One Minute Later

by Susan Lewis

  ‘So,’ Shelley said, still watching him as she pulled off her rubber gloves and enjoyed the feeling of fresh air on her work-worn hands. ‘You’re here because …?’

  ‘Because,’ he said, watching the pigs trot off back to their open-plan sty, ‘there’s something I need to tell you.’

  When his eyes didn’t come to hers, Shelley’s abiding fear that he was leaving Deerwood again sprang into life. Of course she understood that his ambitions for himself might well take him away from the farm, and she wanted nothing more than to see him happy, but the years he’d spent at uni and then overseas hadn’t been easy for her. She’d missed him terribly, almost as much as she’d missed Jack in the early years, and she dreaded going through it again. However, this couldn’t be about her, she reminded herself firmly. It had to be about him, and whatever he wanted to do she would find it in herself to support him.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he said drily, ‘I’m not going back to South Africa.’

  She had to smile. He might have a gift for reading minds, as well as sensing her moods, but in this instance he knew very well that his return to the wild was always her biggest dread. ‘Well, now we have that out of the way,’ she said, relieved beyond measure, ‘I’m ready for the good news.’

  ‘What makes you so sure it’s good?’

  She shrugged. ‘It’s written all over you,’ she replied teasingly. She was making it up, for in truth she couldn’t tell what he was thinking – his inscrutability could be doubly annoying considering how easily he read everyone else. ‘I’m going to guess you’ve found a hippo,’ she ventured.

  He laughed, though she knew he had no recall of the ‘sighting’ he’d made with his father when he was four, but she’d teased him about it often enough to turn it into a shared memory for them. She plonked herself down on a solid hay bale, wincing at a pain in her hip, and gestured for him to take the bale opposite. ‘I’m all yours,’ she informed him, loving having him to herself for a few minutes.

  As he sat, a particularly devoted ewe rested her face on his shoulder, and he idly stroked her as he said, in a tone that really got his mother’s attention, ‘I’ve met someone.’

  She sparkled inside. This was what she’d been hoping to hear for so long, and since the girl was probably local, given the picnics and frequent absences, she was eager for him to continue.

  ‘She’s pretty special,’ he said softly, ‘and I … Well, frankly, I haven’t felt like this about anyone before.’ He flicked a look her way. ‘Corny?’

  She only smiled.

  ‘She’s a lawyer,’ he said, ‘bright, beautiful, funny …’ He took a breath and Shelley could tell that he was seeing her in his mind’s eye and didn’t want to let the image go. ‘She’s a lot of things that make her different,’ he continued, ‘and special and someone I want to be with all the time.’ Then he added, ‘I think if Dad were here he’d understand what I’m saying, because I’m sure that’s how he felt about you. You were his everything, and that’s what Vivienne is for me.’

  Touched that he should feel that way about her and Jack, Shelley might have said so had she not sensed there was more, and that it might not be as straightforward as he’d like it to be. ‘Do I get to meet her?’ she prompted tentatively.

  He nodded. ‘I’ve invited her to come on Saturday, if that’s OK?’

  Relieved, and delighted, she said, ‘Of course it is. I’ll look forward to it. We all will.’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘The entire Deerwood clan might be too much for a first meeting, so if we can keep it to family …’

  ‘Well, of course family. I’m not suggesting all the residents should come along too. Anyway, most of them have signed up for a coach trip to Salisbury Plain on Saturday, meaning it’ll be quieter than usual around here, so your timing is good. Shall we do a barbecue? Lunch? Dinner? What are you thinking?’

  ‘Probably early afternoon and a barbecue will be great, but there’s something you need to know about her …’ He took a breath and held it.

  She’s married, shot straight to the front of Shelley’s mind, but she said nothing, simply waited.

  ‘There’s no easy way of saying it,’ he decided, ‘so I’ll come right out with it. She has a terminal heart condition.’

  Shelley slowly froze, certain she hadn’t heard correctly, while knowing from his expression and his tone that she had. She continued to stare at him, unable for the moment to find any words, or to grasp a full and dreadful understanding of what this was going to mean for him.

