Scavengers

by Rosalyn Wraight

  Holly held up two fingers and shook her head back and forth. Then she raised one finger and nodded her head up and down, her nose and eyebrow forming a question mark. If there were points to be had for charades, I would have garnered them, and I quickly took a finger and pointed it down, to that sleeping woman on my lap. I roused her a little, but she barely moved.

  "We're here, hon,” I whispered. “Everyone's here."

  She groaned, sat up, spied Holly madly and happily waving at her, groaned again, and slid back down. A very long description for something that spanned a total of three seconds.

  "Stay here, then,” I said to her, opening the door and holding her head up while I slipped out from underneath it. “Get some sleep. You deserve it."

  She put her head back down, and as quietly as I could, I closed the door. I gave it a final thrust with my hip and headed to the sidewalk. As I did so, the other women followed suit. We had a lengthy conversation about being stuck in front of a restaurant that displayed a “Closed for the Season” sign. Had they simply failed to check their dates, assuming it would be open? Had they done it on purpose? The law-keeper among us even suggested that maybe “smoke and fire”

  meant we were to torch the place to the ground, but then she reasoned that her captain would move her to arson, and that she did not want. Vice, maybe, but not arson.

  After much coaxing, I was finally talked into calling Kris and Ginny, to waking their lazy butts to see if perchance they had erred. First, I tried their home phone. Neither Kris, Ginny, nor Muse answered. Then I tried their cell, which at least afforded me the opportunity to spew voicemail at them. “Hey, ladies,” I began. “While you're all warm and snug, we're freezing our asses off out here at a place that is closed for the frickin’ season. If you'd care to call and make other arrangements for us, we'll be here."

  Each woman went to their respective vehicle and perched herself on the hood. Knees up, fist on knee, chin on fist, we all stared at Drixel's Terrace, the deserted restaurant in the middle of nowhere.Haven't we already been to nowhere at least once today?

  Then finally there came that turning point, like all good stories are sure to possess.

  Susan asked, “Do you guys smell that?"

  "I thought that was you,” Laura wisecracked, and Holly cracked her with the back of her hand.

  In perfect synch, we all raised our noses for a mighty sniff, and then totally out of synch, we all yelled, “Smoke!"

  In fact, we yelled “Smoke!” so loudly and so repeatedly that my sleepy-headed one sat at attention, grabbing at Earl to make things all right.

  "Let's move!” Laura yelled, and we all fetched the keys we had left in the ignitions—like anyone within twenty miles was out looking for a joyride.

  With the crew assembled, we walked around and toward the back of the restaurant that suddenly proved itself to be enormous. Soon, we began to see the orange glow of fire in the distance. We heard the crackle and smack of wood being forced into submission. When we finally rounded the building, we stood in a clearing. Ahead of us, a bonfire blazed. Around the bonfire I saw the many lawn chairsI had loaded into the trusty, blue van that slept many yards back. I saw the blankets that I had also loaded. I saw the thermos bottles and the coolers that Claudia and the others had filled.

  And we saw them, wrapped in blankets, sitting in lawn chairs by the fire: the two antiques at their very own show.

  They raised Styrofoam cups to us.

  "Took you long enough!” one of them said.

  "I thought we'd freeze ‘our asses off out here at a place that is closed for the frickin’ season,'” the other one mocked.

  They laughed madly, maniacally, raising their glasses to each other, the Styrofoam refusing to clink.

  They gloated.

  They boasted.

  They relished.

  They were proud of themselves.

  They were sadistic, mean, conniving, and—damn, they were good.

  And despite it all, they were very much loved.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter 10

  Once our minds had grasped the full magnitude of what we had just seen, we hurriedly entered the domain of the grand dames, the grand poo-bahs, these women who had so skillfully screwed with us. Laughter erupted from one and all. It reeked of genuine amusement, and at the same time it was the giddy letting go of something that had been in our clutches since early morning.

  We had arrived.

  "Sit, guys. Sit,” Ginny cajoled. “Take a load off. A heavy load it has been."

  "How is it that this placed is closed, and yet, here you guys sit as if you own the place?” Alison asked, and rightly so. “Youdon't own it, do you?"

  "Yeah, good question!” Holly agreed. “Does my lover need to whip out her big badge and haul you in for trespass?"

  Laura quickly put her hand in her jacket pocket, and all eyes watched her movements. She smiled wickedly as a pack of cigarettes emerged. Slowly she lit one, looked at Ginny and Kris, and said, “Well, let's have it."

  "It's a funny story, actually,” Kris began. “We've had a stoolie in every place you guys went today."

  "Sounds like someone could use a trust walk!"

  "Funny, Maggie,” Ginny said, “but it's not like you guys are all fine upstanding citizens—or even grownups—when you're together. And if you were, well, we knew there would still be some pretty funny secondhand stories to tell around the fire."

  "Who were the stoolies ... besides Molly?"

