by Susan Lewis
‘Daddy loved him and he loved Daddy,’ Josh had explained before they’d left, and no one had argued because it was true. Instead, Shelley had found a laugh as she’d said, ‘I guess we’re lucky you don’t want to bring all the other animals too.’
‘Maybe we should,’ Josh said earnestly, and a tear trickled down his cheek.
The celebrant began. Shelley’s mind went elsewhere, to the wildlife safari they’d been saving up for; to the Jackson Browne tickets Nate had for next month, to the fireworks for next week, and who was going to light them? She thought of the dogs Jack had tried to save the night he’d died, and the way he’d made love to her when he came home …
Her mind returned to the present, where the celebrant was speaking about Jack as if he’d known him. She didn’t feel offended. It didn’t warm her, either. She mostly felt numb, detached, and vaguely nauseous, probably thanks to the Scotch her father had pushed into her hand before they’d left the house.
She and Jack had never discussed what they wanted to happen when they died. Death wasn’t something they’d thought about at all. This meant that the big decisions this past week had been left to her and Nate. She couldn’t have got through any of it without her brother-in-law, and he said the same about her. They needed to be strong for one another, and for the rest of the family. It was their love for Jack that had always bound them together, and now it was saving them, and the others, from going under.
Nate delivered the eulogy, his voice cracking with grief, tears blinding his eyes. They were brave, meaningful words, telling the story of two boys growing up together, and how the younger, Nate, had always tried to best Jack at sports or studies and how Jack used to let him. ‘Jack loved life more than anyone I’ve ever known,’ he said hoarsely. ‘That’s what makes the suddenness of all this so hard to bear. If anyone deserved to live it was him. He was the best brother, son and husband that ever walked this earth, but most of all he was the best and proudest dad. Hanna, Zoe and Josh, we will do everything in our power to keep your father’s memory alive for you and to share with you all our memories of him, so that you can carry them in your hearts as you go forward in your lives.’
As Josh climbed into Shelley’s lap she felt herself starting to shake. Josh was so close to his father, they did almost everything together … How was he going to cope with this? Zoe sobbed against her, clinging to her arm. Shelley pressed a kiss to her hair and looked at Hanna, who was sitting-straight backed, ghostly pale and staring at nothing. Her pain was so brittle and raw that Shelley was sure if she touched her she would break into a thousand tiny pieces.
It was how Shelley felt, but she reminded herself that for the children’s sake she must keep it together.
Outside, the congregation gathered quietly and sorrowfully before going back to the farm for a party. That was what Jack would have wanted, she and Nate had decided, a celebration of his life with music and lots of wine and maybe dancing. Not a mournful wake with everyone sitting around feeling morbid and sad over lukewarm cups of tea and a few dry-edged sandwiches.
‘Shelley, my dear. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.’ It was Jemmie Bleasdale, taking Shelley’s icy hands in hers and holding them tenderly. ‘I’ve called a few times,’ she said, ‘but I don’t want to intrude. I just want you to know that if there’s anything I can do …’
Shelley was remembering what she and Nate had told the police, and wondering if they’d visited the Bleasdales …
Sir Humphrey was taking her hands now. His face was grey, haggard and not at all as Shelley had seen him before. ‘I know Jack and I had our differences,’ he said gruffly, ‘but I always …’ He swallowed. ‘He was a good man. One of the best. Like Jemmie said, if there’s anything … You know where we are …’
Shelley’s eyes moved to the twins. She felt suddenly hot and wanted to be sick, or somehow escape. Jemmie was saying, ‘The boys flew back from New York yesterday. They’ve been there since the beginning of the month, but they wanted to come today to pay their respects. Felix, our youngest, is in Thailand.’
Shelley watched the boys’ mouths as they spoke to her. They looked as awkward as any young men might in difficult situations, but she thought their condolences sounded as sincere as anyone else’s.
They’d been in New York since the beginning of the month – Jemmie had gently made that clear. Felix was away too – so it couldn’t have been any of them Shelley had heard that night.
She still wasn’t sure she’d heard anyone.
