Tortured Beginning

by V. M. Holk

  Jazmin says her good-bye to dad and I follow her out exit.

  "Let me know if anything changes. I wouldn't leave if it weren't for the girls."

  "It's fine. I will talk to you later."

  She grabs me and hugs me. She pulls away, holding onto my arms.

  "Stop beating yourself up. You didn't know this was going to happen."

  I nod, hating that she knew what I was thinking. I watch her leave and decide to call Anne. I get my phone and dial her number.

  "Hey, you."

  "Hi."

  "What's wrong?" It's crazy that she can tell from that one word that something is wrong.

  "Dad's in the hospital. He fell and they are going to keep him. His white blood count is low and they want to see it come back up."

  "Oh, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to come up there? I can get my dad to watch the girls."

  "No, don't. It's okay. We will get him settled and I can take mom home."

  "Don't worry about work. I will call Kayla in."

  "Thanks."

  I turn the phone off and head back to dad's room.

  It took them a long time to get dad into a room. We finally left and I needed to get mom home. I pull into the long driveway, up to my parents house. This is the house I grew up in, I always feel a love, hate relationship with coming here.

  I had a great childhood, but I couldn't wait to leave as a teen. I was living at home still, when Derrick passed away. I have watched my dad grow old and frail in this house. Some days I can't handle more than a few minutes here. Every where you look, you see my dad.

  The house is an old farm house, which was my grandparents house, before us. My dad put a garage on the side, which was his domain. He put a wood burning stove in there, and he loves spending hours out there, god only knows what.

  The old barn, is a sight to see. It's huge, and has a lot of dad's treasures in there. Well what he considers treasure, is most people's trash. The barn is leaning, threatening to collapse on of these days.

  There are several other out buildings and a wooden patio of the house. Mom's gardens are the envy of many women. The once working farm, is now a beautiful land of flowers.

  I pull up next to the garage and get out with mom. I want to make sure that she has everything she needs. I can see the worry in her eyes, that she tries to hide from everyone. It may work for her friends at church, but it doesn't work on me.

  We walk into the now dark house and mom turns on the light. We are in the kitchen, which is large. I remember all the times as a kid having dinner around that very table. I hate walking in here and not seeing dad in his spot at tha table. He watches the small TV, that is on it's built in stand in the corner. He loved having his snack at night watching his shows.

  I shake myself, knowing he will be home soon. Mom thought the kitchen to get into her room to change. I walk into the extremely large family room, that was once also a dining room. Mom has only used this part of the family room for eating, during the holidays. They are really one room. She has a nice rocker in the corner, in front of the large picture window, that she loves to read at.

  She has a large sectional couch in the other side of the room, in front of other large picture window. There are end tables at each side and then dad's recliner, not to far from mom's rocker. The entertainment center on the other wall, with the TV and all of mom's nick knacks.

  Just off the living room is their master bedroom, and bathroom. Then you go upstairs which has four bedrooms and the attic. It's a big house and was great when we were all home. But now it's almost to much for my parents. Yet they love it and I actually couldn't imagine them anywhere else.

  Mom comes out of her room, in her pajama's. She looks tired and older than I ever remember her being. She sits in her rocker and puts her foot on the little ottoman in front of it. She grabs the little blanket next to her and wraps it around herself.

  "You want a cup of tea, mom?"

  "Yes, thank you."

  I walk into the kitchen and fill the kettle. I put it on the stove and get her cup down from the cupboard. I get her a sleepy time tea, with sugar and honey.

  Once the kettle whistles, I pour the water into her cup. I walk back to mom and set it on the little end table next to her chair. She already looks like she is falling asleep. I know this had to be a long day for her. I decide I really don't want to leave her here by herself. I still have some of my old clothes in my room and I know I can throw on a nightgown.

  I run upstairs and look in my dresser for it. Once I have it, I change. I look around my room and a flood of memories hit me. Anne and me laying on my bed, with our feet against the wall as we talked non-stop. Derrick hanging out with me, while my parents weren't here.

