Ugh! How can I be mad at him when he says stuff like that? Lowering the covers, I slowly sit up. I can’t believe these words are about to leave my mouth. “I’m sorry, too. You’re right, I was taking my anger out on you.” I’m embarrassed I unraveled my feelings and let him take the brunt of my anger.
Bo shrugs a shoulder. “It’s no big deal. You’re hurting, I understand.”
Attempting to smile to lighten the mood, I ask, “Does your offer to watch TV still stand?”
A smile tugs at his lips. “Only for you.”
Ugh! Why does he have to be so handsome?
As if out of habit, when I reach Bo he falls in step with me, his arm locking around my waist. My skin warms at his touch reminding me how much he affects me. I try not to think about it as I know nothing will probably happen between us. Not for my lack of trying, but because he refuses to let me get too close to him.
I wish I could tell him how much I appreciate his touch without him over thinking and freaking out.
“What would you like to watch?” he asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Pick a movie, I’ll watch whatever.”
Bo shuffles through J and Cassie’s collection until he finds a movie. Once he pops it in, he turns back to me. “I’ll go grab us something to drink and see if they have popcorn.”
“Okay.”
As the movie starts, Bo makes his way back in the room with a bowl of yummy popcorn and drinks. I don’t know what has gotten into Bo, but I like this version of him.
Half-way through the movie, the bowl is empty and I’m getting sleepy. J and Cassie still aren’t back yet, but I figure they will be soon. I’m sure they talked to his parents for a bit first before they left.
Curling up on my end of the couch, I grab the blanket off the back and cover up, drifting off to sleep easily. Last night’s emotional events definitely caught up to me.
I feel hands touching me, shaking me. Opening my eyes, I gasp when I see three pairs of worried eyes staring down at me. My heart is pounding in my chest, and it’s then when I realize my cheeks are wet with tears.
“Jess, are you okay?” my best friend asks, sounding scared.
“I-I’m not sure,” I say, my breathing labored. I don’t know why I’m crying or shaking for that matter.
Sitting up on the couch, I scrub my face with my hands, noticing how sweaty my face is.
“Here’s some water,” J says, passing me a glass. I didn’t even know he had disappeared.
Taking it from him, I murmur, “Thank you.” Taking a sip, the water soothes my dry throat. “What happened?”
Bo looks at Cassie who turns to J. “You were screaming in your sleep, darlin’.”
“Yeah, you scared us, Jess,” J adds, sounding worried.
Embarrassed, I hug my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on my knees. I’m pretty sure I had a dream about my parents and freaked out. It’s the only explanation I can think of. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through in my life. I pray I don’t lose myself in the process of grieving.
“I think I was dreaming of my parents,” I whisper.
Cassie sits next to me, her arms enveloping me in a hug while I stare blankly at the floor.
“I need some air,” I tell them. Cassie lets me go and no one says a word as they watch me get up and head for the front door. J and Cassie have a wooden swing on their front porch and a rocking chair. I choose the swing. Pulling my knees up, I lock my arms around them and stare out at the rising sun. Sometimes I’d catch my parents sitting outside on the porch watching the sun rise together. It was sweet how Dad would hold her in his arms and kiss her cheek. From then on, I told myself I would find a guy who would watch the sunrise with me. The chances of that seem bleak now.
I don’t know how long I sit out here reminiscing. The sun is up and shining brightly when J leans against the rail.
J’s eyes are filled with pity and I hate it. “None of us know what to say, Jess. If I am honest, I don’t think there is anything we can say, but Cassie and I want you to know that you are welcome to stay here as long as you want.”
Tilting my head to the side, I wipe away a couple tears that have escaped. “My heart hurts so much, J. I feel like there is a gaping hole in my chest. This empty feeling probably won’t ever go away.” Sniffling, I wipe away some more tears. “Thank you for your offer to stay, but I won’t be here long. I can’t go anywhere in Brilliant without memories of my parents popping up. Miami is my fresh start, and as painful as it will be, I need to continue with my plan of moving on.”
“I understand, and Cassie will, too.”
I manage a half smile. “Thank you,” I say genuinely.
Bo sticks his head out of the front door. “Um, I hate to interrupt, but you need to be getting ready to go to the funeral home,” he says, seeming nervous to tell me.
These next few days as we arrange the funeral are going to be long and hard. God, please give me strength.
3
Jess
Familiar muscular arms wrap around me from behind. I would shove him away if I had the strength, but Bo continues to comfort me like there isn’t a past between us.
“I’m so sorry, Jess,” he murmurs softly, close to my ear. I wish he was apologizing for what happened between us all those months ago, yet I know that will never happen.
Words fail me so I turn in his arms and sob against his chest. “Why, Bo? Why did my parents have to die!” My voice grows louder and louder with each syllable.
“I wish I knew, Jess, but I don’t have an answer for it,” he says, his own voice breaking.
