by Prince, DD
Tommy nodded and then pulled me close, “I love you,” he whispered into my hair.
I squeezed, “I love you, too.”
He moaned deep in his throat and held me for a minute, “I could say that a thousand times a day to you just to hear you say it back.”
My heart swelled, “I’ll say it back every time.”
He gave me another squeeze, “I’ll come get you when I’m done talking to him. Don’t give him any information, okay? About anything. And Tia, I’ve checked and he’s spending about half his paycheck every week on drugs. His girlfriend, she’s a kindergarten teacher and she likes to get high, too. Since being with him she’s now got a lien on her car, which he drives, her credit cards are racked up with cash advances, and she’s on probation at work for missing too much time. I’m not sure how much we can trust what comes out of his mouth and this might be pointless but I at least want to hear from him, okay? And I want you to hear from him, so you can get your answers.”
I nodded. Drugs. Great. He went to the dresser lifted his necklace up put it on. I followed him downstairs and as he headed to his office, I headed to the games room in the basement to play Ms. Pacman to pass the time waiting for Tommy to come get me.
Tommy
Hearing love in her words and hearing her say those three words after having her “I hate you” etched in my brain…it did something to me. It gave me strength. I’d need that strength in the coming weeks as I kept digging through the shit about Pop; that was for sure.
Nino escorted O’Connor in. He sat down nervously. I hadn’t told him in advance of the meeting, just sent Nino to get him from his job. He looked freaked out. Rightly so.
“O’Connor.”
“How are ya, Tommy? Good to see ya. How’s my Sweetpea?”
I gave him a sour look. That he would call her “My” anything made me sick.
“Not thrilled that you’re here; I’ll say that. Drink?” I poured myself a whiskey.
“Yeah, please. Thanks,” he shifted around in the chair. He reminded me a little of Denis Leary. He was clearly nervous. Or he was tweaking from withdrawals.
“I wanted to ask you some questions about the death of Tia’s mother.”
He accepted the whiskey and drank it with shaky hands, “Yeah. It’s still raw. Hard to believe sometimes that she’s really gone. Mind if I smoke?”
“Yeah, I do mind, actually. Tell me about that day. Tell me about before you left her at home and about when you got back that day. Be truthful. I’ll check out your story. Don’t lie to me.”
“I don’t come across well in this story, unfortunately,” he said, putting his cigarette package back into his pocket with a sigh.
I lifted my chin, urging him to talk.
“Lita and I weren’t getting along. She left me after a fight about my gambling and my partying. She saw me flirting at a bar when she’d come to try to drag me home. So she left but turned back up a few days later and wouldn’t say why, wouldn’t say if she was giving me a chance, she was just sorta empty-eyed. She was going through the motions, y’know, cleaning the apartment, getting Tia to and from school but she wasn’t herself. The day she died she told me Tia had this school trip and I’d have to pick her up late from school since the bus’d be back after dark. I was running late. I’d been at the track all afternoon.
I was in a bad way, you see, I knew my marriage was on the rocks, money was shit, your father kept getting me fired from jobs. I’d get a job and then I’d get fired for no reason. I figured it had to be him; he was out to ruin me. He’d said as much. So I was at the track with my last twenty bucks, not knowing how we were gonna pay the rent ‘cuz Lita had quit her waitressing job when she’s left me and they’d hired someone else so when she got back she couldn’t get it back. I won $1800. I was stoked.
Then I remembered I had to pick up Tia from the school. Didn’t know why Lita wanted me to do it, though. No reason why she couldn’t do it so I called home and she didn’t answer. I swung by the apartment with flowers for her, ready to give them to her in the hopes she’d perk up before going to pick up my daughter and when I got home I didn’t think she was there but then found in the tub, a tub filled with her blood,” he choked up, covered his mouth, reached into his wallet and pulled out a small wallet-sized photograph and handed it to me.
I’d seen Lita’s picture, the picture she’d given me of her and Pop and like that, this was like looking at Athena but with darker features, skin more olive, dark eyes, same but darker hair. Same mouth, same bone structure. I felt bile rise in my throat imagining my girl dead in a tub, how that must’ve felt to him, even if he was a shitty father and a shitty husband. I passed the photo back.
