by Susan Lewis
With an engaging smile, Bella came to shake hands. ‘Lovely to meet you,’ she said, and the warmth of her tone made it seem as though she really meant it.
Realizing this attractive woman was probably older than she at first appeared, Shelley replied, ‘It’s a pleasure to meet you too. I can imagine you have some stories to tell, working with tourists.’
As Bella laughed, Jemmie said, ‘Bella’s daughter, Gina, is in her second year at university studying computer science. Isn’t that something to be proud of? A girl stepping into a man’s world, and no doubt she’ll outclass them all.’
With a shake of her head, Bella said, ‘I’d like to think that’ll happen, but I’m afraid she came home a couple of days ago and I’m still not sure why. Something’s obviously upset her, but as yet I haven’t managed to get to the bottom of it.’
Shelley smiled sympathetically. She had all the teenage hurdles to come; for now she could only wish Bella Shager good luck with Gina, since it was time for her and Kat to leave.
‘She has a look about her,’ Kat remarked as they headed back to the car, ‘that makes you want to know her.’
‘You mean Bella?’ Shelley responded. ‘Yes, you’re right, she does.’
‘You have it too,’ Kat continued. ‘So does Jemmie – and how that wonderful woman stays married to that odious oaf Humphrey, I’ll never know. As big a mystery is how she’s managed to produce a clutch of such boorish sons. It defies logic when she’s an absolute angel.’
‘We have to assume that there’s a side to the Bleasdale males that only she sees,’ Shelley responded, thinking this had to be true or it really would make no sense, and pulling a woolly hat over her hair to keep it from blowing about in the wind she cast a dubious look up at the sky. The temperature had dropped several degrees since they’d entered the town hall and darkness was already creeping in, making the prospect of getting home soon doubly desirable.
‘I’m almost sorry Nate and I are going out tonight,’ Kat grumbled as they reached Shelley’s car. ‘Sitting around your fire watching videos with the kids has much more appeal than a curry and quiz night at the Ring o’Bells, I can tell you.’
Shelley had to laugh. ‘We’ve ended up renting Top Gun again,’ she reminded her. ‘I’m sure you won’t mind giving that a miss.’
Kat rolled her eyes. ‘Kids are a mystery, aren’t they? They can watch the same film fifty-six times, recite the lines like they’d played all the parts, and still want to see it again.’
‘If Hanna had got her way we’d be on our fiftieth viewing of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,’ Shelley grimaced, ‘so I suppose I can handle another go round with Tom Cruise.’
Since they were both keen Tom Cruise fans this certainly had more appeal than Pirates, which had been top of Josh’s list, or A Nightmare on Elm Street, Jack and Nate’s choice, which was never going to happen.
It was gone six by the time they drove into the farmyard to find everyone in the small barn gathered around Hanna’s new pony, Madonna, smoothing her tenderly, feeding her, combing her mane and generally adoring her.
‘Dad bought the saddle from the previous owners as well,’ Hanna told her mother as Shelley approached, ‘and he said we can go to the country store tomorrow to get me some new riding boots.’
‘Where is Dad?’ Shelley asked, taking a handful of fresh grass from Josh to feed to the pony.
‘His pager went off so he had an emergency,’ Josh told her, and upending a bucket he tried to climb onto Madonna’s back.
Hanna was having none of that, but before a fight could break out Shelley scooped Josh into her arms and squeezed him too hard for him to break free. What a lovely feeling it was, holding his precious little body to hers.
‘Ouch, you’re hurting me,’ he yelled, trying to escape. ‘Put me down, put me down. Grandpa, help!’ he cried as David came to let them know the fire was lit and a lovely beef casserole was ready to come out of the oven.
‘I’m sleeping out here with Madonna tonight,’ Hanna informed them.
‘Don’t be silly,’ Shelley chided, ‘it’s far too cold and she’ll be fine with Bluebell and Dodgy keeping an eye on things.’
