Wilson Mooney, Almost Eighteen

by Gretchen de La O

  “What about Cindy? Does she know? Because if she knows, we’re so screwed.” That was what I loved about Joanie, she dove right in and lived experiences with me. I could feel her excitement for me, her protective presence, and I knew it was real. She was real. So I knew when she found out he was with someone else, she would feel as betrayed as I did.

  “Cindy doesn’t know. But I think her brother does.”

  “Wait, Cindy has a brother? She never told us she had a brother.”

  “Yeah, a half brother, Nick. A real down-to-earth guy, you would really like him. Anyway, I was supposed to meet Max here at the ski resort.”

  “MAX, you call him by his first name?” she choked.

  “He told me to. It would sound too weird if he finished French kissing me and I called him Mr. Goldstein.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. So what are you doing now?”

  “Well, I’m sitting here in the lodge waiting for Cindy to finish skiing. I kinda fell going down the hill.”

  “Kinda fell? Are you okay? Why is Cindy still skiing? That is so—her!” I could hear the protective side of her search for the answers to what was happening.

  “I was going to go down the bunny slope when I saw Max hugging another girl. J, she was really, really pretty. And she looked older than me, closer to his age, completely out of my league.” I stopped talking. She could hear in my voice that I was going to cry.

  “Wilson, don’t cry. Now stop. Wait. Don’t ever think someone is better than you. I don’t care what they look like. You are so beautiful and smart, there is no reason to feel that way. Did he grab her or did she grab him?”

  “What does that matter?”

  “Because, if she grabbed him, it wasn’t his fault. Girls can be very overbearing. You know that. Did he kiss her?” her voice was low and monotone.

  “She grabbed him, but he held her in his arms. Then she pulled off his beanie and he smiled. I didn’t see him kiss her.” I was still mad.

  “Well there you go, Wilson, she grabbed him, he didn’t kiss her, and so what if he smiled at her. None of this tells me how you got hurt.”

  “I decided to get away from seeing them together. I leaned too far forward and stacked down the hill.”

  “Who stopped you?”

  “Max?” I said as I looked up from the hot cocoa I was swirling as I talked to Joanie. He was standing in front of me, waiting for me to finish my phone conversation.

  “Max stopped you?” I heard Joanie ask me.

  “No, Joanie, I need to call you back,” my voice was low. I closed the phone and slipped it into my little pocket.

  I was so confused. When I thought about him with another girl I could feel the hurt seep into every corner of my body. But when I stared into his eyes, he captured my heart and filled me with such want, I ached. I didn’t want to give into him. He stood there waiting for me to invite him to sit. I didn’t.

  “Are you okay? I saw you fall down the hill, it looked really bad.” He dropped his hand, bouncing it on the chair in front of him.

  “I couldn’t focus. I became distracted when I leaned forward and started going down the slope. I lost my balance and fell forward.” I waited for him to talk again.

  “Good thing that guy Wayne was there to help you,” he mumbled.

  “I guess,” I spat.

  “You seemed really comfortable with him.” He looked into my eyes.

  “Not really. He was the only guy that wasn’t preoccupied with a girl clamped on his body.” I looked down at my drink.

  The wheels spun in his head as he tried to figure out where I was going with this.

  “I don’t understand what you’re saying. I’m really lost because, last night,” his voice rose. He cleared his throat and started whispering, “Last night meant something to you, right? Because I can’t do this with you.” He stepped back.

  “You know, I thought last night was great…better than great. It was amazing…even unmatchable. But today I watched you hold a beautiful girl against your chest, looking at her like she was the only one you wanted. You’re right, you can’t do this with me. I can’t be a weekend girl for you.” I stomped to the women’s bathroom. The door slammed shut. I cranked the knob on the sink and held my hands under the water until I had a puddle I could splash across my face. It was so hard to tell him that. I kept splashing water against my face, careful to keep my bandage dry, yet trying to cool the fire that raged.