  ‘I had to tell you,’ he said, ‘because of her diet and sometimes her energy …’

  ‘How … when did you meet her?’ Shelley interrupted.

  ‘A few weeks ago at Sam’s. She’s Michelle’s best friend.’

  Shelley nodded, though she wasn’t really taking it in. Her son, her beautiful, talented, insanely eligible boy who could have anyone he wanted, had fallen in love with a girl who was dying. How could she be happy for that? How could any mother? It was going to break his heart.

  Looking at him, she could see now that it already was. His pain, his helplessness, and all the terrible feelings that must go with loving someone he already knew he was going to lose, were etched all over him.

  ‘Oh Josh,’ she murmured, and going to him, she took one of his hands in hers and held it tight. ‘How long does she have?’ she asked.

  ‘We’re not sure. Maximum a year, unless they find a new heart for her.’

  ‘And will they?’

  ‘No one knows.’

  Realizing he had all his hopes invested in that one terrifyingly unpredictable scenario, she slipped an arm round him and pulled his head to her shoulder.

  ‘I have to ask this,’ she said softly, ‘as your mother and someone who knows you so well. Are you sure this isn’t …’

  ‘Don’t go there, Mum,’ he cautioned. ‘I swear, it isn’t about rescuing her, though God knows I wish I could. I’m a vet, not a doctor, or a miracle worker. The way I feel about her …’ He broke off, apparently done with trying to put all his complicated emotions into words.

  ‘Does she feel the same about you?’ she asked tenderly.

  ‘Yes, she does.’ After a while he said, ‘Tell me this, if you’d known at the outset that you were going to lose Dad when he was so young, would you still have married him?’

  Shelley’s eyes closed as she considered the question, in spite of already knowing the answer. ‘Of course,’ she whispered. ‘The time I had with him would always be better than no time at all.’

  He swallowed hard. ‘That’s how I feel about Vivienne.’

  She absorbed the words and their beautiful, but tragic meaning and rested her head against his. ‘Then we must do everything in our power, to make her – to make you both – as happy as we can, for as long as we can.’

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  VIVIENNE

  Present Day

  ‘You’re looking rather lovely,’ Gina commented, as Vivienne came into the kitchen wearing a strappy floral dress that showed her lightly tanned shoulders and floated airily about her skinny knees. She’d also defined her eyes with mascara, coated her lips with a pale pink gloss, and her still-damp blonde locks were drying into random, lively waves.

  Glancing up from the text she was reading, Vivi couldn’t hold back her smile when she saw the sparkle of a tease in her mother’s eyes.

  ‘I’m just wondering when you’re going to tell me about him?’ Gina prompted wryly.

  Though Vivi’s impulse was to feign puzzlement, the fact that her mother didn’t appear to have an issue with there being someone special made her realize how much she wanted to confide in her. ‘He’s wonderful,’ she tried not to gush, but she felt such a rush of happiness that she almost sobbed on the relief and joy of being able to say it.

  Gina came to hug her, saying, ‘I wouldn’t have expected him to be anything else.’ Pulling back, she looked searchingly into Vivi’s eyes. ‘Does he know about …?’

  ‘Ye
s, he does. He has from the start and …’ She took a breath at the feel of an unsteady beat in her heart. Not now. Please, please not now, she implored, dreading that her ICD was about to go off. But it had never given a warning before, it just fired volts straight into her, and it wasn’t unusual to feel a slight tremor now and again. So she took another breath and made herself move past it. ‘I can’t say my condition doesn’t make a difference,’ she admitted, ‘because obviously it does, but it’s not getting in the way … I mean, it is … Well, we don’t … He understands that we can’t, but …’ Her eyes shone with incredulous laughter as she said, ‘For some reason that seems to make us even closer.’

  Clearly surprised and relieved to hear it, Gina said, ‘I’m guessing he’s someone you met at Sam and Michelle’s?’

  Vivi nodded. ‘His name’s Josh and he’s … Did I tell you he’s wonderful?’

