The Key

by Pauline Baird Jones

“How long does a wedding take?” he asked.

  A slight frown formed between her brows. She didn’t speak for so long, he wondered if she would. Finally she stirred a bit.

  “Not…long.”

  She didn’t ask why or seem at all interested. Maybe she didn’t remember today was supposed to be the day. He felt—the hot breath of the Ojemba on his neck. He should leave, leave this ship, leave her, but he couldn’t do it. He’d served so long alone. Was it wrong to grab happiness and hang on while they faced an uncertain future together? They’d be in battle soon. Odds were against their surviving.

  “It’s morning,” he murmured, his arms tightening, as if she were already leaving him.

  Another round of stirring and frowning. This time all he got was a soft mutter.

  “Are you all right?”

  The hand across his middle sort of formed into a thumbs up.

  “You don’t seem to be.”

  Her hand crept up his chest until she could rub her face, though it was a half-hearted rub.

  “Not…morning…person…”

  He thought about this for a bit, trying not to think about the feel of her body along the length of his. One of her legs was hooked over his. The fact that they were both fully dressed wasn’t helping him a whole lot.

  “I…need to get up.”

  More stirring and shifting. Also didn’t help.

  “Okay…” she finally muttered.

  But she didn’t move. In fact, she snuggled closer. She sighed. It was a big sigh. Seemed to affect her whole body. He looked at the ceiling and tried counting.

  It didn’t help either.

  “Thanks…” Her voice was a soft murmur.

  “For what?”

  “Slept…good.”

  “Glad I could help.” He let himself touch her hair, running his fingers through the tangled strands. “Are…you awake?”

  Her head moved in a nod.

  “You don’t seem awake.”

  Her lips curved in a smile. “Getting…there…wake up slow.” One eyelid opened part way. “Are you a morning person?”

  “Maybe.” Was that a bad thing?

  “Are you cheerful?” Now the other lid opened partway.

  “How could I not be, waking up like this?” He hugged her.

  Both eyes opened all the way, then they narrowed.

  “That was…clever.” She sounded suspicious.

  He grinned. He thought so, too.

  “Do you suppose we’re still getting married today?” Changing the subject seemed wise.

  “I wonder why he wants it today.”

  “He said it would be good to get you off the market.”

  She stiffened…then sighed. “I guess I can’t blame him.”

  She was quiet a moment.

  “I’m afraid I need to get up.” She blinked up at him with sleepy innocence. “I need to visit the head. But you stay put. I’ll just climb over—”

  “No.” The word came out more forcefully than he’d intended. She clearly had no clue what she was doing to him. “I’ll just get up.”

  Her face flooded with color as she pulled away from him so he could get out of the bed.

  “Sorry.”

  He gave her a rueful grin. “I can live…until tonight.”

  Her eyes widened.

  “Right.” She licked her lips. “Me, too.”

  Actually, she looked like she could wait longer than that.

  She pointed at the door. “Excuse me.”

  She slid past him, taking extra care not to brush against him on her way out. The door closed behind her.

  He hoped she came back.

  * * * *

  Sara had to go back in there. He was in her quarters. Where her clothes were. Okay, going in, because it was Fyn in there. She loved him.

  He looked up when the door slid open. He might have looked a bit relieved, as he watched her through the dreads with one brow lifted in an unspoken question.

  Her insides…melted. Suddenly tonight seemed an eternity away. She wanted to melt into his arms and never leave them again. As if he sensed the change in her he got up and pulled her close.

  “Will we be able to mate if we can’t get to the planet?”

  Her face flooded with color and she wanted to run again. She rubbed her face, but it didn’t help. She could feel the heat of the blush against her palms.

  “Could you not say that?”

  “Say what?”

  “Mate. It just sounds…I don’t know…” Terrifying? Clinical? Icky?

  “What do you want me to call it?”

  “Having sex. Making love, there are other names, but making love doesn’t scare me.” As much.

