by L. B. Dunbar
+ + +
The next day we went to watch Caleb’s game. Tommy and West had obtained tickets, and I could only image what favors were pulled to get entrance to the sold-out stadium. We sat mid-section along the first base line, as Caleb was a first baseman. He waved when he saw us and signaled for Tommy and West to approach the dugout. A manly handshake and a slap on the back from Tommy, and the same for West, showed how much of a bond my son had made with these men in such a short time. After Caleb played the New Year’s Eve concert, his love of music renewed, and I noticed he took his guitar with him to training even though it had sat in his room at home during college, untouched. A dream died when he no longer touched those strings. He hid his passion from his not-so-understanding father, eventually dismissing it altogether to concentrate on sports in high school.
David spotted Masie and I, and made his way to our seats. He nodded at me, his eyes drifting away as he sat next to Masie. She was typing on her phone, disinterested in the stats her father read off to her about the players. Tommy and West made their way back to our row, pausing at the end of the aisle for David to stand as customary at a ball game when people have seats in the same row. David eyed the baseball jersey of Caleb’s team that Tommy wore, open and exposing a white T-shirt. West wore a matching one, buttoned up and hanging loosely outside his jeans. A backward baseball cap covered his dark hair. David turned to me.
“What is this?”
“Dad, you met West at dinner, and you already met Tommy,” Masie said as way of intervention. David sat back and twisted his legs, hardly allowing room for West and Tommy to enter the row of narrow stadium seats. Masie and I stood, and I stepped over a space so West could sit between Masie and me. I remained standing, letting Tommy go around me, but he stopped in front of me. Our bodies pressed together in the tight space, and his hand came up so quickly, I hardly registered his intention until after his mouth took mine. The kiss deepened, and I melted into him before I remembered where we were. A flash snapped to my left. Tommy released me, but kept his eyes trained on my lips.
“I think someone just took your picture.”
“I hadn’t noticed.” His lips curled, and he bit the corner. My smile slowly matched his.
“You’re a bad man, Tommy Carrigan,” I teased.
“I think that’s why you like me.” He winked as he finished passing me and folded into his seat. His arm slung behind me over the stadium chair, and he toyed with my shoulder while the team finished their warm-up. David’s eyes bored into the side of my head, but I refused to look at him. He once found me undesirable, but a very desirable man just proved something it took me a long time to accept—David was wrong. My hand came to Tommy’s thigh, and he looked down at it over his jeans.
“Making a statement, darlin’?” he teased. I rolled my head to face him, my smile growing.
“Weren’t you?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely, beautiful.” He chuckled, and I shook my head as I laughed as well.
+ + +
Someone had taken our picture, and a few days later, I was the mystery woman on Tommy’s social media. Speculation was that I was a one-night stand in Arizona where Lawson Colt was on family business. To my surprise and relief, Masie was completely blocked from the position of Tommy in the photo. Weston Reid, bass guitarist for Collison, and my high school daughter were of no interest.
“Don’t let it get to you,” Tommy commented through Skype after we all returned to our respective homes.
“I’m more worried about you. What will happen when they discover I’m in manufacturing, not modeling?” I was mostly blocked as well by Tommy’s hand cupping my face. There would only be a handful of people who could recognize me, and they’d have to be stalking Tommy like I did to see the photo in the first place. I laughed at my joke, but Tommy’s face drew near the computer screen.
“You’re fucking beautiful, and every man within a fifty-mile radius wants in your jeans. And if you were a model, men would want you for your fame and not your personality, which is off the charts gorgeous.”
I stared at him, blinking rapidly.
“You say the damnedest things sometimes, you know that? I’m just speechless.”
“Well, get used to it. Besides, I have better use for those pretty lips than talking.”
He was a bad boy.
“So when can we see each other next?” We hadn’t had much alone time in the shared quarters with Masie and West. West eventually did take the couch, and Masie and I bunked together, only I found my daughter curled over a sleeping West in the early morning. Innocently dressed, they were wrapped around one another and my heart pinched at the youthfulness of love.