It turned into a bit of a tussle – Hanna liked to have her own way – but eventually they all ended up inside with the doors shut tightly against the wind and a splendid log fire roaring up the chimney.
As usual Shelley fell asleep while watching the film and woke up to find Josh slumped against her, mouth wide open and chocolate smeared over his adorable face. There was no sign of Hanna and Zoe, but Shelley guessed they’d talked their grandfather into letting them go to say goodnight to Madonna.
‘Where’s Dad?’ Josh yawned as he rewound the video ready to put it back in its box. He was the only one of the family who never seemed to have a problem operating the VCR, and Shelley had a feeling he was going to be a bit of a whizz on the computer when it came. He was like Jack in that way, with an unfussed, logical and often cavalier approach to life, meaning he was never afraid to tackle new things, whatever they might be.
‘Where’s Dad?’ Hanna echoed, coming in through the door with the smell of a stable about her.
It was a good question. Shelley checked her watch, and seeing it was past ten o’clock she sent a page asking him what time he expected to be back.
An hour later, with the children tucked up in bed and David in his room falling asleep to soft music, Shelley paged Jack again. It wasn’t like him not to answer right away. However, if he was trying to save an animal in distress, or was at a farm with poor reception, or driving, he wouldn’t be able to.
She was trying not to worry, but the dark feelings she’d had earlier in the day were back and no matter where she tried to put her thoughts, or what excuses she concocted for Jack’s lateness, she couldn’t quite escape them.
It was just before midnight when she heard his car rumbling into the farmyard, and by the time he came in the door she was ready to box his ears and fall on his neck in relief.
‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured, sounding as tired as he looked. He pulled her into his arms with a sigh. ‘It’s been a hell of a night. The RSPCA brought in half a dozen dogs they’d rescued from the Temple Fields Estate. You should have seen the state of the poor things. Two needed surgery and I ended up having to put one of them down.’
Understanding how hard it must have been for him, she said, ‘Come on, you need a drink,’ and taking him to the kitchen table she sat him down while she fixed them both a Scotch. ‘I was worried,’ she said, passing him a glass. ‘Did your pager run out of battery?’
He checked it and nodded. ‘Sorry, I should have rung anyway. Are the kids all right?’
‘Fast asleep. We watched Top Gun.’
As he registered that he started to grin, and his eyes held to hers in a way that told her quite clearly what he was thinking.
She was ready with the line, and coming alive with the desire that didn’t really need any words. ‘Take me to bed or lose me forever,’ she murmured, giving her best impression of Meg Ryan as Carole.
And so that was what he did.
Shelley wasn’t sure what woke her, or what time it was, but as she lay quietly in the darkness, Jack fast asleep beside her, she waited for whatever it was to happen again.
For long moments there was nothing to hear. The wind had dropped, she noticed, and it seemed all the animals were sleeping, since there were no sounds reaching her from the yard or barns.
If anything was wrong Dodgy would be barking, she reminded herself, and reassured by that she turned over and snuggled into Jack, ready to go back to sleep.
Then she heard it again.
Unable to discern what it was, she got quietly out of bed and tiptoed across the room. On the landing she stood still for a moment, trying to pick up the sound again.
Nothing.
She went to check on the children, found them fast asleep and the door to David’s room closed, with no light showing beneath it.
S
he couldn’t say why, exactly, but she still didn’t feel that all was right with the house.
Then she saw Jack standing in their bedroom doorway.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, keeping his voice low so not to wake anyone.
‘I thought I heard something,’ she murmured. She turned as she heard it again. A footstep? The muffled crunch of a movement? Her eyes shot to Jack’s.
‘Wait here,’ he cautioned, and tightening the belt of his robe he went to the top of the stairs.
As she watched him descend Shelley found herself thinking of the gun, and wishing that they kept it next to their bed, not in the basement, locked in a cabinet, safe from the children.
Jack was halfway down and she moved to follow. It was so dark she could barely see him. She was just wondering why they didn’t put on the light when everything suddenly went crazy.
