Be Here Now: A Cedar Creek Novel

by Julia Goda

  “I don’t know. I wasn’t sure if you wanted everyone to know just yet—” I tried to placate him, but he didn’t let me finish.

  “Listen to me, Loreley. I told you earlier that I want everyone to know that you’re mine and I meant that. I also want everyone out there to know I’m yours. We’re not hiding that we’re getting married and you’re definitely not taking that ring off. Not ever. Not until I slide another one underneath it next month when you take my name.”

  “Okay,” I agreed quickly.

  “Next month? Jeez, man. You really don’t let any grass grow.” That was Nathan. I grinned at Jason and he grinned back at me.

  “Hey, dad.”

  “Hey, my beautiful girl. Happy Birthday!” My dad wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. He gave the best hugs ever. I would never tire of them.

  “And who do we have here?” He asked when he let me go and inspected Jason. Jason held his hand out for a shake and said, “Roy, it’s good to see you again.” My dad looked from Jason to his hand and back again. I tensed as they stared at each other, silently communicating the way men do. I was about to say something when my dad slowly lifted his hand and took Jason’s.

  “I have to say, if Cal and Chris hadn’t filled me in this morning, this meeting would have gone a lot differently. I’m not the youngest anymore but I do own a gun and I’m not afraid to use it. You get me?” I rolled my eyes. I loved my dad and I got where he was coming from, but mentioning his gun was a little dramatic.

  Jason didn’t agree. “I get you. And I wholeheartedly agree.” Dad’s head jerked in surprise, but he was impressed, I could tell. After a few moments of contemplation, he gave Jason a chin lift to communicate that then looked at Nathan.

  “And who are you?”

  “Dad, that’s Nathan. He’s the drummer in Jason’s band and an old friend from college.” They shook hands.

  “Please don’t shoot me, sir. I’ve always been on Loreley’s side,” Nathan joked. My dad chuckled.

  “Well, then, any friend of Loreley’s is welcome at my house. Let’s go on back. You’re late as usual, so everyone is already here and enjoying a drink in the backyard.”

  We all went through the house and out the back door into the backyard. Everyone was lounging on the deck—the adults and Tommy— or playing in the yard—Macy’s kids Lucy, Conner, and Noah, and of course Stella.

  “Finally, the guest of honour graces us with her presence.” Cal grumbled, though he was smiling. I stuck my tongue out at him and he started laughing.

  “Hey, she’s only thirty minutes late. I thought they wouldn’t make it out of bed at all today,” Chris teased.

  “I wouldn’t have if I was her,” Betty said under her breath, shocking the shit out of me and everyone else but Pete and my dad. “I know you all like to think of us as asexual just because we’re old and most of you think of us as your parents. But let me tell you, we might be old, but we are sexually very active, thank you very much! And look at that man. If I didn’t have my own hot guy, I would jump him right now!” She pointed at Jason.

  “What am I? Chopped liver?” Nathan asked through a smile.

  “I hear you, man,” Chris agreed.

  “Please tell me my mother did not just use the words sexually and very active in the same sentence referring to herself.” Cal looked at Ivey beseechingly, begging her with his eyes to tell him he had misheard. Ivey was giggling hysterically, so was Macy, and so was I. Jason said nothing. I think he might have been too stunned by Betty’s words.

  “Okay everyone,” I said when I had recovered. “I know most of you know him already, but this is Jason and that over there is Nathan. Jason and Nathan, this is my family.” I pointed at everyone and told their names. Macy went a little overboard when she hugged Jason hello, seeing as she was still bouncing up and down as she did so, but that was Macy. Larry just laughed as he pried her off of Jason and gave her a mock-glare, shaking his head.

  “Good to see you set things straight with our girl here,” Larry told Jason when they shook hands.

  “Thanks, Larry.”

  “Oh my God!” Somebody screeched in my ear. I turned to see it was Macy. Of course. Who else would screech in someone’s ear like that? Before I could ask her what was wrong she grabbed my hand and held it up for inspection.

  “Holy Shit!”

  “You are shitting me!”

