by Prince, DD
I was inconsolable. I was on my now bloodied knees bawling, staring at the sewer. Anyone watching might’ve thought that I was crying for my passed out bleeding father but my eyes met Tommy’s and I knew he saw precisely what I was weeping about.
He hollered out “Jimmy!” and then Nino and James got my father up off the ground carried him, barely conscious back toward the house.
Tommy yelled at his father, “Pop, inside!” And then he lifted me off the ground and cradled me to his chest, carrying me tight against himself, back to the house while I cried inconsolably into his chest, clutching his shirt.
Tommy
The guys put O’Connor into a car and had someone drive him. I knew they’d either get him looked at by a doctor or they’d bring him back to his house if he was alright. I got Tia into the family room and put her on the couch and covered her shoulders with a blanket and dabbed at her bleeding knees with tissue. She’d stopped crying but was making shuddering noises and had the hiccups. Sarah brought her a glass of water and put two glasses and a decanter of scotch on the coffee table, left the room and then came back with a first aid kit. I took it from her and waved her away and put antiseptic and then Band-Aids on Tia’s knees and then I poured a drink for Pop and for myself. He sat a few cushions away from Tia on the sofa, watching me bandage her up with a weird expression on his face. I was sitting on the coffee table, my legs between the two of them.
“Pop, it’s time for the truth.”
He downed his scotch and looked at her.
I said, “I know some of it, I know you know that I know some, but we need you to fill in the blanks.”
“I’m sorry if that upset you,” he said to Tia, “That necklace you’re wearing, I gave that to your mother for her eighteenth birthday. Caused quite an uproar at the time.”
She put her hand to her throat.
“We were crazy about each other but her brother, my best friend and business partner, wanted no part of it. He didn’t want one of his buddies dating his little sister. Died when he was 28. Tragic loss. I was there for her and she was there for me and we started to date. It was at the end of my marriage to Annette. But Lita and I had a fight one night and split up, stupid fight, and she decided she wanted no part of the life I lead. We went our separate ways. She married your father. She married fast so I’d know we were really over. You were born. Then we reconnected again, she wasn’t happy with him, and we talked about leaving our spouses. She got pregnant with my baby.”
Tia gasped.
“She had all this guilt. She decided to give things another go with him. Your father made her get rid of my kid. I’ve always hated him for that. I’m Catholic, you know; we don’t believe in that. When he made her have that abortion, I believe it destroyed her. He was the reason she died.” Pop poured another glass of scotch.
“I saw you a few months ago,” Pop said, “Saw you all grown up one day on the street with your friends and it was like looking at her all young and happy again and I, I … I decided to give my son what I should’ve had.
I’ve been married a lot. But if I’d married Lita, that would’ve been forever. I won’t deny I wanted to take Gregory’s child the way he took my child from me, the child I never got to know.” He shrugged and downed the drink, “So I hate your father. Sorry but that’s how it is. Tommy cleared his debt and it’s done. I’ve wanted to knock him out for years and saw his smug face when he left here today and so I just closed the chapter with my fists, that’s all. I’m done.” Pop looked at me and raised his hands defensively, “I’m done, my boy. I know what you said when you cleared the debt but I just needed to knock the smug look off his face. I’m done now.”
Tia had stopped shuddering and hiccupping. She was dabbing her eyes.
Pop got to his feet, “You wanna have him at your wedding, I’ll keep my mouth shut and I’ll be nice. As nice as I can be under the circumstances. You two have kids and he has to come to the baptism and so forth, I’ll be on my best behavior. But don’t expect me to be friends with him and unless it’s important don’t expect me to be under the same roof.”
“C’mon Pop.” I said and signaled for him to follow me. I leaned over and kissed her on the forehead and whispered, “Back in a few.”
Pop and I stepped outside. His driver was standing by the gate talking to Nino and Jimmy and they halted conversation when they saw us come out. I shot a dirty look their way. They looked like a couple of gossiping old ladies.
“What brought you by today?” I asked.