“At first I thought it was suicide. She was so depressed. And then your father hinted that it had something to do with him. Tommy, if I weren’t such a mess at that point I might’ve tried to kill him. But I was already beaten down. And he was untouchable. He spent years destroying my life bit by bit and by the time I lost my wife, I was a shell of a man. I think he pushed drugs in my direction. I was getting offered free blow at those card games when no one else was, getting offered blow for cheap, too; I couldn’t afford it but my guy was selling it to me for dirt cheap and he ran for one of your father’s guys. Tom wanted Lita and she wouldn’t leave me so he destroyed me in her eyes. I think she didn’t leave me out of principle, not because she loved her life with me. I know there’s more, more she wouldn’t tell me. But I dunno. I think he stalked her and taunted her and she dug her heels in until she couldn’t take it any more or until he ended her life somehow,” He shook his head.
“So why do you want to work for me?” I changed the subject, feeling a chill. The stuff he said was just my Pop’s style. If he couldn’t have what he wanted, he’d make it so no one else had it either. That didn’t mean he killed Tia’s mother but the stuff O’Connor was describing, I’d seen my father destroy men this way, twice already in my life. Fuck, I’d seen my brother do it, too, for revenge against the bastard his ex fucked around with. Maybe it was another family trait.
He straightened up, “I know the business, I know how things work, I wanted to work for your father years ago, tried to call a truce, but he wouldn’t have it. I hear you’re taking over and I thought maybe I could get close to my daughter, work for you, help you…” he trailed off, shrugging.
Tia said he’d always had a mafia fascination. If my Pop was such a bad fucking guy who’d ruined his life why on earth would he want anything to do with my family?
“Why didn’t you take your daughter and run, get away from my father? Why the fuck did you leave her right under his nose?”
He winced and then shrugged and then started talking fast, too fast, “I didn’t think I’d get away. He stopped bothering me, too. I just hoped that he’d moved on. She didn’t live with me anymore. I let her stay in foster care for her protection, hoping she’d be off Tom’s radar. For all these years he left me alone. But then about three- four months ago, I saw him at a poker game, but a small time game, like he showed up cuz he tracked me down and he gave me this look and he winked and I knew I hadn’t seen the last of him. He and I talked for a minute, I tried to make him know I wasn’t a threat. Then your brother turned up out of the blue to tell me the score; that it was time to settle my debt. I kicked myself for not protecting her better but I asked around and found out Tom was retiring and you were taking over. I heard good things about you. I’m good friends with Marco Savarro’s brother-in-law and he said Marco said good things about you. I knew Marco worked here at your house while Tia was here. I was devastated when he was killed and when I found out that those Mexicans took my daughter. Then I heard you got her back and I knew that she was safe and it was this huge weight off my mind. The foster dad says she’s wearing your ring and she acts happy. I only ever wanted her safe.”
It didn’t make sense, what he was saying. A Swiss cheese story. And I wasn’t fucking happy about the fact that Mexico seemed to be common knowl
edge.
“I may have more questions for you,” I said, “I’m gonna go get Tia.”
“Can I go somewhere and smoke, Tommy? This shit has been stressful,” he said, “I need some nicotine before I face my baby girl.”
My jaw clenched at him calling her that.
“Nino’ll take you out back.”
Tia
“Are you sure you wanna see him? I think he’s tweaking from withdrawals or something.” We were walking upstairs from the basement together.
“I’m sure. What did he say, though?”
“I’ll fill you in later. I’ll bring you in and then you can be alone with him?” He posed it like a question.
“Can you stay?”
“You want me to stay, I’ll stay.”
I nodded, “Wait. If I say things that don’t sound positive, about how I felt in the beginning with us…”
He shook his head, “It’s okay. I won’t be offended. But I don’t have to be there if you don’t want me to be.”
I didn’t want him to think I was hiding anything, that I had any ulterior motives so I did want him there. He’d come into the games room, looking a bit frustrated. I’d stood when he walked in and he waited in the doorway and opened his arms and I went right to him and let him hold me for a minute. I wanted his support in that room, too.
