After Care

by L. B. Dunbar

  “What the fuck were you thinking?” Tommy snapped. “Giving an underaged girl alcohol, not to mention a girl your bandmate has interest in?” He grabbed Petty by the collar and dragged him upward. Jared stood, trying to get his arm between his bandmate and their manager.

  “Let go of him, Tommy,” Jared pleaded, attempting to push back at the older man.

  “I’m sick of his shit,” Tommy snapped.

  “Then quit!” Jared hollered, and suddenly I realized Tommy’s bad mood had to do with much more than me.

  “You wish,” Tommy barked back.

  “Do it,” Jared demanded.

  “You know he can’t,” Gage said, still holding back West. “And you don’t mean that, Jared.”

  I watched in wonder, not understanding any of what I heard.

  “I do mean it, Gage. I’m tired of his old man ways and knocking around Petty. It isn’t necessary.”

  “Jared,” Gage warned.

  “No, I’ve had enough. You know my reasons, and he does, too,” Jared said, glaring back at their manager. Tommy released Petty instantly, swiping a hand through his hair. He stepped back and looked at me, his eyes wide.

  “Apologize,” Gage demanded.

  “Fuck off,” Jared replied, but it was then that I noticed Tommy and Gage were locked in a stare down.

  Tommy swiped a hand through his hair again, looking out over the balcony.

  “Family always says sorry,” Gage demanded, and I remembered this hint of why Ivy was adamant Gage apologize to me.

  “I’m sorry, Petty. You know I love you although you piss me off.” The words were stated harshly but contrite.

  “Jared,” Gage commanded.

  “No,” Jared said. “He’s been a fuck-off all day, and I’m tired of it.” Jared grabbed the bottle of Jack and stalked across the patio, entering the living area. Gage stepped forward as if to follow his best friend but Tommy stopped him.

  “Just leave him be. He’s right.”

  “He didn’t mean he wanted you to quit,” Gage said.

  “He did. But he also knows you need me too much for a while longer.” He wasn’t arrogant. He just seemed to be stating a fact. This band was rising to the top from what I’d been told, but they weren’t there yet. This was going to be their year, Tommy had explained to me.

  “We’d never get rid of you,” Gage said, his eyes lowering. Tommy slowly nodded, twisting his lips.

  “You might.” At this, Ivy stood to speak, but Gage wrapped an arm around her waist. He muttered something in her ear, and her open mouth shut. She looked at her uncle with sad eyes, and I wondered what all I was missing. West still stood next to Gage, released from being held back. Silence swirled around us, so I spoke to West.

  “I think my daughter might be waiting,” I whispered, although it was loud enough for them all to hear. He looked at me, blinked once, and ran for the door. Despite the tension, I had to giggle. Gage shook his head behind Ivy, and she smiled back at me.

  “And you.” Tommy pointed at Petty. “Apologize to Edie for getting her daughter drunk. Then you owe West and Masie an explanation.” He waved his hand as if dismissing Petty, who stood, muttered a weak I’m sorry, and left the patio as well. Gage tugged Ivy toward the living room, which left Tommy and me alone. We stood at a crossroads. He swiped through his hair and fell back into the chair.

  “I’m sorry you had to see all that, darlin’.” I sighed with relief that he’d called me darlin’, and instantly, my heart screamed you’re forgiven, but I still wanted the words.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, lowering myself to the couch seat at his left.

  “It’s been a shit day,” he said, throwing back his head, and staring up at the sky again.

  “Why?”

  His head sprang forward. “First, my girl wasn’t in my bed. Then she doesn’t have time to talk to me. Next, I’ve got to spend the day with these ungrateful fuckers, trying to figure out a plan for when we return. Which reminds me we’re leaving soon and brings me back to you not being in my bed.”

  I stared in disbelief. What?

  “You freaked out about…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “You know.” I wiggled a hand before me.

  “Not gonna lie, I did. But then I fell asleep, and you snuck away.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  “I did.” I held up my phone to show there were no messages. He pressed the button labelled recent and showed me the eight attempts to call me.