When it came time to start back to the farm she stood beside the car waiting for the children to get in, and gazed absently across the gardens of remembrance. She wasn’t expecting to see or feel anything, but she paused a moment as she spotted a young girl standing beside a red-brick wall, partly masked by the glare of sunlight. Shelley had no idea who she was, couldn’t tell from this distance if she’d ever seen her before, but there was something about her, the tilt of her head, or perhaps the way she was staring at the funeral party, that made Shelley wonder about her.
‘Do you know her?’ she asked Nate.
Nate followed the direction of her gaze, but by then the girl was walking away.
CHAPTER NINE
VIVIENNE
Present Day
Vivienne was staring at her reflection in amazement, turning her head this way and that, spinning in the chair and holding up a hand mirror to get a good look at the back of her new hair. She’d never imagined that changing its colour could bring about such a startling transformation. It even seemed to be giving new light to her eyes and skin for they no longer appeared as dull as they had a few days ago. She realized the recent change in her medication was probably more responsible for that, since it had begun to improve both her energy and her spirits, but nevertheless …
She ruffled her silvery-blonde waves with her fingers, and watched the way they tumbled back into place, messier, but still lovely. Her hair had grown these past two months, and her mother had only tidied up the ends rather than take anything from the length. It had been the right decision; the style and colour flattered her so well that she could only wonder why she hadn’t braved it before.
As she broke into a smile her audience started to breathe – and laugh. In the salon with her was her mother; Michelle; Jade, the senior stylist; Holly, one of the juniors, and two regular clients who’d paused midway through having their hair washed and blow-dried.
Vivienne met her mother’s eyes in the mirror and seeing how much pleasure it was giving her to feel she’d done something right for once, she got up to hug her.
She wasn’t going to allow the negative, destructive part of herself to remind her of how shallow this was – a new hairdo doesn’t change anything; you’re still going to die, so why don’t you find something less selfish, more worthy to do with the time you have left? That part of her had nothing of value to contribute today, when what she should really have been feeling was buoyed by the triumph of making it here this morning after spending four days in bed recovering from the strain of the hospital visit. She’d even managed to sit through the entire process of having her look changed without feeling the need to lie down. She wasn’t even tired now, or breathless, or fogged by the side effects of a drug that had thankfully been removed from her daily cocktail. Instead, she was feeling something close to normal, she decided. OK, her heart might be failing, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t make the most of whatever life she had left should a donor not come along.
They all turned as the door opened and Mark, fresh from the surf in a black wet-suit and red crocs, stomped in, tearing out his earbuds as he ended a call. Seeing Vivi, his eyes widened as he treated her to a long, appreciative whistle. He even seemed about to sweep her up for a raucous swing-round, before remembering that might not be such a good idea. ‘You look smokin’,’ he told her, making everyone laugh. ‘In fact, you look …’ He stepped aside, eyed up his mother, then Vivi again and said, ‘Yep, you definitely look like twins.’
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‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Gina chided, as Vivi said, ‘Spare me, I’m half her age.’
‘You’re well past that,’ Gina retorted, eyes shining with laughter.
‘OK, but really,’ Vivi protested. ‘Although I do look a lot more like you now. Just not forty-six.’
‘Gina doesn’t look that old either,’ Michelle put in. ‘In fact, you’re such a hot pair of babes I think we should do something to celebrate.’
Holly, the junior, gamely called out, ‘Shall I go and get some champagne?’
‘My treat,’ Vivi declared, reaching for her purse.
‘Tea will be fine,’ Gina cut in firmly, a reminder to them all that alcohol was out of the question for Vivi.
Vivi’s cheeks flamed as she glared at her mother. ‘Even if I can’t have it that doesn’t mean no one else can,’ she said tightly.
‘But you’re the star of the show,’ Gina pointed out, ‘so there wouldn’t be much …’ She broke off as a yowl of pain suddenly erupted from a cubicle at the back of the salon.
‘What the f …?’ Mark muttered, giving Vivi’s shoulder a comforting squeeze.
