'Til Dragons Do Us Part (Never Deal with Dragons)

by Lorenda Christensen

  “If it’s all the same to you two, I’d prefer to put the painting back on the wall, provided I can find it. The guy I met? He’s the head of Relobu’s security staff. I don’t think Relobu would blame him if the painting disappeared, but I’d rather avoid having that between us if at all possible. Clean slate and all that.”

  “Understood.” Simon rubbed at his chin as he consulted his encyclopedia of a brain. “I’ll draft a message, give our guy a list of good replacements if he wants to pursue the painting with someone else at a later date. Any problems with that?”

  I thought about it. While I wasn’t interested in stealing the painting myself, it wasn’t until recently that I had moral issues with the action—pot calling kettle and all that. It still made me uncomfortable to steal from someone as nice as Lord Nir Relobu, but ultimately, he was responsible for his own security. I did feel like the offer needed to be made to soothe our client’s ruffled feathers, though.

  “Only one. Who are you going to suggest as our replacement?” For a job the size of Relobu’s, there were only a couple of outfits that had both the skills and the resources necessary to pull it off.

  Simon scowled, while Jeanie laughed. We all knew there was only one person who could put together a hit on a dragon lord’s house. But we didn’t have to like it. He hemmed and hawed for another few minutes, but finally admitted defeat. “Fine. Fine. I’ll suggest Prometheus. The arrogant prick.”

  I gave him a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. “Come on. We’ve never actually met the guy. Though I’m finding him a bit more annoying in light of what Bernie had to say.” I told them about my meeting, and the fact that Prometheus was most likely already on the case. “So it looks like our client had already chosen him as backup.”

  He snorted. “Yeah, and it’s just a weird coincidence that every client we’ve had for the last year and a half has mentioned they got a call from Prometheus, promising faster turnaround on delivery. The man’s been gunning for us for a while now. I don’t believe for a minute that our art collector had to contact Prometheus himself. The guy probably didn’t manage to hang up the phone before the self-named thief of the gods was whispering sweet nothings into his ear.”

  Jeanie rolled her eyes and gave Simon a placating pat on the back before turning back to me. “You said you tucked the painting into a vase?”

  “Yep. A vase that I can no longer locate.”

  Simon gave me an evil smile. “Leave it there. Make the guy find his own stupid painting. If he can’t it’ll serve him right to grab Jeanie’s copy and try to deliver it to the client.”

  Jeanie snorted. “Number one, Prometheus isn’t that stupid. He’ll take one look at my copy and know it’s not the real deal. Besides, I’d rather get my painting back so there’s no chance of this heist being traced to us. I think it’s safer if we find the canvas and get it back on the wall. That way, Prometheus can live or die by his own actions, not ours.”

  “Agreed.” What was the point of not stealing the painting if we’re still blamed for it later? I tossed a grin at Simon. “Don’t you think it would be even more fun if we helped Relobu catch Prometheus in the act? Hard to keep our hands clean if the art isn’t on the wall where it’s supposed to be.”

  Simon gave me a delighted grin. “How long do you think we have? If Bernie says Prometheus accepted the contract, he might already be in the house.”

  I shook my head. “No. You know his MO. If he were already inside, I’d have heard news of Relobu’s security feeds going down, flickering lights—that sort of thing. He never goes in blind.”

  “Okay, so electronics issues herald the arrival of Prometheus. You think Relobu’s team would have shared that with you? How do you know that they aren’t just keeping it quiet so people feel safe? Or that they just dismissed any problems as coincidental?”

  “Dating one of the top guys on the security team, remember? As a high-level employee, Cameron is a fixture in every status meeting they have.”

  To my surprise, Simon just smiled. “I’m happy for you, Vanni. But you’ve gotta be careful with those humans who work for dragons. They’ll sneak right up and hit you straight in the heart.”

  Jeanie laughed and slapped at his shoulder. “Don’t blame me for your stupidity. You’re the one who had to ask for help from the cook.”

  Simon grinned and gave his wife a kiss. “She was a really, really cute cook.”