“Just wanted to say Hello,” he answered and shrugged but he was looking me right in the eye, the way he always did when he was feeding me bullshit.
It was obvious that he knew O’Connor was here. Someone told him that my guys were picking the guy up. Who?
“Come by the office tomorrow morning, we gotta talk more about the Fete plan. Unfortunately, Denarda’s back in. People flying in tomorrow. I’ll fill you in later.”
“Right,” I said, jaw tight. Leo Denarda. Great.
“When ya getting married?” Pop asked.
I shook my head, “Not sure.”
“What’s the problem? You not sure about her now?”
I shook my head, “I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”
He frowned at me.
“I want it to be right. We’re almost there. It won’t be long.”
“You’re keeping me from my Valhalla,” he waggled a finger at me.
“Naw, Pop. You go. We’ll be good. We’ll get married soon.”
“Maybe. The new house is still bein’ built so not a major rush. We’ll talk more later,” he slapped me on the back and then headed down the front stairs toward his car. His driver jogged over from the gate and opened the car door for Pop. I followed the car out and stared at the sewer in front of my house. My mother’s necklace was gone. No way I’d get it back. Just as well, maybe. I needed to learn to control myself without it, anyhow. I heard Nino call out, “T?” I looked over my shoulder to see that suddenly Tia was beside me, staring at the sewer.
I gave her a sad look. She grasped the cameo necklace around her neck and yanked hard, breaking the chain. She looked at the necklace in her hand for a second and then she dropped it over the sewer grate, it caught for a second and then slid down between the slats. She turned on her heel, and walked back toward the house. I let out a slow breath and followed her.
Tia
I walked up to the bedroom and kicked off my shoes and crawled into bed, the soft gray cashmere throw Tommy had put over my shoulders still wrapped around me.
The shit my father had pulled in my life all pointed to him being a weak and broken man. But what I saw today was like an addict swindling to get his fix. He was looking for an in with this family and thought I was it. And he turned on me. Tommy had said he was still using drugs. Was he imagining working for this family and getting wealthy and having access to all the sins he wanted? Drugs, gambling? Notoriety? Was he that out of touch with reality?
Tommy came into the bedroom a few minutes after I did, looking stressed. He took the navy blue suit jacket he was wearing off and climbed in beside me and pulled me to his chest. I was going to cry again. It couldn’t be helped. So much for my tough hardened self that I thought I was after my conversation with my Dad.
“Your necklace,” I whispered, rubbing my hand up his chest.
“I know,” he sighed.
“That was really fucked up,” I said.
“Yeah,” he replied.
“But what did he mean?” I asked.
“Hm?” he asked distractedly.
“He said you cleared my father’s debt. That didn’t make sense. Don’t I clear it by marrying you?”
Tommy’s eyes focused on me and he said, “I paid your father’s debt.”
“Huh?”
“Pop gave you to me as a gift. But I paid it anyway.”
I shook my head and frowned, not understanding. He continued, “I paid it. Despite the gift,
I wanted the debt paid. So when we got back from Mexico I paid it, with interest. To make it done.”
I started to feel spinny, “You paid for me?”
“Not for you, for the debt. To end it.”
“You paid money for me.” My fingers were at my temples.
“Tia, listen---”
“You really just had to ‘own’ me, didn’t you? You had to pay money for me because I’m a piece of fucking property to you!” I pushed at his chest to get away from him.
“No, that wasn’t it,” he made me look at him by grabbing my chin and staring right into my eyes, “I paid money so that the debt was settled. The debt being settled meant my father wouldn’t meddle, wouldn’t think he had a right to do anything to your father again. Because he’s your father I did that so that you wouldn’t have to deal with my father fucking with your father’s life anymore. I know how Pop’s brain works. If I hadn’t settled the debt, he’d still think he had a right to continue to settle the score. Stealing you wasn’t enough. Fucking with Greg’s life wasn’t enough. It might never have ended. Never. And you’re not just a piece of property to me; you’re every fuckin’ thing to me.”