  He eased her hands down and started kissing her face, just feather light kisses on her forehead, her cheeks, her eyes and finally her mouth.

  “Am I scary?”

  She smiled now. “You’re terrifying, cave man.”

  He cupped her cheeks, studying her face for a moment before sliding his hands down her neck—

  Sara flinched and jerked away from him, her heart pounding.

  Fyn grabbed her hand. “What just happened?”

  “I’m sorry.” Her lips trembled. “Just give me a minute and I’ll be fine.”

  “Tell me.”

  Sara’s eyes widened. “That sounded like an…order.” She was stalling and she knew it. Possibly attempting a diversion.

  Fyn just looked at her, but there was something in his eyes and the set of his mouth that sent a shiver down her spine. She felt her jaw drop. Apparently he wasn’t buying the stall or the diversion. Seems she’d discovered his cut-the-crap zone.

  She still didn’t want to talk about it, but she heard herself say, “Adin did…that. He touched my neck. No big deal. Just for a minute it freaked me out, but…”

  She stopped, her chin lifted. “I’m fine.”

  “Are you?” He slid his hands around her neck again.

  She flinched, but this time she didn’t pull away. He waited a moment, and then gently stroked her skin. It…erased Adin’s touch, replacing it with his. She could feel herself relax.

  “Tell me what else he did.” Fyn’s touch was gentle, but his eyes were…grim.

  She didn’t want to think about it, let alone talk about it. She tensed again.

  “I don’t—”

  “Tell me.” This time his voice was an invitation, not an order.

  “He…kissed me.” Sara couldn’t look at him. If there’d been some place to hide in the room, she’d have dived into it. “Just a…kiss.”

  “But it scared you?”

  “No…maybe…kind of.”

  “Why?”

  That was the million-dollar question.

  “Sara, look at me. Why did it scare you, if it was just a kiss?”

  She raised her lashes. “Maybe I’m a wimp.” His brows arched. “Oh jeeze, I don’t know, it was…awful, but…not.”

  She thought he’d be shocked, but he didn’t look shocked.

  Fyn’s eyes darkened. “So, he didn’t hurt you?”

  She shook her head. “Well, he hit me once, but that just made me want to kick his ass.”

  He bent and brushed his lips across hers. “Did he do that?”

  She nodded, her eyes getting wide.

  “And did he do this?”

  His mouth…tasted hers. Light brushes against her lips, the center, both sides…

  Her lashes started to droop down.

  “No, look at me.”

  He was right. She needed to see him.

  “He kind of bit my lower lip, too.” It had shocked her that she could be so angry…and yet so vulnerable. In some ways it would have been easier if he forced her. There’d be less…guilt if it hadn’t been so hard not to respond to him.

  “Like this?”

  He gently, very gently nibbled the lip in question. It was very nice, great actually.

  “I like the way you do it…better.” It was true. Adin had had lots o
f practice, but was heartless in the execution. The heat he generated was…cold at its heart, giving nothing, designed only for taking.

  With Fyn, every touch said he loved her. It gave, asking nothing.

  “Anything else?”

  “No, that was it.” She smiled a bit wryly. “I told you I’m a wimp.”

  He slid his hand into her hair. “A kiss didn’t put that look in your eyes, Sara. Tell me what did.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t want—”

  “It’s a poison inside your head. You’ve tried it alone, now we do it together.”

  He might be right, but she didn’t want to.

  “You can do this.”

  Sara sighed. Her lashes slid down.

  “Look at me while you tell me.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You can.” He pulled her close again, his hand cupped against the side of her face, holding her chin up. “Tell me.”

  So she told him. She told him all of it, except about unlocking the outpost. There was the gag order. A couple of times, his grip tightened.

  “Do you remember when I came?”

  Sara shook her head. “I knew you would, if you could.” She sighed. She felt empty, but better. “I guess I got my drawers in a twist over nothing.”

  “It wasn’t nothing…but now it can be. It’s not bottled up anymore.”