  I sigh, not wanting to think about all this shit. It doesn't help that not much has changed in my room. Still the same flowered wallpaper and half finished closet, that dad built because there never were any in the rooms upstairs. The same furniture, with all my nick knacks. The doll my aunt gave me with her beautiful crocheted dress.

  Again with the love, hate of it all. I grab the quilt from my bed and a pillow and decide to sleep on the couch. That way if mom needs me, I will be right there. I decide to make myself a cup of tea, to help relax me.

  When I check on mom, she is asleep in the chair. I know she won't be there for long, she will get up and go to bed.

  I go in the kitchen and make myself a tea. Once I'm done I walk back into the living room and make myself comfortable on the couch. I get the remote and surf through the channels and find a movie to put on. I take a few sips of my tea and set it down. Once my head its the pillow, I don't think I was up very long.

  Dad was only in the hospital for a few days. He was looking better every day, and I was thankful for that. So, once he was home, mom was back to her old self. I didn't stay long, because I wanted to stop at work, since I haven't been there.

  I leave dad sitting in his spot in the kitchen. Kissing him on the cheek and hugging him from behind. I walk out the door, stepping out on the deck. I look back through the big picture window, and smile to see him happy.

  I drive the short distance to the shop, to see how things have been. I pull into the parking lot, and park in my usual spot. I already feel exhausted from the week I had. Now that I'm here, I wonder why I came.

  I walk into the back of the shop and into the office, to see if there is anything waiting for me. Looking in my in box, not seeing anything, making me feel depressed. I put my head in my hands and sigh. What am I doing? I hear someone by the office and I don't bother looking up.

  "Hey boss. I didn't know you were here," says the new girl, Tracy.

  I look up, "Hi, Tracy. I just got here, how are things?"

  "Good, I'm learning a lot. We have been pretty busy day."

  "That's great."

  I get up and walk out to the front, finding Anne behind the counter.

  "Hey you. How is your dad?"

  "Much better, he is home."

  "That's great. How are you?"

  "I'm fine."

  "Yeah, I know all about your fine. If you need more time, we got this."

  I nod, feeling more depressed. What the hell, I need a cigarette.

  "I'm going in the back for a smoke, if you need me."

  "Yep, no problem."

  I watch her go back to work and I turn to the back. As soon as I step outside, I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I get a cigarette and light it. I take a long drag from it, feeling slightly better. In the distance I hear a bike, it's getting closer. I look up to see Nico, pull into the parking lot.

  It brings a small smile to my face to see him. He gets off the bike, he is sexy as hell. I love the look of the bike between his thighs. He walks up to me and I suddenly feel a tears coming to my eyes. What the fuck, all at once, my pent up feelings rise to the surface. He looks at me and he pulls me into his arms. I grab a hold of him tightly, letting loose all those feelings.

  I knew as soon as I looked
at her that something was wrong. I know she has had a rough week with her dad, but she brought him home today. As soon as I walked up to her, she lost it.

  "Hey, doll. Shhhh. That's it, we are getting out of her for a couple of days. I will follow you to your house and you can pack a few things."

  I look up to see Anne at the door. She looks at me.

  "You can get away for a few days from the shop," I say to Jaylah, while looking at Anne. She nods her approval to me. Anne smiles at me and walks back into the shop.

  "Sure, it's not like they need me here anyway." She says into my shoulder, so it sounds muffled.

  I pull her away and take my thumbs and wipe away her tears.

  "Come on, let's get out of here."

  She nods back at me. I walk her to her car and then hop onto my bike. I follow her, and we pull into the driveway. Once in the house, she runs up stairs to pack a small bag.

  "Don't forget we will be on the bike," I yell up the stairs at her.

  "Okay, I have a backpack."

  When she comes down the stairs, I can already see her looking better. This is what we both need.

  "Ready?"

  "Yeah, I'm sending my mom and sister a text."

  I nod, "Great, we will stop at my place, so I can grab a few things."

