In Memory

by CJ Lyons

  “It’s okay, love.” She smiled reassuringly, setting her cup of coffee down on the side table. “I don’t mind if you feel like cuddling.”

  He seemed to relax upon hearing this, and resumed his place next to me. Stroked his hair as we watched TV, admiring the inky colour on my pale skin.

  We had a light supper, and a hearty dessert. (Terra brought leftovers from the party the night before. So there is no shortage of food.)

  Noah made a comment about the leftovers that I kind of found flattering.

  “This food does not taste as pleasant as your food.”

  “Huh? I think it’s pretty good.”

  “It is sweet, and rather nice, but it’s not quite as nice as yours. There seems to be something missing in this that yours possesses.”

  “Hmm…”

  “I agree.” Terra said, “Yours seems warmer somehow.”

  “It’s cold pudding!” I said, “I don’t get it.”

  “It tastes more friendly?” Noah offered, looking at Terra, “There is something that makes one feel safe and happy whilst eating your food.”

  They continued to try and find the exact right word for it, and I merely listened, not understanding what they were getting at at all.

  Did enjoy how they chattered on and one though, it’s like Noah’s been here forever, and we all get along wonderfully.

  He must be part of our family now.

  After a while, Terra decided to go out to the pub to meet with her friends. Murray and Sean, I’d hazard a guess.

  Got bored of watching TV, so Noah suggested we read a book. We inspected the bookshelves downstairs, and didn’t really find anything particularly engaging. There were a couple cheesy romances that Terra is especially fond of. We chortled a bit at the cover, featuring a scantily clad woman and some kind of beefed-up, kilt-wearing, Scottish guy.

  Now, this seems like a slight on the rest of us blokes. I’m a skinny, weedy type. Not near as skinny as Noah, I guess, but I don’t look like I’ve been eating steroids with my Lucky Charms, if you know what I mean.

  Anyway.

  I elected we go to my room and search the bookcases in there for something he hadn’t read yet.

  He seemed reluctant to follow me to my room, I don’t know why.

  After a moment, though, I deemed this absolutely fine, as my room was a battlefield strewn with books, clothes and random detritus.

  Since I keep the rest of the house relatively clean, the incongruity of my room would be kind of embarrassing.

  Went and got him a couple of the fantasy books that I like, strongly recommending them to him.

  He looked them over with apparent interest, “I enjoy fiction, it is something I do not read enough of. I will certainly read these.”

  We sat in relative silence for a while, save for the turning of pages, something I noticed he did much more frequently than I.

  “Are you a speed reader?” I asked, making him look up curiously.

  “I believe so.”

  There was another lengthy silence, until he spoke up, “Where did you purchase this book? I would like to own a copy.”

  “Er, I dunno. I got it as a birthday present.”

  “Oh, when is your birthday? Have I missed it?”

  “It was the 27th of August. It was before we were friends, I guess.”

  “Hmm, I see. That’s interesting.”

  It occurred to me then that I still didn’t know when his birthday was. Can’t believe I never thought to ask that until now. Derrrrrr.

  “So when’s your birthday?” I asked casually, not anticipating what a horribly ironic birthdate he would have.

  Once he told me, I bit my tongue, and looked away. Couldn’t believe it.

  He turned back to his book, and I internally grieved, his words echoed in my mind.

  “Oh, the 27th of February.”

  November

  /end

  88 Days, 1 December, Monday

  Last night was, as I thought it might be, one of the nights where I had a disturbing dream that woke me from sound sleep.

  Can sort of tell when these dreams are going to sneak up on me, just by the day I had before. If everything went great, and I had a generally happy day, I don’t get nightmares.

  If, however, my day was worrisome or stressful in some way, that’s when the nightmares will strike.

  Hearing the date of Noah’s birthday, my predetermined deathday, is what triggered last nights terrors.

  Dunno if I could really even describe it.