We walked into the office and there sat my Dad, wearing his work clothes, a blue work jumpsuit with his name embroidered at the breast pocket. He was looking shaky. All the things I’d wanted to ask or say or scream and now here he was, looking pathetically at me with regret in his eyes. It looked fake.
Tommy shut the door behind himself and motioned for me to sit behind his desk. Dad sat in front of his desk in one of the three chairs sitting there facing the desk. Tommy sat on top of the conference table behind him, looking casually out the window.
“Sweetpea,” Dad said to me, about to stand.
I raised my hand to halt him and sat in Tommy’s chair.
“You look good,” he said softly, “So grown up. Remind me so much of your mother.”
I was dressed up a little. I wasn’t sure why I dressed up for this occasion. I was wearing a white pencil skirt and matching bolero jacket with a pink frilly blouse and a pair of nude heels. I had my hair back in a sleek ponytail with the earrings Tommy had given me in Vegas. I was wearing a necklace that had been my mother’s. It was a pretty with a dainty gold chain with a rose and gold cameo on it. Thankfully the bruise on my throat was now faded mostly and I wasn’t sure it was even noticeable but Dad’s eyes landed on my throat so I guess it was still visible enough. Or maybe he was staring at the chain. I didn’t know.
His eyes trailed down from my throat to my hand and widened at the sight of my engagement ring.
“Nice rock,” he commented and it was said almost in a prideful way, like he was taking credit. It made me feel a little queasy.
“I want some truth from you, Dad.”
He let out a breath, “The truth is that I know I was a lousy father but I’ve always loved you. You’ve always been the apple of my eye. Tom Ferrano set his sights on you and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. You don’t know how it is in this world, Tia; the man had power and reach and there was nothing I could do. Your mother grew up in that world and I know she didn’t want it for you but I just prayed you’d somehow be happy and safe. It looks like you are. I want to be in your life. I feel like I can finally be in your life now that I’m not looking over my shoulder all the time. I tried to stay away to keep you safer. It didn’t work and here we are but maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe now we can move ahead, put all that behind us.”
“You left me to rot in foster homes to protect me?” I was incensed.
“Crenshaws? That big house? That was rotting?” I didn’t like the snark in his voice, like I’d had it so easy.
“You had no way of knowing where I’d end up and I wasn’t there the whole time. Do you know the stories I’ve heard from some of the girls? Some of them that lived in group homes or who got molested or abused by other foster kids, foster dads? You had no way of knowing I’d be okay. You’d go months without checking on me. And as good as they were to me, they took me because you abandoned me. You. You abandoned your daughter after her mother died and social services paid someone else to do your job, to raise me. Everyone tells me I’m very well-adjusted considering what I’ve been through in my life but Dad, you get zero credit for that. Zero fucking credit.”
“I’ve never seen you so angry,” he looked down.
“This? This is nothing! Let’s talk about how you tricked me on my high school graduation day to be your “marker” when you knew, you fucking knew what you were really doing! You basically sold me into slavery, Dad.”
Dad winced. Tommy was still seated on the conference table. He had his arms folded and he was watching me, looking at me with an unreadable expression.
“I was sold like a piece of chattel,” I continued, rage propelling my words, “I was treated like a piece of property to be pawned off. And then when I escaped because it was fucking unbearable,” I glanced at Tommy but he made no moves, his expression didn’t change, “What did you do? Did you help me? Did you? No, you called Tommy and told him where to find me. Do you know what I had endured up to that point? Do you have any idea? Do you even care?”
Dad shook his head, “I had no choice. And you were obviously safer here than down in Mexico. Imagine what might’ve happened to you if I hadn’t told him where you were? If you’d gotten nabbed before he found you, maybe escaped a bit longer he wouldn’t have wanted to rescue you from Mexico. Maybe you should’ve just did what you were told and stayed put.”
“That’s enough,” Tommy spat. My eyes were wide, I was shocked. What kind of twisted logic?