  “Guys. I’m standing right here.”

  But I was smiling as I said it. Suddenly, love didn’t seem all that disgusting.

  Chapter Twenty

  The day of Myrna and Trian’s wedding had arrived, and I had to hand it to Amanda, it wasn’t nearly as crazy as I expected. Nevertheless, the woman still had me running around like an idiot, checking the sound system for the eighteenth time, making sure the catering team had found everything they needed in Relobu’s enormous kitchens, and holding yards of tulle while April made last minute adjustments to the arbor. Or last hour adjustments. I was beginning to worry that if she took any longer, I might not be able to move my own arms to put my dress on.

  We still had hours before the ceremony, but it felt like the place was completely packed already. Television crews scrambled all over the place as they jockeyed for position near the back of the garden, squabbling among themselves as they maneuvered to fit into the space reserved for the purpose.

  Every once in a while, one of them would test their luck and move a couple of inches outside of the taped-off floor space, only to be politely but firmly pushed back into their invisible prison by one of the many security guards. On this one thing, Cameron and Amanda were on the same page. Everybody stayed in their assigned places, and surprises were not allowed.

  Amanda wasn’t the only one with a lot on her plate. While each and every one of them wore impeccably fitted tuxedos and gowns, it was hard to miss the fact that Lord Relobu’s property was swarming with bodyguards. They’d really stepped up the level of involvement after the bomb had gone off at Bridal Visions. I hadn’t seen Cameron all day, and as busy as he was overseeing the army he’d hired to keep the place free of terrorists and paparazzi, I probably wouldn’t catch sight of him until we faced each other across the aisle.

  But for now, that was perfectly okay with me. I’d spent the last few days tracking down the vase, and had finally found it holed up with—go figure—all the Bridal Visions stuff trucked over from the store, waiting patiently in an unused room off the same hallway as the banquet hall. Amanda had apparently commandeered the piece, along with a similar container she’d found somewhere else in the house, for use in the reception decor. While I’d been frantically searching for it at Relobu’s, it had been tucked safely in the florist’s room at the shop, where Amanda had dragged it for comparison with Myrna’s color swatches.

  She’d informed me that the vases had simply matched too well with Myrna’s palette for her to ignore, and then ordered me to find something more suitable than fake flowers to fill them with.

  All I could do was shake my head. If Cavenaugh Acquisitions was going to continue and Simon was still looking for someone to replace himself, I’d recommend my boss. Without lifting a finger, she’d managed to have a priceless painting removed from the home of a dragon lord, then had it returned again without anyone even taking notice. The lady was a natural.

  We’d decided to wait until the wedding day to make the switch—more people milling around meant I would have a little longer to get the real canvas back in its mounting without drawing attention. I was just about to head back inside to the dining hall where both the vase and the canvas were waiting patiently for me to put them in their proper places when I caught sight of Emma heading my way, followed by Simon.

  “Hey there! What are you guys doing here? I thought you weren’t showing up until later.” I scooped Emma into my arms and gave her a squeeze.

  When Sara got hurt, her parents elected to skip the wedding to stay at the hospital until she was discharged, then accompany her
home so they could help her get settled in for her recovery. When I told Amanda about the slight change to the guest list she insisted that empty seats during the ceremony would mean certain disaster, and told me to find someone to fill them.

  Simon and Jeanie hadn’t had a chance to tour the mansion yet, so I asked if they’d like to come. April, who would spend most of the day overseeing the cake and other desserts in the kitchen, offered to keep Emma company for the duration. Win-win for everyone involved.

  “Momma is out buying a dress. Dad said we could stop by and see the decorations before I met Miss April. They’re pretty. Purple is my favorite color. So is red. Maybe when I get married, I’ll mix them together too.”

  It seemed not only did Emma look better, she was also feeling better because she was firmly back in chatter mode.

  Simon laughed. “I’m glad you like them, but can we slow down on the talk of marriage? You haven’t even started kindergarten yet.”

