you can handle the whole Charlie business? I had a quick word with him.”

  I cut in, wincing, “Oh no, tell me you didn’t.”

  “I was nice, Rene. I didn’t hit him. Really, this is your job and I was mindful of that. I think we understand one another. But I don’t want you to be alone with him, especially if he’s had drinks, ok?”

  I nodded. “I won’t.”

  With that he was heading back on the plane and I was excited to dive back into work and finish up my trip on a high note professionally.

  Caleb

  We were definitely not a traditional engaged couple, as I had pretty much taken over coordinating the wedding. The day I got back from France I went straight to my parents’ place and let them know what we were set on doing. My parents, Luke, Darcy and I came up with three dates to choose from. Based on Rene’s job and Caitlin’s schedule, we had settled on April twenty-eighth. I contacted Father Jim, a priest who also doubled as one of my rugby coaches in high school that I had remained friendly with. He was one of the several amazing people in my life who helped guide the angry, hurt kid I was into a more aware and responsible man. Once Father Jim was on board, I handed the details over to Kate’s sister, Audrey, who ran an event planning business. She was amazing. Within a few days she had a great e-vite designed with a laid back, tropical vibe, she had a concierge service set up with the airline so that the guests could arrange their pre-paid flights hassle-free, and she had a caterer coming in from San Juan.

  It’s a good thing I could run on less sleep than other people because Mick and I were fully engaged in the business at that point as well. I felt really good about it. Mick worked as hard as I did and the boy was a mathematics, statistics and computer genius. My specialty was bringing in the clients and I had delivered. We were definitely off to a good start. The office was still small with just Mick, myself, two junior associates and Marie, our all-in-one secretary, office manager and den mother. We had poached her from my old firm and I know my boss probably hated me for that more than anything. Yes, even more than for handing me the biggest year-end bonus in the firm’s history before I jumped ship. I didn’t feel remorseful about it, though, as Marie was totally undervalued there and we were finally paying her what she was worth.

  Rene made it back state-side by the last week in March. I was at the airport that day and as
I watched her make her way to me after customs, I imagined how she would look walking towards me in her wedding dress. As I scooped her up in my arms, I noticed the rest of the crew members following and was then shaking Charlie’s hand after he approached me to say hello. I sensed that he was the stand-up guy that Rene had described and just someone who had gotten caught up in caring for a girl that was, admittedly, impossible to resist. We were good but that didn’t mean he was going to be invited to the wedding. Not happening.

  The guest list was pretty tight with just my family, Drew and Chloe, Mick, Ed, Connor, Sean and Maggie, Rene’s college roommates, her friend Chris, Kasia, Maureen, Dana, Caroline, her hairdresser friend Marcel and Meredith. With dates/spouses, we were confirmed for just under thirty guests. Only Meredith declined, as her niece’s wedding was the same weekend. We weren’t doing the giant wedding party thing either, just Luke standing by my side and Caitlin by hers. I wondered why so many people stressed planning their weddings. I mean, we had left the details to Audrey but both Rene and I were pretty stress-free about the whole thing.

  Two weeks before when Rene asked me what I was wearing, I realized I hadn’t given it any thought. “Really, Caleb? I hope you don’t think since it’s on the beach you’re wearing a bathing suit!”

  Rene had picked out a few dresses but wasn’t sure what would be too casual or too formal for the setting. She wouldn’t let me see them so I took James for a few hours while Darcy came over and helped her decide.

  James was a little over a year now. He was a cutie but a handful. Once he started walking, it’s like he no longer wanted to be confined to his stroller and was hell-bent on running everywhere. Rebecca, by comparison, was a piece of cake to babysit. I felt like I’d sprouted a few gray hairs by the time I got him back to my place. Darcy got a kick out of my flustered expression. “Hey big brother, was James too hard on you?”

  “If he’d sit in the stroller he’d make my life a lot easier.” I added proudly, “But I do think we have an athlete on our hands. The boy is fast.”