Eternal

by London Saint James

  “Winter,” he said. I saw the effort it took him to speak with me. His body tensed as though he was trying hard to hold back waves of anger. “Do you have any idea what you have done to me tonight?”

  “I am so sorry, Cayden. Please, you need to understand how horrible I feel. There is no excuse for what I did. I know I should not have done it. I don’t know what I was thinking, I was stupid.” My words were coming out in a rush.

  “Are you hurt?” he asked.

  “No.”

  “You do realize your little stunt just about killed me.” Cayden paused, still not looking at me. The tone in his voice was edgy and eerie. “I thought I was going to lose my mind when Jayden told me you were not here at the estate, and no one knew where you were. I was completely distraught until I heard you were finally with Langdon.” He seemed to exhale. “I owe the studio some new equipment due to my little anger outburst.”

  “You destroyed some equipment?”

  “A table, a chair, some miscellaneous video equipment, and a spotlight or two,” he said through clinched jaw.

  I was scared. Scared of what I had done to him, of why he would act this way. I knew he would be mad, but I did not quite expect this. Cayden was beyond angry, and it was all because of me. I started to cry, feeling the tears roll over my cheeks.

  “Cayden, please, I am so sorry. If I could take back what I did tonight, I would. I don’t want to hurt you or make things any harder for you….”

  “Winter, all I care about is you, your safety, and tonight you put yourself at risk. Why did you do that?”

  I proceeded to walk forward. It was obvious Cayden was not going to move nor was he going to look at me. It seemed like the space between us was extensive. It took me a while to reach him. I reached out and placed my shaking hand to Cayden’s chest.

  “Please, babe, look at me,” I asked.

  His blue-eyed gaze shot to my face, pain more than evident. The anger had changed to remorse, complete and total sadness. “You are shaking, and you are crying,” he said. “Please do not cry.” And he pulled me into his arms.

  I placed my cheek to his chest and wrapped my fingers into the material of his shirt. “I’m shaking because you are scaring me,” I confessed.

  Cayden’s voice was broken in this moment. “I never want to scare you. Do not be afraid of me, baby. You know I would never hurt you. I love you. Don’t be scared, I am trying to calm myself down but I would never, never do anything to hurt you no matter how angry I get. I am only angry because you scared me. I cannot lose you, Winter. I can never lose you.”

  “I’m not scared of you, Cayden. And I am not afraid of you hurting me. I am afraid because I have hurt you, caused you such pain, disappointed you. I should not have snuck out, not gone into the city. I was stupid. I see how much I have hurt you. To see how angry I made you scares me. I know you are beyond mad at me. Can you forgive me?”

  Cayden clutched me closer, tighter into his arms. “Winter, you are the most important person in my life. I can’t stand the idea of someone hurting you, frightening you, trying to get too close to you. Please promise me you will never go out alone again.”

  “I promise,” I whispered. “Can you forgive me for all of this trouble?”

  “You never have to ask for my forgiveness. I understand how difficult it is not be able to go do the things you want to do. I know you were hoping to still be inconspicuous enough to be able to go out. I am sorry for what I have done to you. I am sorry if you feel locked up. Everything in your life has changed because of me and not all are changes for the best.”

  “Stop,” I said. “You will not apologize for this mess. It’s all on me. I love you, and I can promise you nothing like this will ever happen again.”

  Cayden picked me up into his arms and carried me to the bed. He sat down, pulled me onto his lap, and cradled me against him. I put my cheek on his shoulder and completely melted into his arms. His fingers brushed though my hair from crown to ends.

  “Winter, you are my life. I cannot live without you. There would be no point to this life without you. If anything ever happened to you….” He held me closer, tighter. “Know I cannot bare you being at risk. There are people out there who would hurt you.”

  “Why are you so afraid someone will hurt me? The photographers are rude and more than bold, pushy even but—”

  “For my own sanity, please, Winter, don’t go out without Jayden or the rest of us.”

