Ride the Wave

by Natasha West

‘What?’ Eden asked.

  Isabella shook her head disdainfully at Eden. ‘What am I supposed to do? I am a bitch. So I guess I could take a page from your playbook and pretend to be all sweet and perfect. But what the fuck would be the point of that? So I can trick someone into loving a fake version of me?’ Isabella drained the last of her drink and held up the glass. ‘And that’s a wrap on me.’ She walked off.

  Eden was angry, upset, shaken by Isabella’s words. It didn’t seem like the moment to make casual chitchat with total strangers in the interest of finding love. She put down her drink and walked out.

  ***

  Eden stormed into the dining room and sat down in her usual chair. Everyone was on their desserts, and they looked up in surprise. ‘Eden!’ Mary said. ‘Where have you been?’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ she found herself saying in an unfriendly tone she didn’t recognise.

  ‘Oh. Alright, dear,’ Mary said kindly. Eden promptly felt like shit.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Maggie asked.

  ‘Dandy,’ Eden said, grabbing the wine bottle from the centre of the table and pouring a large glass of bad booze.

  Maggie watched her fill a glass almost to the brim. ‘Yeah. You’re clearly in great shape.’

  ‘Want one?’ Eden asked.

  ‘Why not?’ Maggie replied philosophically.

  Eden poured Maggie a drink and put the bottle down. Everyone’s eyes were on her. ‘Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to stare?’ she asked the table.

  Beatrice nodded. ‘She’s right. Eyes down, people!’ she ordered the table. Everyone complied.

  Eden slumped in her chair and drank her drink and thought about what had just happened. Isabella had called her fake, that everything about her was an act. Which was true. But Eden had always hoped that the act might become real one day, that she’d become the woman she was trying to be, that confident, coifed creature. However, if someone like Isabella could see through it, Eden wasn’t even close. She was a fake. It was all she would ever be. Because what was under the act? Eden had a horrible suspicion that there was nothing at all.

  Dinner finished up, and everyone stood, talking about joining the others at the karaoke bar. Eden wasn’t going to that, no chance. She grabbed Maggie, pulling her aside. ‘Hey, you wanna come to my room?’

  Maggie was confounded. ‘What?’

  Eden glanced at the group, traipsing out of the dining room. Coming from the other end was the other half of the group. Eden saw them, saw Natalie.

  Eden looked back at Maggie and sighed. ‘Look, I just… I’ve had a few drinks, but I’m not drunk. Going to my room doesn’t break my rule now. So… are you coming?’

  Maggie looked conflicted for about half a second before she shrugged and smiled. ‘Yeah, why not. But can we go out the other way? I don’t want a load of questions.’

  ‘Irish goodnight it is,’ Eden agreed, and they slipped out of the side entrance together.

  Twenty-One

  Natalie watched as Eden pulled Maggie out the side entrance of the dining room. It was quite clear where they were going and for what purpose. For Natalie, it was the last straw. She was sick of this. Sick of mooning over Eden. Eden was getting with Maggie, and that was fine, that was what they’d come to do. It was time to stop giving a shit. Eden wasn’t the only woman in the world. Jesus, she could throw a stone, and it would bounce off five single queer women.

  ‘Hey,’ Max said, sidling up to her as they trekked upstairs to the party. ‘You OK?’

  ‘I’m great,’ Natalie said. It was a lie, but she hoped to turn it into the truth soon. ‘So, how’s the search going?’

  ‘The search?’

  ‘For… Actually, I don’t know what you’re here for. Is it just to rack up your numbers or…’

  Max laughed. ‘I don’t need to do that, trust me.’

  They were now at the bar. ‘I’ll get the drinks this time. It’s tequila, isn’t it?’

  Max nodded, surprised.

  ‘In fact, I think everyone could do with a tequila,’ Natalie said. ‘Get the party started.’ She ordered a round for the table and carried them across. Max followed with a quizzical look. ‘Quite the transformation from night one.’

  ‘I’m just getting into the spirit.’

  ‘I hope that’s all it is,’ Max said with uncharacteristic sensitivity. Natalie chose to ignore it. She plonked her tray of shots down. ‘Drink up, everyone!’

  Saz and Caz were first to grab shots, with everyone else following suit soon after. Florence pretended to dither before being the last to take her shot. Natalie noticed someone was missing. ‘Hey, Angelique!’ she called over. ‘Where’s your girlfriend?’

  Angelique shook her head sadly. ‘We’re over.’

  Natalie raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yeah, when I first met her, I was sure she was the one. And for the first twelve hours, I was pretty sure I was going to marry her. But then, I don’t know, things just started to go a bit… We wanted different things. You know how it is.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess,’ Natalie said, not knowing at all how it was to fall in love with someone and then decide it wasn’t going to work out in less time than it took for milk to go off. ‘Well, I’m sure there’s someone else for you-’

  ‘Oh, I know there is. I think I just met her at the bar,’ Angelique said, turning to wave at a woman who shyly waved back from across the room. ‘She’s really got something.’

