“It is Coach Thistle,” he whispered. “I heard some of the guys talking about how much money they’re making for him. It’s earning them starting spots on the team. The other day I was late leaving practice, and I glanced in the office. Coach had a ton of money on the desk. He was counting it, and two of the seniors were taking their cut.”
Dammit. He hoped like hell that none of them had seen Drew. If they had, then this might have been made even harder on all of them involved. “Why didn’t you tell any of us?”
“I got in too deep; I knew I was in too deep. I’ve been mean as hell to everybody and I can’t control it. I’m scared, I don’t want to withdraw, and it’s helping me.”
“The fuck it is, Drew. What’s helping you is the head you have on your shoulders, it’s the good decisions you make. You’ve become one of my best friends, without me meaning for it to happen. I tell you all the things I can’t tell your dad. I know that’s probably not fair to you because you are just a teenager, but you know all my fears. You know I’m afraid that if Meredith and I never have a child, it won’t be enough for her. You know how badly that cuts to my soul. I’ve told you things I’ve never told another human being, including my wife. I trust you,” he told the teenager.
“I trust you too,” Drew told him, glancing over, his eyes glassy.
“Then believe me when I say you’ve got to give this up. You want a future? You want to be with Charity? I’m assuming that you do, because whether you know it or not, I’ve noticed it.”
“Rooster has too,” Drew whispered. “I’m pretty sure he saw us together.”
“Then you’ve got to get your shit straightened out. You can’t worry about her when you can’t fix yourself. That’s where I’m failing Meredith right now. I need to get my own head straight. So take the advice I’m giving you and realize that you are a hell of a man, regardless of whether you’re a kid or not. You’ve lived through a lot, and I’ll never forget that little man who stood up for his mom when you all first walked through the door of that clubhouse. You’ve always had heart and you’ve always been smart. Don’t fuck it up, dude. I beg you, I love you like a brother,” Tyler told him. “I love your dad, I love you. I don’t want to see you do some stupid shit to yourself in the name of making yourself better. You don’t have to be better. You’re a damn good kid, man, and all-around person the way you are.”
Tyler reached over, grabbing Drew in his arms, hugging him tight, worried that if he let go, Drew would run. “Do you understand what I’m saying to you? You’re enough.”
“I’ve never felt like I was enough,” Drew whispered. “Dad isn’t really my dad. What if I’m like the asshole that’s my biological dad? What if I’m predisposed to be a jackass?”
“You’re not. Liam is your dad, doesn’t matter what a few cells of DNA say. You wanna be a jackass? You’re gonna be one. You wanna be a good man who stands up for his friends and tells them that doing this shit isn’t smart? Then you be that man. It’s in your hands and it’s your decision. What are you gonna do?”
It felt like a millions years as Tyler waited for Drew to speak to him. “I wanna be someone that you all can be proud of. This ain’t me.”
“Then we’re gonna get this worked out. We’re gonna get you fixed up, and we’re gonna take care of this adult preying on teenage boys. First, we gotta go talk to your parents.”
Drew had never heard scarier words in his life. “I need to apologize to Mandy too. I’ve put her in situations that I shouldn’t have.”
“If you realize that, then we’ve already got a head start.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Roni glanced out the window on the way back to her apartment, watching as the rain from a late summer thunderstorm made tracks down the glass. It had been a long day and afternoon. She hadn’t wanted to drive herself home, and since she’d taken a company vehicle to Liam’s, she’d left it there and let Rooster drive her home.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly, looking over at her in the dim light from the console on his dashboard. He was worried about her, she’d been quiet since they left Liam’s and it had been an extremely emotional day for the both of them.
“No, I feel awful,” she told him. “Mandy tried to tell me that something was wrong, and I blew her off. I even saw him get mean with her, but I couldn’t worry myself enough to truly find out what was going on. What if this kid’s parents decide to press charges against Drew? All this over a girl and roid rage?”
He grinned, but she couldn’t see it. “I’ve done worse over a girl before.”