  “Oh my God!”

  Shouts, excited and shocked, erupted all around us.

  “Shit, man, you don’t let any grass grow, do you?” Chris asked through astonished laughter.

  “That’s exactly what I said,” Nathan stated.

  “You’re getting married? Don’t you think that’s a little fast?” Cal asked.

  “Pfft. As if you waited much longer,” Ivey told him chidingly.

  “I did. I waited months until I proposed.”

  “Yeah, a full two months. Loreley and Jason have dated for over two years in college and they shared a son. Heck, if you do the math, they have dated for longer than we have. We haven’t even reached our first anniversary and I’m shackled and knocked up.”

  “Are you complaining?” Cal glared at his wife.

  Ivey’s face softened. “No, baby, far from it. Just telling you to cool it and be happy for your sister.” Cal’s face gentled like it always did when she called him baby. He kissed her softly before he looked back at Jason and me.

  “I still think it’s too soon. I hope you’ll have a long engagement,” he said.

  “I gave her a month,” Jason informed him. Everyone around us broke out into loud laughter. Everyone but Cal and Jason that is.

  “What’s so funny?” Jason asked.

  “That’s exactly how much time Cal gave me to plan our wedding. Said he wouldn’t wait any longer than that.”

  Jason grinned. Cal grinned back at him. Then Cal got up and shook Jason’s hand and they clapped each other on the shoulder.

  The only person who hadn’t said anything about Jason and I getting married was Tommy. He was standing separated from our big group, leaning against the railing, his eyes on Jason. “Tommy?” I called his name. His eyes came to me and they warmed a little, though it didn’t erase his scowl. “You okay?” I asked.

  “Depends,” he answered as his eyes went back to Jason.

  “On what?”

  “On whether he’s staying this time.”

  I could feel Jason tense beside me, but he wisely didn’t say anything and let me handle this. Jason didn’t know Tommy, though he knew about his mother abandoning him when he was just a baby. I had told him all about it years ago when we shared about our families. Jason abandoning Jesse and I would hit too close to home for Tommy, as he had proven at dinner last week when he stormed off after learning who Jason was and what he had done. It was understandable that he’d need some reassurance.

  “He’s staying.”

  “You sure about that?” His eyes were still narrowed on Jason. God, I loved that boy.

  “Yes, Tommy, I’m absolutely sure about that. He didn’t abandon me before. It was a misunderstanding,” I explained.

  “Yeah, that’s what dad said, too. Still, he should have tried harder.”

  I opened my mouth to defend Jason, but Jason beat me to it. “You’re absolutely right. I should have tried harder. And because I didn’t, I missed not only six years of being with the woman I love, but also being a father to my son. I’m gonna have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

  Tommy’s eyes grew wide at Jason’s confession. He was impressed and relieved. His eyes flickered to mine and I gave him a small reassuring smile. Everyone around us was quiet as they watched the scene unfold before them. Then Tommy gave Jason a small quick nod.

  “We good?” Jason asked.

  Tommy repeated his nod. “We’re good.”

  My God, Tommy was so much like his father it was scary sometimes.

  I felt tiny arms wrap around my legs and when I looked down, I saw Noah
smiling up at me. He was the quiet one of the bunch and always hung out with me. He reminded me a lot of Jesse.

  “Hi, Lore,” he said through his smile. “I wanna sit with you.”

  “You wanna sit with me, huh?” He nodded happily. “All right big guy, go find us a chair and you can sit on my lap.” Without delay, Noah scuttled off in search of a chair.

  Jason’s arm around my shoulder pulled me in closer. “What if I want you to sit on my lap?” He whispered in my ear.

  “Sorry, but Noah’s got dibs. He always sits with me.” I gave him a wide smile.

  “I see.” He nuzzled my nose with his and kissed me softly. “You’ve got quite the male following.”

  “What can I say? I’m a fun person to be around,” I grinned at him.

  “Can’t argue with that.” He returned my grin.

  “I’m gonna marry Tommy when I grow up,” Lucy announced from across the deck. All eyes went to her and the boy in question she was now standing next to.