I couldn’t think straight, I wanted him to let go of me. I pushed at his chest again but he pulled me tighter against him. Instead of fighting, which I knew was useless, I just went limp. He held me close and rocked me for a long time and I was just limp. No tears, no expression, no thoughts. Just limp.
“Baby?” he finally said and touched his lips to my forehead, one hand threaded into my hair.
I closed my eyes tight, “I can’t.” I said.
“Athena,” he hauled me back a few inches and held my face in both of his hands. I opened my eyes.
“I love you,” he said.
I nodded a little.
“Baby, I love you,” he repeated.
I opened my mouth but nothing would come out but a little sob that I pulled back. Tommy’s expression dropped and he let go of me and I dropped limply onto the pillows. He left the room, slamming the door. I’d promised him just this morning that I’d always say it back. I failed him.
Sarah was tapping my shoulder. I jackknifed up in bed, gasping.
“Sorry, Chiquita; you been sleeping 3 hours. Tommy has to go away on business. I need to pack a bag for him, he asked me to tell you. He’s in the office if you wanna go say bye. He says he’ll be gone a few days.”
I put my head back on the pillow and pulled the blanket up over my head. I didn’t fall back asleep; I just sort of laid there. I heard her leave a few moments later.
I didn’t know where Tommy was going and I didn’t care. Whatever. Him away instead of here meant I wouldn’t have to endure his mood swings, endure his wrath without the protection of his necklace.
Five Days Later…
For five days I stayed in the bedroom other than to make trips to the kitchen, the Ms. Pacman machine, and back. I read, watched TV, and played games on Facebook. I’d gotten my period for 4 days and now it was gone. I got a big zit on my chin that was now pretty well near gone, too. My knees were almost healed, my throat no longer had a bruise (not on the outside but I suspected I was scarred for life from it).
I was raging for sugar or something comforting other than ice cream, anything but ice cream, but Sarah had no other junk in the house other than sugary cereal, which was bizarre because she was a sugar hater but purchased several boxes of cereal with the word “Sugar” in a huge ass font on the box so I threw myself headfirst into said sugary boxes of cereal, using them to drown out the emotions about my life, my parents, my future, my relationship. Sarah brought me food. Sometimes I ate it, sometimes I didn’t. I woke up every night several times. I think I was looking for him but I wouldn’t allow myself to acknowledge it.
I ignored Sarah and the 4 guards at the house. Yeah, he’d left me here but doubled the security. Twice a day, at least, Sarah asked me if I’d checked my phone and I’d always say that it was charging. It was plugged in on the nightstand but turned off. I didn’t want to turn it on because I didn’t want to know whether or not he’d messaged me. If he had, I didn’t want to read them. If he hadn’t, I didn’t want to know either because that’d make me consider the fact that he hadn’t bothered to message me. Stupid girl.
Yesterday Sarah had said that Tessa and Lisa showed up to visit me but I feigned a headache and made her get rid of them. I missed Luc’s baby shower. I knew Sarah went. She came up to tell me she was going but didn’t invite me. I suspected Tommy didn’t want me leaving the house, anyway. And what good would it do for Tommy’s family and friends and everyone related to the Ferranos that I hadn’t met yet meeting Tommy’s fiancé, a member of the walking dead.
After five days, he came back. The door swung open and there he was. I was in bed with my laptop playing Texas Hold ‘Em poker online with fake money, a lot of fake money as apparently I was some sort of poker savant (ever since losing my shirt, literally, at strip poker to him). My hand was inside a box of Sugar Crisp. It was 11:30 at night. I was in sweats, a messy bun in my hair. I’d had a shower that morning but I didn’t even brush my hair, just shoved it up.
The door had opened and he dropped his suitcase on the floor and threw his jacket on the chair in the corner by the window. He folded his arms and stared at me. I glanced in his direction and ignored him and looked back to my screen. I unceremoniously shoved another handful of the sticky cereal into my mouth and pressed the button to fold from the game on the screen and licked my fingers. The tension level in the room shot up to near nuclear as he spoke, no roared,
“Where the FUCK is your engagement ring?”
My blood ran cold.