Jack cried out as he fell. The thuds of his body hitting the stairs and the wall set Dodgy frantically barking outside.
‘Jack!’ she shouted, dashing down the stairs after him. ‘Jack! Are you all right?’
All she could hear was Dodgy as he scratched wildly at the front door trying to get in.
The stairwell suddenly flooded with light. Hanna was on the landing.
Shelley stared at Jack in horror. He was crumpled so awkwardly at the foot of the stairs that something had to be broken. Then she noticed the trail of blood coming from his mouth and his eyes … His eyes … She threw herself onto him, frantically calling his name. ‘Jack! Jack, answer me,’ she begged, grabbing his hair. ‘Please. Jack. Oh God …’
‘Mum!’ Hanna cried in panic.
‘Call an ambulance!’ Shelley yelled.
She was staring disbelievingly into Jack’s face. His wide unblinking eyes weren’t seeing her, she knew that, but they had to. She must make them. ‘Jack,’ she raged desperately. ‘Jack, please, please don’t do this.’
The ambulance took Jack’s lifeless body away around five in the morning. The paramedics had tried to revive him, of course, but by the time they’d arrived it had been as evident to them as it had to Shelley that it was already too late. His head had hit the flagstones so hard that it had broken his neck and killed him outright.
It didn’t seem real.
Nothing did.
Jack was dead.
She couldn’t make herself accept it; wanted never to accept it.
A lot of people were in the house; most of them police, walking around checking doors and windows, making notes, asking questions.
Shelley was in the sitting room with the children huddled up against her. Kat brought tea; David sat slumped in a chair beside the fireplace, ashen, stunned, unable to speak.
Nate was dealing with things in the kitchen.
Shelley could hear a female voice and after a while realized it was Cathy, Giles’s wife. Someone must have called them. They had so much else to be thinking about with all the rumours going round about BSE, and the fears lately that the disease could be transmitted to humans, but they’d come anyway.
She needed to move, to do something, but she didn’t know what.
A doctor came and tried to coax her to go upstairs and lie down, but she couldn’t leave the children.
Hanna got to her feet and started out of the room.
‘Where are you going?’ Shelley asked hoarsely, but Hanna didn’t answer.
‘I’ll go after her,’ Kat whispered.
Shelley let her.
Hours rolled past; or was it minutes?
The police were outside now, searching the garden and field beyond.
Shelley’s thoughts were suddenly snagged by the Abba costumes she and Kat had ordered the day before. She couldn’t seem to get it out of her mind. She was stuck in yesterday, when everything had been fun and Jack had …
She should page him. The urge was so great that she could barely stop herself going to the phone. It was what she always did when she was worried or afraid. Jack could calm her down, make everything all right.
She went outside into the growing dawn light with Josh and Zoe holding tightly onto her hands. She wasn’t sure who was comforting whom. They watched Hanna walking with Dodgy and the sheep into the fields. The pony was with them, Kat close behind and Shelley felt herself starting to panic as they disappeared like ghosts into the misty beyond.
Two days had now passed since the terrible, senseless accident that had taken Jack’s life. This was how everyone was viewing it, as an accident, but Shelley couldn’t convince herself that it was. She was certain someone had been in the house that night, in spite of no evidence being found to prove it. They might not have pushed him down the stairs, but he wouldn’t have been on them if she hadn’t felt sure someone was there.
Was it her fault he was dead?
‘You’re sure nothing is missing?’ the detective asked. His name was Rod Pullman; he was a young, sturdy type with fair hair, a round, pleasant face and a respectful manner. He’d come, he’d explained, because the officers who’d attended the scene on the night of Jack’s death had reported the possibility of suspicious circumstances.
Shelley shook her head. ‘No, nothing’s missing,’ she confirmed. Everything was where she and Jack had left it, their wallets, the cash they kept in a jug on the beam over the fireplace. The VCR and TV. They didn’t have much else of any value.