  It was so murky compared to my other dreams, like everything was being viewed from across some ghostly veil. Weird.

  Monsters and dark shapes kept attacking me, had to fight them off, but I kept getting hit anyway. Two people ran past me, one had bright white hair, like Tobias.

  That’s when everything snapped into something more real. Noah was at my side, holding a long thin sword that pulsed with light.

  “I will protect you.” He said in a strong clear voice, challenging all the dark shapes around us. One of the shapes charged forward, long dark arms snaking around us. Abruptly, another bright light shone, overpowering the warm glow of his sword.

  Two huge wings burst from Noah’s back, shining with beautiful white light. Could feel the feathers touch my skin, and found an immeasurable comfort from their touch.

  Touched his face, smiling at him. “I’ll protect you too.”

  He turned away, “You can’t, you know.”

  Was about to protest when I heard a loud ripping noise, and then something-

  I have never experienced anything as painful as in that dream. Claws, or spears, or swords or something dug into my back, ripping through flesh and bone alike. The worst part was the sound. It was a sick crunching squishing noise, adding to the agony that cleaved me in two.

  I screamed, couldn’t stop it. Fell into his arms as a cascade of blood poured over both of us. It was nauseating, horrifying, that pain lanced through my whole body, sending spasms of shock through my brain. I convulsed from it, falling more heavily on him.

  “Aerie!” His voice cracked as he called my name, allowing himself to fall with my momentum.

  I saw a hole in one of his wings, and the red of the blood was brilliant against the blazing white.

  Couldn’t even talk, to reassure him, tell him this wasn’t real.

  It felt more real than anything I had ever felt. Like something had just ripped all of my insides out along with my back. Couldn’t be sick even if I wanted to.

  The last sound I heard in that place was him crying out my name, over and over, sobbing as he held me close.

  Woke up with a shout, and sat straight up, breathing heavily. A cold sweat broke out all over me as I fought to regain a more normal breathing pattern.

  Terra was there, standing above me, looking worried and confused. Couldn’t help but start to cry from the confusion and pain, and just seeing her face, and hearing Noah’s voice in my mind.

  Covered my face with my hands, feeling the hot wet tears collect in my palms. Terra sat down beside me, gently pulling me into a hug, which I quickly reciprocated.

  “Shh, honey… it’s okay… you’re okay… You’re alright now, I’ve got you… it was just a nightmare…”

  Loved her words of comfort, they soothed me, even if they were relatively simple. Perhaps they meant more because she truly meant them.

  Don’t remember anything else that happened after that, or falling asleep for that matter.

  Just remember waking up, and then recalling that was what happened last night.

  Was all jittery at school today too, and couldn’t really focus on anything. Noah seemed to realise I had something on my mind, and was quiet most of the day. Don’t think he wants to ask me anything about what’s making me upset for fear of making it worse.

  Kind of wish he would sometimes, though. It would be nice to talk about things like that.

  Usually, talking about things make them better.

  W
ell, there are some exceptions. Math, for example. The more that teacher drones on and on, the worse the whole thing gets.

  Suppose if I heard every instance of abuse Noah has endured, it could make it all the worse too. It’s better to stay uninformed sometimes.

  Ignorance is bliss.

  87 Days, 2 December, Tuesday

  Today, on my way back from the store, it snowed a ton. Like crazy ridiculous amounts of snow. In the short time I was shopping, I swear it snowed a good foot and a half.

  Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but it was the huge fluffy snow, that piles up around doorways, and swirls around magically, cloaking everything in clean pure white. Absolutely beautiful. Think I’ve come to appreciate the colour white more now than ever because it’s the only colour I’ve ever seen Noah wear.

  (Aside from the jacket I gave him, but the red looks lovely on him.)

  Pictured him in the snowstorm, walking slowly with a white coat around him, and his usual solemn look. Maybe this imagery seems so profound to me because white generally symbolizes innocence.

  Like to think he’s innocent.

