Breaking Ryann

by Alyssa Rae Taylor

  Gia and I both smile.

  “Hell yeah!” He wiggles his brows. “’Cause I just booked our suite.”

  We squeal excitedly. Our trip to Sin City has been planned for nearly a month, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. We’re going to a highly anticipated UFC fight, spend a couple days lounging around the pool, and I’m sure we’ll do some shopping.

  “Two more weeks! It’ll be here before we know it,” Gia says before her face falls. “I wish you were heading down there with us. I need you on that plane.”

  “I’ll be there, holding your hand, baby. Nothing’s going to happen,” Logan soothes.

  “Thanks, but it’s not the same. I need you both. No offense,” she replies.

  He rolls his eyes.

  If there’s anything Gia’s afraid of, it’s flying. I’m surprised she agreed to get on a plane in the first place. I guess that’s what you do when you’re in love—step out of your comfort zone to make the other person happy.

  “Enjoy your time alone while you have it. Sean and I will be there the next day.”

  Logan looks pleased by this. “I made sure the rooms are conjoined. You okay sharing a bed with him? There’s always the couch.”

  “That’s fine. And thanks for asking.” If I don’t want to have sex with him, I won’t. I don’t think the number of beds will make a difference. The clock reads 7:40, but it feels three hours later. I yawn. “I’m going to bed, guys. I’m tired.”

  “It’s early,” Logan replies.

  “Think it’s the wine,” I yell over my shoulder as I head toward my room. “Enjoy the rest of your night. See you guys in the morning.”

  “Goodnight,” Gia replies, then I dive onto my bed, falling into a peaceful slumber.

  “Hey sleepyhead,” Sean says, sitting next to me. I didn’t expect to see him. He’d told me he’d been up to his ears in work and wouldn’t be able to make it tonight.

  I throw off my comforter, a lazy smile creeping over my face. “I thought you had to work. What time is it?” The clock reads just past eleven.

  He’s wearing a dark gray shirt with low-slung jeans, and I breathe in his citrusy scent. He presses a chaste kiss to my lips. “I do, but I had to see you.”

  “Oh?” I ask, stretching. “You missed me that much, huh?”

  “Yeah, I did.”

  “Logan booked our suites today.”

  “I heard. You excited?” His fingers gently stroke my arm.

  “Of course! How could I not be? Are they still up?”

  “They’re watching a movie.” He kisses me again, slowly this time, but I pull back. His eyes look a little sad.

  “Are you excited?” We haven’t talked about the trip since we first made the plans.

  “Yeah.” His reply lacks any enthusiasm.

  “Doesn’t sound like it.” I frown, scooting over to give him some room, and he lies

  down beside me, kicking off his shoes.

  “Sorry,” he sighs. “Just got a lot on my mind.”

  “Did you get enough work done?”

  He shrugs. “I made a small dent, then decided you were more important. How

  ‘bout you?” he asks, rubbing small circles over my back, his expression cautious. “How’d work go today?”

  I can’t help but feel a little bad. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it.

  “All right, I guess. Nothing too exciting.”

  “Really?” he asks, laughing softly. “I was expecting at least a story or two.”

  “Sorry to disappoint.” I nuzzle him.

  Dipping his head in for a kiss, he slips his tongue deep into my mouth, groaning. “I know a way you can make me feel better.”

  “Oh yeah?” I wrap my hand around his neck, kissing him back.

  “Want me to show you?” His fingers tease my skin where the hem of my shirt meets my thighs. My heart rate increases, but I try to relax.

  “Why yes. I think I do.”

  “Good. I was hoping you’d say that,” he replies, using one arm to take off his shirt, before doing the same to mine. Then he’s cupping my breasts, flicking his thumbs back and forth over my nipples, watching them harden. “See?” He grins. “Already starting to feel better.”

  “Glad I can be of service,” I breathe.

  His jeans fall to the floor, then his palm presses over the center of my panties. We’ve gone from zero to sixty in seconds.

  “Is this the reason you came over?” I ask on a shaky breath.