  Laughing, Gina returned to the shopping list she’d been making when Vivi came in. ‘So do I get to meet him at some point?’ she asked.

  ‘Of course. And I know you’ll love him every bit as much as I do. In fact, he should be here any minute, so you’ll see I’m right. He’s taking me to meet his family today.’

  Gina looked up. ‘Hence the pretty dress and make-up. Well, like I said, you look lovely, better than I’ve seen you in a while, so he’s obviously having a good effect. Where does his family live?’

  ‘They have a farm about fifteen miles inland. Actually, it’s more than just a farm, it’s a kind of community, really. You might have heard of it, or read about it in the paper. It’s called Deerwood.’

  Gina went very still, and as the colour began draining from her face she seemed to stop breathing. ‘No,’ she said shakily. ‘No, you can’t …’ She was so agitated she seemed unaware of what she was saying or doing, and Vivi could only stare at her in bemusement.

  ‘Mum? What …?’

  Gina was shaking her head, putting a hand to it and saying, ‘No. You can’t go there. You …’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Vivi protested.

  ‘You can’t.’ Gina looked around, seeming distressed and disoriented, as though she’d lost the sense of where she was or what she’d been doing. ‘Gil,’ she murmured, ‘I need to speak to Gil,’ and to Vivi’s amazement she suddenly snatched up her bag, ran out to the car, and drove away.

  By the time Josh arrived ten minutes later, Vivi had received so many texts from the GaLs and Michelle wishing her good luck for today that her mother’s odd behaviour was no longer at the front of her mind. She wasn’t even going to think about the vague suspicion she’d held for some time that Gina had a problem where Deerwood was concerned, because whatever it was, Vivi had no intention of allowing it to spoil today. Instead, she simply melted into his embrace. Josh’s dark, expressive eyes showed how much he was loving the way she looked, and how much today was meaning to him too.

  As they drove out of town, heading into the countryside, they kept glancing at one another and smiling, while curling their fingers more tightly together. Even Ellie seemed excited as she whined and panted and grinned for all she was worth in the back.

  ‘I’ll introduce everyone when we get there,’ he told Vivi, ‘but don’t worry about remembering all their names. What’s important to them, and to me, is that they know who you are.’

  Amused by how straightforward it was seeming to him, and determined not to give in to her nerves, she said, ‘Have you told them about me? I mean about my heart.’

  ‘Yes, and you don’t need to worry. My mother understands how I feel about you, and she accepts that whatever time we have together matters far more than anything else.’

  Vivi swallowed drily. Was his mother just saying that because she’d realized it was what he wanted to hear, and that he probably wouldn’t tolerate any other kind of response? She guessed she’d find out soon enough. ‘Have you ever taken anyone to meet them before?’ she asked, accepting that she was likely to be weighed up for comparison if he had.

  His eyebrows arched. ‘Once or twice, but not since I’ve been back from South Africa.’

  ‘Does that mean you haven’t been involved with anyone in all that time?’

  ‘No, it just means that there hasn’t been anyone I’ve wanted to take home.’ He laughed. ‘I hope you’re not going to end up regretting the experience; there are so many of us, and my nieces and nephews can be pretty full on. I include my cousin, Perry’s, children in that, because his are probably the noisiest.’

  ‘What about the residents? Will they be there?’

  ‘Some will be around, I’m sure, but most have gone on a day trip to Salisbury Plain.’

  ‘And your sister Zoe is still in California?’

  ‘She is, and my aunt Kat will be running the Farmer’s Table, which is what we call the shop, but she’s going to close up early today so she won’t miss out on meeting you.’

  Vivi looked at him again, and as he lifted her fingers to his lips she let go of her nerves and allowed the moment to become all about them. She could feel the most wonderful fluttering sensations in her heart, and knowing they were wholly emotional and nothing to be afraid of she brought his hand to her lips too, and kissed each of his fingertips in turn. The eroticism of this small intimacy was as powerful as anything she’d felt before, maybe even more so, and it almost made her fearful of what it might be like if they really could make love.