  “Why didn’t you leave a message?”

  “And say what?” he snapped, anger still coursing through him.

  “I don’t know, like, hey, I freaked out and I’m sorry. Or don’t worry, I’m sure it can’t happen.”

  Tommy slowly sat forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, clasping his hands.

  “Why can’t it happen?” His voice was low as he asked.

  “Because I had cancer.” His head shot up as he blinked at me. “And because I’m too old.” My voice rose.

  “Edie, beautiful, you are not old, and even with cancer, stranger things have happened. Even if you were pregnant, do you think that’s why I freaked out?”

  “Of course,” I shrilled, letting my hand slap my thigh.

  He sat up and scratched at the scruff under his chin. “Darlin’, you getting pregnant might make me the happiest man in the world, but here’s the thing that freaked me out: if it happened, I’d still be me. I’d still have to travel and follow these asses all over the world, and I’m sensing you’ve already been that route, of being alone as a parent. I couldn’t do that to you, but I can’t quit them.”

  “You thought all that in sixty seconds?” Silence fell between us. The ocean waves rustled in the background. I lowered my eyes and picked at the hem of my sundress. There was a compliment in those words, but there was also something unsaid. If something happened to me, he’d want to be involved, and that meant a lot to me. The thought was sweet. I nodded and gave a soft snort before responding again to him.

  “I’m not worried.” That’s all I had to add. I wasn’t. He tipped his head, directing me to come to him, and I stood. I stopped before him, and his hands grabbed the back of my knees, forcing me to straddle him. I cupped his face after I sat on his lap.

  “It’s been a shit day, Edie.” Calling me by my name emphasized the seriousness. “And I’ve missed you.” His mouth reached up for mine, slowly dragging my lips with his. A tug. A peck. Then his tongue pressed forward, and he was in his capturing mode where he conquered my mouth and demanded my tongue. I kissed him back as if it had been weeks instead of hours. I’d missed him, too. Missed him so much, I wanted my kiss to give him all the words I couldn’t say. I wanted him to feel how much I missed him.

  “No more freak-outs, darlin’,” he muttered to my lips, although I’m not certain if he meant me or if he was reminding himself. “It wastes precious time,” he said between kisses.

  “Then we better make up for it,” I replied back with my lips pressed to his. He stood with me in his lap and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I let out a yelp as his hands hooked under my thighs and he hitched me upward.

  “You can’t carry me,” I laughed, still holding his cheeks, as he stood with me latched onto him.

  “I’d carry you to the ends of the earth and back, darlin’, as long as you keep kissing me.”

  I kissed him again while he stood with me wrapped around him, but eventually, he set me down. We decided it would be faster. That way, we could race to his room.

  10

  Sway with me

  Sitting in the warm tub, I looked up as Tommy entered the bathroom, a glass of wine in his hand.

  “Thank you, baby. This is sweet,” I said, looking up at him, and his face split with a smile. He sat on the closed toilet, and I crossed my arms on the edge of the tub after taking a sip from the glass he offered me.

  “You’re sweet,” he said, staring down at me. We smiled at each other a moment, recalling the make-up sex w
e just had. He’d been rougher than before, spurring me with precious words as well as the stiff length of him.

  Can’t get enough.

  Don’t want to let go.

  Missed you all day.

  He was sweet, I amended in my thoughts, and I had the same sentiments as him. I didn’t know how I’d let him go.

  “So,” I hesitated, taking another sip of wine and lowering the glass to the floor outside the tub. “Want to tell me what that was all about with Jared?” Their fight had brought out some negative vibes and ugly words. Tommy shrugged and looked away from me.

  “You know,” I gently pressed. “You can talk to me.” While we didn’t really have that kind of relationship—the kind where lovers with history share other things besides sex—I wanted him to know he could trust me. He’d already told me secrets about Ivy and the history of his sister.

  “Being in a band is like being in a family. Tempers run high. Love digs deep. Hatred can exist although you try to keep it tampered.”

  “Why would Jared hate you?” I asked, slightly aghast at the thought. Tommy seemed to do plenty for the boys, above and beyond what I thought a manager would do.