  Emma ignored her father, too busy watching the dragons as they patrolled the skies above the property. There had to be at least fifty of them. The place was going to be dragon central once the actual guests arrived.

  I walked them through the mansion, pointing out the massive area rugs, the chandeliers and the antique furniture. And then I took Simon to see the mother lode—the room full of treasures Relobu had set aside for Trian and Myrna’s use. When I’d first stumbled upon the job, I’d told Simon about the room, but it was just one of those things a person had to see to believe.

  Emma in his arms, he turned a slow circle, trying to absorb the sheer volume of treasure displayed in the room. “Holy cow!”

  “I told you it was a crazy amount of stuff. Lord Relobu owns an entire museum’s worth by himself.”

  “It’s a thief’s paradise.”

  I laughed. “You’re retired, remember? You’re not supposed to be thinking like that anymore.”

  “Hey, you never know when a bit of information might be worth some money. I’m betting the Louvre Association doesn’t even know some of this stuff still exists. There are a couple of items I know for certain they have listed on their ‘destroyed in the war’ sheets.”

  The Louvre Association—a group of humans who’d banded together to track down humanity’s finest treasures after the destruction of most of the world’s museums—was one of our regular sources of information in the art world. Generally, as soon as they’d managed to confirm that an item was still in existence, a whole slew of private collectors would come calling, hoping to snatch up the piece before the Association could make a deal with the person or dragon who owned it.

  It had been like having an entire research team on the payroll. They’d locate the painting, and we’d be sent out to steal it. But not anymore.

  I mock-scowled. “Simon. Not our business.”

  He turned and blew a raspberry into Emma’s neck, making her giggle. “When did your Aunt Vanni turn in to such a fuddy-duddy, huh?”

  “Since Emma’s father decided Emma should have a better role model.”

  He grinned.

  We headed toward the kitchen, where April was supervising the arrival of Trian and Myrna’s wedding cake. She caught sight of me and waved.

  “Gimme just a sec.” With the help of a couple of kitchen staff, she managed to successfully maneuver the cake from the refrigerated truck onto a rolling cart. The cake, cart and all, would be rolled out as-is to be presented for consumption at the reception. After giving instructions on where and how to place it safely in the walk-in fridge, April headed our way.

  She stuck out a hand to Simon. “Hi there. I’m April, and this must be Emma.”

  Emma, never one for being shy, grinned and extended her own hand. “You’re right!”

  April took it. “We are going to have so much fun tonight. Your daddy mentioned that you are a tea party expert. Well it just so happens that I have a tea set right here in the kitchen, and I need someone to show me how it works. Do you think you can help?”

  April pointed to a counter near one of the three compartment sinks used for rinsing dirty dishes. On top sat a tiny plastic tea set, ready and waiting for a grand tea party. Emma’s eyes lit up and she scrambled from her father’s arms to climb onto the barstool nearby.

  “Thanks for doing this. She’s had a pretty tough week, and it’s nice to see her happy again.”

  April smiled at Simon. “It’s no problem at all. She’s an absolute cutie. Myrna’s filled me in on her condition and we’ll make sure to watch what she eats and drinks, as well as monitor her blood sugar. Did you bring a machine with you?”

  Simon nodded and dug around in his satchel before handing over the glucose monitor. “We tested her right before we drove over, so she should be good for a little while. If you need anything, I’m heading out to pick up my wife, but Vanni can take care of anything you need while I’m gone.”

  April had already walked over to Emma, and was sipping from one of the tiny cups. She raised her glass in a mock toast. “We’ll be right here!”

  With one more wave to Emma, we left the kitchen.

  I turned to Simon. “Look, I need to get back to the garden. Amanda has me double-checking the chairs to make sure the ‘hired help’ lined them up properly according to her sketch. And then I’m supposed to confirm that the place cards are arranged appropriately on the reception tables. The human guards have been screwing with her and moving them around every time her back is turned. If I don’t get them straightened out, she’s going to blow a gasket.”

  Simon glanced around to make sure we were alone. “Have you made the switch?”

