I could hardly believe his words.
“But I didn’t. I—” I tried to correct him, but he placed a finger over my lips, stopping me.
“Let me finish. The point is, I expected to see the girl I grew up with, and instead, I found you. A grown-ass woman with a curvy body that made and birthed a miracle. Your body is beautiful, Jenny, and what I said at the bar was just me lashing out because seeing you again hurt so fucking badly. The truth is, the moment I saw you and saw how you had filled out here,” he said, reaching out and grabbing handfuls of my ass. “And here.” He moved his hands and filled his large hands with my breasts. “I was done for. You’re even sexier now. Thick in all the right places and so fucking soft and sweet, I feel like falling to my knees in front of you.”
He pulled me into his arms and placed a soft kiss on the side of my lips.
“Never hide from me because I think you’re perfect exactly as you are.”
His fingers toyed with the bottom of my shirt before he slowly began to lift it from my body.
“I want to see every part of you,” he said, placing a kiss on the opposite side of my lips. “Worship every part of you.” He slipped his tongue along the seam of my lips, and I gasped, letting him kiss me deep and hard.
And when he continued to lift my shirt and pull it over my head, I let him.
The fabric of my T-shirt fell from his fingers and pooled at the floor beside my feet. His eyes held mine before they dropped, taking in my naked body except for my old sports bra and my jeans. I closed my eyes, wishing I could feel more comfortable with what he was seeing.
His fingers brushed my stomach, tracing what I knew were my stretch marks from carrying Caleb, and I clenched my eyes in embarrassment.
“These are beautiful,” he whispered, making me open my eyes to see if his expression was one of honesty.
He stared down at my stomach, his finger sliding over my plump flesh as he continued to trace my stretchmarks.
“They aren’t,” I disagreed.
His eyes moved up to meet mine, and he frowned.
“How can you say that? They’re proof that you made a life, Jenny. That you carried and delivered a healthy baby boy. Some people would give anything for that.”
I nodded, knowing he was right. So many women couldn’t have kids, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t worried that he would find me disgusting. He was a single guy with no kids. At least none that he knew of. He probably wanted a woman with a perfectly toned and tanned body. A body like what I used to have.
“Look at me,” he demanded, using a finger to turn my face back in his direction.
I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“You know me better than anyone. Look at my face and tell me if I’m lying when I say your body is more beautiful now than it ever was. Hell, look at my cock, Jenny.” He chuckled, directing my attention to his crotch. “My dick is rock hard. Just looking at you right now has me so fucking turned on.”
I grinned, feeling my face heat when I looked down and saw that he was indeed standing at attention.
“Can I see more?” he asked, skimming over my sports bra with a single finger.
My nipples grew hard beneath the fabric, and he circled my hard peaks with his finger, making me gasp.
I nodded.
He was right. I knew Josh better than anyone. Especially the Josh with me at that moment. He wasn’t lying when he said he liked what he saw, which meant I was the one with the problem. Not him.
He unbuttoned my jeans and peeled them down my legs. I stepped out of them, leaving me in only my sports bra and boy shorts. On his way back up, he kissed my stomach, and I sucked in, the sensation of his lips against my flesh, making me shiver.
He unhooked my sports bra and pulled it from my body, releasing my heavy breasts, and they dropped a bit, sagging with the weight of a year’s worth of breastfeeding. He didn’t miss a beat, gathering them in his hands and moving forward to capture my nipple in his lips. My fingers went into his hair, enjoying the wet pull of his mouth when he sucked.
He moved to my other breast, his hand slowly traveling down my fleshy stomach until his fingers were dipping under the band of my underwear. My breathing accelerated, my chest rising, taking his head along for the ride. He looked up at me while he sucked my nipple and grinned the sexiest grin I had ever seen when his fingers moved into my underwear and skimmed my swollen clit.
My knees shook. Fuck, he was good at this. It made me wonder how many women he had been with after me. Quickly, I shook the thought from my head and enjoyed the feel of his experienced finger circling my clit as his hot mouth worked my nipple. Once he had me good and relaxed with his mouth and fingers, he slowly moved down, peeling my unattractive panties with him and stripping me completely bare to him and the cool air of the room around us.
“Your pussy is beautiful,” he said as he leaned forward and gave my clit a quick lick.
“Oh my God,” I said, leaning over and gripping his shoulders to keep myself from falling.
“Has anyone ever tasted you here, Jennifer?” he asked, and the fact that he used my full name was a major turn-on.
I shook my head, the word no squeaking from the back of my throat.
He growled, liking my answer.
“I’m going to eat you until you cream all over my tongue. How’s that sound?”
It sounded like heaven.
Again, my knees shook, and it was then I realized my entire body was buzzing and shivering.
He moved forward, sliding his wet tongue between my folds and sucking my clit between his lips with a soft pop. My knees gave out, and thankfully, my bed broke my fall. I sat, and he chuckled, moving forward and pushing me back by my shoulders.