  “I love you, Cayden. You will never need to worry. I promise, I will never even think about doing something like that again.”

  My cell phone rang. I started to ignore it but Cayden was insistent I answer. He let me loose from his arms. I went to pull my phone out of my bag.

  “Hello, Jewel,” I said quietly. “Are you okay?” Cayden was standing behind me. He brushed his hands through my hair while I spoke to her.

  “I’m fine, how about you? I have been so worried about you, Winter.”

  “I am fine and safe, but I really can’t talk right now,” I told her. I turned to look at Cayden. He stared at me with some outlining emotion on his face that I didn’t recognize. This new emotion played around the edges of his eyes.

  “Winter, I’m so sorry for everything. Will you be all right?”

  “Yes, I will.”

  “Okay,” Jewel said quietly. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Jewel. Goodnight,” I ended.

  Cayden sighed. He skimmed the back of his hand down the surface of my cheek. “Now, tell me. Where did you go, and how bad did it really get with the paparazzi?” Cayden must have felt my body stiffen. “I need to know, baby. I promise I’m not going to be angry any longer since I have you safely here with me.”

  “It’s a long story,” I admitted.

  “We have nothing but time,” he assured before he kissed the top of my head.

  Chapter Three

  Seeing Red

  I woke to another beautiful day. The sun shown bright and came in through the windows like an invited guest. It fell in large beams across the foot of my bed. Cayden was gone, back into the city to finish filming where he had left off yesterday. I stretched and ran my hand over the spot he’d slept. He left a letter lying on his pillow along with one single pink rose. I smiled and picked the letter up. It was written on crisp white paper with dark blue ink. His handwriting was a perfect match to Austin’s, a fact that should shock me.

  Cayden wrote….

  I’m sorry I did not wake you but I wanted to watch you sleep. Please keep yourself safe for me, and don’t do anything crazy while I’m gone. Relax, breathe, and remember how important you are to me. I know I must seem crazy or fanatic about you and your safety, but you need to understand I have waited far too long to find you, and I never want to go back to an existence before you. I was not fully living until I found you, Winter. Forgive me for scaring you. I’m not trying to be a tyrant, just trying to protect the most precious part of my life. And in case you haven’t figured that out yet, the most precious part is you. Winter, you are the very breathe of my life, for without you I am nothing. I love you, nothing can ever change that.

  Cayden

  I cried. The tears streamed down my cheeks. I was beyond lucky to have Cayden in my life. I was blessed. I needed to do whatever I could to ensure his happiness. In retrospect, I knew how ridiculous I had been. I knew my worries about Cheryl Lynn were more than stupid. I knew Cayden loved me.

  “Winter, are you decent?” I heard Chandler’s husky voice outside my door.

  “Yes,” I said, placing my black silk robe around my shoulders.

  “Can I please come in?” he asked.

  “Sure.”

  Chandler walked in. He was holding a paper in his hand, wearing his sweats and familiar flip-flops. He looked tired, not his usual self any way. “You might want to sit down,” he said quite serious.

  “All right.”

  I took a seat in one of the chairs by the balcony doors. I pulled my knees up
to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Chandler sat on the other chair, opened up the paper, and read….

  “This reporter has confirmed filming on Cayden Cain’s latest movie was put on hold yet again yesterday after quite an angry outburst by Cayden himself which resulted in some property damage. Sources revealed Cayden became extremely upset after making a phone call. No one could confirm who he called but interestingly across town in an apartment building located in the Upper East Side, Ms. Wells was spotted trying to leave an undisclosed apartment. Sources confirmed Cayden Cain’s personal bodyguard arrived on-scene and escorted Ms. Wells out the fire escape of the building. In a further twist, I have confirmed Ms. Wells is really writing under a pen name. She is, in fact, Winter Shae Perri who resides currently in Baily, Colorado. Ms. Perri was once engaged to an up and coming young star who was tragically killed sixteen years ago. In an even stranger turn of events, the man to whom she was engaged to marry looks much like our current Hollywood hottie and resident heartthrob, Cayden Cain. This reporter was shocked to see the resemblance when investigating this piece. And after finding pictures of Mr. Austin Wells Carlyle one must begin to speculate. There might be something more to this story regarding Ms. Wells and Mr. Cayden Cain. Cayden, say it isn’t so. We can understand Ms. Wells’s attraction here but please tell us you have not just broken every female heart in the U.S. and abroad by coveting your brother’s love interest. Let’s face it, if Cayden is perusing Ms. Wells his poor brother does not stand a chance….”