  The door swung open, it was Max. My jaw hit the floor. I couldn’t believe he was in the women’s restroom, the one place any girl knew was untouchable for a guy. He leaned against the door, keeping space between us.

  “Wilson, don’t play this game with me. I didn’t risk everything to be with you only to waste it on a misunderstanding.”

  “I saw everything. How she jumped into your arms and you held her tight to your body. The way you looked at her when she…touched…you”

  A toilet flushed, causing both of us to wait. He stood rigid, apologizing with his body language to the older woman who acted like she didn’t see us together in the bathroom. She washed her hands and slid out. Max pushed the door shut and twisted the lock

  A smile opened across his face. “You have nothing to worry about.” He walked closer to me.

  “I know, because I’m just a naïve high schooler who was given a chance to experience what it felt like to kiss her government teacher.”

  I turned away from him. He stood unmoved.

  I know what I did. I stabbed him through the heart with my words, drenched in taboo.

  “Is that how you see me—as your government teacher? Because if I saw you as a student I wouldn’t be here right now. When I look at you I see the girl I want to be with. Have since the first day you walked into my room.” He stared at me through the huge mirror above the sink; pain was etched in the stress lines of his face.

  There was something safe about the mirror; I didn’t crumble in his pain.

  “I know where I’ve drawn my line. There’s nobody I’ve felt this way about in my entire life and I’m scared. Scared of what you might think, how it all feels, and I’m scared of being hurt. Max, seeing you with that girl—hurt.” Tears sped down my cheeks, “Why do you want to be with me?” I whispered. I was seventeen and inexperienced; she was his age and worldly.

  “You really don’t see it? When I am with you I can’t keep my head from swimming and my heart from pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to burst from my chest. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen in my life. You are so smart; I finally feel alive when I am with you. I want to be with you because nobody has ever made me feel the way you do.” He stood behind me, his body pressed against my back; he slid his hands around my waist and dropped his mouth to my ear. “She’s a family friend. I’ve known her since we were little. Her parents and my parents are good friends. I swear to you, she is nothing more than a friend. Wilson…I’m so sorry.” He turned me around. I felt his hand sweep the tears off my cheeks.

  “I’m not used to this. It’s so intense. I feel like such an idiot.” I buried my face in his chest and tried to apologize. “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.” He elevated my head to look at him.

  “It’s okay. Don’t apologize, I understand.” He pushed me to his chest and wrapped his arms tight around. His hand stroked across my hair and I felt the same, hypnotic rhythm that tamed the worry in my body when I was little. He pressed his lips to the top of my head. I found home in his arms; I was convinced she was nothing more than a friend to him.

  I heard a key enter the lock and twist to open. I’d forgotten we were in a public restroom. How embarrassing was this going to be? Max pulled me into one of the stalls. I heard the resort employee tell the person it shouldn’t have been locked.

  “Shhh. Don’t make any noise,” he whispered so low I almost couldn’t hear him.

  It was a good thing the stall was enclosed all the way to the floor and there was some soothing music playing to camouflage ou
r conversation. I tried to keep quiet, but it was really hard looking at him and seeing the faces he kept making at me. I had to clear my throat.

  “Shhh,” he covered my mouth with his lips. He tasted scrumptious—cinnamon with a hint of sugar. Low tingling in my body demanded my hands to tangle in his hair. The stall was so small, our bodies pressed firmly against each other. My body was teeming in the baby blue man-magnet ski outfit. He dropped his lips from mine following the line of my jaw; I pulled my head back. He reached his hands to my zipper and pulled it down to my navel. The flush of cool air raged across my uncovered skin. His lips followed the open space inviting him in. His hands drifted up under the suit, peeling it off my shoulders, dragging it back off my skin. He stopped and his eyes tracked mine.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. I nodded a slight bounce, yes.

