Crap Shoot

by Richard Johnson

  ***

  ”You Fucking bitches!” Amber swore as the group returned. “I am so sore it hurts to pee! If it wasn’t for Gabe..”

  Gabriela just sat there, smiling and sipping a glass of wine. “I still got it. Damn good for an old broad!”

  “Your insides must be made of leather!” Amber snapped.

  “I love you too dear.”

  The rest ran for the bedroom to find Arlin tied, naked and spread-eagled to the bed. “I lost count of how many sleeping pills we pumped into him over the last couple days. Every time he starts to wake up, one of us climbs on and the other feeds him wine and pills until he cums and falls asleep. By the way, we had to get more rope, he broke free three times and ruined a set of expensive police handcuffs.”

  “So that’s what a man looks like,” Sarah was staring at something not his face. “Damn! I missed my chance.”

  Understanding dawned, “You’re a virgin?” Barbara asked. “And you were willing….”

  “I wanted it to be special. I figured that, … well I’m nothing like Amber. She’s beautiful and built and all the boys want her and she never went to any dance alone. I was always the girl they settled for when they couldn’t get her to look at them. I just wanted to be.. wanted.”

  “Oh sweetie,” Gabriela held her. “He would have killed you. But cheer up. Once in space, we’ll make it special. Candles, music, romance. It’ll be wonderful.”

  “It won’t be the same. Doing this would have been important.”

  Amber went to her, “Sarah, it wouldn’t have been special. It would have hurt like hell, you would have bled like a pig and you wouldn’t have had any time to recover and heal before you had to do the whole painful act again. Trust me on this. I know. It was a year before I stopped swearing at my boyfriend for what he did to me and a year after that before I tried again. Arlin is only my second man and my third time. And I’d have died if Gabe hadn’t jumped in and saved me.”

  ‘You? But you’re beautiful! All the boys want you.”

  “So that makes me a slut? No Sarah, they don’t know I exist. They wanted bragging rights about bagging the head cheerleader and most popular rich girl. None of them wanted me.”

  “But you had everything.”

  “What I had was brains, and beauty and money and anything I ever wanted. I had a horse on my fourteenth birthday and a corvette for aceing my driving test. When I turned sixteen, I toured Europe. I had everything but one thing, love. No one really loved me. That’s why I’m here. When Kay and Yuri chose you and Gabe I knew that here was someplace where beauty and money didn’t count, where I would have to work for what I got and not have some horny boy or teacher hand it to me because I filled out a sweater. I know to you it sounds like bitter apples, the poor beautiful rich girl crying because she has everything but Sarah, when you can have anything you want, nothing is important. Here, these last couple days, I actually had to work for something. Arlin didn’t care that I was beautiful and young and rich. I had to work and I hurt so bad down there! Damn I feel good about that. So, Kay, what’s next?”

  “I think we can load him aboard the Myship and leave and be a hundred light years away before he wakes up. Then he will probably allow us to stay. Or he will throw us out the airlock and if so, I’d rather he did it where there is air to breathe.”

  Yuri suggested that, “If we let him wake up here, maybe the thought of being marooned forever will make him listen to reason.”

  From then on they played cards, video games and talked, no one wanting to leave in case he woke up. Barbara glanced in, “Doesn’t he ever go soft? That’s the fourth hard-on today. I wish my ex was like that.” She commented wistfully.

  “You are more than welcome to jump on and have fun.” Kay commented, “raise you.. five. Arlin loves waking up that way. Well, call or raise!”

  Barbara thought that was disgusting. Not that she hadn’t done that when she was married, it as just unladylike to do so while your friends were in the next room and watching you act like a whore. She as beginning to have second thoughts about this job.

  “It does look attractive though,” Gabriela glanced in. “Somehow I thought alien men would be… more?”

  “All Weir are like that.” Yuri commented, “See and raise three. They are all shorter than Earthmen and built the same or smaller than humans. I don’t know. I heard someplace that six inches is average but don’t have any experience other than the Baths on Sothis. Everyone bathes together and the sauna’s are co-ed so I saw a lot of naked Weir men but few were hard and none giants like in the movies.” Then seeing the looks, “Hey, the girls dorm would rent porn flicks and make jokes about them. I saw Ron Jeremy on TV.”

  Gabriela laughed. “If six inches is average, I met damn few who were. I think the stats lie. You know like if you ask a hundred women how much they weigh, we all will take twenty pounds off our true weight and that’ll screw up the averages to make even an normal weight woman seem fat. I never met a man who didn’t lie about his size. My husband was like Arlin and insisted he was eight inches. Hardly! Call.”

