by E. L. Todd
She didn’t deserve my distance, not when she’d always been a good friend to me. But I had to work on me. If I saw her all the time, I would never get better. I would never see Julia as the awesome woman she was because I’d keep thinking about the woman I couldn’t have.
Despite how difficult it was, I knew I was doing the right thing.
And now I had to keep doing it.
I went out with Julia twice, and we had a good time, but I never made a move to kiss her or do anything else. The idea of kissing her felt oddly strange. It seemed like a betrayal to Taylor, which made even less sense.
But then again, nothing made sense anymore.
Chapter Eight
Taylor
When the school day was over, the principal walked into my office.
Principal Rosenthal and I hadn’t had too many conversations over the course of my time at Bristol Academy. He was the person who hired me, but after that, we didn’t see each other much. He was busy running the school, and I was busy running my classroom.
“Hello, Principal Rosenthal.” I stacked up my papers on my desk and turned off my computer screen. “What brings you here?”
He shut the door behind him and approached my desk, his hands in his pockets. He had crystal blue eyes that were both comforting and terrifying. His strong jaw had some gray hair, and the features of his face reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t think of whom.
His silence was unnerving. Normally when I saw him, he was talkative and warm. Right now, he was a different man. I felt like a child being disciplined for a crime I didn’t know I committed.
“Hello, Ms. Thomas.” He leaned against one of the student’s desks and faced me, his arms across his chest. “Are you free right now?”
“Yeah. Just packing up my things.” I abandoned the papers on the desk because I knew this conversation was serious. I didn’t do anything wrong, but I couldn’t help but feel like I had.
“So…I’ve been getting a lot of feedback from the parents.”
I knew this conversation would be a terrible one. “Oh?”
“And I took a look at your last two exams. It seemed like the students did well on the first one, but not the second.”
“Well, I felt like the first one was too easy.”
“Maybe,” he said. “But some of our brightest students got B’s and C’s on that last exam. These are the kind of kids that are fast-tracked to Brown and Columbia. They don’t get B’s and C’s.”
My defensive side immediately flared, but I kept my attitude in line. “Well, they didn’t do the work. I feel like these kids think they can slide by based on who they are or who their families are. That test was challenging but fair. I think they learned a great deal, and they’ll be better prepared for exams in the future.”
“I understand what you’re trying to do. Really. Challenging young minds prepares them for the real world. But I have some concerned parents that are afraid these B’s and C’s are going to affect their college admissions. And frankly, they will.”
That attitude was building up even more. “You want me to just hand out good grades?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” he said quickly. “But I think this exam was too challenging for juniors.”
“They’re almost in college. They should be challenged.”
“And that’s what classroom time is for. But when I looked at the exam, the questions were purposely worded to confuse the students.”
“And what do you think the SAT does?” Now my anger was in full force, and I couldn’t keep it back. When I agreed to teach the brightest minds at a private school, I expected to have the brightest kids in the nation. I expected to push them to levels they’d never been pushed to before. I expected to give them an edge other students wouldn’t receive.
Principal Rosenthal cleared his throat and rubbed his chin. “Ms. Thomas, I hired you because I thought you were qualified for the job. I still think you are. But you’ve lost your perspective in this matter. You’re invested in these kids, which is a good thing. But you aren’t approaching this in the right way.”
“I’m doing my best to prepare these kids for the real world. How can I do that when I’m being hindered all the time?”
“You know what kind of lesson plans to make. You know what kind of exams to write. Just stick with the protocol.”
“But—”
“I intend to replace you after the Christmas break.”
My jaw hung open, and unsuspecting pain stabbed me right in the heart. I lost my breath because I was so winded. My mind fell into a spin, and I couldn’t think straight.
“This is your only warning. If things don’t turn around, you’ll be asked to leave Bristol Academy.”
I still couldn’t speak. Never in my life had I been fired. I really was just trying to do the right thing. My students were most important to me. I wanted them to get into the best colleges and succeed in life. I never wanted them to struggle. And I wanted them to thank me for it one day.
“The parents are jumping down my throat over these poor grades. They aren’t going to stop until something is done. Not only do you have to impress me, but you have to impress them. Good luck.” He turned away and walked out of my classroom. His feet sounded on the tile and echoed down the hall. The sound continued until he was so far away there wasn’t a single noise.
And then I was alone.
***
I managed to get home without shedding a single tear. My chest ached from the difficulty of breathing. My tongue was dry, but my eyes were wet. I felt sick to my stomach but dead at the same time.
And I felt numb.
Without thinking about it, I collapsed onto the couch and pulled out my phone. The movements were so fluid they were mindless. My mind and body were one as they worked together.
I called the first person that came to mind. I listened to the phone ring over and over and waited for his voice to pick up on the receiver. His words always soothed me no matter how upset I was. He knew the right thing to say in any situation.