“April 22,” Tommy said at the same time I said, “April 15.”
“Can’t do the fifteenth, darlin’, I have a meeting in New York.”
“I have to bring Masie to California for a campus tour at Santa Clara University.”
“I thought she selected Marquette,” Tommy replied, knowing I’d hoped she’d decide on a school in the Midwest. Marquette had been one of her choices, but Santa Clara University offered her scholarship money we hadn’t expected. David promised her he’d cover the rest, if that scholarship came through. I couldn’t turn down the opportunity for her, even if I was anxious that David wouldn’t hold up his end of the deal. I’d never be able to afford the school on my salary.
“She did, but I told her we could look at Santa Clara. I’m hoping she hates it,” I teased.
Tommy scoffed. “Darlin’, one look at California and she’s going to love it here.” I bit my cheek, tempted to tell him I wouldn’t know. He’d been to see me twice, and the one time I went there, he whisked me off to Napa Valley, which was beautiful in its own right, but not the portion of California I wanted to know better.
“You know that’s only like five hours away from me. So, you’re coming all the way here, and I won’t be here.” A hand wiped over his face. “Can’t you reschedule?”
“She has a day off of school, so timing-wise it worked best. Plus, she has to decide by May first. What about you? Can’t you reschedule?”
“Can’t, babe. We’ve been waiting for this meeting for months. It finalizes the tour.”
The tour kicked off in June, and I sensed the stress each time Tommy mentioned the details. Forty-three days on the road. I couldn’t imagine.
“Well, another weekend.” I sighed, pasting on a false smile with my fake cheeriness. After the April date, Masie had prom, graduation, and a slew of parties and activities commemorating the end of high school. I didn’t have a free weekend until June, when the tour started. “I’ll get to see Ivy this time,” I added. Excitement filled me at seeing my young friend and learning more about her secret project, which she still hadn’t announced to her husband. She knew I was coming before I told Tommy, assuring me that I’d at least see her house as she offered a place for Masie and me to stay. Tommy’s brow pinched at the mention of Ivy, and that old feeling of something kept from me crept through me.
17
Secret Therapy
“Isn’t it beautiful?” The rundown building before me wasn’t exactly something I’d consider architecturally stunning, but the old church had potential. Ivy stared at me as if desperate for my approval, and I didn’t want to disappoint her.
“It’s got possibilities,” I murmured, my hands tucked in my jacket pockets as I surveyed the building once again. I wasn’t convinced this was the safest of areas, but my knowledge of Los Angeles was limited to my first official visit. Masie and I flew into San Jose on Thursday evening, took her campus tour on Friday morning, and then flew to LAX in the afternoon. My heart dropped, knowing Tommy was probably somewhere in that airport taking off at the same time we landed. Ivy picked us up, refusing to allow us to stay anywhere but at her modest home along Malibu Beach, and when I say modest, it’s with full tongue-in-cheek. The home was gorgeous, set along the coast with an endless view of the ocean. White sand was her backyard and the glass e
xposure hid nothing. It was breathtaking.
Tommy had offered his house, but I refused on principle. I didn’t wish to intrude without a proper introduction to his home from him.
“I know, right?” Ivy squeaked, her excitement hardly concealed as she tugged at my arm to follow her. A realtor had already sold her the location, and lawyers were involved in the details of her future music therapy school. “It’s perfect.” The sigh in her voice was nothing other than pure love for this facility and a dream coming to fruition.
“And how is Gage taking all this?” I asked. A dismissive wave gave me my answer. As my baby-bump-friend waddled to the front entrance, fear harbored inside me that her husband wasn’t going to share her enthusiasm, especially after he found out she hid all the details from him.
Pulling me into the church, construction plans were pinned to a wall, sketching out the division of the massive space into therapy rooms for both small and large groups.