  “Well he hurt so much if he’s average, I’m glad I’m not a size-queen. Fold.” Amber tossed her cards down.

  “So no ‘tall, dark and handsome’ on alien planets?” Sarah asked.

  “Short, dark and handsome is more like it. You’re as tall as most of them. Arlin says that Demons like smaller tech-slaves because they get into the tight places easier. The women though… all built with huge breasts.” Kay added. “I was a small C and Yuri a B when we were human. Now I’m probably a D with Yuri close. And they never grow old, ever. They call us ‘dayflies’ because humans die in sixty to eighty years. Arlin will look young when he is four hundred. A Weir woman who is four-hundred fifty years old and has had a couple dozen children still looks like Amber. No wrinkles, no stretch-marks, no sagging. Young and perfect for centuries. Made me feel totally inadequate. Nothing!” Kay tossed her cards too.

  “Now THAT is depressing,” Barbara commented and poured herself another glass of wine.

  Arlin started to wake up again and finally as it turned dark, was awake enough to look around. “Where am I? Oh, you two.” He had an accent but spoke English well. “I don’t really play these games so if you’ll untie me please we can ….” He stopped as Amber and Gabriela snapped a number of handcuffs on his limbs, his tail so tied that it couldn’t move either as Gabe whispered, “relax sweetie. You were great but we need to talk and think that this will keep your attention. Ready!”

  Arlin saw the two enter, then struggled and gave up, “What the damn happened to you? And where is my ship?”

  “Arlin, please relax and listen to what we have to say, then we’ll release you and if you want to leave, you can.”

  Arlin relaxed. It was that Weir acceptance that made them such excellent slaves to the Demons at work. He’d relax, accept the inevitable, listen and then act later. He wasn’t capable of deceit which made him a terrible criminal.

  “Arlin,” Kay started. “After we were hurt and you gave us that transfusion and put us in that tank, your blood changed us. Maybe it reacted with the regeneratives and overrode our DNA but when we came out, we were already changing inside. You know how crazy you go when you don’t get sex for a month and are about to die? We were like that. So when you made that crack, we overreacted because of the change and … you know.”

  “But we want to make amends, make things right. So we came back and arraigned to let you find us. Can we put the past behind and start over? Please?”

  “And them?” He motioned with his head when he realized that he couldn’t with hand or tail.

  Yuri explained to him, “We figured that if we approached you, you’d just kill us and leave our bodies to science. So we thought up this plan to relax you until you were willing to listen. These are Sarah Curtis, Barbara Arndt and you know Amber Driscoll and Gabriela Cardenas. We hired them to help crew the Myship with shares and all. Plus, y
ou know Kay and I are in love, they will take over that job too.”

  “Until your Need arises too,” he murmured. “What about the skin?” Arlin had a light brown skin and black hair. It hadn’t occurred to the women to ask why Arlin was normal colored but the former Earth-women had green skin.

  “We had an accident with some paint on Glamdering. The stupid paint stained our skin and ruined our clothes. We’re hoping that it’ll come off eventually.”

  “And the hair?”

  “Dye job. I thought red went with the green better than my natural blonde. I can change it back.”

  “No need, I’m still not certain what I will do yet. Can I get up, I need to use the toilet.”

  “Are we safe?” Yuri asked.

  “For now. I’ll let you know what I decide.” Kay nodded and as Gabe and Amber unlocked the handcuffs, the others began to untie his limbs. Then stretching, the women backing away even though at five-ten Sarah matched him in height and Barbara was an inch taller, still…. “Where?”

  Amber pointed and as he left and closed the door behind, Yuri and Kay gathered the women together and whispered, “This is good! We are still alive and together. I think it’s working.”

  “Dye job? It doesn’t match.” Barbara commented. “It looks like a tan on a natural redhead.”

  “I know but blonde looked worse. I couldn’t get the dye off my skin so did the best I could.”

  “We’ll work on it. Now, we are alive, together and what’s next?”

  “He’s a guy, we let him think it over until he can convince himself that it was his idea.” Amber offered, then seeing their looks, “What? I was Valedictorian in my school when I graduated and was offered full scholarships to a dozen schools. Did you think that I‘m stupid because I’m rich and beautiful? _Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus_ It’s a good book.”

  Kay suggested, “Keep a few things in mind. First he is easily twice as strong as any Earthly man and three times as strong as any of you. He’s faster, stronger and potentially more violent than anyone you will ever meet on Earth. Second, he’s a criminal. We two turned him into one so murder is now an option to him. Third, he has access to technology that can turn a city into slag and kill an army and leave not a single trace of their existence. If he decides to kill us, no one will ever know nor will there be the slightest trace of our bodies.