  He removes my panties, pushing two fingers inside me, and I tense.

  “I’m not going to say it wasn’t a motivator,” he groans, stroking my sensitive flesh. “Damn, you’re tight.”

  I clench my teeth because it hurts, and he slows down his movements.

  “You okay?” he asks, eyes pleading for me to let him continue.

  “I … I think so.” When I’d done this with Luke, I’d been ready. This time feels entirely different.

  Sean senses my distraction. “Stay with me, Reese.” His voice is gentle. “I know you want this.” He pushes his fingers in and out of me at a steady pace.

  I try to do what he says. “We’re adults. We love each other.”

  He gazes down on me with hungry eyes. “Do you like this?”

  “It feels good,” I tell him, trying to focus. It does feel good, now that my body’s getting used to him, but I still feel something is missing—some sort of connection. Would sex be the answer? Is that all it is? And if it were, why had it felt right with Luke? It’d always felt right with Luke. Who am I kidding? I shouldn’t trust my own instincts.

  “Did he bother you? Touch you in a way to make you uncomfortable?”

  Huh? “Who?” That’s an odd question to be asking, considering what we’re doing.

  “You know who I’m talking about.”

  I blink. Did he know what I was thinking? “Is it really the time to ask?” I gently push him off me. “Way to kill the mood, Sean.”

  He rolls over. “Don’t pretend like you were into it.”

  “I had been … until you opened your mouth. Great timing by the way.” Truthfully, I’m relieved.

  His brows bunch together. “What happened to you? You’re a vibrant, twenty-one year old woman. You’re sexy as hell, yet you have little-to-no sexual experience.”

  “Are you complaining?”

  “No.” He blows out a breath. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m trying to communicate.” Holding up his hands, he asks, “Do you even want to be with me? Be honest.”

  “Yes!” I say convincingly.

  “’Cause a moment ago, you were some place else.” He rests his head in his hands. “Tell me, Reese. Where’d you go?”

  “I—I don’t know.” If I tell him the truth, it’ll crush him. I drop my gaze to his chest, which is still glistening with sweat. “It happens sometimes. My mind just sort of drifts.” I hate liars, and now I’ve become one. I know exactly where I was. With the tattooed, six foot three Adonis who resides across the way. I tell myself there are times we have no control over our thoughts, in an attempt to lesson the guilt I’m feeling, but it doesn’t seem to help.

  “And you avoided my question,” he says quietly. “Did he touch you?”

  My eyes flick back to his. “What do you mean, did he touch me? He isn’t some sort of pervert, Sean.” He doesn’t know Luke the way I do—nothing about our history or how he had saved me years ago.

  “I told you I don’t trust him with you.”

  “I know you don’t.”

  “Why are you defending him then?”

  My gaze softens. “Because he was a gentleman, Sean. You have no reason to worry. My heart belongs to you now,” I say sincerely, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. “Can we talk about something else?” My phone chimes with a message, but I ignore it. Whoever it is can wait.

  “Go ahead,” he says, eyeing it.

  “No way. We’re talking.”

  “What if it’s important?”
>
  I shrug. “They can wait.”

  Looking at me skeptically, he reaches for it, but I grab it and toss it onto my nightstand. “What is your problem?”

  “Why won’t you check it?”

  I frown, narrowing my eyes. “I told you, we are talking.”

  “You just don’t want me to see it. That’s what it is!” This is getting ridiculous.

  “I want you to trust me. I thought it’d be rude to check in the middle of our conversation. But you want me to check. Fine, I’ll check!” Grabbing my phone, I hand it over. “Better yet, you check.” I have nothing to hide now that the flowers are out in the open.

  Gladly jerking it out of my hand, his eyes roam over the text. His face turns three shades of violet. He says nothing when he gives it back.

  My gaze falls on the text, then I swallow before I can look at him again. “It’s the first time he’s messaged me since he’s been back. I swear.”

  He gets out of bed quickly and puts on his clothes. “I need to go. You should text him back. Don’t want to keep him waiting.”