  I felt the heat come to my cheeks and ears. I was not flushing red with my usual embarrassment but turning hot under the collar from complete and total anger. I was seeing red.

  “Stop!” I said to Chandler who was not quite done with the article.

  “I am sorry, Winter. I thought you should know,” Chandler replied.

  “I can handle anything they say about me, but how dare they bring up Austin and Cayden. That is going way too far.” I balled up my fist at my side. I wanted to hit something.

  “Winter, I told you. Cayden has told you. Zander has told you. The press can be ruthless, cruel, and heartless. Gossip sells, scandal sells so this keeps them constantly looking for juicy stories. The fact you are a successful writer. The fact you have kept yourself from being known, turned down offers for your books, refused book tours, written under a pen name, kept your image one of mystery, and the fact you are now surfacing and with us, will send the sharks into the murky water. Just the fact they got one picture of the reclusive romance writer was a scoop let alone they now have more. Now they have found a portion of your past. They will use it, twist it, God knows. This is just a piece of what Cayden has feared for you.”

  “What do you mean a piece?” Chandler looked down at the floor. “What?”

  “Cayden will be upset if I tell this to you.”

  “Tell me, Chandler,” I insisted.

  “Last year when all the press came out about Cayden and Cheryl Lynn….” My alarm clock went off, snarling through the room. Chandler paused. I stood, walked over the bedside table, and turned off the screeching beast.

  “Sorry, please continue,” I said. I could tell Chandler wasn’t quite sure if he should continue but he did.

  “All right,” he said. “Of course you know it was totally untrue but people believe what they read. The large majority of Cayden’s fans are really great, but there are those few disturbed people who take things too far. Cheryl Lynn received a death threat due to her so-called relationship with Cayden. Since then her security has been stepped up, and the case has been investigated.”

  “Death threat?”

  “Yes.” Chandler folded up the newspaper. “If something like that would happen to you, it would send my brother over the edge. He could not handle it. Someone threatening you or trying to hurt you is one of his greatest fears. Cayden worries about you more than you can ever know.”

  Cayden’s fears for me made more sense now. That’s why he has been acting so strange.

  “I am so stupid,” I replied. “I did not fully understand why he has been so worried.”

  “I know. All of this is much more complicated than you or he ever bargained for.”

  I immediately became panicked for Cayden. What if someone threatened him? What if someone would try to harm him? I could not survive losing him.

  “Chandler, has anyone ever threatened Cayden?”

  “Not like that,” Chandler replied. I sighed a breath of relief, but it was short-lived.

  “I could not live without him. If someone would hurt him it would kill me. I know I could not survive, not a second time.”

  “Winter, please calm down. I did not tell this to you to upset you.”

  “I know, Chandler. I know.”

  When Chandler left I put on my jogging pants along with one of my oversized sweatshirts. I grabbed some dark sunglasses and placed them on my face. I pulled all of my hair up into a ball cap that Cayden had left lying around. I found Jayden and begged him to take me jogging. I had to find a way to escape my current stress and worry about Cayden’s safety. I wanted to think. I was going to be thinking about some hard things so I needed to be outside in the cool air, moving, or I would go insane.

  Jayden agreed to go with me. He went to change his clothes while I paced in the foyer, biting the inside of my cheek. From behind me, I heard the door open. I turned to see Richard, my driver.