  Tommy chuckled a boy chuckle and said. “You can’t marry me, Luce. We’re practically family.”

  Lucy scrunched up her face, not liking his answer at all.

  “You’re not my brother,” she stated.

  “No, I’m not.” Tommy answered.

  “Or my cousin.”

  “No.”

  “Or my uncle.”

  “No.”

  “Then how are we family?”

  Tommy shrugged. “We just are.”

  Lucy scrunched up her face again. Then she had a thought. “Wait! If you’re family, then I can kiss you! Mommy and daddy say I can only kiss boys if they’re family.” Macy, Ivey, and I tried not to laugh. This wasn’t the first time that Lucy was trying to get around Larry’s no-kissing rule.

  “Drop it, Lucy. You’re not kissing anyone but your brothers and me.” Larry growled.

  “But you said—”

  “I know what I said and now I’m saying this.”

  “That’s not fair,” she pouted and crossed her arms on her chest. “Either Tommy is family and I can kiss him or he’s not and I can marry him.” The three of us couldn’t hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. All the men chuckled.

  “She’s quite the character, isn’t she?” Jason asked in my ear. I couldn’t answer him. I was still laughing too hard.

  “There’s nothing even remotely funny about this. My daughter is boy crazy at seven years old.”

  “I’ll let you borrow my rifle when she’s a teenager when it gets really interesting,” my dad told him. The chuckles and laughter grew louder.

  “I don’t know what you’re grinning about,” Larry looked at Cal. “Aren’t you having a girl?” Cal stopped grinning immediately and tensed, which made all the women laugh so hard tears were running down our faces.

  “Yeah, man, you better hope she doesn’t look like Ivey.” Cal shot Chris a glare.

  “My little sister isn’t kissing anyone. I’ll make sure of that,” Tommy declared.

  “Bud, do the math. You’ll be far away at college by the time she’s Lucy’s age.” Tommy looked at Chris, wide-eyed, seemingly just now coming to that realization. His eyes went from Chris to his father as if asking for a solution, but Cal didn’t have one since what Chris said was true.

  “I have nothing, bud. Chris is right, unless you’re going to University of Boulder or Denver and live at home.”

  “Boulder or Denver it is then,” Tommy mumbled.

  “Perfect! That means you can still date me when you’re in college and I’m in high school!” Lucy exclaimed with her hands up in the air over her head in a Whoot! Whoot! gesture. All the women burst out laughing again and even Tommy chuckled this time as he shook his head at Lucy in loving exasperation.

  It was later in the afternoon, when I was playing in the yard with Noah and Conner with Ivey and Macy sitting close by and chatting with me, that I felt Jason’s eyes. They were longing and thoughtful and a touch sad. I walked over to him and sat down in his lap.

  “You okay?” I asked. I ran my hands through his hair before resting them on his shoulders. I was worried that all this would be too much too soon.

  “Yeah. Just thinking,” he said, his voice quiet.

  “About what?”

  He looked at me lovingly. “I was wondering what you looked like when you were pregnant with Jesse.”

  I gave him a small and sad smile. “I can show you pictures.”

  “I know and I want to see them. But I want to see you pregnant in real life as well. I want to see you heavy with our child. I want to touch and kiss your big belly and feel our child move inside of you.”

  “You will, Jace. Give us some time to settle in after we get married and we’ll have more children.”

  Jason shook his head. “You might think I’m crazy, but I don’t want to wait. And I don’t think you want to either.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Let me ask you something.” I nodded for him to go on. “Are you on the pill?”

  I froze. I wasn’t. I didn’t need it. I was one of those few lucky women whose cycle was like clockwork. And I wasn’t having sex until last night, so I hadn’t needed the protection aspect of it either. It all came to me right then. Oh my God! We had sex, lots of it, and without protection!

  “Yeah, baby, I see you understand what I’m getting at,” Jason’s voice was amused and loving, but that didn’t penetrate in that moment. All I could think about was that we were playing with fire.