  “Now for the good news, He’s a decent guy who doesn’t like violence. I think the Demons chose peaceful people for their slaves. I suppose it isn’t productive to have the slaves always revolting so they are really easy to get along with. And he will let things go. He’s very forgiving. And his people are so damn polite that that they’ll apologize before killing you. That’s why we had you seduce him. He would be too polite to proposition a stranger on another planet.

  “I think we won already, we just have to be polite and relax and let him come to us.”

  Soon they heard the shower running and Yuri returned to the bedroom to collect and fold his clothes. Knocking on the door, she called in, “Would you like your clothes?”

  “Yes, thank you” was the reply so she entered, lay then on the toilet and left, closing the door. She gave the group the ‘ok’ sign which was strange as she had a thumb where normal people had a small finger. Then both she and Kay relaxed.

  Barbara whispered, “how can you be so calm right now. A moment ago you were terrified that he would kill us all. Now we’re best friends?”

  Yuri smiled at the naivety and explained, “When you deal with aliens, you have to accept that their ways and motives ARE alien. Just because he looks superficially human doesn’t mean that he thinks like a human. Arlin understand people after a fashion because his ancestors were human, but he isn’t. So we accept him as he is and not as we think he should be. We are alive because Weir don’t do cold-blooded murder. They may challenge you to a duel or kill you on the spot. But they don’t plan to murder someone later on like on TV. That’s a human trait. Also they are very forgiving. Given a choice between running away or standing and fighting, they’d rather run away. So to live with each other, they forgive and forget. They rarely hold a grudge, especially when they are in constant contact. They are telepathic. So if we had a grudge against him, he’d estann it and insist we work it out because not solving the problem would be like being locked in a cage with someone you hate and who is always fighting with you, always picking a fight no matter what. Arlin cannot help it, he’s made that way so he’s already forgiven us. All we need to do is to convince him to take you on too. Or not maroon us unless he can change us back.”

  Gabe asked “you learned this all in the last five years?”

  “I learned it over my entire life. We all have issues or we’d not be here. Kay was terrified to tell her parents she was gay and face their wrath. Amber faced an endless stream of people who looked at her face and body and couldn’t see the person within. Sarah had the same problem from the opposite side. Me? I was born in Osaka. My parents died when I was five and I was ‘saved’ by some missionaries who brought me to America. Then I was tossed from foster home to foster home. I was beaten if I spoke Japanese or even used a Japanese accent. Oh god, how many beatings I suffered until I learned to pronounce the letter ‘L’! I spent every night on my knees being forced to thank god for killing my parents so I could be saved and go to Heaven.

  “When Arlin took us in, he asked to learn Japanese and encouraged me to speak it. He asked about my parents and insisted that they were worthy of respect. Drakonans are Ancestor Worshippers. Clan and Family are important to them and he helped me learn to respect my parents and heritage. For an Empire that forces immigrants to dump their birth culture and religion like a rock, they do enforce respect for family and ancestors.

  “So going into space was simply like coming to America, only the people out there were just as strange but a lot more polite and respectful. Yes, Arlin expected sex from us but he gave us self respect. He allowed us to be lovers and to hold hands in public. He never forced us to be anything we couldn’t be. I guess because of that we’ll always respect him and maybe even love him a little.”

  Arlin came out then, dressed, pulling a chair to him with his tail and reached for a glass which was quickly filled with wine by Kay. He stared at it, “It’s ok Arlin,” Kay offered so he drank it and asked, “Another please. Thank you.” Then settling back, asked, “Now the story again please.”

  Kay began, “Well, remember how we were zapped and were dieing? You gave us a transfusion of your blood and bone morrow and put us in the Tank for repairs. Something happened. I think…, we think that since the Tank was programmed for Weir bodies, it scanned us, detected your DNA and altered ours to match because it saw our being human as another injury to fix. We came out bitchy, cranky, aching all the time and with a migraine that wouldn’t quit.”

  Yuri continued, “We thought we were dieing and asked to die on Earth, well, when we arrived, our bodies and mind and emotions were going so crazy that when you insisted on sex with me, Kay got so jealous that she drugged your tea and we tossed you out the airlock. Then we panicked and left. That night when we calmed down and were planning to return to get you, the tails popped out and the changes accelerated and we got worse and worse and basically stopped feeling guilty.

  “We tried to live normally but Arlin, you kept us honest. I know that sounds strange but you grounded us and so we tried to rob Marduk.”

  Arlin almost dropped his glass, “Marduk?” They nodded.