“Listen,” Dad drawled, smiling now, trying to salvage this, his eyes darting to and fro between Tommy and me, “I did what I thought I needed to do. I always did. I just wanted you safe. I was no match for the Ferranos. I knew you’d have a good life here. Tommy is a good man; he’s taking care of you. You’re happy. I never understood why your Mom wanted away from this life. I tried to work my way up but Tom wouldn’t let me in. I thought I was a dead man, that Tom would have me taken out after your Mom. But he didn’t. Then when he came for you, I thought through you, I dunno, maybe I’d know we were now safe and then I’d be a part of your life. Tommy, I’m available. I’m happy to start at the bottom, I ---”
“Get out.” I interrupted. Dad looked at Tommy beseechingly and stayed perfectly still. There was silence for a beat.
Finally, Tommy notched a brow and jerked his chin up, “You heard her. Nino will walk you out.”
“Uh,” Dad got to his feet, “Can I uh… can I get a lift back home? I don’t have cab fare, I…”
“Get the fuck outta here,” Tommy pointed toward the door, “Nino!” he hollered, making me jump a little. The door flew open and Nino was in the room, looking ready to crush bones. He hauled my Dad out of the chair and held him by the scruff.
“Escort him out,” Tommy said. Tommy followed them out into the hall and shut the door. I don’t think I was breathing. Then Tommy was back. He shut the door and leaned against it and looked at me. I guess I was just staring off into space. Dad hadn’t even looked back at me on his way out the door. I looked up at Tommy finally, not sure what I’d see.
“Come here, baby,” Tommy said.
I stood slowly and fought the trembling that had started in my chin. No, no more tears. Not for him. Tommy pulled me against him and kissed the top of my head and held me. The strength of his arms around me, the solidness of his chest, the smell of him, he smelled like home to me now. He softly started to fill me in on the rest of the conversation he had with my father and I kept dry eyes throughout the time he talked, my head just resting against his chest.
My father was a fuck up. My father was probably a rebound for my mother who was looking for a different life than what she’d grown up wit
h but my dad was the wrong choice. Tom Ferrano set out to ruin my Dad, to show my Mom what a loser he was so my Mom would come back to him. It didn’t work. It might’ve driven my mom to suicide. Tom Ferrano might have killed my uncle as he had been allegedly obsessed with my mother and the power my uncle wielded. Mom’s family were connected, even more than Tom Ferrano back in those days. I never knew.
Tommy didn’t have any proof that his father did anything to my mother directly but Tommy had concerns that a lot of what my father had said was true because he said it fit his Pop’s MO, his MO was get to someone anyway he could and often that was by hitting them where it hurt and sometimes by making their life crumble around them. Tom Ferrano had the power to do that to people. With my Uncle Joe out of the way he had more power than ever. Tommy said he got off on the power, the control over peoples’ lives. Tommy said his Pop loved being a puppet master and his eyes were filled with irony, apology, as he told me that.
“So what now?” I asked, looking up at him and trying to ignore the way Tommy’s voice changed as he talked about his father’s love for control.
Tommy shook his head, “I’ll dig for more info. I have plans to talk to Bianca’s ma, she’s been an aunt to me. And to Dario’s mother. Then I decide what to do.”
“What do you mean what to do? What can you do?”
Tommy shrugged, “Let’s see where the truth takes us and then I’ll decide.”
I didn’t like the darkness in his eyes at that statement. I didn’t know what it all meant but I didn’t like it one single bit.
I heard a commotion outside the door. Tommy opened it. Nino and another guy I didn’t recognize were rushing toward the door, “T, I think you should come outside. Your father and Greg O’Connor---”
Tommy booked it toward the door and I followed and outside the front gate was opened and Tom Sr. was beating the snot out of my father out on the street. Tommy ran, passing James, and hauled his father off my father, whose face was gushing blood.
“Tia! Back in the fucking house!” Tommy yelled. His father tried to pull free of Tommy’s grip and then the most awful thing happened. Tommy’s silver crucifix necklace flew airborne during the scuffle and it fell. I ran for it but it fell down and when my eyes landed on the ground, they didn’t land on concrete or on grass. It was a sewer grate. I landed on my knees and cried out. Tommy let go of his father and reached for me and then Tom grabbed my dad again and cold clocked him and my dad was knocked out, lying on the ground bleeding right beside the sewer that had swallowed up Tommy’s necklace, Tommy’s anchor to goodness.