  I had a myriad of different emotions flooding my body. I wanted him to touch me, kiss me, and press against me so hard I could feel our bodies melt, but I was scared. Frightened of the emotional responsibility it created. He was so experienced and I wasn’t. How far were we going to let this go? He kissed the top of my shoulder, dragging his lips up across to my neck, right below my earlobe. He pulled away when he noticed I froze.

  “Did I do something wrong?” he asked in a hushed voice.

  I didn’t say anything, just shook my head. There was nothing he did wrong. He knew exactly how to make me quake and shiver deep inside with just his kiss. Overwhelming urges surged through my body and I didn’t know how to stop them. My eyes glossed with tears of relief. He wanted only me and I wanted him in a way the stall wouldn’t allow.

  “Let’s get out of here. Take me somewhere. I want to go with you,” I whispered and wiped my eyes. Even though I didn’t know if I was ready for him, I didn’t care. I wanted to get away with him, alone.

  “What about Cindy? You can’t leave her here.”

  “I can take care of Cindy but Nick’s going to pick us up at four. Can you get me back here by four?” He pulled up the collar on my suit, sliding it back over my shoulders.

  “Yeah, I think I can do that.” He pulled the zipper on my space suit; his eyes danced with mine.

  “I guess I should have asked you if you wanted to take me…?” I whispered.

  “In more ways than you know.” He smiled, “I have the perfect place.” He reached across, his hand brushing my waist, and turned the lock on the stall. “Meet me out front in ten minutes at the big marble bench,” he murmured into my ear.

  My heart bounced as I kissed him in the space below his jaw. I snuck out of the stall, washed my hands, and entered into the reality of a secret love.

  chapter thirteen:

  There has always been something private about bathrooms. Usually you were in them alone and you would get out as fast as you went in. So I couldn’t figure out what it meant that, the two times Max and I really started to make out, we were in bathrooms. There had to be some correlation between him and private spaces. Maybe it was because it was the one place where people wouldn’t barge in on you. At least now we were going to get some time alone away from vanities and toilets. All I needed to do was get out before Cindy saw me and find my way to the big marble bench; easy enough. My heart was in my throat and my butterflies were hovering somewhere below my stomach.

  I had just put my imitation UGGS on my feet when Cindy came and plopped down on the bench where we left all our stuff.

  “Oh, I gotta tell you, it’s a total bummer you’re hurt. There are some real gorgeous guys hanging around the slopes today.” She pulled her headband off and shook her head.

  “Yeah, kinda a bummer.” I watched her, waiting to see where she was going with her conversation.

  “I met these two guys, total eye candy. Look, see if I have cavities, they are so sweet.” She held her mouth open. I laughed.

  “Wow, yeah, I see a couple. Well, did you talk to them?” I asked while Cindy put her headband back on.

  “Hello, of course. That’s why I wanted to ask you if you would be pissed if I kept skiing with them? ’Cuz I could totally tell them to come hang out here with us,” she offered.

  “NO, I don’t mind if you go skiing with them. I’m good. You should go. Don’t worry about me.” I could feel the pressure lift from my chest. If she was going to be preoccupied with her eye candy, I could go with Max and she wouldn’t even miss me.

  “Are you sure?” She leaned against me, shoving her elbow into my side.

  “Totally sure.” I couldn’t get her to leave soon enough.

  “Okay, so we’ll meet back here about a quarter to four. Sound good?” She hugged me and didn’t wait for my answer before she clomped off. I stood there for a second. I couldn’t believe it was that easy. I was ready for the beat-down, drag-out fight.

  I hustled through the busy lodge. It was lunch time and everyone was coming in to rest and eat—the perfect time to get lost in the droves of people waiting in line to order.

  “Wilson?” I heard someone call me. My heart dropped like a pinball, down into my stomach. It was Wayne. Why? What in the universe was stopping me from getting to Max? I smiled and turned back to him.

  “Hi, Wayne.” As bothered as I was by him finding me, he was so gorgeous I couldn’t find the words to leave.

  “Well, you look better. Are you ready to hit the slopes again? I’m done with lessons,” he said holding his hands out.