‘But you thought you heard someone?’ he prompted.
She nodded. ‘It was why I got up.’
‘Could it have been one of the children?’
‘No, I don’t think so. They were asleep when I checked.’
‘What sort of noise was it?’
‘I couldn’t really tell. It was so faint and … It was more a feeling I had that someone was in the house.’
‘Did the dog bark?’
‘Not then, no, but he must have heard Jack fall because he started barking then.’ She fixed the detective with eyes that were raw with trauma.
‘The dog was in the small barn, across the way. He might not have heard anything before …’
‘Is there access to the back of the house without having to pass the barn?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘Not unless you come across the fields.’
She’d seen them checking the fields after she’d told them about her suspicions, but apparently nothing had been found to confirm them.
‘Is there anyone you can think of who might have come here that night? For whatever reason?’
Her eyes went to Nate. He was rigid, stunned, clenching and unclenching his fists as he listened, and probably, like her, kept losing focus. She knew he was finding it impossible to accept that this had happened, that it wasn’t all a huge mistake, or some kind of nightmare that would be over soon if only he could make himself wake up.
Pullman was waiting for an answer.
Nate haltingly explained what had happened on the night of the tents. He sounded bewildered and close to tears. The Bleasdales were the only family they had issues with in the area, he said, and Shelley added that they’d had no communication with the male contingent since the morning after the showdown, and that she considered Jemmie Bleasdale a friend.
‘Jack didn’t make enemies,’ Nate told him. ‘What happened with the Bleasdale twins was of their doing, not his.’
Pullman was noting things down. ‘Is there any reason why they might have chosen your land to pitch their tents?’ he asked Shelley.
‘You’d have to ask them,’ she replied, ‘but maybe it had something to do with us not supporting the hunt.’
‘Was your husband a saboteur?’
She shook her head. ‘None of us is, but we don’t agree with it.’
Pullman’s eyes moved to Nate and back again. Shelley’s mind was wandering again, going off to places that made no sense, had no connection at all to what was happening right here. The bonfire Jack and Josh had started building for 5 November needed to be finished. Nate and Perry were making the guy. It was her job to pick up the fire
works. Her parents had arrived two days ago. They were somewhere with the children now. She wondered how long they would stay. Certainly until after the funeral …
Funeral …
Panic and denial rose up to choke her, squeezing the breath from her lungs, the sanity from her mind. She wanted to scream Jack’s name as loud as she could, over and over, wilder and wilder, until he came back just to make her stop, but she’d frighten the children and they were already frightened enough.
It would be better if they believed no one had been here.
There were no signs of a break-in; nothing was missing; she’d only imagined what she’d heard.
If there had been no one, then his fall would be her fault.
The day of the cremation was so bright and warm that it could have been the middle of summer. As Shelley gazed out across the fields she felt convinced that Jack had made it this way for them. He wouldn’t want them to say goodbye under grey clouds or in driving rain. He wouldn’t want them to be cold either, so somehow he’d made the sun shine with a warmth unusual for late October. He was all around them, she could feel it as surely as if she were in his arms. He hadn’t left them and he never would, because he was the heart of this family, the life and soul of the farm and the very centre of their world. It was how he would always be, and she was never going to have it any other way.
The question which would soon need to be answered was, could they manage the place without him? It was such a difficult and painful question that she couldn’t allow herself to think about it today, and wasn’t sure she ever could.
When they got to the crematorium she was surprised to see so many people, but she shouldn’t have been. Jack had made friends as easily as he’d made her love him. He was an irresistible force; people were drawn to him in a way that she’d hardly ever seen with anyone else. So of course they’d be here today, gathering in this flower-filled chapel to say their sad and final goodbyes.
His favourite Eagles track played in the background as the celebrant waited for the pews to fill and overflow. Shelley was sitting at the front with the children and the rest of the family – and Dodgy, because Josh had wanted the dog to come too.