Willow Pond

by Carol Tibaldi

“Too bad you didn’t bring her with you,” Virginia said, grinning. “I have gifts for her.”

  Laura chuckled. “I bet you do. I just thought she’d be better off at home with Mrs. Nickerson, though I’ve been terribly nervous about leaving her. I call home two or three times a day just to check that she’s okay.”

  The film director, Richard Hamilton, who had worked with Phillip in the past, came by her table and greeted her with a kiss. Laura turned and noticed Erich’s wife, Jenny, walking toward their table. Erich was right behind his wife, his blue eyes focused on Laura. Laura couldn’t look away. Her heart raced. Jenny chatted happily with Richard, who had also worked with her father. She was oblivious to her husband’s distracted gaze.

  “You don’t mind if I dance with your wife, do you, Erich?” Richard asked.

  “Oh, no. Go ahead.”

  Jenny and Richard headed for the dance floor. A moment later Erich came toward Laura and she rose from her chair as if in a dream. He took her hand and without a word he led her to the dance floor.

  ***

  Being in each other’s arms seemed like the most natural thing in the world. By the time the dance ended they’d agreed to meet in the street just outside her hotel later that evening.

  When the time came, they sat in his car, gazing at each other.

  When Erich finally spoke, his voice was harsh with regret. “I can’t do this to my wife. It isn’t right.”

  “Do you love Jenny?”

  At the mention of her name, Erich closed his eyes, searching his emotions. Did he love her? No. But he had married her with the intention of making a life with her. Maybe he had even thought he would learn to love her. He did care about her. How could he do this to her? He hated himself for it. And it only felt worse when Erich remembered the shabby way his father had treated his mother. It was important that he not hurt Jenny, but that seemed unavoidable.

  He looked at Laura, who was watching him closely. As he gazed into her intense green eyes he thought he saw something new. Something had changed in her life and it was as if she carried whatever it was with her. Whatever it was, he was drawn even more to her now. He could never leave her again. He couldn’t even be separated from her.

  He hung his head. “Love her? No, I never have. I never should have married her. It was wrong. I just needed … Oh, I don’t know what I needed. Truth is, I’ve never stopped loving you.”

  “I can’t be the cause of your marriage ending. You have to be sure.”

  “I am sure. I may never forgive myself for breaking Jenny’s heart, but I’m sure about you and me. I’ve always been sure.”

  They headed south to Kent, checked into the White Lion Inn and spent the next five days holding hands, bathing together, feeding each other, and sleeping in a tangle of arms and legs. They made love frantically at first, then moved more slowly, but with no less urgency, as if their hunger for each other would never be satisfied.

  Laura tried a few times to talk about Jenny, about what they were going to do, but Erich refused to discuss it. He put his finger to her lips as he’d done that first time on the boat, and wiped away her tears until she gave herself up to the joy of loving and being loved.

  On the second night, Laura couldn’t sleep. Erich was curled up next to her, sleeping soundly with a look of utter contentment on his face. She didn’t think she had ever seen him as happy as he had been that day. Laura didn’t feel as light with happiness, weighted down as she was beneath a heavy secret. A secret with golden hair and blue eyes like her father’s. And Laura was afraid that when she told him, he would hate her.

  Rachel was Erich’s child, his flesh and blood, yet he didn’t even know she existed. What would he say if she told him about her? Would he be filled with joy or would he lash out at her? He had every right to be angry, but if he left her, Laura would be destroyed.

  She sat up in bed, wide awake. It would be impossible for her to sleep tonight. She went into the small sitting room and looked out the window, staring at the stars. Laura turned her arguments over in her mind, trying to make excuses for her behavior, but it was no good. No matter how hard she tried, Laura knew she was wrong. She had made a mistake in not telling Erich about Rachel. Now she had to do what she could to make it up to him. She was going to have to tell him about his daughter.