They shouldn’t have gotten in the car that day. They shouldn’t have made plans to come have lunch with me. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t planned to move to Florida. They were helping me! My parents weren’t bad people. No, they were the best parents I could’ve asked for. It’s going to be so hard and painful to go on without them in my life. My mom was a very giving person who would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it or the shoes on her feet. She volunteered with a few charities, most involving kids. Dad was always an inspirational man. Anytime I needed advice, I went to him. The three of us were a close knit family. Our bond was unbreakable.
Moving out of Bo’s embrace, I turn and look down at their grave once again. “It has only been three days and I miss you more than you can imagine. I’ll remember everything you both taught me about life and love. I’m still going to live in Florida like I had planned, but know that I will always carry you both with me. I promise to come visit when I can. I love you, Mom and Dad,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
Tears I didn’t even know I had left fall down my cheeks. Why has leaving them suddenly become so hard?
“Let me drive you home, Jess,” a low voice says from behind me.
Glancing over my shoulder, I nod to Bo before saying goodbye to my parents one last time.
My plans to leave for the University of Miami in two days still stands. According to Google Maps, it will take me twelve hours and twenty-three minutes to drive there, not counting stops. The majority of my things I am taking have been boxed up and while I still have some legal things to figure out with my parents’ belongings, I’m ready to leave Brilliant behind and start anew.
A fresh start is exactly what I need and I am more than ready for it.
“Thanks for the ride.” It had been awkwardly quiet with neither of us knowing what to say. The music coming from the radio was the only noise filling the silence. Hopping out of Bo’s truck, I hug my stomach as I walk up the porch to the house that holds so many wonderful memories of the three of us. I decided not to impose on J and Cassie more than I already had, and even though it will be hard, I need to grieve on my own. Knowing I have to be strong so Bo won’t decide to stay, I put on a brave face and open the door to the empty house.
Leaning against the door, I cover my face with my hands and let the pain out. I make my body move in the direction of my bedro
om. The house is so quiet it’s deafening. No sound of the dishes being washed or my parent’s laughing at something I never really found funny. There is nothing but silence.
Sometime later, I hear my front door open and close. I hope it’s not Bo coming back. My heart can’t take seeing him anymore.
I sigh in relief when I see Cassie appear in the doorway. “Hey, I just came by to check on you. Do you need anything?” She seems uncomfortable standing there. Why does everyone talk so low around me? It’s like they don’t know what to say to me.
I just want my parents back. “No, I’m good. Thank you though.”
“Even though I will miss you, I’m glad you’re still going to Miami, Jess,” Cassie says, smiling through her tears.
“I’m going to miss you too, Yankee.” Yankee is my nickname for Cassie since she was from the north and wasn’t used to our southern slang at times. I chose Miami so I could get away from Brilliant. Who knows if I will like the city life, but I can’t stick around in a place Bo will be in.
Cassie steps further into the room and sits next to me. Her expression is still grim. “We will visit each other, I promise.”
“Will you need any help moving?” Even if I did, I wouldn’t ask for their help since they would include Bo.
“No, it will all fit in my car.”
“Okay, then I guess I’m going to go. J’s waiting on me in the truck with Ella. Are you sure you don’t want to stay with us?”
“I’m okay,” I lie.
“See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” I reply, trying to not let the sadness show.
Cassie waves goodbye and shuts the door behind her. Clutching my pillow tightly, I try to keep the tears at bay. Exhausted from not being able to sleep the past couple of nights, I close my eyes in hopes of a good night sleep.
Two days later, my car is loaded down and my gas tank is full. Taking one last look at my parent’s place, I grip the necklace they gave me on my last birthday. On the way out of town, I make a stop at the cemetery to visit their grave since I won’t get a chance to for a while.
There are times in life when we are faced with a choice. Other times, we automatically know exactly which path to take. I believe Bo paved my path for me. Three months and two days ago, I fell in love with a boy I knew I couldn’t get to settle down. Could I have fallen in love with him sooner and not realized it? Probably. After all, how could you fall in love with someone who continuously breaks your heart? And now, here I am, taking my broken heart with me to my new home in Florida. My love for him might be an illusion. Since the pain in my heart is real, I highly doubt my feelings are false. Brilliant will always be in my heart, but I doubt it will ever be home again.
4
Bo
Three months later
“Son, you need to quit and go home.”
I toss the last hay bale onto the trailer and wipe the sweat off my face using the hand towel I had stuffed in my back pocket. Dad has been trying to get me to go for the last hour but I still have stuff to do around the house.
“I can’t just quit, Dad. The fence needs fixing and I need to fix the door to the barn.”
He gives me a stern look. “I appreciate your help, son, but you have been out here from daylight ‘till dark every day. You need a day off. Go home and rest. Take tomorrow off while you’re at it.”
Ever since Dad broke the news that he is retiring from the police force, I told him I would help. College isn’t really my thing and since I have no clue what to do with my life, I decided to help Dad out until I figured it out. “Okay,” I relent. My muscles are aching for me to give them a rest.