  He was right, but…

  “Just how much time did you spend with the shrink? You’re not exactly the poster child for getting things out in the open.”

  He grinned. “Too much…way too much.”

  She grinned at him. “Well, next time you can do the confessing.”

  Did he just jerk? She frowned. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m good.” But he didn’t look at her and she felt him holding something back.

  Something? Probably a lot of things. Did she really need to know all he’d done since he lost his wife and world? Did she even want to know all that stuff? It couldn’t be changed and once it was in her head, she couldn’t get it out again. She wasn’t eager to lay bare all her past for him.

  She could almost hear Evie telling her to let the boy be, girl. Let him find who he is now, with you. The past is just the past. Don’t give it more power than it already has.

  If it didn’t affect them now, if it didn’t matter to this moment, then why press the issue?

  * * * *

  Sara didn’t like to ask about her wedding, with so much other crap going on, but it was on her mind when she and Fyn reported to Colonel Halliwell. It felt a bit shallow with six Gadi ships hanging out there.

  “Grab chairs,” he ordered, looking up briefly from his laptop to greet them.

  They both waited quietly for a few minutes. Before the Old Man finished, Carey came in.

  “What’s up?” He looked at Sara, then Fyn and lastly the Old Man.

  “Pull up a chair, Colonel.” Halliwell finished typing something and sat back. “Here’s the situation. The Gadi Leader arrived on one of the ships last night. We chatted a bit and nobody shot at anybody. For now.”

  He pushed his chair back and stood up. He looked tired. Sara wondered if he’d got any sleep last night. He paced around to the front of his desk and leaned against the edge.

  “He wanted us, mostly you, Captain, to visit him on his ship. I said no a bunch of times as politely as I could without coming out and saying we didn’t trust him to give you back. He didn’t like it, but the Commander finally convinced him to come aboard for the visit—which will commence at 1600. I’ve got the SO working on security, and Kilburn doing the diplomatic shit, but I have no clue what to do about you.”

  He looked at Sara, just in case there was some question who he was worried about.

  Sara met his gaze for a long moment. “I guess I could be…nice.”

  Fyn frowned but Carey looked hopeful. “The red dress?”

  Sara gave him a look. “Not that nice. I was thinking more of getting in touch with my…roots.”

  Halliwell crossed his arms. “Your roots?”

  “They lead straight back to a trailer park, sir. These Gadi are pretty upper crust. I wonder how they’d feel about a trashy, redneck woman as one of the leader’s ladies.”

  The Old Man looked almost amused.

  “Okay, I’m interested. What did you have in mind?”

  “Gaedon wasn’t too wild about the booming.”

  “And do a throw down,” Carey said. “You could try to take Fyn again. I might even bet on you this time.”

  “I see where you’re going.” Halliwell straightened. “Okay, but not just Donovan. Too obvious. We have a demonstration of our fighting techniques for them. I’m sure Kilburn will want to do a dinner. He always does. We give them the ten-cent tour and end up at in the club. It would be better for the leader to withdraw his proposal.”

  “That doesn’t mean they won’t still want her in their camp,” Fyn pointed out. “This is about Miri.”

  “I’m thinking if I’m trashy enough, they’ll quit believing I have the key,” Sara said. “They’ve built Miri up to be this mystical, perfect being. Luckily being imperfect is a no-brainer for me.”

  Okay, she wasn’t insulted that no one disagreed with her, not even Fyn.

  “We’re already about to bump heads. Can’t see how it could goon things up more,” Carey said. “Not saying it couldn’t. Just saying I can’t see how.”

  Carey grinned at her and she almost stuck her tongue out at him. Luckily she remembered he was her superior officer.

  “And maybe, since we’re on alert because of them, instead of a dress parade, we’re all geared up in our ABU’s…” Sara thought about the man in the drawing. He didn’t seem like the type to like his women in camo. “No softer side?”