  Kris said, “Remember, guys, we've been teaching at the university for over thirty years. Can you imagine the number of students we've had?” Heads nodded, and she added, “And trust me, just because we're talking college graduates or future graduates does not mean they work in the cushy jobs they dream of!"

  "The chick at the dick's castle! You know her! Oh my God!” Susan exclaimed, suddenly feeling naked without her flamboyant hat and sunglasses.

  "Don't sweat it, Susan,” Ginny reassured. “If any of your students’ parents had been there and recognized ... you ... in that get-up, I doubt they'd go running to the PTA. ‘Hey, I saw Susan Garrity at the porn shop I was in the other night.’ Then again, there's that poor guy Laura and Holly probably scarred for life!” She stared them down. “And, Kate dear, did it ever cross your mind that stores like Peter's Palace have pretty elaborate security systems? Like maybe closed-circuit cameras in the parking lot?"

  "Oh shit!” I yelled above the group's squealing laughter.

  "For any of you who may have missed it, you'll find it in the DVD player in the van,” Kris said.

  “Sasha was so nice to drop it off for us."

  "Shit! Shit! Shit!” I continued, each word spoken in time with a stomping foot. “You guys are wicked!"

  "Who else? What other stoolies?"

  "Ned in the fishing rental shack. He said Maggie here had quite the belly flop, but he assured us he looked away before he saw anything criminal,” Kris said, laughing. “The bar-hopping, now that one failed for us. Why the heck didn't you guys go to the Jazzy Blue? Bluesand Jazz! Duh!"

  A few of us slapped ourselves upside the head, and then Ginny said, “And we had a little chat with your sister, Holly. She was quite helpful."

  "I'll kill her!” Holly swore, grinning at the same time.

  "And last but not least, we had Jim hanging out by the gully. His tale was rather confusing.

  Actually,he was rather confused. Something about a screaming mute laying on top of someone on the bridge. He wasn't quite sure if you two intentionally sent Lisa on a nosedive or whether it was an accident. You didn't, did you? Tell me you didn't.” She stared at Holly and Laura.

  "No, they didn't,” Alison proclaimed, jumping to their defense. “But they should have!"

  For that, a round of applause ensued ... and a couple of those manly two-fingered whistles.

  I couldn't resist. I leaned over to Claudia and whispered, “Do you still think your true colors are the same as Lisa's?
"

  "Sometimes it is so good to be wrong,” she replied.

  I gloated, and my attention turned back to Kris, who was saying, “And, Alison, you should be proud. You handled yourself quite well."

  "Thanks, you guys. At least now I know why the clerk at the porn shop applauded with these guys when I told Lisa off. That one kind of messed with me. Had no clue what her fetish was,”

  she said, laughing, and she was not alone.

  "That wasn't ‘last but not least.’ What about the cemetery?” Susan asked.

  "Ah, your fine hostesses showed up for that one, after you kindly packed their van, of course,”

  Ginny recalled.

  "You guys were there?” Maggie asked in obvious disbelief.

  Kris looked at Claudia, and her eyes beamed when she smiled. “Something's are just too important to miss. You've got big balls, Ms. Kitterman. Keep ‘em that way. We have missed you."

  Her comments seemed to soar over the heads of everyone there. A teary-eyed Claudia knew, however, and so did I. We both smiled back, and I felt Claudia squeeze my leg so hard that I was sure my thigh muscles squirted out the hole in jeans’ knee.

  "Ah, but you still haven't answeredthe question, ladies,” Laura challenged. “How is that we are sitting in the midst of a resort that's locked up tighter than a drum?"

  "Stoolies. More stoolies than you'll ever have, Detective McCallister,” Ginny teased.

  "Oh, let's cut them some slack, Gin. My sister and brother-in-law own the place. But for tonight, it's ours."

  Holly's face lit up, and she gushed in that Holly-way, “Oh, that is so sweet. All ours! Just think, Laura!"

  "Yeah, so please make yourselves at home and help yourselves to the goodies we, um, I mean you guys made,” Ginny said. “There's a thermos of coffee and another with hot chocolate.

  Kahlua and brandy for either, if you're so inclined. Marshmallows for roasting. No, hamburgers, I promise. Oh yes, and a thermos of hot water. I assume everyone knows that no party could ever be complete without Claudia's beloved Earl."

  Poor Earl's name was tossed about with every accent known to or made up by a group of obnoxious woman.

  As everyone got up and started milling about, Ginny and Kris approached us. Kris latched onto Claudia in a hug that seemed to last forever. Gently Kris swayed her back and forth, and although I could not see Claudia's face, I knew that tears were streaming, that she siphoned from the three-year reserve. Quietly, so as not to interrupt, I kissed Ginny on the forehead and then Kris. I was so grateful for what they had done, and at the same time, I knew that their wrath would find us if we dared waste our second chance.

  A few moments later, Claudia pulled herself from Kris’ embrace, kissed Ginny, and then said,

  “You know, Kate and I have been together for nine years now. And in that time, I think, oh, about fifteen hundreds times or more I've heard the stories about how you two worked her little fingers to the bone when you restored your home."