Because he was my best friend.
But it went to voicemail.
I’d never gotten his voicemail before. There was never a time when he didn’t take my call. It made me wonder if he lost his phone, or he was in the shower. There was no other explanation for it.
I sent him a text message. Call me when you get a chance. It’s important. I set my phone on the coffee table and replayed everything that happened with the principal. My pain came from the frustration of being treated so unfairly. I was doing my best to give these students what they needed, but all the parents cared about were the grades. They didn’t get good grades because they didn’t earn them. It was as simple as that.
My eyes became wetter.
My chest ached with every breath.
I refused to cry. It was stupid and pointless. All it did was show weakness.
But I couldn’t help it. I was heartbroken.
Volt called me back almost instantly. The second the message formed on his screen, he reached out to me.
I answered the phone and tried to keep my voice steady. “Hey.”
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked with his usual deep voice. “You alright?”
“Yeah…” I fingered a piece of twine that came loose from one of the couch pillows. I wrapped it around my finger over and over, trying to concentrate on what I was doing and not what I was feeling.
His voice softened when he heard my heartbreak. “It doesn’t sound like it.”
“Do you think you could come over?”
“Uh…” His voice faded for a moment, and that’s when I recognized the sounds of conversations in the background. He seemed to be inside a restaurant. “Yeah, I’ll be there soon.”
`“Thank you.”
“Of course.”
***
He walked inside my apartment without knocking and joined me on the couch. When he saw the tears in my eyes, he cupped my cheeks and wiped the moisture away wit
h the pads of his thumbs. Instead of asking me millions of questions, he just stared at me, the same heartbreak I felt was written all over his face.
I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t get anything out. Saying it out loud would just make me feel worse.
He ran his fingers through my hair then pulled me close to him. His chest was more comfortable than any bed I’d ever slept on, and his warmth gave me some form of peace. “Did you and Sage break up?” Instead of sounding as depressed as he had a moment ago, he sounded different, maybe even hopeful.
“No…” I hadn’t thought about him once since I received the horrible news.
Volt’s hands paused on my cheeks, and his flinch told me he hadn’t been expecting that answer. He slowly pulled his hands away and returned them to his thighs, no longer touching me at all.
And that made me feel worse.
He looked down, his eyes narrowed and his lips pressed tightly together. He cleared his throat before he looked at me again. “Then what’s wrong? What happened?”
“I lost my job.”
Volt froze as he stared at me, unable to process what I said. It took him nearly half a minute to react. “What?”
“The principal came in and said I wasn’t doing my job. Too many of the kids performed poorly on the exam, and apparently, these kinds of kids don’t get grades like that. He said he’ll replace me after Christmas if I don’t turn things around.”
“Then you didn’t lose your job.” His face was pale, like the blow hurt him as much as it hurt me.
“No. But I’m quitting.”
“You can’t quit, Taylor.”
“Yes, I can. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a teacher. Maybe this was all a mistake.”
“That’s not true,” he said quietly. “This has nothing to do with you.”
“It has everything to do with me.”
“Listen to me.” He grabbed my hand and held it in his. Our fingers were intertwined, and I could feel his pulse through his skin. “Private schools like Bristol are different than the system you’ve been taught. They run on different rules and standards. It has nothing to do with your teaching abilities.”
“I just tried to challenge them. I tried to prepare them.”
“And there is nothing wrong with that. But in the private district, things are a lot more controlled. This isn’t a reflection on you. That place is so political it’ll make your head explode. Why do you think I opened a tutoring program? Because there are better ways of teaching kids than the school system will allow you to believe.”
I heard what he said, but I didn’t really listen to it. “You were right, Volt. I should have listened to you.”
“That’s not true—”
“Yes, it is. And we both know it.”
He gave me a sad look, like he’d give anything to be wrong. “Quitting isn’t the answer.”
“I can’t go back there.”
“It’ll look terrible on your resume if you do that. At least finish out the school year.”
“I won’t make it past Christmas anyway.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. He said he’s already looking to replace me.”
“If you do exactly what he asks, that won’t happen. I know you’re upset right now, but quitting isn’t the answer. You’re going to turn all of this around.”
Maybe I could. Maybe I couldn’t. “I don’t care enough to turn things around. I’ll just get a job in a lab somewhere.”
“But you won’t be happy doing that. Taylor, I’ve seen you with your kids. You care about them.”
“Of course I do. I love them.” Even the annoying ones that never listened to me. They were all unique in their own ways, but they were also wonderful in their own ways. I wanted the best for them—always.
“Then don’t give up.”
“I’m not going back to work at a place where I’m being micromanaged. They’re going to watch every little thing I do, and that’s just going to make me flustered.”
“It’ll be irritating, but I know you can do it.”
“It’s not about can, Volt. It’s about want.”