  I checked my watch. “Not yet. I’m hoping to fit it in between place cards and squeezing into my dress. Which is why I need to hurry. If I disappear for too long, Amanda will come looking for me, and then I’ll never manage to get out of her sight.”

  “I’ve got a few minutes before I need to head out. Want me to take care of it? I can knock it out in a couple of minutes. For old time’s sake.”

  I laughed. “Sure. Feeling a little nostalgic, are we?”

  He grinned. “Just a bit. Besides, I haven’t even had a chance to see the painting. We might not be stealing it, but it isn’t every day that you get to see a Tofegaard.”

  “Sounds great. You’re going to be sadly disappointed though. The lock is your typical store-bought design. I might as well have left the door open.”

  “Eh, a lock is a lock. No matter how easy, it’s still a great feeling when it opens without a key.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I was glad to see that the room full of the Bridal Visions truckload was just as crowded as I left it, with the red vase containing the canvas deliberately pushed behind a couple of the tables I needed to get in place for the wedding gifts.

  Since I needed to get everything in here set up anyway, I grabbed one of the tables and, with Simon’s help, got it maneuvered into the center of the room. While Simon went over to the vase to pull out the painting, I fiddled with the tablecloth and with the gift receipt book. That way, if anyone walked in, I could honestly tell them that I was getting the room ready for Glenda, who’d been tasked with recording each and every gift that came in.

  Sure, I thought it was weird that Amanda wanted the gifts unwrapped on-site at the wedding, but what did I know? I had to admit that it would definitely save time on the thank you cards later. While I straightened pens and flowers, Simon carefully pulled the canvas from its hiding place, and we rolled it up in one of the extra tablecloths I’d heaped in the corner expressly for that purpose.

  Once we had it appropriately covered, Simon tucked it under his arm and I led the way toward the gardener’s cottage, where Jeanie’s painting waited to be reclaimed. We were halfway through the muddy field when Cameron, who was outside speaking with one of the dragons, spotted us and waved.

  I waved back but kept walking, hoping he was too busy for a chat. But I wasn’t so lucky. His long legs ate up the distance, and it wasn’t long b
efore he stood before us, grinning. I swallowed, feeling like the painting was going to explode into fireworks at any moment.

  “Hey, Cameron.” I gave him an awkward hug, then stepped back, trying very hard to act natural. I was failing miserably.

  Cameron looked between me and Simon, an expectant look on his face. It took me a moment to realize that I’d never formally introduced Simon to my new boyfriend.

  “Oh, sorry. Cameron, this is Simon. Simon, Cameron.”

  Even though Simon was the one actually touching the stolen property, he had no trouble drumming up a smile. Nerves of steel, that man.

  My heart bobbled along with the hidden canvas as Simon shifted to shake Cameron’s hand.

  “Very nice to finally meet you.”

  Cameron returned the gesture, then looked down at Simon’s parcel. “What do you have there?”

  “I’m helping Vanni out for a bit with some of the extras she’s putting in storage.”

  He turned to me. “You said just toss it anywhere in that house down there?” He pointed to the cottage, a devilish twinkle in his eyes.

  He was teasing me, because he could tell I was about to pass out from the pressure.

  “Yeah, just stick it anywhere.”

  Simon nudged my arm. “I’ll catch you later. It’s about time for me to swing by and pick up Jeanie. Find out what the damage was on the dress she picked out. I’ll track you down before I leave.”

  “Sounds good, I’ll see you.”

  Simon looked back to Cameron. “Nice to meet you.”

  And with the kind of nonchalance I would kill for, Simon headed for the tiny house, whistling a tune only he could recognize.

  The pleasantries complete, Cameron looked back to me. “Are you ready for the big day?”

  I summoned a wan smile. “We’re getting really close. Just a few more last-minute things, and Myrna and Trian can do their thing. How’s the personal security business?”

  He glanced back toward the house. “We have all hands on deck today. Security is checking everyone’s invitation and wedding gift at the gate, and the dragons are watching from the sky. If something comes up, we’ll be ready for it.”