  The next day the couple took a leisurely walk down one of the country roads, enjoying the bright, sunny weather. Erich picked a bunch of daisies and tucked one of the flowers into her blonde ponytail. But Laura was distracted. She couldn’t carry the guilt any longer. She squeezed his hand and stopped walking.

  “I have something to tell you.”

  He frowned. “What is it?”

  “Oh, God, Erich, I don’t know how to tell you this.” She chewed on her lower lip, hoping for courage. “All right. I’ll just say it. You and I have a baby, a little girl named Rachel. She’s five months old.”

  His jaw dropped. “What? We have …” He goggled at her, speechless. Then his cheeks flushed with anger. “What are you telling me?”

  “I was pregnant when you and I split up, but I didn’t know it. I didn’t go running back to you because, well, because I didn’t want you to come back out of duty. I wanted you to … Oh, never mind. I just couldn’t tell you. Oh, Erich. Please try to understand.”

  He walked a few feet away and stood by a small pond. Picking up a couple of stones, he tossed them into widening circles in the water. Laura wrung her hands as she watched, desperate for him to say something.

  He didn’t turn to look at her. “Where is she?” he asked quietly.

  “She’s in New York with Mrs. Nickerson. I hated to leave her, but she’s too young to make such a long trip.”

  “Do you have any pictures of her?”

  She had one in the pocket of her dress. She’d put it there that morning, knowing he would ask. For several minutes he stared at the picture and said nothing. Then he took a deep breath and any sort of anger melted away.

  “My God. She’s so beautiful,” he said. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.”

  Laura took a cautious step toward him. “She looks just like you,” she said. “Even Virginia thinks so.”

  He spun to face her. “I have to see her, Laura. I’ll be back in New York next week. My God. I have a daughter. It’s killing me that I can’t see her this minute.”

  “So …” she said carefully. “So you don’t hate me?”

  He laid his warm palm against her cheek and she leaned into it, closing her eyes with relief. “I could never hate you, Laura. Never. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was confused. You have to tell me this. Why did you give up on us even after you knew about the baby?”

  She sighed. “Maybe it wasn’t you. Maybe it was me. Todd had been kidnapped, my marriage was over, then you came along. It was all too much.”

  “Then can I assume you’ve forgiven me for what I said about Virginia?”

  “I don’t know. She has, and she’s told me I should. I guess she’s pretty open to you these days. Otherwise, why would she have invited you to the opening of her new club? Unless …”

  Erich smiled. “Unless what?”

  “Unless she knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted us to see each other because she knew what would happen.” Laura looked deeply into his blue eyes and saw herself reflected in them. “What about your wife? I hate to think of anyone being hurt this way. She seems so nice and genuine. That’s a huge accomplishment, considering her background.”

  The corner of his mouth curled in a gentle smile. “Yes, Jenny’s terrific. A lot of her friends and family think I married her for her money - or, should I say, her father’s money, but I didn’t. I never loved her the way I love you, but I did care for her. I thought that was enough. We wanted the same thing: a home, children, but now …”

  She moved closer, planting a soft, gentle kiss on his lips. “At least it wasn’t the disaster my marriage to Phillip was.”

  Chapter Fifty-Two

/>   Five days later Erich dropped Laura off at the Mayfair Hotel and continued on to the townhouse he and Jenny rented on Oakley Street, in Chelsea. Jenny felt at home among the mink-coated women walking poodles in Cheyne Park; Erich felt like a man with two left feet. The place was far too expensive for him to afford. The only reason they were living there was the New York Herald Tribune was footing the bill. Erich missed New York and was glad his London assignment would be over in another month.

  He drove slowly, feeling horrible. Jenny deserved a reasonable explanation, and he didn’t have one for her. Was their marriage over? He pulled in the driveway, walked through the back door and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring at a cup of tea.

  “You’re back,” Jenny said, her voice flat.

  He sat across the table from her but didn’t say anything.