  “He doesn’t actually, but he resents me. He wanted the band to get everywhere on their own, proving themselves. It stems from his old man, but when my sister died and then Cash killed himself, we were all at a crossroads. Collision had been an opening act for Kit with Colt45. I saw their potential for so much more. I went to them with advice, and Gage asked me to manage them. I didn’t need the money. I didn’t need a job. But I saw what I could do for them. I saw me in them. The young Lawson Colt of Colt45, who wanted to take the world by storm.”

  “You did take the world by storm,” I protested, but Tommy only snorted in response.

  “My band was a mess. Too high, too fast. We crashed, and Kit was there to pick up the pieces.”

  “You said you picked them up for her, with her ex…her whatever…when he overdosed.” I didn’t know if Kit officially married the man who was Ivy’s father, but I recalled that he’d died from drugs.

  “That’s true, too. I guess Kit and I were always there for each other.” His head lowered, and I sensed the memory of his sister haunted him.

  “Anyway, when I saw Gage getting involved with Ivy, pursuing her, I worried. She wasn’t in a good way with her mom dying, and her mother wanting her to finish to school. Taking on the management role meant I could watch over the relationship.”

  “Is that why you won’t quit, like Jared demanded?”

  “No. I won’t quit because I fronted the money for them. I’m their silent producing partner. It’s my money on the line if they don’t succeed.” The generosity and seriousness of this investment was hard to grasp. Curiosity got the best of me.

  “Why did you do it?”

  “Because I knew they needed a break. I wanted to give them the one I never had.” I didn’t fully understand. Tommy Carrigan as Lawson Colt had been very successful in his own right. I sensed he felt like a one-hit-wonder as Colt45, the band from my high school days, but as Kit Carrigan and Chrome Teardrops, they’d been a tremendous success.

  “What am I missing?” I questioned.

  “My dad was a pastor, and he wasn’t a fan of the sinful music I produced. When I left home, I struck out on my own, literally. No support from family until my sister was old enough to escape as well. After all that happened–the struggles of Colt45, the death of Bruce—we realized we had to stick together to make it work. We were our only family.”

  It was sad to me. My parents had always been supportive of my goals, but I had to admit I had nothing so large as being a famous musician on my list of future plans.

  “What was all that family always says sorry stuff? It was sweet, but seemed like it meant something deeper.”

  Tommy sighed and swiped a hand through his hair, looking away again.

  “Ivy and her mom had a huge blow out near the end of Kit’s life. Ivy wanted to stay home to be with Kit. Kit wanted her to finish school. Kit went into cardiac arrest. Ivy thought she’d never have the chance to tell her mother she was sorry for the selfish things she said. When Kit came around, Ivy asked her mother for forgiveness. Family loves unconditionally, Kit told her, knowing how our own father treated us. And family always says sorry, Ivy amended, knowing you can never assume family forgives you. Ivy holds it as a motto with Gage, and it transferred to the band. Gage always considered Collision his family. Him and Jared and Cash were best friends. After losing Cash, where Gage wanted to apologize for all sorts of things that weren’t his fault, he demanded anyone associated with the band apologize to each other when they fought. He never wanted anyone to separate with thoughts of being unforgiven or unloved.”

  “Family loves unconditionally,” I muttered, lowering my chin to my crossed arms on the tub. I admired their closeness, their dedication to each other minus the bonds of blood. They were a special group of people.

  “You’re a lucky man, Mr. Carrigan,” I said. He wiggled his brows and removed the shirt he slipped on to answer the door for room service. He stood and lowered his jeans, exposing his commando style. “What are you doing?” I laughed, sitting straighter in the tub.

  “Enough talking,” he said, a sharp twist to his words. “I am a lucky man, and I want to get lucky again.”

  “That was cheesy,” I said as he stepped behind me in the tub, and I scooted forward. I didn’t have a tub in my condo. The master suite had a ridiculously big double shower that would be enough for more than two people. The kids’ bath had a shower stall. I missed a tub, as a warm bath was a luxury vacations demanded. When I suggested the soak, Tommy obliged. However, I didn’t see how we were both going to fit in this one. Tommy was a solid man.