“It has the perfect acoustics, but also all these niches for intimate study.” Her face beamed with the thrill of helping others in a way someone raised in music might enjoy—by sharing the gift. With hands clasped reverently beneath her chin, she walked slowly through the open forum, eyes wide as if she could already envision the layout. I sighed behind her, my shoulders falling, but not in defeat.
“Your mother would have been so proud.”
Ivy spun to face me. “Do you think so?” Her voice was small, child-like even, as she awaited my answer.
“Without knowing her, I’d say she’d be over the moon.” Ivy’s face lit up, and her sheepish smile grew. She exhaled in subtle pleasure. “I bet your uncle would be proud as well.” Ivy’s smile faded a touch, and her head hung.
“I just can’t seem to find the right time to tell him. Any of them. They’re so wrapped up in the tour, which is where they should be. In fact…” Her lips twitched as if she fought the return of a smile. “It’s been perfect for me, because they’ve all been too absorbed to notice I’m busy.” A tiny giggle escaped as if she’d gotten away with mischief, which she had.
“Aren’t you worried they’ll be upset that they didn’t get to be a part of this? That they didn’t get to help you?” With those questions, Ivy’s curled lips flattened.
“Actually, no. They wouldn’t be a part of anything. Gage would take over, and Tommy would direct, and I’d be lost again.”
I drew in a deep breath at her sudden outburst, understanding once again Ivy’s strong desire to do this, to do something on her own, for herself. Being five months pregnant didn’t seem the ideal time, but what did I know?
“I wish there was some way I could help you,” I offered, letting my eyes drift upward to the dust mites tumbling through the sunshine, dancing before the dirty windows.
“Really?”
My head fell forwards and I peered at my young friend. “Of course. I’d love to help if I could.”
Ivy chewed at her lip for a moment as if considering something. Her mouth popped open and then closed. Her eyes lowered before she spoke.
“Actually, I could use a manager.”
“Good idea, with the baby coming. It sounds like this will be up and running around the time you give birth. I don’t know how you’ll manage both jobs at the same time. Motherhood. Music Therapist.” Knowing that Ava started first grade in the coming fall, Ivy still had Emaline at home, refusing a full-service nanny or daycare. With another baby on the way, opening the school would be a double whammy of full-time responsibility.
“The timing isn’t ideal, no, but again, it’s why I’d need a manager. Someone I trust to run the place and look out for it if I couldn’t be here. Or…run things while I was here, but if I was indisposed because of the baby.” Ivy and I had one of those strange conversations about breastfeeding that women of children seem to have with complete strangers, as if baring one’s breast to feed a child is some kind of unwritten bond. Nodding, I agreed with her plan.
“So…” Her voice drifted as she watched me, my head still rolling in different directions taking in the large, sacred space.
“So?” I shrugged, returning to look at her.
“Would you consider it?”
The world seemed to stop moving. The flutter of ancient doves flapping in the hollow room rippled through my ears. The flutter echoed like the beat of a tambourine. I couldn’t have heard her correctly.
“What?”
“I’d like to offer you the position of manager. I’m sure I can match your salary, as I’m sure that’s the biggest issue…” Her words faltered as I focused on her, unblinking, unbreathing.
“I live in Chicago.” Ivy nodded to agree with me.
“You could move?” she questioned, and she had the decency to glance away in hesitation.
“I—”
“With Masie accepting the scholarship at Santa Clara University, and Caleb now in the minor leagues, travelling all the time, I thought you might be willing…interested…available…to move here. Masie would be close by…” she paused watching me as the words softened. “And Tommy’s here, too.”
“Honey,” I sighed. “Please don’t use Tommy in this if he has no idea about the school. Not to mention, your uncle has never implied he wanted me to move here nor has he asked me other than as a joke. I’ve never even seen his home.” My voice rose, and my hand slapped at my thigh, exaggerating my rising frustration. Here I was, thousands of miles from my house, only a few miles from his, and I had no concept of where he lived.