  “Aren’t you going to talk to me?” she said, her tone lowered to a vicious whisper.

  He swallowed. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I think you’d better come up with something.”

  He’d never heard her use that tone. It was sharp with fury. “I’m sorry,” he said.

  She leaned back in her chair, fiddling with the handle of her teacup. She looked away from Erich and stared at her cup. “Are you in love with her, Erich? Is she in love with you?”

  He didn’t say a word. Didn’t have to.

  “When you make love to me do you think of her? Is that how you can stand being with me?”

  “That’s not it at all.”

  She shook her head slowly, staring at him with an incredulous expression in her big brown eyes. “You and I have nothing compared to what’s between you and Laura Austin.”

  “Jenny—”

  “How do you think I felt, watching the two of you dance? The look in your eyes - I wanted the floor to swallow me up.”

  He got up and put the tea kettle on the stove. “Is your tea cold? I’ll make you another cup.”

  “I don’t want anything. I’m nauseous.”

  “Are you sick?”

  “No, damn you.” She glared at him. “It’s morning sickness. I’m pregnant.”

  He dumped the spoonful of sugar he was holding onto the table and stared at her. “My God.”

  She dropped her head into her hands and began to cry. Erich felt wretched. After a moment she raised her tearstained face and looked deep into his eyes. “I wish I’d never met you, Erich Muller. I had this fantasy about telling you about the baby, how you’d take me into your arms and tell me you’d never loved another woman the way you loved me, then talk about how much you were going to love our baby …”

  “Jenny—”

  “Well, that’s what I get. I wanted a baby for so long and now I’m going to have one. Lucky me.”

  “It’ll be okay, Jenny. We’ll work things out.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

  She shuddered. “When I think of you and her … Give me the car keys.” She walked toward the door. “I have to get away from here for a while.”

  “Where are you going?”

  She looked back over her shoulder at him and shot him a look of disgust. “Don’t you dare question me about anything.”

  ***

  The following afternoon he went to meet Laura at The Serpentine in Hyde Park. While he waited, he watched people drift by in rowboats and remembered the boat ride he and Laura had taken so long before. When he saw her walking toward him, he knew he couldn’t give her up. But everything was such a mess. What could they do?

  They embraced and kissed, then sat on a bench, pressed closely together.

  “I’m going to Paris for a few days,” Laura said. “I’d love for you to come with me.”

  “Jenny’s pregnant. I’ve got to try and work things out with her.” He swallowed hard, seeing Laura’s eyes fill with tears. “Please try and understand, Laura. I can’t desert her and the child.”

  “I know you can’t.”

  He took her hand in his. “God, Laura. This is killing me.”

  “I can’t give you up.”

  He put his arm around her and she snuggled her head into his chest. They sat that way for a few moments, listening to nature.

  “What are we going to do?” Laura asked.

  He said nothing but followed her gaze to the boaters. He knew she was thinking the same thing he was. He took her hand and they stood up.

  “A boat ride,” he said. “How about it?”

  “It’s the perfect day for one.”

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Two days later Laura called Erich and told him she wanted to see him. He considered telling her they shouldn’t see each other, but he couldn’t. Jenny was so busy shopping for baby clothes he didn’t think she even heard him when he told her he’d be late and not to wait up.

  He took the subway to Eighth Street, then walked the few remaining blocks to Laura’s apartment on Patchin Place. Rain had begun to come down heavily and the sidewalk was slick with fallen leaves. It was the kind of day people should stay inside. But Erich had decided to go to Laura, and when Erich made up his mind to do something nothing could stop him.

  Jenny was eight weeks pregnant, which meant she must have conceived right after their honeymoon. He’d always wanted children but never imagined it like this. Jenny’s parents were thrilled. She insisted on visiting them every Sunday and he didn’t have the heart to refuse her. In her parents’ company she was much happier, but he thought his in-laws behaved more coldly towards him lately. In the past they’d treated him like the son they’d always wanted. Then again, maybe it was just his imagination. Jenny was too proud a woman to tell them her marriage was failing.