  Mostly because I know he’s never hurt anyone else in his life. At least not on purpose. It’s never his fault other people get hurt. It’s that damn curse. His intentions are always good, and I know he’s never tried to hurt anyone. Probably because he knows all too well how it feels to be hurt.

  Although, one might counter and say he’s the least innocent of anyone because all of the horrible things he’s witnessed. His mother’s death, his abuse, those horrible dreams, people hurt because of his curse…

  It’s not fair.

  He wasn’t at school today, maybe that’s why I’m thinking about him so much. He needs to occupy a certain amount of my day, or I feel lonely I guess.

  Terra seemed to miss him too.

  “Where’s Noah today?”

  “I’m not sure, he was absent.”

  “Hmm, it’d be nice if he was here.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You should invite him over Christmas break sometime. We could have a little party.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Love that she loves him.

  86 Days, 3 December, Wednesday

  Last night, I was in that now-familiar classroom, and Tobias seemed to have been expecting me. He was sitting in the same seat Noah sits in in most of our classes, and was staring at my seat.

  “You seem to come here more often as of late.”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” Sat down in my seat, swivelling around to look at him.

  “There is information you should know.”

  “Huh?”

  “I am going to inform you of something, please pay attention.”

  “Er, yeah, okay.”

  “Noah has been beaten. He is very hurt and is not thinking clearly. I suggest you find him post-haste.”

  “Wha- huh? What happened?”

  “He arrived home on Sunday, and smelled of your aftershave, I believe.”

  “And…?”

  “His father detected the scent and questioned him about where he was. Noah was unable to provide an adequate excuse, and so his father took out his frustrations on him fully. I am also under the impression Father was intoxicated, and was even more out of control than most days.”

  “Wait, where is he right now? I need to wake up and find him.”

  “I believe he is outside somewhere. There were strange metal structures around.”

  “Like the park? How do you know?”

  “Noah and I have a connection, whether or not he knows about it.”

  “Tobias, let me wake up so I can find him. I have to go now.”

  “Time is irrelevant here, you could stay here for hours and then go to him at the same time you would if you left now.”

  “That’s not the point! I have to make sure he’s okay, for him and myself as well. If he has to be in pain even one more second, it’ll hurt me too.”

  “You love him more. I understand.”

  Tobias turned away, and I woke up.

  The park, had to get there. Briefly, I looked at the clock. It was just getting past 6:00. So it’ll be dark out.

  Pulled on jeans and a hoodie, and quickly tugged my hair into a ponytail. As a last-minute thought, I yanked the soft red blanket off my bed. Assuming Noah was outside and confused like Tobias said, he wouldn’t have a coat. Keys in my pocket, and out the door.

  Ran to the park, the only clue Tobias could offer me. Snow was everywhere, light flurries rushing past me as I jogged around the play equipment, watching for him.

  It felt so cold. Wrapped the blanket around me, wishing I had better snow boots than my sneakers. Searched the playground up and down, softly calling for him. Then I remembered about the grocery store, and his instinctive behaviour to hide in small concealed places.

  Apparently, I was wrong. As I was running over to the tower structure with the small compartments, I found him.

  He was lying on his side in the snow, slightly covered in snow. Tiny breaths puffed out of his mouth, laboured and wheezing. There were bruises across his throat, visible in the murky half-light of the playground lamps. The snow was wet enough that it melted as it landed on him. It soaked into his thin dress shirt, making it stick to the sharp contours of his body.

  I touched him, feeling the barest sense of warmth coming from him. He was so cold… Threw the blanket over him, lifting him up next to me. I had to get him out of the snow.

  His hands made feeble grabbing gestures as I gathered him into my arms, and somehow managed to grab my shoulders as a support. Carried him out of the park, trudging as fast as I could through the snow.

  We were both close to freezing to death I think. I checked later, and apparently it was close to -15C.

  Can’t believe how light he is. Sure, it’s a strain to carry him, but he’s lighter than he should be. It’s worrisome.