Suddenly he was in my face, the cereal and the laptop swept off the bed onto the floor.
I looked at the nightstand where the ring sat and then up to him. His eyes landed on it and then he picked it up and shoved it on my sticky finger. I made a painful squeal and swallowed hard. My heart thumped painfully in my chest and in my ears. His face was distorted into a snarl.
“That never comes off your fucking finger,” he glared at me, “It has a GPS in it. If anyone tries to take you again, it’s how I’ll fucking find you. I see that ring off your finger for any reason that tells me you’re planning to run. You planning to run?”
I shook my head No.
“No?” Heat and rage were all I could see in his eyes.
I shook my head again.
“Why was it off?” he demanded.
My head dropped to the pillow and I covered my head with the blanket. He ripped it right off me and tossed the blanket behind him so that it fell on the floor with the cereal and the laptop. I shrieked and pulled a pillow against myself and backed up against the headboard.
“What is your fucking problem?” he shouted. He picked up my phone and turned it on and it made a whole bunch of bleeps. Obviously he’d been messaging me, lots, “Done feeling sorry for yourself yet?”
“You’re the one who left!” I yelled, my voice hoarse. It might’ve been days since I’d spoken.
“You’ve been fucking catatonic. Obviously you didn’t care,” he retorted.
“I don’t fucking care!” I said, “I’m tired of fucking caring. Everything I care about means nothing. My father, my mother, you. Nothing.”
“Why am I nothing?”
“You’re not nothing. I’m nothing. I’m just…” I dropped back down to the pillow and put my hands over my face.
He sat on the bed and leaned forward and took my hands off my face and weaved his fingers through mine. His face was seriously pissed off-looking but his touch was gentle.
“I told you that you’re everything.”
“What do you want from me? You want to hit me? Go ahead and hit me. You want to fuck me? Go ahead---”
He let go of me and got up, “Fuck,” he stared at me a beat and then said, “I’m taking a shower.”
I laid there for a second and then lifted the phone, which he’d tossed on the bed, and s
crolled through the texts sent throughout the time he was gone.
“Come down to the office, baby.”
“Tia?”
“I’m flying to Italy with my brother for a few days. Tell no one. Just that I’m away on business. I’ll text when I land. Love you.”
“P.s Delete my texts after you read them.”
“I’m here. You okay?”
“I’m laying here wishing you were beside me, baby. I can’t seem to sleep without you beside me. I should’ve brought you. I know you’re upset. I’m sorry you’ve been through so much in the last month. I’m working on fixing things. I’m on that road to making things better. Promise I’ll find a way. Love you.”
“I heard Etta James on the radio today in a restaurant and miss you so much. I didn’t know I was lonely without you until I had you. Now I don’t think I would want to live without you. Can’t wait to marry you and dance again with you to that song.”
Then there was a link to a YouTube video link. Then another text.
“I miss the smell of your hair & how you wrinkle your nose at me & the way I wake up every morning with you all wrapped around me. Love how you keep wearing pink since I bought that pink fishing rod for you. Miss you. Write back?”
That was 4 days ago. He’d given up on messaging me. I touched the link to the video and it opened a YouTube window and started to play the Etta James song and it was playing to images from the Disney Wall-e movie. I loved that movie.
As the song filled the air so much emotion surged through me I thought I was going to fall over. When she sang about her heart wrapped up in clover the night she looked at him I thought about us in that field on his farm with me in the grass, him over me with sunrays practically bursting from him and how much emotion I’d felt in that moment. I thought about him dancing with me and singing this song in my ear. I pushed away thoughts of him screaming in my face with his belt in his hand and then I saw that couple on the stage in Vegas embracing one another after he gave her what she needed and she gave him what he needed. I thought about how amazing it was when I declared I was his in the bathroom in the hotel that night. The look in his eyes, the heat, the emotion. The freedom in being his was something I wanted now. Right now. When I gave into being his I didn’t have to feel anything but the bliss of giving myself over to him. I put the phone down and ran to the bathroom and hit the brakes when I got to the shower door.