  Halliwell grinned. “You’re a dark, little soul at times, aren’t you?” He looked at Fyn. “You sure you know what you’re getting into?”

  “Am I…getting into something, sir?” Fyn asked it very respectfully and a bit hopefully.

  Sara bit back a grin, but couldn’t resist giving the Old Man a hopeful look, too.

  Halliwell’s brows rose, as if he didn’t know what they were talking about…but then he relented.

  “If neither of you have changed your minds?” He looked at Fyn, then at Sara. He pushed the intercom. “Padre, can you come in now?”

  Briggs came in with him and punched her lightly on the arm, but his grin was wide. “So, you’re going to marry Chewie.”

  It was a bit mind boggling when he put it like that.

  It probably wasn’t the wedding of most girls’ dreams, but Sara hadn’t expected to get married, so she arrived at the moment without expectations.

  The colonel and Carey stood as witnesses. Briggs stood in as father and when the padre asked who gave this woman, he said he did. In a way he had been a sort of father—a really weird way.

  The service was short and to the point. There wasn’t a lot of time. They didn’t have rings to exchange and they barely got to kiss, but all that mattered to Sara was at the end of it, the padre pronounced them man and wife.

  Sara looked shyly up at Fyn, at her husband. There was a round of congratulations, a short round because Carey and Fyn were almost late for their duty station.

  A little wistfully, Sara watched them leave. The padre congratulated her again, reminded her she’d promised to sing for the next service and then excused himself.

  She turned to Briggs. He nodded a couple of times, then gave her a half-hearted hug. Sara caught him before he could pull back and kissed his cheek, feeling the first tears pop into her eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re not going to cry like a girl now, are you?”

  She shook her head and managed to keep the tears from spilling over.

  “Be happy.” He punched her shoulder again and turned and stalked out leaving her alone with the Old Man.

  Sara wasn’t quite sure why she was still here—or if she was supposed t
o leave. She waited a minute, but when he didn’t speak, she started to edge toward the door.

  “You said you could connect with the city—or that it connected with you?”

  Sara stopped. “Yes, sir.”

  “Do you think you could turn the key from up here? Don’t think we’re going to be able to sneak you to the island and I’m anxious to…extend the view.”

  Now he looked really tired and very worried.

  “I can try, sir.”

  “Please.”

  She took a couple of deep breaths, then closed her eyes and reached out for Ruby.

  You wanted me to turn the key, so here I am…trying.

  As always, that initial connection…hurt. She rubbed her temple for a minute and it eased a bit.

  Turn the key.

  Okay, she got that part. How do I turn the key?

  There was a feeling of being…yanked and it was as if she was in the room with the portal. She could see some of the geeks milling around and the jarhead guard looking bored, but they didn’t seem to see her. Sara looked around, though it felt like it was in slow motion. She was there, but not. She was in the system, she realized, looking at them through the monitors. There was another yank and now it felt like she was standing in the room, only now it was empty. She was in the…past, though she didn’t know how she knew that.

  She walked up to the portal and stopped. The lock was here… somewhere.

  Miri had stood here, looking at the portal, trying to decide what to do. Sara felt her sorrow…her heart was…aching. Sara rubbed her heart, then her hands slid down to cover her stomach.

  The baby.

  She wanted to protect the baby.

  She wanted to protect…me.

  From what? Why did you leave?

  Data slammed into her head.

  Slow down.

  She dug her fists into the side of her head. She didn’t know if she dropped to her knees or if that was what Miri had done in the past.

  From a long way a way, she heard someone calling her name. Who…

  Hands grabbed her shoulders and with a hard shake, she was back on the Doolittle. The colonel was crouched in front of her.

  “Captain?”

  “Sir?” She blinked, clearing bits of data from her gaze. She was kneeling on the floor.

  “You didn’t tell me it would hurt.” He sounded grim.

  “It doesn’t always hurt…that much.” She rubbed her temples. “It’s trying to send me too much, too fast. I’ll adjust in a minute.”