  He made small murmuring noises, and then his hand fell away from my shoulder and he was silent. Once I got to my house, I barged inside, kicking the front door shut and quickly took him to his room.

  Stripped him of his clothing immediately, throwing it all into a wet bundle beside the bed. Dried him with his blankets, very aware of the new bruises painting his flesh.

  Shaking my head, I tucked him under his blankets, firmly wrapping him up.

  I left, and went to the laundry room to gather a set of my clothes, as well as the large heating blanket. I returned to the bedroom, and he seemed to be coming round a little. He was shivering madly, anyway, which is usually a good sign. At least he’s moving.

  Plugged in the blanket, sliding it under the quilt, and then took off my own clothes, getting in beside him. Took him in my arms, rubbing his pale cold flesh to establish some warmth. He touched me gently, his thin fingers like ice.

  Felt his emotions more strongly than ever before, my skin sparking at every point of contact instead of my usual reading from the back of his neck. The sadness was the most obvious. Could hear his thoughts, crying out within him, screaming through his mind. A harsh loneliness bit through the sadness, and re-enacted a life of solitude in my mind’s eye.

  “I don’t want to be alone. I just wanted to be happy.”

  At that moment, he might have breathed out my name, and he leaned into me.

  After about fifteen minutes, when the heat blanket kicked in, I think he was starting to regain a more normal temperature. He was almost coherent, but was mumbling words to himself.

  “Don’t… the lighthouse… Aerie. It hurts. I crashed. Hurricane. He knows… snow, I crashed.”

  Stroked his hair, brushing out any drops of water from the snow. “Shh, it’s okay… c’mon, wake up for me.”

  “You’re… you’re dead, though. Time… lighthouse… lanterns are dark. I’m afraid.”

  “Don’t be afraid… c’mon, I’m here now. I’ve got you.” Was sort of improvising reassuring words, echoing the same care and love Terra gave me when I had that nightma
re.

  “I wanted to be happy…” he started to cry, “That’s all. Without all these consequences. Aerie, I just wanted-”

  “It’s okay, love.” I really don’t think it was okay. But I had to say it. Sometimes lies are the best.

  He sobbed into me, hardly even restraining himself. It was all I could do to not cry with him, but I had to remain strong. If I am to be his rock, I won’t crumble when he needs me.

  Until I die, I’ll be as strong as diamonds.

  When I die, I don’t want to say I’d be strong. I’m sick of breaking promises and keeping secrets.

  Held him until he fell asleep again, still massaging his back to warm up his chilled skin.

  Decided school wasn’t important, and went to sleep.

  However, that might not have been the best idea, because Terra curiously looked in when she saw the hall lights on. I was awake when she looked in, and saw me, holding him half-naked in the bed. Suppose from her position, it likely looked as if we were both totally naked.

  Her shocked face was priceless.

  Later, at about 11:30, I stepped out of the room to make some porridge for breakfast, and she ambushed me as I was getting a pot.

  “What were you doing in his room? Where were your clothes? I think you might be moving a bit fast! Were you safe?”

  I laughed nervously. “Er, no-”

  “You weren’t safe?!?!” she freaked out, grabbing my shoulders.

  “No, I mean he was just cold! I was helping him to warm up!”

  “With your clothes off?”

  “Yeah, um… Last night, I had this dream, and then I knew he was outside and I went looking for him. He was collapsed in the park, so I brought him here to warm him up.”

  “You… you dream prophetically?”

  “Er… sure? Is that what it’s called?”

  “Well, you know how Mum had that fortune-telling shop? She said that both of us likely had a good aptitude for stuff like that. The only thing I can seem to do is figure out where people are hurt, though, which is less than she hoped for.” She turned away, “I kind of hoped you would be normal, without all that spiritual psychic stuff weighing you down. You know Mum told me the day she was going to die, right?”

  I was shocked. “She- she did?”