A Maggot

by John Fowles

  Here I must first state to Your Grace what is not clear writ, of her fit of seeing. This appeared to me neither malignantly rehearsed, nor else in its nature than is said common among her kind of superstitious sectary. I did find more suspicious a manner upon her when she was recovered; as to which I may not easily explain, 'twas as if she now put on anew a part of her hid till then: a strumpet's insolence, such as I did meet with in her former mistress, Claiborne. It is recorded, she did smile: but not her ill-disguised scorn that I should ask her if she were not ashamed at what she saw. Yet even this impudent and forward contempt in her was neither politic nor cunning if she but purposed to deceive. I should rather believe this, her fit made her the more determined in her wilful pride, or the more careless of what her manner might betray of disrespect for my enquiry.

  Yr Grace will observe she shows little and often no reason nor logick in her beliefs, and he may censure me that I pressed not more hard to expose such patent muddled foolishness. I pray Yr Grace will take my word, such as this may not be humbled so, nay, are driven by it farther into their apostacy, and finally grow bound irrevocable to it. I know her unlettered kind, they would rather first be burnt at the stake than hear reason or recant; they are obstinate to death, most blindly opiniatre, as fixed and resolute in this, tho' it be in unreason and for all their womanishness in outward, as any man in a far better cause. They are like those put under a spell by some legendary romance, that once heard, they cannot shake off; but are its foolish slaves thenceforward. Nothing shall persuade them it be false. Lee is the more strong in this her perversity, Yr Grace will divine, for that the rota fortunae did bring her greatly above her destined station, notwithstanding it were by vice and immodesty. She was never, as is the commonalty of her sex, brought to know God's wisdom in decreeing for them their natural place as helpmeet to man, in house and home alone.

  In short Your Grace may believe me this, she is not to be broken easily of her new ways. There was, apart from that instance I have cited, in her general manner of answering less pertness and contradiction than may appear in the written words, as almost to say on occasion she was sorry to answer thus boldly, yet must by her faith. I count this small pence in her favour, who loses far greater sums in all else. In most she is of an obstinacy of belief Yr Grace's servant hath seldom encountered; as is seen in what she declared of his Lordship's secret nature and character, which (Yr Grace must know but too well) most signally denies all credible knowledge; likewise in what she would hope of this bastard she carries.

  'Tis plain this borders upon, nay is, the rankest blasphemy; yet to her it counts (tho' she did not, like a veritable madwoman, claim full certainty) as not without plausible expectation. Yr Grace may feel she is eminently prosecutable in this her claim, it is most easy proven vile insult upon all decent religion. Yet time, I doubt not, shall soon enough make sufficient example of her culpable foolishness therein, and punishment for it of a kind her arrogance may least bear; besides that I trust Yr Grace will upon reflection agree, such a plainly impious assertion is best not published. Such gross delusion of prophecy, 'tis well known, doth always attract its adherents among the idle and credulous mob. Dogs the like are best let sleep in silence; I need not to point out to Yr Grace what further consequence might ensue were this most infamous one awoken, and let run in the publick street. Such as she are far less dangerous when they are common miscreants, the base dross of this world, puellae cloacarum, than when brought to a specious piety.

  I judge all of her religion here in this town pernicious, and so also doth Mr Fotheringay, that hath had more dealings with them, for though they honour in outward the civil law they show no respect for it among themselves, nay speak of it as tyranny and say it shall be overthrown in time to come. To all argument of those that would remonstrate or dispute with them, they are deaf - Mr F. says, as if they speak not a common tongue, and are French exiles still among us. Wardley has been heard say so much: that it is futile and nugatory to dispute religious matters with ordinary Christians, for they are Turks in their ignorance and shall be damned for it.