  Maybe it would happen one day, maybe her recovery would progress far enough for her to risk it, for it even to be approved – certainly it had happened for others. She’d read about it online: in some cases it was recommended as gentle exercise, with the emphasis on gentle, and a reducer of stress, so she wasn’t giving up hope. But it wasn’t going to happen today, so she turned to watch the passing fields and hedgerows, so vivid and inviting in the summer sunshine that she felt she could drink them in for ever.

  ‘This is where our land begins,’ he told her, as he edged the Land Rover over a narrow crossroads and began driving through a new swathe of meadows that looked very like the ones they’d just passed through.

  ‘Are they your sheep?’ she asked, spotting a few fat creamy bundles in a nearby field.

  ‘They are,’ he confirmed. ‘I’m not sure where all the others are, but they’ll be meandering around somewhere.’

  ‘What about the horses? Are they yours?’

  He glanced in the direction she was pointing and said, ‘Those two are Hanna’s, she’s a keen showjumper, and there are six more who stable with us. Presumably they’re out with their owners, or back at the farm.’

  ‘Along with all the pigs, goats, chickens and … What else do you have?’

  ‘Geese, ducks, ponies, guinea pigs, and whatever else my nieces and nephews have recently rescued. They’re big on rescue – I guess it runs in the family, because they actively go out looking for any living thing that might be in distress, insects included. Actually, we have a real live Bambi with us at the moment, unless Nate returned him to his mother this morning. She’s been waiting in the woods nearby since we brought him in. Poor thing got hit by a car. The woman who ran into him rang the RSPCA, who contacted me, so we were able to get to him in time. OK, here we are,’ he announced, and turning in through a gateless entrance with a Deerwood Farm and Shop sign to one side and a table of fresh fruit and veg the other, he waved out to the youngsters manning the stall and started along a narrow winding track.

  Aware of her nerves returning, Vivi covered his hand on the gearstick and took several quiet breaths. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so apprehensive, or aware of the stark reality of her situation trying to close in on her. There was a fleeting moment recalling her mother’s bizarre agitation when she and Vivi had passed through here, but then it was gone again. In its place was only him and this incredible, almost surreal small village they were passing through …

  ‘The three red-brick buildings on the left,’ Josh explained, ‘are where the residents stay, if they’re not camping out somewher
e else on the farm. Then we have the artisan centre coming up on the right, where just about anything happens from carpentry, to rope-making, to blacksmithing, to pottery … Name the trade, it probably goes on in there at some point. There’s a small gym on the mezzanine, and a basketball court at the back. Next we have the studio for those who are interested in painting, dancing, singing, basically anything to do with the arts. They put on plays or concerts, attend lectures or debates … The stone barn next to it is where my grandparents live, at the far end, and Hanna and her family are spread out around the rest of it. Beyond that is the main barn, with all its attendant coops, sties, pens and sheds – and right ahead of you is the farmhouse.’

  As Vivienne looked at it she could feel herself all but melting into its midsummer beauty. It seemed so settled and welcoming in the heart of its full-blooming sunflowers and hollyhocks, with climbing jasmine crowding white window frames and cascades of petunias and fuchsias overflowing their hanging baskets. The rose-covered porch arched over a half-open stable door, and as they drew closer she made out a small sign, written in a child’s hand, saying, Granny’s House.

  ‘Of course it’s at its best right now,’ Josh remarked drily as she turned to him, enchantment glowing in her eyes. He grinned and got out of the car, and leaving his door open for Ellie to follow he came around to the other side. ‘Are you ready for this?’ he murmured, slipping his hands round her waist, apparently wanting to help her down.

  Not at all sure she was now they were here, she allowed him to lift her to the ground, and felt strangely as though she was landing in the middle of a dream. She closed her eyes in an effort to centre herself, and felt his hand touch her neck as he said, ‘It’ll be fine, I promise. They’re going to love you.’

  For no reason she could think of, she was suddenly afraid and even ashamed of what she was bringing to Josh’s life. No matter what his mother had said, she was unlikely to feel happy about it, but for his sake she, and the rest of his family, were going to welcome her to their home and pretend that everything was just as it should be.