  “Sean—”

  He won’t even look at me. “I’ll see you later, Reese.”

  “You do believe me, don’t you?”

  He doesn’t reply, and this time I decide to let him go.

  Thump, thump, thump is the only sound I hear when I step inside the gym. Luke stands in the back, rhythmically pounding his fists into the heavy bag, left-right, left-right, left-right.

  “I didn’t think you’d show,” he says, his expression never wavering. I’m surprised he even knew I was here.

  It took ten minutes of cursing and beating on my steering wheel to get my stalled Civic out on the street. Thank God it finally started, and I wasn’t sitting in traffic. “I had car troubles.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” He continues to swing with brutal force. Beads of sweat drip from his temple. I watch his chest rise and fall, hoping he brought an extra shirt. The one he’s wearing is soaked and clinging to him, which could be a bit of a distraction. When he’s finished with the bag I finally have his full attention. His eyes travel from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. He doesn’t bother being discreet about it.

  My skin warms, and I try to look unaffected. I’m wearing gray yoga pants, a soft pink tank, and my hair is thrown into a messy bun. I didn’t fuss with putting on make-up. It’s far too early for that, but he’s making me feel self-conscious. “What?” Not all of us look like a god in the wee hours of the morning.

  He discards his gloves, then we both tread toward the cage. “Your car’s a piece of shit,” he says, a little short of breath. “You need a new one.” He wipes the sweat from his brow.

  “It’s easier said than done for some people.” I give him a sideways glance.

  “I’ll get my buddy to look at it. See if he can fix it.” He acts like this is a no-brainer.

  “You don’t have to help me.” You’re not my boyfriend. Remember?

  “I’ll get him to look at it,” he replies like I don’t have a choice. “The idea of you alone, stuck in a broken down car doesn’t sit well with me. Sorry.”

  To tell you the truth, it doesn’t sit well with me either. I decide not to argue.

  Pulling his shirt over his head, he uses it to wipe the sweat off his body.

  I spot a scar on his shoulder—one I’ve never seen and want to ask about—but he distracts me when he works his way down his stomach. His carved V flexes and disappears below his waistband.

  I need a glass of water. Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Keep it together, Reese! Eyes on the face!

  “Did you tell him?”

  Confused, my forehead creases.

  “Your boy,” he clarifies. “Does he know where you are? Who you’re with?”

  “I’m not discussing Sean with you.”

  “He doesn’t like us working together. Does he?” A wry grin spreads on his face. His smugness agitates me.

  I lift my chin. “You’re one to talk.”

  “How’s that?”

  “Privately training with an ex. That isn’t going to be a problem?”

  “For? Unless you’re referring to Chance, I’ve got no one to answer to.” Tossing his shirt out of the way, he continues, “That’s the luxury of being single,” he adds flatly.

  I blink until it registers, then my words are jumbled. “I … I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

  “Don’t apologize.”

  Closing my mouth, I focus on the floor. An awkward silence falls between us. That explains her absence. Retying my shoes so I don’t have to look at him, I wonder if he notices my shaky hands. Did he love her? Did he ever truly love me? This is all just so confusing.

  “Why’d you come?” he asks, bringing me out of my thoughts.

  Why’d I come? Why did I come? Good question. Keeping my emotions in check, I say, “I’ve gotten rusty since you’ve been gone. Stopped training, stopped caring.” I exhale a long breath. “I’m doing it for the kids.” Not for you, if that’s what you’re asking.

  He watches me intently, and it penetrates my bones, awakening something within me. He can do that with just a look. It’s an unfair advantage, and I feel naked.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” he replies, shaking his head as if to clear it. “You want to start where we left off?”

  My gaze narrows on his tan, muscled chest. “Seriously?”

  A brow arches in question. “Yeah. There a problem?”

  “You’re not wearing a shirt.”

  He grabs the sweaty shirt off the floor and puts an arm through.

  “You don’t have another?”

  Pulling it over his head, it’s still obviously wet. “I didn’t think you’d show.”