  Mr F. has a spy among them, they are close watched, and he tells me he shall act to prevent them so soon as good case be found; the which he doubts not long in coming. But they are close people, and bold in their own defence, Your Grace may adduce it from this present case. Yet to our purpose, I do believe Lee, howsoever misled, firm in this her quarrelling new faith. She refused Your Grace's charity not as one that was notwithstanding tempted to take it, but one who saw (may God forgive her) the Devil's money, and would not have it, though offered in pity. That she is of strong will, for all her sometimes guise of meekness, there is no doubt. When Your Grace did say, upon his view of her, this was no ordinary woman, he was as just as he is accustomed. I will add no more on her account.

  Your Grace did me the honour to say, this one week past, that I should not hide my conclusions by reason of the natural reverence I must harbour for his most eminent rank. I shall now, though it be with the greatest reluctance, obey his wish; and tears also must I weep, that the most probable truth I have come to should be so bitter. Your Grace, I shall compendiate it thus: I may hope, yet may not in reason believe, his Lordship still lives. This I must ground not only upon that of which Yr Grace is already cognizant: his Lordship's having drawn upon no part of his allowance nor revenue since last he was seen in this world.

  I take also into account the death of his man Thurlow. Your Grace knows what devotion the fellow showed to his master through all their lives together. I cannot credit he died of his own hand by any cause except this: like the dog in human form that he was, he knew his beloved master dead and wished to live no more. It is true he did not as in most cases, he did not die in melancholy at his master's side. Yet must I still assume that such a death was what drove him to the most desperate end he than gave himself. The place where his felony de se was done was well searched, and in my presence, as I said. I fear now we were mistaken, I may conjecture it passed thus, in brutal simplicity; that Thurlow saw his Lordship die within the cavern; did then run from it in extremest horror, as Jones did report; but did later, after the wench and Jones was gone, and it may be not before the next morning, return there to see what in his simple wits he would not believe he had first seen; and finding there what he had most feared, his master's corse, did inter it in that place, or more likely carry it as he could to some place other we know not of; then only, that most direful task done, did he run off, and hang himself in his despair. Upon this conjecture must I alas hazard further, which I shall come to, as to reason for his Lordship's death.

  To this must be added what is proof only by negation, yet must grow in strength with passing time; to wit, no word is heard of his Lordship since the dark first of May, neither of his then taking ship nor of his being now settled in some foreign city. It may be

  said he was most able to embark in secret, perhaps from some port other than Bideford or Barnstable, and where we have not enquired; and may now live in equal secret where he went. Why then should he not take his servant? In such matters, where we have no certainty, we must judge by probability. It may not, alas, ,be said that it is more probable he doth now live in retirement abroad. As Your Grace knows, not one of those our agents and ambassadors to whom I have written on this behalf, hath made such answer as we hoped.

  Yr Grace's command doth now oblige me, if he will thus far grant me my most melancholy supposition, to state how his Lordship may have come to his tristfully ill-starred end. Yr Grace, I would believe him foully murdered, if I might; by the hand of any of those we know to have been there, I cannot; by hand unknown, again I would believe, were there any evidence or probability to it. Yr Grace knows as well as I, there is not; nor that Thurlow should not defend him, were either such the case. Horresco referens, I am reduced to this: his Lordship's death was self-given. In this Thurlow did but do as in so much else, that is, did follow in his master's footsteps.

  I will not repeat all in his Lordsh
ip's past Your Grace knows better than I, and that has so often excited Yr Grace's disapprobation and paternal distress; yet must I believe here we may best ground explanation of what occurred last April - I speak not only of those philosophical pursuits his Lordship has these last years followed in such headstrong disobedience to Your Grace's wishes; but more deep, in the most contrary spirit that allowed, nay drove, his Lordship to indulge them.