He squeezed my hand then leaned forward, forcing himself into my line of sight. “I don’t think you’d be crying if you didn’t care. I don’t think you’d be worked up if it wasn’t something you wanted.”
He had me there, and I knew it. I gave my kids everything, and the fact none of it meant anything made me feel defeated. I was working for a paycheck just like everyone else. There was nothing else meaningful that went along with it.
It made me feel worthless.
“Baby, listen to me.” He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “It’s okay to be upset and have a good cry. But it’s not okay to give up. You can do this. I know you can.”
“But I’m never going to be happy there. Even if I turn everything around, I’ll still be the teacher who almost got fired.”
“Then get a job somewhere else. But finish out the year.”
I wasn’t sure if I could come face-to-face with the principal again. He did what he was supposed to do for the school and his teachers, but it still made me sick inside. Bristol Academy used to be my home. Now it felt like a prison.
“Taylor?”
My eyes drifted back to his face.
“You’re going to do this. I’ll help you.”
“Can I just work for your company? I can be an awesome tutor.”
He smiled like that idea was tempting. “I’d love that. But you’re meant to be a teacher, not a tutor.”
“But there’s no politics. No bullshit.”
“I don’t know… I would be your boss.”
“You seem like a cool boss to me.”
“The grass is always greener on the other side.”
I wiped my remaining tears with my forearm. My makeup was running, but there was nothing I could do about it. Volt had already seen me at my worst. “Thanks for coming by.”
“Sure. You know I’m always here for you.”
“I hope I didn’t interrupt anything. It sounded like you were out.” I didn’t ask what he was doing since we hadn’t seen each other much. Whenever we texted each other, he didn’t have long responses. And when I asked if he wanted to hang out, he was always busy.
“Yeah, I was. But it’s not a big deal.”
“Out with the guys?”
“Uh, no. Actually, I’m seeing someone.”
Even though that wasn’t what I expected him to say, I wasn’t surprised. It explained his distance. He wasn’t hanging out with me because he was spending time with someone else. His dry spell must be over. “Another booty call to add to the list?”
“Not really.” He released my hand. “We’ve gone out a few times. I’m seeing where it goes.”
He was actually dating someone? Like, in the hope it would be a relationship? From what he told me, it seemed like he was incapable of that. In fact, just a few weeks ago, he asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend just to get his parents off his back.
And now he was seeing someone?
When we first met, I felt the attraction to Volt. He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen, and I found myself thinking about him in both romantic and sexual scenarios. But when it was clear he was unattainable, just some kind of playboy, I was forced to look at him differently. Instead of being a potential lover, he became a friend. And that’s all he’d ever been.
But it still bothered me.
“Then you must really like her.” My job was no longer my concern. I didn’t care about it anymore, and it seemed so insignificant in comparison.
“She’s pretty cool, I guess.” He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor.
“Where did you meet her?”
“Derek introduced us. Thought we would hit it off.”
“And have you?”
He nodded. “I guess you could say that.”
It was none of my business, and I shouldn’t say anything, bu
t I couldn’t help it. “I thought you didn’t do the relationship thing…and never wanted to?”
He shrugged. “I guess I’ve become more open-minded to it.”
My heart was beating fast. It actually hurt with every thump. “Good for you.”
“Being around Clay makes me want to have kids of my own someday. Kinda need a wife to do that.”
So he thought about marriage? Like night and day, he turned into a completely different person. I wasn’t sure if he was the same man I met six months ago. He was thinking about marriage and a family…something he swore he would never want for the rest of his life.
What changed?
“I’m happy for you.” My voice cracked as I spoke, probably the aftermath of crying earlier. “I’d love to meet her.”
“Maybe we could go on a double date or something.” He leaned back against the couch and crossed his arms over his chest.
“We should. Are you busy on Saturday?” Now that I knew he was into this woman, I had to meet her for myself. I wanted to know what Volt wanted in a woman. Up until that point, it’d only been supermodels for a one-night stay. What was so incredible about this woman that she changed his view on everything?
He flinched at the response, as if he wasn’t prepared for my agreement. “You want to go on a double date?”
“Why not? You always meet the men I date. Shouldn’t I meet the woman of your dreams?”
He held my gaze. “She’s not the woman of my dreams.”
“She must be. What else could get you to be monogamous?” Volt was in denial of his feelings most of the time, but now he seemed to realize them. “I told you when you met the right girl, your entire life would change. She’ll make you into a different man—but in a good way. I told you so.”
“I’m just dating her. I never said I was in love with her.”
“But you don’t date, remember?”
He sighed in irritation. “Look, I’m trying this dating thing. That doesn’t mean I’m going to marry this woman. It just means…what it means.”
“I guess I’ll see what you’re talking about on Saturday.”
He sighed again and turned away.