  “I…I didn’t…I didn’t think…”

  “I know, baby. Neither did I. Not the first time. Not until after. All the times after that I didn’t put a condom on because I didn’t want to. I want you pregnant. As soon as possible.”

  “I…Jason, it’s too soon. I can’t…I don’t…”

  “You can and you do. It’s not too soon. We’ve wasted too much time as it is. I want a family. And I want that with you. Only you.” My heart melted at his words, but I was still skeptical. We got back together less than twenty-four hours ago, and here we were, engaged and discussing making a family.

  “You sure you don’t just want that because of Jesse.”

  He gave me a squeeze. “Yeah, I’m sure. You wanna know why?” I nodded. "You think Jesse would have been our only child if we’d never broken up?” I shook my head no. We had always planned on having at least two or three children. We would at least have two by now if not all three. “I don’t think so, either. So we’re not moving too fast. Actually, we’re trying to catch up.”

  My lips twitched. He was impossible and I couldn’t believe that what he was saying actually made sense in a backwards way. His face split into a wide smile as he witnessed my uncertainty melting away.

  “So you agree?”

  “Can we at least wait until after the wedding?”

  Jason pulled me closer. “All I can tell you is that I’m not going to wear a condom. There’s nothing like the feeling of sliding inside you bare, and I’m not gonna give that up now that I finally have that back.”

  “I guess we won’t be having sex until the wedding then,” I breathed, not meaning a single word I just said. Jason’s smile widened even more. “Right,” he murmured as he stared at my mouth. Then his lips were on mine and he kissed me long and deep and wet.

  “No condoms,” he said when he let me go.

  “Okay.” Then something occurred to me. But I didn’t want to ask.

  “What is it?” Jason asked when he felt me tense in his arms.

  I took a deep breath. There was nothing for it. I had to ask even if I didn’t want to know the answer. “Have you ever…in the past six years…without…with anyone?” I stammered. Jason’s eyes warmed on me.

  “No, baby, I’ve never had sex without a condom with anyone but you.”

  “Not even when you were drunk? Who knows—”

  “No. Believe me. I’m not gonna deny that I was drunk every time I had sex with someone, but I was never too smashed to forget to prote
ct myself.” His eyes and voice were sincere. I believed him. My body sagged in relief and his arms around me tightened. He kissed my hair.

  “I told you, Loreley, none of the others meant anything to me. It’s always been you.”

  We sat like that for a long while, holding each other, watching our friends and family until it was time to go to the bar for my birthday bash.

  Chapter 13

  LORELEY

  Jason and Nathan weren’t joking when they said the paparazzi could descent on Cedar Creek any minute. My eyes got big when we turned the corner onto Main Street and saw a blob of people with cameras around their necks camped out on the sidewalk in front of Cooper’s.

  “Holy shit,” I whispered in awe. I stared at the crowd, wide-eyed. Both Jason and Nathan swore under their breath. Chris shared my sentiment. Jason had taken both Chris and Cal aside during the barbeque and told them about the video and what to expect, so they wouldn’t be blindsided by it.

  “How did they get here so fast?” I wondered.

  “It’s been almost a full day since the video went viral. A lot of time to get on a plane or make the drive from wherever you’re based,” Jason explained.

  “Wow,” I murmured, “That’s just crazy.”

  “Welcome to my life,” Jason muttered, annoyed.

  I looked from studying the crowd to him, put my hand on his leg, and gave him a light squeeze. “Don’t worry. It’ll be okay. They’re not allowed inside, right?”

  “No. They’re not allowed on the premises actually, which includes the parking lot.”

  “Okay. Well, that’s at least something. Drive around to the back. We’ll go in that way. Maybe we can sneak in unseen.”

  Jason didn’t slow the car as he drove past the paparazzi, but it was no use. Even though they didn’t know my car, they spotted us almost instantly and started taking pictures and shouting out questions. I just watched, amused and disbelieving, as they started running alongside the car, holding out their cameras blindly in the hopes of getting a good shot. They followed us until Jason pulled into the back parking lot that only had a few spaces for the employees.

  “Stay in the car until I come around and open your door. And keep your sunglasses on.”