  K: “We got in and almost got the Crystal then something happened, we got sprayed and the alarms went off and we were blind and had to get out using these new senses we don’t know how to use and I still don’t know how we managed to get out and away. It was a day before we could see and we were green!”

  Y: “Arlin, I know this sounds like we are trying to… but the truth is we feel sorry about dumping you on Earth. And we need you to return us to human or teach us how to be Weir. You were
born like this. I have to force myself to move my tail before I sit and the first week I was sticking it in the toilet and fouling it every time.”

  K: “And get Marduk off our ass.”

  Arlin took another drink, his hand shaking a bit, “I can see Kay doing this but why you, Yuri?”

  Y: “I was terrified!”

  “Of me?”

  Y: “No, of course not. Of loosing myself. Arlin, I’m Japanese, not American. When I was brought to America as a child I was forced to throw away my family, my language, my culture, everything that made me what I was. I had to pretend to be something else. Then when this happened,” She raised her hands and tail, “I was afraid that I’d have to stop being human like I had to stop being Japanese. That’s why I went along with it.”

  Kay saw Arlin Looking at her, “I know you people don’t care because you sleep with anything but I love Yuri. She loves me. At first it was hard knowing she was with you. When we three were together it was bearable but every time you chose her, it got harder and harder. Every time she came back to me smelling of you, I just wanted to hit the bulkhead so hard… It was killing me Arlin. I had to take it but I didn’t have to like it and when the Change came, all my anger and frustrations broke free. That’s why I drugged you and dropped you on Earth. That’s why we brought these women in. A variety so you won’t mind loosing me and Yuri. They take over the sex-duty and also we did need help running the ship.”

  Arlin leaned back, thought and said, “I can accept that. I don’t know if we can change you back to human, I’m not even certain I can get rid of the green skin dye, but I’ll try. But for now, the big problem is avoiding Marduk. If he tracks you here, he can devastate Earth before Star Fleet arrives. He’s a pirate and has no respect for the Non-Interference policy.”

  “You guys really do have a Non-Interference Policy?” Sarah asked.

  “Yes, but Star Trek got it backwards. The policy isn’t to let you grow without hindrance, it’s to let them avoid contamination.” Yuri explained. “America has this idea of Manifest Destiny where they want to rule the world. They don’t say ‘rule’ but that is your goal and you even think you are doing the right thing. You refuse to learn other languages and expect us to learn English. You want the Dollar to be accepted everywhere but you won’t accept the Yen or Lira or Mark. You want your clothing to be the world-norm and want us to toss our national dress away. You want us all to be Americans. You even call your President the ‘Leader of the Free World’ but forget that no one elected him to that post. He just walked in, took it and demanded that everyone call him that. And if anyone argues, you invade them, kill their leader and put a puppet on the throne. You see it as ‘ensuring American Interests’, the rest of the world sees it as ‘American Imperialism’.” Yuri explained with some distaste. “What those missionaries and my foster parents did to me, your country is trying to do to the rest of the world. And you ALL think you are doing it out of love!” She yelled that last sentence.

  Kay continued, “We think we are doing the world a favor but they see it differently. So if we move out into space and try to do that to another planet, they’ll simply destroy Earth to save themselves. Star Trek, Babylon 5, all the space shows show America meeting aliens and within a few years our technology is equal or better than theirs and we save the universe from the evil Shadows or Klingons or whomever who have had space travel for a thousand years. But the truth is that if we reach space and advance, they will be advancing too. By the time we catch up with them as they are now, they will have advanced a million years beyond us. We’ll never catch up. Arlin’s people will never catch up with the Demons even though the Demons take people like Arlin and teach then everything they know. By the time Arlin gets back and teaches his people everything he learned, it’s already obsolete and by the time they get it into production, it’s like an Indian being shanghaied onto a Galleon then by the time he teaches the other Indians how to make Galleons and they can do so, England has steam-powered steel ships. By the time the Indians can make an 18th century iron-clad, England has nuclear subs. They’ll never catch up and neither will we.”

  Arlin added, “So the solution is to seal Earth off until you are civilized enough to be peaceful. The galaxy can handle a few people like Kay and Yuri and even you all but not entire nations. And the best way is to keep our identities a secret. If Earth thinks you are alone in the universe, you won’t try to reach out before you are civilized.”

  Gabriela asked then, “Isn’t your flying around and letting the world photograph you revealing you to us?”

  Y: “Normally yes, but what proof is there? A few photos? Anyone can do that. Lucas and Spielberg make a fortune doing that. All Starfleet has to do is to is fake a movie or such, let people think it is a conspiracy or a practical joke and… That’s why we played the bimbos, to confuse matters even more.”