  “Leave it off then. I guess.”

  “I’ll wear it, if you want.”

  “Keep it off.”

  Tossing it behind him, he strides toward me, looking as if he’s battling something. Then he takes my chin in his hand. I think I stopped breathing before he even touched me. His thumb glides across my bottom lip, and his eyes follow the movement. “You’re nervous,” he says, just above a whisper.

  Unable to speak, I nod in admission. Even after all that sweating, I can smell a hint of his body wash mixed with his manly scent. He’s no good for you. You’ve moved on.

  “Why?” he asks.

  “I—I don’t know.” Why’d you choose her? Was it worth it? Do you have any

  regrets?

  The corner of his mouth tips. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.”

  I force a smile, pretending that’ll solve everything.

  We’ve gone through several types of chokeholds. In this one, we’re standing with my back pressed against the cage. Luke’s hands are wrapped around me, lightly squeezing. I raise my right hand high and turn my body to the left, bringing my arm down quickly. This traps Luke’s arms under mine, but is meant to loosen his grip a little. With my free arm, I swing my elbow toward his face. I didn’t expect to make contact, but there’s a crack, and Luke grunts, stumbling over.

  My eyes widen, and I look for blood. “Are you okay?” Unable to find any, I breathe a sigh of relief. He can’t be hurt that bad, though I really felt it.

  He backs away with a light chuckle, covering his face. “I’m fine.”

  “Let me see it. Does it hurt?” I try to move his arm, but he won’t let me.

  “If I say yes, are you going to take care of me?”

  When I frown, he chuckles again.

  “Nah, if anything, you shocked me.” He moves his hand, and his right eye shows faint bruising already. I got him good.

  A new wave of confidence rolls over me. “Maybe next time you’ll pay better attention. Looks like you’ll have a shiner.”

  His eyes drift to mine. “Yeah, well maybe you distract me.”

  My cheeks heat, but I pretend I didn’t hear him, offering to get him an ice pack.

  He kindly declines, then cracks his neck from sid
e to side. “Don’t act like you don’t enjoy this,” he says, breaking the tension. I fight a smirk, but he sees it. “Uh huh.”

  “Okay, I’ll admit it feels good, but just a little.”

  Crossing his arms with an unreadable expression, his feet are shoulder width apart. “You ready to keep going?”

  My brows lift to my forehead. “Can you handle it? Now that you’re injured, I mean?”

  He barks out a laugh. “I’ll show you what I can handle.”

  “Let’s go then.” I grin.

  A half-hour in and I’m sweating. Luke’s got me pinned flat on my back, his chest pressing against mine. I don’t think his ego’s going to let me win this time.

  “You sure you don’t want to start over?” His tone is light as I try to move him off me.

  “Why would I want that?” I gasp, my energy near depleted.

  His laughter blows against my skin, and my body reacts, spreading goose bumps all over my flesh. My body’s a traitor. I’m angry—angry for liking this too much, angry that I can’t concentrate with his shirtless body between my legs, angry that every second I lie here, I have to remind myself of what he did, of how he betrayed me, of how I won’t do the same to Sean. And finally, I’m angry that he smells so devastatingly delicious.

  “You’re wasting a lot of energy getting angry.”

  “Pssh, I’m not angry.” I squirm, panting, wishing he couldn’t hear how tired I am.

  “Then you’re frustrated.”

  “Only because you’re talking,” I say, hooking my foot underneath him. His face is way too close. I want to flip him over, but know that I don’t have a chance. I’m too exhausted.

  “Do you want me to stop?”

  “Talking?” I lift my hips, doing a crunch, trying to get enough space between us. So I can push him off. It doesn’t work. “Yes! Please, stop.” I’m too stubborn to give up.

  “Focus on your breathing. You’re too tense.”

  I lift my hips and grunt. “Can’t you see that I’m trying?” I’m disgusted that I sound like a baby, but I’m panicking. I can’t catch my breath, and I feel helpless. Flickers of my past start to haunt me. I’m losing all control.