  We get on my bike and drive to my place. I live in a house, split into three apartments. I live in the basement apartment, which works out great with my hours. It's always a little darker down there. I liked this place, because it has a garage. I pay the landlord extra each month to have a spot for my bike.

  Jaylah has never been to my place, so I'm glad it's not to much of a mess. I park in the driveway, which is behind the house. We walk the path to the entrance to my place. Once I unlock the door we walk down the steps into my living room. I have a small area with a bench to with my shoes underneath. You turn into the left and it opens to my living room. To the right of that is my small kitchen, with a small table and two chairs against the wall. You walk down the hall to my bedroom and a bathroom.

  I was lucky to have a large storage room, next to the furnace room. I have a stacked washer and dryer set up in my bathroom as well.

  "This is really nice."

  "Thanks, it's perfect for me. Make yourself at home, I'll only be a minute."

  She nods and sits on my large brown sofa. I walk back to my room and pack a small bag of clothes and grab my saddlebag for the bike. I haven't taken a trip with a woman since Elizabeth, and I stop packing. Damn, it's time to live more. I shake myself from these thoughts and think about having fun with Jaylah. I walk back out and Jaylah stands up.

  "Let's go have a fun couple of days."

  "Fuck yeah."

  We both laugh. I follow her out and lock the door behind us. We walk back to my bike and I attach my saddlebag. We get all of our stuff inside.

  Jaylah puts her hand on my arm, "Where are we going?"

  "North, where do you want to go?"

  "Well I've always wanted to go to Tawas."

  "Sounds good to me."

  I've been there before, many years ago. It's about a two and half hour drive, on the Lake Huron. It should be a nice place for us to get away. We will get there in time to have a late dinner, and find a place to stay. They get a lot of tourists up there in the summer. So now that the kids are back in school, I don't think we will have a problem.

  Once we get on the open road, I relax and enjoy the ride. I love the feel of Jaylah wrapped around me. She has her head leaning on my back, one arm wrapped around my middle and the other hand on my arm. She is gently rubbing my arm, and I smile to myself. This is something I have been missing, and I'm thankful that this time she is letting me in.

  I'm glad I decided to go see her today. Since that first night, to the morning after with the guy that showed. I know that she was obviously in a relationship with him, especially the way he looked at me. He was not someone I could see her with, but what the hell do I know about woman's preference in men. I can tell we have had a change, we understand each other.

  We have been riding for almost two hours, and we are getting closer to Tawas.

  I yell back to her, "We have about forty-five minutes, do you need to stop?"

  "No," she yells back.

  We have such beautiful scenery to look at, with all the fall colors. Being the middle of September, the trees are changing. And the farther north you go, the faster they change. As we are going, I see the car in front of us swerve, the person loses control and hits the sign on the side of the expressway.

  I quickly pull over to make sure they are okay. Once, off my bike and I approach the car. I see a woman in the front seat, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. I get a flashback of Elizabeth, and I have a hard time breathing. I see movement out of the corner my eye, and a deer jumps into the trees.

  I lean on the back of the car and Jaylah looks at me with a worried look. My head feels like it's spinning and I have shortness of breath. I slide down the side of the car and sit on the ground. I hear Jaylah asking the woman if she is okay. She is dialing 9-1-1, and I hear her talking to person on the other end.

  All I can see is Elizabeth's lifeless body next to me in the smashed, broken up car. I tried shaking her to wake her up, still not understanding what happened in my alcohol induced state. I scream her name, over and over again.

  I feel a hand on my shoulder, and Jaylah kneels down to me. She looks into my eyes, and smiles at me.

  "Are you alright?"

  "Yeah, sorry. I got lightheaded."

  We wait for the police and ambulance to show up. Once they are there we give them our statement. We find out that the woman is fine, just a little shaken.

  We finally get back on the bike and I'm thankful that we are close to Tawas. I take the exit off the expressway, to the Main area of the city.