“With his lifestyle, he’s hardly there anyway,” Ivy said, dismissively waving away my concern. “He keeps an apartment in LA.” The words were spoken casually, as if nothing unusual was said in the combination.
“His lifestyle,” I muttered. Her eyes opened wide.
“Oh, Edie, I didn’t mean anything. I just meant he’s so busy, and he’s hardly around. He has a place for when he…” Her voice drifted once again, as if she’d said too much.
“What’s in LA for him? Or should I ask who?”
Ivy’s brow rose as she stepped towards me, her hands reaching for my forearms. “No, no, it’s not what you think. Tommy’s totally in love with you.” While we’d said the words, and he was adamant they meant something deep to him, I still couldn’t process the depth of them. He didn’t say I love you in a pretentious way, but he almost said the phrase too easily, too comfortably. As a woman who hardly heard the words in my marriage, I had trouble accepting their full meaning as anything other than something casually said, like I love pumpkin pie. Skeptical of Ivy’s explanation, I let the conversation pass, but something still lingered in how she said what she said. What was she leaving out? If it wasn’t what I thought, what was it then? However, I wasn’t here to probe her for Tommy’s secrets. I was here to witness hers.
“Anyway, I appreciate your offer. I’m honored and surprised. I mean, why me?” It was a rhetorical question but Ivy seemed prepared to answer.
“I told you in Hawaii, I feel like you were sent to me. Like my mother wanted me to meet you, and I can’t shake the feeling. I like you, Edie, and I feel like I can trust you. I obviously do as you’re the only one who knows about this adventure other than my lawyer, the contractor, and now Masie.” Masie heard all about Ivy’s plans after our campus visit. Masie’s excitement for California was fueled by Ivy’s.
“You’re going to love it here,” Ivy promised Masie. “And I’m right here if you need anything.” The encouraging hug that followed told me Masie was sold. California bound she’d be come August, and it made me feel even more like the empty nester Tommy called me.
“I know it’s a lot to consider,” Ivy’s words broke into my thoughts. “But I don’t want you to tell me no yet. Can you think about it? Just let it simmer a bit?” Her hopeful tone pinched at my heart. My eyes closed a beat, and my shoulders sagged. I had trouble saying no, and it led to most of my issues with David.
“I’ll think about it.”
The squeal that followed rang to
the heavens and could have raised the roof off the steeple. A fierce hug enveloped me, and it was hard to remember I was only considering the slim possibility.
+ + +
Something tickled my neck, and I woke with a start. Dark, playful eyes peered down at me as mischievous lips curled.
“Mornin’ darlin’.” I blinked in surprise as the weight of his body covered mine, obstructed by the blanket over me. I slept in a guest room of Ivy and Gage’s, and my head swung to the other side of the bed where Masie was supposed to be. “She fell asleep on the couch in the media room,” Tommy explained with a smile.
“What are you doing here?” My voice croaked in the early morning.
“Took the red eye overnight. I just couldn’t stand the thought that you were here, and I was out there. I had to get to you.” My lips curled, my insides warming at his sweet words.
“I like seeing you first thing in the morning,” I whispered, swallowing after the words escaped. Each time I saw him, I was reminded of how much I missed him.
“We need to rectify that,” he muttered, drawing close to my lips, but only brushing his lightly over mine. “I might keep you out here.” He was teasing me, but I had to admit my heart raced with the possibility. With Ivy’s offer still playing over in my mind, I hated that Tommy was a huge reason I was holding back. I didn’t want to appear as if I was chasing him. For once in my life, I wanted to be the one chased. The possibility of him giving up his lifestyle for Chicago and me was out of the question, though. There was that word again—lifestyle. What was he hiding from me? Was he a player and I’d been played? It was hard to believe that was the reason I hadn’t been to his home as he overpowered me with kisses after taking the red eye back to California to see me. His hand slipped under the blanket, outlining the curves of my body, skimming downward for covered treasure, and all questions about potentially moving disappeared.