  K: “like fur shure,” Kay mimicking a valley-girl. “Like space travel is so totally cool, like you get to see really gross aliens but can’t get a cappuccino anywhere. Who would believe ‘that’ could fly a starship?”

  Gabriela came over and asked, “Arlin, I know we had a strange beginning, but my name is Gabriela Cardenas. I’m forty-four, middle-aged for human which makes me about four-hundred seventy by your standards. I’m divorced with three grown kids and I can get really mean when I PMS. I spent five years in jail for beating my husband when I was in that mood but I can usually control it. I don’t have much of a life here other than occasionally visit my grown kids who are too busy to call or write and even less occasionally play with my grandkids. And this seems like a second chance to me. Especially with all these kids here, I think a mature woman will be a good influence. So, I’d like to come along with you.” Arlin took her hand, kissed the palm and folded it to give a gentle squeeze. Gabe knew that she had been hired.

  Amber was next, “Arlin, you know me. I think you.. well, god I feel like some stupid bitch trying to impress a jock. Arlin, I had everything growing up and never had to work for anything. I think you won’t care and will see me for what I really am. I’m smart, willing to work hard and want to try. Just be gentle with me next time until I get used to sex.” She laughed. He kissed her hand too.

  “I’m Sarah Curtis, Professional Catholic Schoolgirl.” She laughed, “Every ship needs a sense of humor. Honestly, I was supposed to be with Amber but Gabe jumped in because I was out of state. I am smart or I wouldn’t be here, I read volumes of Science Fiction and am a Trekker, not a Trekkie so have wanted this all my life.” Then as an afterthought, quickly, “Oh yes, I’m a virgin so be gentle with me because I am really anxious to learn and am sorry I wasn’t here earlier.”

  “I’m Barbara Arndt, the other old broad at thirty-three. I’m not certain I want to be here but maybe I need to be here. All this crime stuff and sleeping with young girls bothers me but Yuri and Kay say that your race has different standards so maybe I need to learn that. You see, I’ve never been more than a few dozen miles from the town I was born and raised in. I never even saw a black person until I was an adult and Yuri and Kay are the first lesbians I met. So I’ve lived a very sheltered life with very strict and now I see, narrow values. I was married at sixteen and divorced last year when my husband dumped me for some young bimbo at the truck-stop. It won’t be easy for either if us and I’ll be judgmental and opinionated but.. well, I figure that if I do this, maybe when I get back to Earth, I can help us grow up a little.”

  “So, Arlin,” Kay asked, “We chose the best we could find under difficult circumstances and I think we did a damn good job. The ship is stocked with food and books and even a bunch of sex-toys so if you want to throw anyone off, do it now because we need to get away and draw Marduk away from Earth real fast.”

  “Yuri, Kay, I know how much the sex part of your duties bothered you. I know up here,” he touched his head and heart, “but don’t understand it here,” he touched his stomach. “I tried to hold off as long as I could and sought others
as often as was possible. I’m glad you took the effort to find replacements. The rest of you ladies, I like to think I am accommodating. But remember that I am not human and don’t think like a human so please do not expect me to act rationally by your standards.”

  “Sounds like a typical man to me,” Gabe laughed. “Arlin, Barbara and I are used to men, believe me we don’t expect you to make any sense.”

  Arlin stared with total incomprehension then continued, “The biggest problem is that we need to get along well and that means accept each other’s differences and quirks. If someone offends you, it is probably not deliberate but an accident so talk to the person, explain the problem and they will try to change and you will try to accept. Like some people see eating everything on your plate as polite, others see the same act as an insult. So if anyone offends, be polite and ask and explain and we will try to accommodate each other. If not, we will be happy to leave you on whatever planet you wish even if we have to return here for you.”

  Arlin stood and said, “Grab what you need, let’s load up and Kay, don’t do that to me again.”

  She kissed him and said, her arms still around his neck, “I won’t. Ok guys, let’s move it out.” Then to Barbara, “I told you he was forgiving. You don’t have to worry about us now.”

  Barbara called out, “Hey Arlin, if you knew that sleeping with Yuri was bothering Kay, why the hell didn’t you just hire a straight women for the crew years ago and prevent all this trouble?”

  Arlin looked at her then said, “Because they never told me that it bothered them that much and they never asked me to find another woman.”

  Barbara froze and Amber whispered as she passed, “He’s a man! Unless you hit him with a 2 x 4, he thinks everything is fine. How long were you married and never learned that?” then she walked on laughing, “This is going to be a hoot!”