Patting me on my back, he says, “Love you, son.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
I head inside to kiss my mom goodbye before heading to my house on the edge of our small town. Brilliant isn’t a big place, but I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. This place will always be home to me.
After Jess left, I’ve been doing some serious thinking about her and me. Maybe I could spend forever with her. I’m still on the fence whether or not I want to try having a relationship with her or not. One thing I know for sure is that I miss the hell out of her. It’s different now that she is gone.
I still hang out with my brother and his little family every now and then, but it’s not the same without Jess here. I didn’t realize how much I’d miss her being here until she left.
Dad is right, I need a break and I know exactly where I want to go.
I call up J and tell him my plans.
“You’re going to Florida?” he seems amused. “Can I guess which city?”
“Not the one you’re thinking.”
The fucker laughs. “Oh, so you’re not going to Miami? Riiight.”
“No, dickhead, I’m not. Panama City Beach is where I’m going.” Yeah, I’ve thought about driving to Miami to see if I can convince her to come home and immediately dismissed the thought. If Jess wants to come home, she will. She’s a grown woman who can make her own decisions. I often wonder how she is dealing with her grief and if she still hurts as bad or if the pain has lessened. My own heart was breaking watching her break down.
“Are you going alone? What for?”
Man, he is so inquisitive today. “Yes, I am going alone and do I need a reason? I want to get away for a weekend. Dad told me I need to take time off anyway.”
“So, a beach filled with a bunch of girls in skimpy bathing suits looking for one-night stands is your weekend getaway?” he asks while laughing like the idea is absurd.
“Hell yeah!” I haven’t had sex since before graduation and with no clear reason why. I’ve had opportunities, and yet for some reason, I turned them down. Well, not this weekend.
“Bo, please be careful. We don’t need any mini Bo’s running around,” he jokes.
“Oh, I will, brother. Don’t you worry. What happens in Panama, stays in Panama.” I meant it to be funny, but I can just see him giving me a pointed look.
“If you say so.” J may be worried, but I’m determined to have a good time.
After I finish talking with J, I grab my duffle bag from the closet and begin filling it. I call my parents to let them know where I will be this weekend so they don’t freak out when I’m not over there.
As soon as I’m packed and ready to go, I waste no time hopping in my truck and peeling out of the driveway. Grabbing my favorite ball cap out of the backseat, I put it on, along with my Ray-Bans. With my music cranked up loud, I head South toward the Florida state line, eager to have a good time.
It is mid-morning here in Panama and I am rested up, excited to see what the day will bring. The salty breeze is warm as I sit out on the balcony, enjoying the view. I’m not sure what all I will do today. Tonight, however, will be a different story.
I decide to take a walk on the beach for a while, checking out the scenery, if you catch my drift.
Clad in only my trunks and sandals, I walk along the shore line, smiling from ear to ear as I check out the ladies.
A beautiful brown haired girl to my left, sitting in the sand, catches my attention. Looking around, I make sure she is alone before approaching her. Getting into a fight or stealing another man’s girl is not my thing.
“Hey, beautiful.” Talking to girls has never been an issue for me. It’s picking the girls who understand your rules and stick to them is what I have a problem with.
Turning her head my way, she smiles when she notices me. “Hey, handsome.” Her eyes waste no time eyeing me up.
“Enjoying the view?” I smirk.
“I sure am,” she replies, giving me a wink.
“Mind if I sit with you?” I could use some good company and she looks mighty fine.
“Not at all.”
Taking a seat next to her, I bend my knees and rest my forearms on them. “What’s your name, beautiful?”
“Faith. And yours?”
Grinning, I reply, “My name is Bo, darlin’.”
�
�I knew I heard a southern drawl in there. Your name suits you. Are you here alone, too?”
Yep, all alone. “I wouldn’t be trying to get to know you if I wasn’t. I’m not that kind of guy.”
“No offense, but guys are jerks.”
Girls are just as bad, I think to myself. “Not all guys are.” She shrugs, agreeing to disagree I guess. “What are you doing tonight?”
“I’m going to a super awesome beach party. Want to come?”
“Hell yeah.”
She laughs, knocking her shoulder into my arm. “I’m about to go grab something to eat, want to join me?”
I feign excitement. “Sure.”
Faith stands to her feet and holds her hand out to me. Placing my hand in hers, she helps pull me up out of the sand and we take off running down the beach.
My first day here is already starting off well.
5
Jess
It’s been three months since I left my home behind and never looked back. Cassie and I have our weekly chats every Saturday morning. I miss her and her little family, but Florida is home to me now. Brilliant holds too much pain.
College life is about what I expected it to be. I have made a friend here and she is so upbeat all the time. Speaking of the devil, Faith just texted me.
OMG I met a guy!!!!!
Faith is currently spending her weekend in Panama City and I am jealous that I didn’t go with her. She asked me last week when I was having a bad day emotionally and I told her no. Now, I wish I had gone with her.
Holding on for you (Saved #2) Page 2