He lifted my leg, kissing the inside of my thigh as he rested it on his shoulder, and then he moved in again, licking and sucking at me until I could no longer see straight. The erotic sounds of him eating me out were like an aphrodisiac, heightening my pleasure and making me pant and beg like a desperate woman.
“Mmmmm,” he moaned, enjoying his feast.
Then he slid two fingers inside me, and I was done for. I lifted from the bed, trying to get closer to his mouth all the while trying to get his fingers deeper. When I finally shattered, he reached up and covered my mouth with his palm to keep me from being too loud.
As I lay there gasping for air, feeling as if my body had melted for him, he worked his way up my body, placing tiny kisses on my skin along the way. When he reached my mouth, he kissed me, and I could taste myself on his tongue.
I pulled his shirt from his body, and he leaned back and tossed it across the room. Once his jeans were gone, and he was completely naked, he laid on top of me, fitting between my thighs as if I were made just for him. His warm skin pressed against mine felt amazing, and when he pushed into me and closed his eyes in pleasure, I knew there would never be anything more perfect than being with Josh.
He thrust his hips, sending a wave of pleasure across my thighs and into my lower stomach. I gripped his ass, pulling him into me as if I couldn’t get enough, and he growled at the feel of my nails digging into his flesh.
His eyes captured mine, his expression one of pleasured pain. I understood what he was feeling at that moment because I was feeling it too. We were remembering the past and replacing those memories with the present. Every time he thrust into me, something from three years before went away.
He swallowed hard and dropped his forehead to mine. His eyes fluttered, and his teeth plunged into his bottom lip.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” he whispered, before softly kissing my lips. “Never leave me again. No matter how hard I push you away.”
“Never,” I gasped, saying anything he wanted to hear at that moment.
The pleasure was so intense I would have agreed to anything he wanted.
He pulled back and stilled, his body still pushed deeply inside me, and his brows pinched in concentration.
“I’m serious, Jenny. P
romise me.”
I breathed hard, my body edging on orgasm.
“Don’t stop,” I begged, digging my fingers into his perfect round globes and pulling him into me.
“Listen to me,” he said, peering into my eyes. “I love you, Jenny. I never stopped, and I never will.”
I blinked up at him, taking in his confession and locking it within my heart.
If by some chance, we woke up tomorrow and things were back to how they had been, I never wanted to forget the desperation and truth in his words.
I nodded, my loose hair sliding against my pillow. I wanted to tell him I loved him too, but fear tugged at my stomach, taking away the words before I could say them. Instead, I lifted my hips and pulled him deeper within me.
“Show me how much,” I requested.
He grinned before he leaned over and kissed me. Then he spent the next forty-five minutes showing me just how much he truly loved me.
32
Josh
She didn’t say she loved me, but I could see it in her eyes as I made love to her. And afterward, while I held her naked body against mine, I knew the look in her eyes would have to be enough for me. I didn’t blame her. She was afraid, but I was afraid too. I had given her the ability to hurt me all over again, and I wasn’t sure if I would survive another heartbreak from Jenny.
An hour later, I shifted in bed, ready to get up, get dressed, and get back to the hospital with Mom. She was being discharged and coming home the following day, and I wanted to make sure everything was ready to go. Not to mention, Jenny hadn’t asked me to stay. I didn’t want to push too much on her too quickly. With Mom coming home and things getting settled, I could turn this thing going on with Jenny into the real deal.
I sat up and leaned over the side of the bed. She slid up behind me, her warmth sending a wave of tingles up my spine.
“Are you leaving?” she asked from behind me, her soft lips pressing against my shoulder.
I nodded.
“You don’t have to leave,” she said, her small fingers sliding down my side. “I mean, unless you want to.”
I smiled, loving that she wanted me to stay. Things were feeling like old times. Before all the bullshit. Before my injury. Before Texas. And my heart cracked open for her, letting all the love I had for Jenny free again. I gasped a bit, rubbing at my chest with the sensation.
“I don’t want to.”
Then I remembered the nightmares I sometimes had, and my reaction when I woke up. What if that happened with Jenny? What if I woke up and attacked her, unsure of who she was in the dark room? The last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt her, but even though I had been dealing with the anxiety and nightmares for years, I still didn’t trust myself.
“But I have to.”
I stood, her fingers sliding down over my hip before she let her hand fall to the mattress. She pulled the sheets up and over her naked breasts, and I saw the moment of uncertainty in her eyes.
“I wish I could stay,” I assured her, “but I have to get things ready for Mom. She comes home tomorrow.”
“That’s great news.”
She smiled, and the nervousness cleared from her eyes. I knew I had said the right thing.
Once I was dressed, I leaned over her, taking in how beautiful she looked. Her hair was wild, her lips swollen from my kisses. I knew beneath the sheet she was naked and warm, her smooth skin plump and begging for my touches.
I was a lucky man.
I kissed her before running the tip of my nose across hers.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked, since I wasn’t sure if she would be busy or not.
She bit her bottom lip and nodded, a sweet grin tugging at the sides of her lips.
She was perfect.