The others were already laughing as Maisie Redmond shouted out, ‘Sorry about that. I’m having a Hollywood, Mark, that’s what the f …’
He turned to his mother. ‘A Hollywood?’ he echoed, mystified.
Gina pointed south.
‘Totally bald,’ Michelle added for the sheer pleasure of it.
His eyes dilated as the image of stout little Maisie Redmond with a totally bald … He backed away. ‘OK, too much information,’ he protested, and planting a swift kiss on his mother’s cheek, and another on Vivi’s new hair, he told them he’d see them at home later and beat a hasty retreat.
Deciding for everyone’s sake, including her own, that it would spoil the day if she stayed angry with her mother, Vivi accepted Holly’s offer of tea and followed Michelle into the area of squishy sofas that filled up one of the salon’s deep-bayed front windows. The other bay was a haven for exotic silk palms, a large Tibetan Buddha, an ornate Balinese birdcage and various other Oriental-style objets that Gina had collected from fairs and antique shops over the years.
Vivienne had always loved it here, especially as a child when she used to play at being a hairdresser, or manicurist, sometimes even a masseuse (that was usually for NanaBella). It hadn’t really changed much since that time, there was still soothing mood music playing on the salon’s sound system, while aromatic candles burned in colourful glass dishes and crystalline water flowed through table-top fountains. The place was as elegant and stylish – and mysterious, in Vivi’s view – as Gina herself, and had become, over the years, the most popular hairdresser’s in town. Some appointments were made months in advance, with most insisting on Gina; however, Jade’s reputation was growing, and Yvonne, the beautician (and Michelle’s mother) who’d worked with Gina for the past ten years, had built up an impressive client list of her own.
‘So what are you girls doing for the rest of the day?’ Gina asked, as she began clearing the island where she’d worked her magic on Vivi’s hair.
Michelle turned to Vivi. ‘We were thinking about doing some shopping?’ she said, making it a question. ‘Are you still up for it?’
‘Definitely,’ Vivi replied, amazed and thrilled that she still had the energy to look forward to it. ‘Some new clothes to go with my new look? It has to be done.’
Gina glowed as she said, ‘Next thing we know you’ll be going out dancing.’
‘Don’t rule it out,’ Vivi warned, though they both knew that dancing was in the same category as champagne. Anything that stimulated her heart rate to that extent had to be off the agenda, at least for the foreseeable future. ‘You can even come with us if you fancy it,’ she offered.
Gina twinkled and turned round as a curtain at the back of the room swished open and Yvonne emerged, drying her hands on a towel. ‘Great idea,’ she declared happily. ‘Count me in for a good bop.’ She broke into a smile as her eyes found Vivi. ‘Oh, wow! Will you look at yourself?’ she murmured admiringly. ‘You’re an angel, as pretty as a picture.’
‘Don’t leave before I come out,’ Maisie Redmond called from the hidden depths of the cubicle. ‘I want to see it.’
Yvonne came to tilt Vivi’s face, keen for a better look. She was a tall, forthright woman, as dark-haired and olive-skinned as Michelle was fair and freckled, and managing to look even better at fifty, according to her wily husband, than she had at twenty. ‘Of course he didn’t know me when I was twenty,’ she’d add whenever he said that, ‘so it’s no compliment at all.’
‘It’s not just the hair,’ she decided, taking in Vivi’s eyes and skin. ‘The lights are coming back on,’ she pronounced.
Smiling, Vivi said, ‘They changed my medication,’ and a quick glance at her mother gave her a small rush of pleasure, for Gina was looking as though someone might have improved her medication too.
‘So where shall we go for a rave-up?’ Yvonne demanded, as though it might really be an option.
‘What about a tea dance at the town hall?’ Michelle joked.
‘You can mock,’ Maisie Redmond chided as she emerged freshly waxed and fully clothed – and ever so slightly flushed. ‘It’s a good place to meet an Internet date,’ she informed them knowingly. ‘It’s safe and fun, and it gets you off to a very good start, provided he can dance, of course. Having said that, it’s the ones with the smooth moves you’ve got to watch. You can tell some of them are rehearsing for moves of another kind, if you get my meaning. Cheeky devils, they can be. Oh, Vivi, you’re so gorgeous I could eat you all up, and your brother’s right, you do look more like your mother now. So how are you feeling? Am I allowed to ask?’