  Natalie smiled as supportively as she could manage. ‘Great.’

  ‘In fact, I’ll be back in a minute…’ Angelique said, getting up.

  ‘She will definitely not be back,’ Steph said, watching with envy as Angelique introduced herself to the next love of her life.

  ‘Steph, how you getting on?’ Natalie asked. ‘Met anyone?’

  Max laughed before Steph could answer. ‘Not that I’ve seen.’

  Steph’s jaw tightened. ‘You’re not with me every second. You don’t know. I might have met someone.’

  ‘And have you?’

  ‘Yes!’ Steph claimed and then quieter, ‘No.’

  Max shook her head. ‘Look, mate. Joke’s over. I’m gonna help you.’

  Steph’s brow creased. ‘I don’t need your help.’

  ‘You seriously fucking do,’ Max said, standing. ‘Come on.’

  ‘I really don’t need your help,’ Steph said, standing up and following Max.

  The last thing Natalie heard as they approached a gaggle of women was Max saying, ‘Rule one is that desperation has a stink to it.’

  That left Natalie with Beatrice, Mary, Caz, Saz, and Florence. But then Mary said, ‘Right. I’ve got a date to be getting to.’

  The table was surprised. ‘What?’

  ‘Yes, lovely woman I met by the pool today, Roisin. She’s from Northern Ireland, but I’m trying not to let that get in the way.’ And off she went.

  ‘And then there were five,’ Saz said.

  With so few people in the party, Natalie suddenly remembered that Beatrice and Florence seemed to have something going. And then it had seemed that it wasn’t going. But now there were less people to sit between them, and they kept giving each other little looks.

  Beatrice eyed Florence. ‘Where’s Jonty?’

  ‘He’s in doggie day care,’ Florence replied without looking Beatrice in the eye.

  ‘I thought he didn’t like it,’ Beatrice said with a strange amount of anger.

  ‘So did I. But I decided to take him for a trial today. He did rather seem to enjoy himself.’

  ‘So I was right,’ Beatrice said.

  ‘Seems so,’ Florence replied, ice in her voice, regret in her eyes.

  Natalie shook her head at the pair. They’d fallen out over the bloody dog.

  ‘Look, I was thinking about getting a drink on the observation deck,’ Florence said. ‘This party’s too loud for me and too young.’ She stood. ‘Care to join me?’ she asked Beatrice.

  Beatrice took
a punishing pause before she said, ‘Do you mind girls?’ to Natalie, Caz, and Saz. They shook their heads, not wanting to get in the way of love. ‘Go for your life,’ Saz said. ‘Yeah, have fun,’ Caz added.

  The women left. Natalie saw them hold hands as they exited the bar. ‘Looks like it’s just us,’ Natalie said to Caz and Saz.

  Caz clapped her hands together, heartily. ‘Yeah. More tequila?’

  Saz shook her head. ‘Look, Caz, maybe we should have a few soft drinks tonight?’

  Caz looked like she’d been slapped around the face. ‘What?’

  ‘I just think we’ve been going a bit hard, and… I’d like to slow down.’

  Caz shook her head. ‘Are you mad? It’s a party.’

  ‘Yes, it is. But I shat myself this morning. I can’t keep going like this.’

  ‘You said you wanted to have fun, that’s why we came,’ Caz said.

  ‘Shitting myself wasn’t fun, Caz. I might go to bed early for a change,’ Saz stood. Caz jumped up, following irritably. ‘You’re gonna let a tiny bit of follow-through slow you down? What’s happened to you?’

  Natalie watched them exit, still arguing. Two minutes ago, she’d been part of a pack, and now she was a lone wolf. Though that made her sound like she was a skilled huntress. She was more of a lone puppy.

  ‘Well, well.’

  Natalie turned to see Isabella sitting down, trying unsuccessfully to pull a sticker off herself. ‘I swear to god, if this adhesive ruins my top, I’m going to the small claims court.’ She glanced around, noting Natalie’s Billy-No-Mates status. ‘What are you doing lone wolfing it?’

  ‘Lone puppy,’ Natalie corrected.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Never mind. Where have you been?’

  ‘One of the meet and greet things,’ Isabella said, plonking herself down.

  ‘How did it go?’ Natalie asked.

  ‘I’m here on my own, so you can take a wild stab in the dark about my success.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Everyone sucks, that’s what happened,’ Isabella declared. ‘Where’s the gang?’

  ‘They all suck too, buggered off and left me for various reasons.’

  ‘Oh.’ Isabella was still pulling at the sticker, and Natalie leaned in closer to read what it said. ‘Wow,’ she said, surprised.

  ‘What?’ Isabella asked, finally getting enough purchase to peel the sticker off completely.

  ‘Romance novels?’

  ‘Yeah, I know, shocking, right? People are just queueing up to tell me that tonight,’ Isabella said irritably.

  ‘My night’s not going much better,’ Natalie told her.

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yep. Just saw Eden and Maggie headed off to… Well, I’m sure you can presume.’