  I decide to find a hotel by the water. We only have to drive for a few minutes, and I pull into one that says vacancy. It looks like a nice enough place, and the view is one I won't mind waking up to in the morning.

  I park the bike next to the front door and take off my helmet.

  "I'll be right back," I tell Jaylah.

  She nods, as she takes off her own helmet. I walk in, and up to the front desk. I ask for a room with a view of the water, I'm sure it's extra. I want to enjoy this weekend, I'll worry about the money when my credit card bill comes in.

  I get the key card from the clerk, along with some pamphlets on things to do in the area. I see as I am walking out a flyer for this weeks events. It looks like there is a fall festival going on this week, well that was good timing on our part.

  I walk back out and see that our room is not that far away. It's one of the hotels, that are small buildings, this one has eight. They are laid out in a u-shape, with four of them on the water front, each building having three rooms.

  "We are just across the parking lot. Room number thirteen, on the water."

  "Oh, I was hoping we would be on the water."

  "Let's walk the bike over."

  We walk the short distance in silence. Once there, I put the bike on it's stand. We grab our things and walk to the door. I put the card in, and the light turns green. We walk through, into the room.

  It's a pretty nice room, with a large king size bed in the middle with two end tables on each side. The bathroom is to the left of the door, with a closet as you walk by. The dresser is on the opposite side of the bed with a flat screen TV on top of it. As you walk past the bed, there is a sliding door onto a small patio that leads out to the beach and water. There is also a small table and two chairs, in front of a large picture window, looking out on the water.

  The view is worth every penny, I walk to the window. Looking out over the water, has calmed from my earlier feelings. Jaylah walks behind me, and wraps her arms around me.

  "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she asks.

  "Yeah, it is." We stand there for a bit, not talking, enjoying the view. "You hungry?"

  "Yes, I'
m starving."

  "I saw a small diner, on our way here. How does that sound?"

  "Sounds great to me."

  Feeling satisfied after eating, we get back to the hotel. It has been a long day, and I know we are both beat. I open the room, and we walk in. Once in, I rip off my shoes.

  "Hey I'm going to take a quick shower."

  Jaylah nods, "I need one too."

  "You can join me." I point towards the bathroom with a big grin.

  "I hope you don't mind, I'll wait till you are done. I want to sit on the patio, before it's too dark."

  "Don't worry about it, I'll be quick."

  I felt disappointed, but I understood. We are both exhausted from the day, physically and emotionally. I walk into the bathroom and start the shower. I step under the water, and feel the dirt wash away. I'm already starting to feel better.

  I start thinking about the accident earlier, and then about Elizabeth. I wish it still didn't hurt so much, I thought it would get better. Yet some days, I feel worse and take steps backwards instead of forwards. I finish up, so that Jaylah can take her shower.

  Once I step out, I towel myself dry and wrap the towel around my middle. I walk out of the bathroom to find my brush. I see her still sitting on the patio and leave her be. The sun is starting to set, and I don't want to ruin that for her.

  I get my clothes out of the bag and throw on my underwear, mesh shorts and a t-shirt. I walk to the mirror next to the TV and brush out my hair.

  I hear the door open, and look over to see her walking in. She smiles at me, and touches my arm as she walks by to the bathroom. I watch her walk in, hoping these few days cheer her up. Hell, I hope it cheers me the fuck up as well.

  I lay on the bed and grab the remote. Damn, we should've stopped and grabbed some snacks. I remember seeing a vending machine between the buildings. I grab the ice bucket, my wallet and the key card.

  I poke my head into the bathroom, "Heading to the vending machine, any requests?'

  She pokes her head out of the curtain, all wet and looking sexy as hell. "Yeah. Can I have a coke, and some chips."

  I nod my head, she smiles and disappears back into the shower. I walk out and turn to the left to the end of the building. I turn to find the machines. I put the money in the machine, getting coke's for both of us. I put them in the bucket and fill it with ice. I then go to the goodie machine, buying candy and chips. Now that I'm loaded up, I head to our room.