  “Gonna need to sit up on me, darlin’,” he said, lowering into the tub and scooping up my backside.

  “I can’t sit on you,” I gasped, worried the weight of me laying on him in the tub would be too much. He’d already stretched out his legs and lowered me to rest at his waist. His knees rose and bent while my legs crossed and slipped between his. It was a tight fit but I liked it. I’d never bathed with David.

  Tommy massaged my shoulders as I held his knees. I tipped my head to his shoulder, and he kissed my exposed neck. My eyes closed. Surrounded by warm water, a temperate sensation inside me from the wine, and the heat of Tommy at my back, I was melting into sweet oblivion. Kisses on my neck increased, the pressure of pecks turning into stronger suction and an occasional nip. His hand lowered, brushing over the coarse hair at the top of my legs.

  “Are you hurtin’?” he muttered. “I was a little rough.” Make-up sex had been intense, but I found I liked it as he held my legs in the air, feet at his shoulders, and pounded into me as I lay on the small breakfast table. I wasn’t as flexible as I used to be, but I’d been able to balance. Surprisingly, we hadn’t knocked over the table.

  “I’m good,” I sighed, slipping deeper into peacefulness under his attention. He hardened at my backside, and he jolted when I purred. Tommy adjusted me so the cheeks of my behind straddled the hard length of him.

  “Ever do it like this? In the back door?”

  I sat forward, splashing water like a small tidal wave as I choked. “No.”

  “Ever curious?” He continued, pulling me back to him and returning his mouth to my shoulder.

  “I…I don’t know.” Had I thought about it? Maybe. I mean all the hottest romance novels had it in them, but could I do it? I didn’t know, and I didn’t answer.

  “What about toys? Got a Mr. Bob?”

  “I…” I was about to answer it’s none of your business. I blushed recalling my awkwardness at purchasing such a thing, but then I considered who was asking and wondered: “Why?”

  He chuckled into my neck, as I’d answered his question with my own.

  “Want to know how you’ll get off when you go home.” It was the first time he’d mentioned home, hinting at the separate directions we wou
ld soon take. I didn’t want to think about it. I decided not to answer at all. Suddenly, my hips were gripped with two firm hands and he lifted me, slightly. His dick stood upright, and perched at my entrance.

  “What the…” My voice trailed off, as he slid me over him with no warning. We’d used a condom when we got to his room, but he was bare at the moment. He groaned as he filled me, pressing me forward to accommodate the sudden intrusion. He stilled as I sat over him.

  “Don’t want to think of others getting you off, Edie,” he said, as he started to maneuver my body, lifting and lowering me over him. He slid his knees beneath mine, forcing me to straddle his thighs in a reverse cowgirl style. I gripped the edge of the tub as he continued to move my body in the manner he wanted. I was full in a different way once again. Every time we were together, the sensation was new, the experience original, and I wondered how I’d survived as long as I had without sex like this. I grunted as he started bouncing me up and down over him. The water sloshed and swirled, lapping at the sides of the tub like our skin slapped under water.

  “Fine wine—I like you uncorked.” His voice came out choppy as he slammed me down over him. “I love you uncorked,” he amended, the words coming out on uneven exhales. Was that a declaration? I decided it wasn’t and let him work my body in the way only he could. “Touch yourself, Edie. Get there for me, darlin’.” I did as he asked, my fingers touching myself, but also stroking the length of him as he entered me.

  “Fuck that feels good,” he grunted behind me. He whipped me off of him, and wet warmth jetted over my lower back. Reaching around me, his fingers pushed mine out of the way as he took over attending to me. Slipping into my ripe core and adding his thumb to the mixture, he strummed at me while he squeezed himself behind me. I came almost instantly.

  Resting his head on my shoulder, I pressed back, allowing my head to balance on his.

  I love you, I heard in my head, the words fighting to cross my lips. I love you, damn it, when I knew I shouldn’t.