  He rang Laura’s bell, remembering the first time he’d ever seen her. She came to the door, lovelier than ever, and put her arms around his neck. She kissed him, filling him with strength, and he kissed her back, loving the smell of her, the feel of her, the reality of her.

  “I’m glad you came,” she said. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Me, too,” Erich said and kissed her again.

  She nuzzled his neck. “Mmm. What kind of aftershave are you wearing?”

  “Don’t remember.”

  She took his hand and led him into the house, then closed the door behind them. As soon as they were inside they were in each other’s arms again, kissing hungrily.

  ***

  Jenny stood at the floor-to-ceiling windows of her parents’ living room in Connecticut, watching her husband. Erich had been riding for almost two hours and didn’t seem to be tiring. He had so much energy she found it difficult to keep up with him, now that she was pregnant. The morning sickness she suffered with all day hadn’t gotten any better. Despite her difficult pregnancy, Jenny loved her unborn baby more than she’d ever had anyone. She couldn’t wait to hold him in her arms.

  She heard the front door close, and a moment later her father stood in the doorway. He held his suitcase in one hand and the Sunday New York Times in the other. Preston Abbott kissed both his daughter’s cheeks, then stood back and stared at her.

  “You’re too pale. I don’t like it. Something’s not right.”

  “I’m fine, Daddy.” She put both hands on her abdomen. “I just can’t fit into any of my clothes anymore. I didn’t expect you back today. Where’s Mother?”

  “Still at your sister’s, helping her get settled. I have a meeting tomorrow morning at eight so I couldn’t stay.”

  She turned her back to him and he took a few steps toward her. “What’s so interesting out there?” he asked.

  She glanced at him, then back out the window, but didn’t say anything.

  Her father nodded. “Erich’s riding again. He enjoys it very much, doesn’t he? He’s a good man, Jenny. I asked him to come to work for me, but he turned me down. Can you imagine?”

  “He’ll never give up being a journalist. It’s in his blood.”

  Preston watched his daught
er as she gazed at her husband. “I have to admire his independence. Why aren’t you out there with him?”

  “I’m not in the mood to go riding. Besides, the doctor told me it isn’t good for me or the baby.”

  He grinned. “How is that grandson of mine doing?”

  “He’s fine, Daddy.”

  “Those doctors don’t know what they’re talking about.” He took her hand. “Come on, I’ll help you saddle your horse. You know how much you love to ride.”

  “I don’t feel like it.”

  He stopped, staring at her with concern. “Are those tears, baby girl?”

  “I’m not your baby girl anymore, Daddy, but I wish I were. I’m a married woman who’s expecting a baby and has a terrible problem that I don’t want to talk about.”

  He pulled her close against him and she snuggled in, wishing she could disappear. “I’m always here for you, Jenny. So is your mother.”

  “I know you are. But this is something I have to take care of on my own.”

  The next day, Jenny and Erich returned to their Greenwich Village apartment. As soon as they walked in the door, she strode into the bedroom and shut the door behind her. When they were with her parents they tried to put on a good front, but as soon as they left the façade collapsed.

  Since their return from London she’d been fighting the truth about their marriage. Now she had to face up to it. The marriage was over, though she hated that fact. Despite what had happened between Erich and Laura Austin, she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to do it for herself, and for the baby. But in her heart she knew she couldn’t.

  Days after their return, Erich was named the Herald Tribune’s Washington D.C. bureau chief. He spent so much time traveling between Washington and New York they were able to spend little time together. When he was home they either didn’t speak or they fought.

  Yesterday, like on most other days, he had passed up the chance to spend time with her and had gone horseback riding instead. Even her parents had commented on it. He always seemed distracted when she mentioned the baby, and Jenny had begun to wonder if he cared about her or the baby at all.