  "Oh, you know Kate and how she exaggerates,” Ginny defended, mindful to throw a wink in my direction.

  "Kate? Exaggerate?” Claudia barely, and I mean barely, defended me. “Well, did you or did you not have her scraping the paint from the peak?"

  "I don't rightly remember. Ginny, do you?"

  "Hmm ... My memory must be failing me."

  "Oh for God's sake, you two, you know damn well you had me up there!” I yelled. “Tell her! I am a reporter; that means fact, not fiction like you! Tell her."

  They just stared.

  "I'll twist your arms. They're big and strong from climbing ladders and hanging on for dear life!

  Tell her!"

  "Okay, okay, under duress and threat of bodily harm, yes, she was up there. Yes, we did work her little fingers to the bone, which also kept her out of trouble, mind you. She was a wild one, that one."

  I shook my head in utter disbelief. Even their truth bordered on total fabrication.

  "Well,” Claudia said, “I finally have a way for you two to make up for all the child labor you profited from. Ithink we're going to move into my grandmother's house, and I was hoping you'd give us some ideas, some help."

  "You got it, sweetie,” Kris quickly replied.

  "I'm sure that would please your grandmother, Claudia. She was a good woman, and she raised you to be a good woman. But let me tell you one thing,” Ginny said, bending in close to her, as if she were about to reveal the precise location of the Holy Grail. “I'm not stupid enough to climb to the peak."

  There was no winning with those two. A warped and undying sense of humor was the only defense.

  We turned to notice that everyone had staked claim to a blanket and a lawn chair next to the fire.

  The marshmallows had been opened and were meeting fiery deaths on metal skewers. Kris and Ginny returned to their chairs. Claudia and I took one of the remaining recliners. Numerous conversations blended into one loud rumble. It was a soothing sound. It felt good to be with them like this in our own little world.

  "Hey, how are we doing on scores, anyway, Kris?” Holly asked.

  Kris tilted back in her chair and grabbed her treasured clipboard. “Tell me how you did on the last clue. It was worth one hundred and fifty. Everybody complete it?"

  All heads nodded, and she gave us our points. She probed until she learned that Alison had come in first, followed by Susan and Maggie, and then Laura and Holly. She added in the extra points.

  Claudia and I were the official losers—or so it seemed.

  "Well, let's see then. Laura and Holly are in first with nineteen fifty. Claudia and Kate have eighteen sixty-five. Susan and Maggie have seventeen fifty. Alison brings up thefirm rear end with fifteen fifty. The last clue is worth fifty points, plus the extras. Looks like anyone could still win it. Oh, except—"

  "Except for me,” Alison said. “That's okay. I had fun. I learned a lot. And besides the winner has to spring for brunch for everyone, right?"

  "They sure do,” I readily confirmed.

  Then a frustrated Maggie jumped into the conversation. “Anybody care to tell us what the heck a

  ‘sanguinary humdinger brine’ is?"

  "Heck, no! You could still win this thing,” Claudia yelled.

  I think it was the first time she had participated in the group since we had arrived, She felt better!Give ‘em hell, hon!

  "No way in hell,” she continued. “The only thing I'll tell you is that it doesn't involve meat!” She stuck her tongue out at Maggie.

  Maggie was about to respond when the near silence was completely shattered by a loud roar. All eyes turned to where the sound came from, and into the glow of the fire walked a big man with a hockey mask hiding his face and a smoking chain saw revving in his hand. Screams erupted that shook the chairs beneath us.

  Kris shot to her feet, screeching, “That isnot funny!"

  The large figure turned around and moved away, but the screaming did not subside.

  Kris sat down, only to spring to her feet again, as the big man turned back around, revved the frickin’ chainsaw, and moved three steps closer. “Vernon!” she yelled, and the big man backed off again.

  She sat down once more, but before she had even completed the motion, the big man turned yet again, revved the chainsaw maniacally, and charged at us. Chairs toppled over. Drinks spilled.

  This was definitely not your run-of-the-mill woman-on-woman action.

  Kris flew to her feet again, this time howling in a way that seemed physically impossible for her petite frame. “Verrrrrnnnnoooon!"

  This time the big man did not move. The white of his hockey mask seemed to glow in the firelight. He revved the chainsaw three quick times, and Kris yelled, “Vernon! I'll get Ruth!"

  With that, the big man turned completely around and swiftly trotted away. The sound of the chainsaw grew distant and eventually sputtered to a stop.

  Kris surveyed the damage as she straightened the blanket that draped around her. Then to a stunned and
prone Laura, she said, “Well, I'll sleep much better at night knowing a fine detective such as yourself is out there protecting us!"

  "I wasn't afraid,” Laura yelled back at her and then almost sheepishly added, “Holly knocked me over."

  "Then why in God's name are you on top of her?"

  "Yeah, Laura, get off of me and quit pulling my hair,” Holly ordered. “Who the hell was that, Kris?” As she awaited an answer, she climbed out from beneath Laura and stood up to brush the dirt off her dark, flared jeans.