  It is but too well known from history such pursuits may lead their follower out of the noble world of reason, of commendable and useful enquiry, into the black labyrinth of the Chimaera; into matters most plainly blasphemous, and as plainly forbidden to mortals. I must believe now, this is what passed with his Lordship. He did seek wickedly to pierce some dark secret of existence, and moreover grew besotted by it, it may well be because he could not accomplish his grand design, as is most often the case. I do not say the account the woman Lee gave Jones is to be believed exact; yet may it be nearer truth than what I am myself here told by her. I do not say she lied knowingly in this; yet was led by means obscure to credit the opposite of what was truly intended. Your Grace will ask by what means, and there I cannot answer him, save I do not doubt there was a natural proclivity in Lee that his Lordship had observed, and did see also it might be made his tool, to further his own ends.

  Nor do I doubt as to the general drift of the grand design. I will not weary Your Grace by adducing how much in his Lordship's past must suggest there was ever in him some perverse principle that drove him to deny what reason and filial respect might have most expected him to believe - nay, not only to believe, but in view of his most fortunate rank, to maintain and uphold. We have all on occasion heard words and opinions from his Lordship's mouth that offend both divine wisdom and its reflection in this world below - I would say, the wisdom by which this world doth best conduct and govern itself, its sagacity in matters civil and political. It may be his Lordship felt a respect for his noble father which did most often prevent him from speaking before him in his darker vein. Even when he did, in other circumstance I have been witness to, I have heard the ladies declare him a tease, no more; and gentlemen not find in him beyond a fashionable cynic, who cares more for the mark he makes in polite society than for his immortal soul. Even with those more discerning in their censure, I have heard the blame for his views put upon his being a younger son, and his holding a (but too familiar) rancour thereat.

  I may here repeat what Sir Rich'd Malton did remark recently to me in London, upon the abolition of the Act against Witchcraft, which was this: that tho' the old hags be counted gone, there were impudent libertine philosophers enough to take their place. There are many such in London, Your Grace, who make no bones in professing to believe in nothing beyond their own pleasures in debauch; that care outwardly not a farthing for Church and Religion, nor King and Constitution neither; that would turn

  Musulman to gain a place or particular favour. Yet these are not what Sir Rich'd spoke of, they are no more than slaves of a pernicious fashion of the times. Nos haec novimus esse nihil, for there are worse beside, far worse. These above do declare themselves openly what they are. These I speak of do most largely conceal behind a mask what they truly believe and would work upon in matters civil and political; or more subtly they but show enough to make themselves believed fashions slaves, as is his Lordship's case above. They make their outward impudence their mask, as foxes, the better we may not see where they truly tend, nor their true black tergiversation beneath.

  This twelve-month gone I did chance to ask his Lordship upon what he was engaged in his inquiries, and he did answer, I thought then in his manner half in sour jest, Why, how I may make a man of a toad, and a fool, into a philosopher. Upon which I remarked it seemed he would usurp upon divine prerogative. To which he replied I was mistaken, since the world showed us it was easy enough to make men into toads, and philosophers into fools, and so must it be the Devil's prerogative he would usurp. I must now believe, Your Grace, that in that exchange lay some part of a confession he might have declared, had the occasion not been trivial and in passing. In truth he would doubt all: birth, society, government, justice, so to say in some more adept world their present provisions and dispositions should be found evil and corrupt. Yet he was ever not bold enough, or too cunning, to speak these things outright.

  By such weakness or fear, Your Grace, must I believe he did come finally to what passed in April. He would persuade one who was in this comparatively innocent, nay, gullible beside, to prove the point he dared not make himself, in her guise of seditious religion. In plain words, this world that is must be upset. Now that this one was a she, and whore besides, may seem a madness in him, to launch such a venture on so small and miserable a bark; yet-it may be she was freighted but for a first proof and essay, to see if a simple woman of pleasure might not be turned into the fanatick she is become, to serve his secret ends. Those are such no thinking man could countenance, for they place the judgement of a person's worth not upon his condition but upon himself; not on birth, but upon the mere fact of being. This is clear behind the drift of our French Prophetess: all are to be counted equal. Such as she may place such dangerous belief upon religious grounds. It is plain their general spirit is rabid political, of the mob, to destroy the sacred laws of inheritance, among much else. They would break this nation to pieces. I doubt his Lordship cares one whit for their religion; these their other desires, they are his also.