  “Um, well actually, Wayne, I was just going to go home.” I pointed to the front doors of the lodge.

  “Well, I could take you home,” he said pointing to the back door. “I’m parked right out back.”

  “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that. Besides, my friend is already here…probably waiting outside already. But I appreciate the offer.” I gave him a small peck on the cheek. “And thanks for teaching me how to ski today.” I broke for the front door.

  “Wait, can I call you?” He stopped me from leaving.

  Just the situation I didn’t want to happen. I shouldn’t have used him to make Max jealous. What was I going to say? No, you can’t call me; I’m dating my government teacher. How was I going to get out of this without hurting his feelings? Another time when I needed Joanie’s insightful wisdom on guys.

  “Wayne. I’m sorry if I did anything to make you think I was available. I—,”

  “You have a boyfriend?” he cut me off. He looked like a puppy that got punished for chewing up my best pair of shoes.

  “Yeah, something like that.” I looked down at my feet. “But if I didn’t, I wouldn’t hesitate to give you my phone number,” I said looking up into his eyes.

  “Well, he’s one lucky guy. I hope he knows how lucky he is.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

  “Thanks. I’ll see you around.” I turned and opened the huge door.

  It was cold outside. I wasn’t used to it. My breath was white as it hung then scattered in the air. The cold reached down my throat and plastered my lungs with chills. My eyes stung from the sun beating down on the bright, snow-covered ground. I had to find Max fast. I didn’t want Cindy to see me leave with him, and the fact that I’d just turned Wayne down really weighed heavy on my mind. He was such a nice guy.

  “Wilson?”

  I turned and saw Max standing outside of a small, shiny black sports car. He pulled the handle and held the door for me. He made sure I was in and buckled before he closed it. I watched him strut in front of the car, speeding to get in because it was so cold. He slipped in and fit perfectly behind the wheel. The butterflies came back strong and low. His aroma filled the car and flicked a switch on in my body. He had taken off his jacket and was wearing a gray zip-up hoodie, just small enough to encourage me.

  He reached his hand across the space between us and pushed my hair back from my temple.

  “Are you really okay? Does it hurt?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern.

  My body shivered when he touched me. “I’m okay,” I whispered.

  “I really am sorry I
upset you,” he apologized, brushing his fingers down my arm, clutching my hand.

  “I know.” I took a deep breath, “So what kind of car is this?” I wasn’t stupid, I knew what kind of car it was. I just didn’t want the focus to be on me.

  “I don’t know, a BMW Z-something,” he answered, narrowing his eyes.

  “Really? Is it yours? Or did you rent it to impress girls?”

  “It’s mine and, no, I wouldn’t rent it to impress girls—unless it’s working?” He looked over at me and smiled.

  “Yeah, it’s working,” I said real low.

  “I guess my plan is falling into place.”

  “Plan? Something I must hear about.” I shifted my body to slightly face him.

  “Eventually, you’ll see it. What was your favorite color again?” He was smooth.

  “Green—yours is blue.” He stared at me and his cheeks rose above his smile.

  “What else do you know about me?” His eyes squinted.

  “Well, I know you drive a BMW Z4. I know your favorite color is blue and you really like Italian food. I know you’re honorable and sensitive and you’re really passionate about your job.” I looked out the window.

  “Wow, you figured all that out by getting in my car? What else do you know?” He slid his hand to my thigh. My butterflies noticed.

  “I know you like to stay after work to plan your next day. I know you smell good and your family has a cabin here. I know you like to listen to new bands that nobody has ever heard of.” I took a breath. He looked at me and shook his head.

  “What?”

  “You’re collecting data on me.” He laughed, amused.

  “Well, what do you know about me?” I watched his face. His smile dropped and his lips pulled tight.

  “I know enough about you. Your favorite color is green. You look really good in powder blue ski suits.” He stopped.

  “That’s it? Really? Wow you’re so misinformed. Quite sad,” I played.