  ‘Jesus, she must have gotten her skates on,’ Isabella said.

  ‘What, who?’

  ‘Eden. I actually just saw her not long ago at the event,’ Isabella said. ‘Surprised she got with Maggie, though. She’s a bit of a mess. I’ve never been so inefficiently picked up.’

  ‘So Eden didn’t find anyone at the event and went straight for her backup?’ Natalie asked, disgusted.

  ‘Sounds about right. This boat is fucking cutthroat.’

  ‘Seems so,’ Natalie said, noticing that across the bar, Steph was chatting up some woman, Max watching and grinning. A few feet away, Angelique was snogging the woman she’d been waving at not long ago. ‘I wish I hadn’t come,’ Natalie said sadly.

  ‘Me too.’

  Natalie was sick of feeling sorry for herself. She wanted to feel sorry for someone else for a change. ‘Hey, what was that story you started telling me about you and the reality star? Something about her putting a brick through your window?’

  Isabella sighed. ‘Actually, I was the one with the brick.’

  Natalie’s eyes popped. ‘What? You?!’

  ‘I was mad about her, and she dropped me. Then I was literally mad about her. Lost my shit.’

  ‘I’ve gotta say, that shocks me a bit. You don’t seem like someone who’d lose their shit over anyone.’

  ‘Well, under this calm exterior beats the heart of a love-struck lunatic. Or at least, it did. I’ve been to therapy since then. Learned that I don’t need to chase people who don’t want me. It’s self-hating.’

  Natalie nodded. ‘Yeah. I guess.’

  ‘What is it that RuPaul says? ‘If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?’

  ‘RuPaul makes a good point,’ Natalie said, leaning back in her chair.

  ‘It’s funny, I told Eden the same thing.’

  That caught Natalie’s attention. ‘Did you?’

  ‘Yeah. I don’t think she liked hearing it.’

  ‘How did that come up?’ Natalie asked, intrigued.

  ‘We got to talking, one thing led to another.’

  ‘And before you know it, you’re giving her life advice?’

  Isabella chuckled. ‘I told you, I’m a compulsive truth teller. And she seemed in need of some harsh honesty.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because she passed on you, that’s why. And if she’s getting naked with Maggie right now, then I was right to say it.’

  Natalie didn’t like the image Isabella conjured. But the other thing she’d said had been kind of nice. Natalie wondered if she’d made a stupid mistake turning Isabella down last night. ‘Hey, I might be ready to get over this Eden business,’ she said hesitantly.

  Isabella smiled. And then the smile slipped. ‘Are you, though?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Isabella sighed through her nostrils. ‘But are you, though?’

  Natalie frowned. ‘Well…’

  ‘Because the second I brought her name up, you wanted every last detail.’

  Natalie had to concede that. ‘OK, put it this way. I want to want to be over her.’

  Isabella nodded. ‘I’m glad. But remember what I said about not chasing unavailables?’

  ‘Yeah, but last night you said you could make me forget her,’ Natalie pointed out.

  Isabella smiled sadly. ‘Yeah. And now I’ve realised that I can’t. I’m pretty fucking livid about it, but there it is.’

  Natalie groaned. ‘I should never have gone to her room. You were completely right about that.’

  ‘I always am,’ Isabella said with her characteristic sass back in place. ‘But hey, if you’re looking to just get laid to feel better, might I suggest Max? I mean, she’s a dick, but she’s hot, shallow, and wants to bag you. Perfect for your purposes.’

  Natalie looked over. Max was ordering drinks, winking at the barmaid. ‘I don’t know...’ Natalie started.

  Max turned with her drink and caught Natalie’s eye. She gave her a soft smile. Natalie smiled back.

  Twenty-Two

  Eden looked over at Maggie, asleep on her bed. She was fully dressed, as was Eden. ‘Hey, wake up,’ Eden said.

  Maggie awoke with a snort. ‘I need an extension!’ she cried. She looked around, her eyes finally focusing, somewhat, on Eden. ‘You’re not my editor.’

  ‘No. But I am hungry. I was thinking of getting a shower and heading down to breakfast.’

  ‘Oh, you’re kicking me out,’ Maggie said, sitting up and squinting in the light.

  ‘I wouldn’t put it like that,’ Eden said. ‘More like, I’m inviting you to go back to your own room.’

  Maggie tutted. ‘You know, I’ve been kicked out in the morning light many times. But the kicker has usually done me the courtesy of letting me see them naked. Terrible manners.’ She got up and began to put her shoes on.

  Eden sighed. ‘Yeah, about that…’

  ‘It’s alright. You’re allowed to change your mind.’

  ‘I’m… I’m sort of going through a thing… I mean, I’m not feeling myself lately.’

  ‘What kind of thing?’ Maggie asked, pausing in the middle of tying her shoelace.

  Eden didn’t know how to explain this fe
eling inside. It had started with Natalie knocking at her door, but Eden didn’t know where it ended and that scared her. ‘It’s a long story.’