  Yr Grace, by such sad presage must I come to this: in that he would break the world which bore him, and to which he owed all, why, even unto those means that allowed him to pursue such ends, was his Lordship broken himself. Fiat experimentum in corpore vili; and in that doing he did become vile to himself, he was hoist on his own petard. In what is said of him and his behaviour upon his journey, we may see he was oft in secret doubt of it, his enterprise misgave him long before it was concluded. How can he not not have perceived he forsook the pursuit of scholarship for common trickery, such as at Stonehenge? Whereby he raised the light into the sky and made appear those two figures blasphemously passed off as the Almighty and His Son, we know not. He stayed behind when all was done, I doubt not that those he had hired should be paid, and all evidence of trickery cleared away in the night; and likewise at the cavern, though there it is to be noted we know not what passed except by Lee's testimony, which is more of gross fantasy than credible fact; and I believe there put upon her not by any outward melfeasance and deceit, but far more likely by means of drug or potion, or by black art of some kind.

  Here I must believe conscience did mercifully put a stop upon his Lordship's venture; that at the last he did acknowledge to himself he was upon madness, in unholy union with all decency abhors; and driven to it by a malevolent and unreasoning hatred and resentment not only of his noble father, but of the sacred principles of all respectable society and belief. His Lordship's youngest sister did once remark to me that her brother was as a pendulum, never to be still nor found in the same humour from one minute to the next. In that black Devonshire cavern 'tis most probable he did find himself to swing away from all he had done, and to regret it with a violence unaccustomed even in him; and in such violence did end his wretched days. Your Grace, I cannot say positively it was so. Yet must I guess it most likely so, and with this only to commend it: that coming to recognize he had sinned most heinously, he must condemn himself to no less than he did, as only proper expiation of his awful crimes.

  Your Grace will not, I trust, take offence I put my conclusion so baldly, since it is at his behest. He himself, as he will no doubt recall, did once vouchsafe to this his most humble servant that were it not all evidence denied, and not least the unimpeachable testimony of physiognomical likeness, he should believe his Lordship a changeling. I fear Your Grace was not mistaken: he may justly conclude that in all matters but of blood, his Lordship was indeed as a changeling, and not his true son.

  Your Grace did also ask me in what manner he should best broach this matter to h
is most esteemed spouse; and here I shall respectfully propose to him there is one consolation to be drawn, viz., in this our unknowing we are not obliged to declare the worst of his Lordship, as I have here with great reluctance but upon best probability stated. We may not easily believe what the woman Lee declares him to have been and to have become, against all past belief and family knowledge; yet Yr Grace may judge it should be allowed some colour of extenuation, to allay maternal concern. And furthermore, that he is now disappeared, it may be said it is because he knows himself not worthy to be Yr Grace's son, and would but relieve Yr Grace of his presence. May it not be said that perchance he lives still in some foreign land, where none may break the secret of an incognito; where he may now acknowledge to himself that he has given Yr Grace great hurt, and would trouble Yr Grace no more? And advanced in hope that he reflects upon the injustice he has done, and shall in due time return to ask Your Grace's forgiveness?

  These lines are written in some haste, not to delay dispatch, as Yr Grace will understand; and will know in what sadness also and fear of having failed Your Grace, in not bringing matters (despite most diligent effort) to more happy conclusion. Man would of his nature know all; but it is God who decrees what shall or shall not be known; and here must we resign ourselves to accept His great wisdom and mercy in such matters, which is that He deems it often best and kindest to us mortals that we shall not know all. In the bosom of that great mystery, I most humbly suggest, should Your Grace seek comfort; as in the more earthly solace of his noble wife and noble son the Marquis (who doth, unlike his poor brother, so preeminently enshrine his father's virtues), of those most charming ladies his daughters likewise. Alas, the one flower may wilt and fade; the others still may console the more.