Again, I kissed her, breathing her in to hold me over for bit, and when I pulled away, I told her I loved her once again. Like before, she didn’t respond, but I didn’t stress about it. I saw it in her eyes, and for now, that was enough.
The house was dark and quiet, but I knew my way even in the dark. I locked the front door and pulled it closed behind me. Once I was in my truck and the engine was running, I put it in drive and started toward home. I smiled the entire way, feeling like the old me for the first time in three long years.
We had dinner at her place the following night. She made spaghetti, which was Caleb’s favorite, and we sat at the table and ate together. It was nice, and for a few moments, I could pretend Jenny and Caleb were mine. Afterward, I helped her clean the kitchen while Caleb watched cartoons in the living room and played with his toys.
After Caleb’s bath, we snuggled on the couch and watched a movie until he could no longer keep his eyes open and passed out in Jenny’s arms. We didn’t move him and continued to watch the movie.
“I think I need to get him to bed. My arm is going numb.” She chuckled, leaning up and holding Caleb in her arms.
He wasn’t a tiny boy, and he looked huge and heavy in her arms.
“I can put him in his bed,” I said, reaching out to take him from her arms. “I mean, if that’s okay?”
There was a strange look in her eyes that sent a shock to my heart. Jenny was a single mother. She was probably used to do everything for Caleb. She deserved help sometimes, and honestly, I wanted to do it. Kids weren’t in the cards for me, but Jenny and Caleb were. If I wanted his mom, it meant I wanted him too.
She let me take him from her, and I held his small frame against my chest. It was bizarre, how close I felt to Caleb even though I had just entered his life. His little head rolled onto my shoulder and his pouty lips popped open as he breathed in deep. I grinned down at him, feeling a warmth for the boy in my chest.
The hallway to his room was dark, but I knew the way, and once I opened his bedroom door and I saw the little puppy nightlight, I smiled. His room was blue with trains colorfully painted on the walls. His bed was small, and his bedding was red.
In the corner was a toybox overflowing with toys and a kid’s tool bench next to that with plastic tools and little bits of wood. There were shelves too high for him to reach full of children’s books, and I wondered briefly if Jenny read to him at night.
I pulled the blankets back and lay his little body on top of the sheets with choo choo trains all over them. His head brushed mine, and the smell of his soap smelled fresh like a baby. My chest grew tight, and I found myself staring down at him as I covered him with his blankets, wishing more than anything that he was mine.
When I stood to leave his room, I found Jenny leaning against the doorframe of his room smiling back at me.
“He’s kind of perfect, huh?” I said, feeling love blossom for the small boy in the bed beside me.
She nodded, her eyes filling with tears I didn’t understand.
“He is.”
I moved to her and took her into my arms.
“What’s with the tears?” I asked, reaching up and wiping one away with my thumb.
She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Nothing. It’s just seeing you with him. I can’t explain it.”
I kissed her forehead and held her closer.
We turned everything off since Harold was staying the night at his girlfriend’s place again, and then we got in Jenny’s bed and watched TV in her room. Instead of sex, I held her in my arms, kissing her when I couldn’t help myself and knowing I couldn’t stay. I was too afraid of the nightmares—of hurting Jenny—of her finding out I was more broken than I looked.
She fell asleep in my arms, but instead of leaving, I held her close and finished the movie. If I didn’t think about it too much, I could almost pretend we were in our own home, Jenny was mine, and so was Caleb, which was exactly what I wanted.
33
Jenny
I wasn’t sure how long I slept, but when I woke, it was still dark out. I checked my cell to see that it was four in the morning, and when I looked up and saw that Josh was staring down at me, I jerked.
“You’re awake,” I stat
ed the obvious.
The TV was still on, and he looked extra sexy in the soft glow of the screen.
He reached out and caught a lock of my hair between his fingers with a smile. “I am.”
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
He kissed the side of my mouth and pushed his fingers into my hair. “I don’t want to miss a single moment.”
His sweet words sent a wave of joy over me.
“You’re going to hate yourself in the morning. You should get some rest.”
His eyes moved over my face, and I could see the moonlight just outside the window in his eyes.
“Tell me about Caleb’s dad,” he said, sucking the oxygen out of the room.
I tensed in his arms, and suddenly, the room felt as though it was falling all around me. Earlier in the night, when I watched him put Caleb to bed, I had almost told him the truth. The moment had been perfection, and strangely, when Josh pulled away from Caleb, there was a look of longing and love in his eyes.
I should have told him then, but I hesitated, and once again, I was in a position I didn’t like.
“We went to school together.” The lie leaped from my lips.
Although, technically, it wasn’t a lie. Josh and I had gone to school together.
He nodded, accepting my answer easily.
“Did you love him?” he asked, a dark shadow passing over his expression.
His questions were making me nervous. Before, I was all set to tell him the truth, but now things were different. We were almost us again, and I was afraid if I told him, I would send things in reverse. I loved being with him too much to lose it so soon.
He would be mad that I didn’t tell him before, and I didn’t want to screw up whatever it was we were doing as soon as it started. So again, for selfish reasons, I continued to lie.
“I don’t know.”
Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3) Page 22