Having known Maisie for as long as she could remember, Vivienne found it easy to say, ‘I’m trying to forget about it, Maisie, but this is definitely a good day.’ Her smile widened. ‘So you’re still doing the Internet dating?’
‘Oh, I love it, so I do. You meet so many interesting characters, and best of all you don’t have to go home with them if you don’t want to. I only wish I’d got rid of that waste of space I was married to twenty years ago. The fun I could have had! Still, there’s nothing stopping me now. Here we go, Vonny,’ she said, handing over her payment and loyalty card. ‘Book me in again for next week.’
‘Blimey, how fast do your pubes grow?’ Michelle choked on a laugh.
Maisie’s eyes glittered mischievously. ‘There are things about me,’ she said darkly, ‘that defy a lot of science … but that isn’t one of them.’
Laughing, Yvonne said, ‘I’ve got you down for an eyebrow thread and colour. Is that right?’
‘That’s right. Make me look nice and surprised, I find the fellas like that. Makes them feel … Well, we won’t get into that. Oh, there’s Gerald come to pick me up,’ she said, as someone blasted on a car horn outside. ‘My son likes to make himself heard, in case you didn’t notice. OK, see you next week, Vonny. You, lovely girls,’ she added to Vivi and Michelle, ‘go and have yourselves some fun while you still can. You’re a long time dead, I always tell myself.’ It wasn’t until the words were out that she realized what she’d said, and her horror was so great that Vivienne immediately got up to hug her.
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she whispered, as Maisie started to gulp an apology. ‘It really doesn’t, and what’s more I think I’ll take your advice.’
Turning to Gina, Maisie said, ‘I’m so sorry. I … There’s a mouth on me and it runs away … I didn’t mean anything …’
‘We know you didn’t,’ Gina assured her. ‘Now, I think Gerald’s getting a little impatient out there.’
‘I shall box his ears, so I will. And my own. Definitely my own. What am I like? Oh dear, oh fuck. Seventy years old and I’m still putting my foot in it …’
She continued muttering to herself as she closed the door behind her, leaving Gina to throw out her hands as Vivienne said, ‘Is she really seven
ty?’
Yvonne nodded.
‘And getting a Hollywood?’
Yvonne grinned.
‘I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it,’ Vivienne insisted, ‘I’m just … Actually, I’m probably about to put my foot in it too, so where were we before all this began?’
‘About to go dancing,’ Yvonne reminded them, ‘but more seriously, we need to do something to show you off, so how about we all go out for dinner tonight?’
Gina said, ‘Gil’s coming.’
Vivienne frowned. Was that an excuse not to go?
‘That’s perfect,’ Yvonne announced. ‘With Mark at home as well we can make it a big family outing – at the Crustacean if we can get in. I’ll ring them now, if we’re all up for it?’
‘Some of us have children,’ Michelle reminded her.
‘And you have babysitters right next door in Sam’s parents. I’ll call them myself, and if they can have the children are we all up for the Crustacean? We know the men will be, because they’re always up for anything to do with food.’
Before her mother could respond, Vivienne said, ‘I’m definitely up for it, and I’m sure Gil will be too.’
Yvonne declared, ‘That’s great! So you girls go and buy yourselves something new for the occasion and I’ll make all the arrangements.’
As Vivienne led the way to the door she was about to reach for the handle when a sharp, powerful thud suddenly struck her like a knife in her back. For one bewildering moment she thought her mother or Michelle had hit her, then realizing what had happened she clasped a hand to her chest.
‘Are you OK?’ Michelle asked worriedly.
Gina turned round.
‘I’m fine,’ Vivienne insisted.
Paling, Gina said, ‘Yvonne, call an ambulance. Her device has gone off.’
‘No! Don’t,’ Vivi protested. ‘I’m OK.’
‘Did it go off?’ Gina pressed, coming to her.
‘Yes, but they told us …’
‘To call an ambulance …’