  “Winter, are you all right?” Richard inquired. The look on his face was one of concern.

  With a nod, I indicated yes, but I was far from all right.

  “Are you sure? I’ve been a bit worried for you.”

  “I’ll be fine, Richard.”

  With tilt to mouth, he smiled then inclined his head like an English gentleman. “I was thinking of sprucing up the car. Giving it a proper wash but I shall put off the endeavor if you need me today?”

  “No, I’m waiting for Jayden. We are going to take a jog, so I’ll be sticking around today, but thank you.”

  “All right,” he said then gazed up to see Jayden coming down the stairs. “Enjoy your jog.”

  Jayden and I made our way out the gates and followed the secluded bike paths. As we ran, all I could think about was Cayden. I wondered what I would do if my presence in his life caused someone to threaten him. I was not concerned for myself, because nothing could harm me other than someone harming Cayden. Things were much more complicated than I had ever realized. I’d been worried for Cayden and his image, yes, but never his safety. To know someone could threaten him or try to harm him was far too much.

  I told myself I would be much more careful. I would do what I needed to do in order to divert any further speculation from Cayden, but then I decided my decisions would need to be much more deliberate than just being careful. I thought about the lies we had allowed regarding the possibility of a relationship between Chandler and I. I found as lies usually do, they grow, becoming more involved, more tangled like a web. Can I go further with this lie in order to protect Cayden? I could I decided. Once you tell one lie, you begin to tell others. Before you know it, you have a very intricate and delicate string of them. But I had no choice but to lie if I wanted to be with Cayden. There in lied the crux.

  Maybe I was being far too selfish. And as much as it would kill me to do it, perhaps I should tell an even bigger lie. Make it clear to the press I’m not interested in Cayden. Set him free from their ruthless pursuits for gossip. I had to consider it. Maybe I should let go of my selfishness, break my heart and his, and walk away to keep Cayden safe. Could I do that? I thought about Austin. While it is not the same scenario, I had to ask myself. If leaving Austin would have saved his life, would I have walked away? Yes. There was no question, no other answer.

  “Winter, we should head back,” Jayden said, breaking my thoughts.

  “So soon?”

  “We have been jogging for over an hour, and the sky is looking ominous. I think we are too far out. I would feel better if we were back at the es
tate,” Jayden replied.

  “Sure.” We turned around on the narrow path. I felt my phone vibrate inside the pocket of my sweatshirt. I pulled it out and stopped running. “Hello,” I answered, breathless.

  Cayden’s stressed voice filled my ear. “Winter, what’s going on? Why are you breathless?”

  “It’s okay. Jayden and I are jogging.”

  “Oh,” Cayden said then there was a long pause. “Did you see the paper this morning?”

  “Chandler read it to me, so while I did not see it, I do know what the article said.”

  “I am so sorry.”

  “Cayden, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I replied.

  “You sound different. Are you sure you’re doing okay?”

  “Yes, I am fine.”

  “Listen, I can’t talk long but I need to fly out to California on Thursday for some scheduled interviews and a photo shoot for GQ. You and Chandler are coming too so start packing.”

  “That may not be the best idea.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “The press is working hard to drag you into things, and I don’t like it. I need to do what I can to keep you out of the spotlight of my life now it would seem.”

  Cayden chuckled. “Winter, stop,” he said. “You know I am not going to go anywhere without you. We will be careful. You and Chandler will be going with me, so no arguments. And please stop pouting.”

  I smiled. I had to. I was actually pouting, and he knew it. “I love you, babe.”

  “I was beginning to wonder if you had changed your mind about loving me,” he replied then laughed his low musical laugh. “I love you, too. Be safe, baby. I will talk with you tonight.”

  I placed my phone back into my pocket and looked up at Jayden quite seriously. “Jayden, if I ask you something will you be honest with me?”

  “Of course,” he said as we continued our jog back toward the estate.

  “How long have you worked for Cayden?”