That was true, he had, but they had been so much older, hadn’t they? “I’m just not ready for him to be that grown up. I’m not ready to have to worry about all the stuff that comes with that. I spent so much time with him and Mandy when they first came to live with Liam that I kind of feel like I’m a second mother to them.”
“In a little over two years he’ll be an adult; in less than that, he’ll be driving, trying to get Charity in the back seat of Liam’s extended cab. It’s the way boys are.” He smiled over at her.
Her mind wandered. If their child had been a boy, would he be doing the same stuff that Drew was doing right now? It didn’t seem to matter that Liam and Denise were excellent parents, that they gave Drew everything he needed. He’d still been lured in by the promise of a quick fix. “It breaks my heart.”
Without her having to ask, he reached over and grasped her hand in his. Rooster had always been a big guy. Even before he’d been on the squad, he’d been recruited by the coaches at the high school, but he’d never wanted to play sports. That was one thing she’d loved about him, he wasn’t the norm. He’d never been what anyone expected him to be.
“Some of them can’t be saved,” he told her. It was the truth; he’d seen it happen a million times. “But there are some that can, and I think that Drew has enough people surrounding him that he’ll be fine. It’s not going to be easy. Withdrawal is a bitch, and I don’t think Liam’s gonna take it easy on him, neither will Tyler for that matter, but I think he’s overall got a good head on his shoulders.”
Roni hoped so. God, she hoped so. She didn’t have anything else to say as they pulled into her parking spot at her apartment complex. It was still raining, coming down in sheets, flashes of lightening illuminating the sky. “I don’t wanna sit here all night.” She turned to face him. “You wanna make a run for it?”
His mood lifted as he saw the grin on her face. It reminded him of the nights they would go to the swimming hole. “You sure? We’re gonna get soaked.”
“Maybe that’s what I need.” She bit her lip as she opened the door. She never acted with any careless abandon anymore. Since the night she’d lost control as a teenager, everything was calculated. She needed to find that girl who would strip down to her skivvies and go for a swim with a boy. The woman needed to find the girl if she was going to make a life for herself.
Stepping out into the rain, she lifted her head up instead of running through it, letting the rain pour over her face. It was warm, and as it washed over her, it was almost as if it were cleansing her of all her sins. It washed away all the bad feelings, giving her peace for a moment.
“Roni, what are you doing?” Rooster questioned, grabbing her by the waist. He pulled her close, holding her to him.
“Enjoying myself for the first time in a long time,” she yelled over the sound of the water hitting the cars beside them. “I feel free and I need this,” she told him, digging her fingers into his arms.
He took a minute to look at her and he could see it. She breathed heavily, almost like she was hyperventilating, but then he wondered if it was because he held her close. If it was because their bodies touched one another. That same spark that had been there when they were younger was still there for him. He didn’t know how to get over it, how to forget it. Every woman he’d been with since her had never lived up to her memory. He knew that wasn’t fair, but it was the truth. He’d lost his heart at seventeen
and had never been able to get it back.
Roni smiled up at him, the drops from the downpour caught on his eyelashes, making them seem impossibly long. The stress he had seemed to carry with him while he was on the force was gone, she’d noticed that, too, in the last few months. The afternoon had taken a lot out of both of them, but there were no more secrets. They could be themselves with each other. He seemed like he was rejuvenated, different than he’d been in a long time. She wanted that feeling for herself; she wanted to be able to live her life. She’d waited so long, years, to be the carefree one, and she wasn’t doing it. She was still worried about things she couldn’t control. Sick of it, she slipped out of his grasp and ran back towards the truck, pulling the tailgate down and pushing herself up to have a seat on it.
“What are you doing?” he asked, advancing towards her.
It was late, and her apartment building closed up at night. There wasn’t much foot traffic, and especially not on a night like tonight. She looked young sitting on the tailgate of his truck, her feet dangling. The flip flops she’d worn had slipped off, the T-shirt she wore was plastered to her body, and her shorts had ridden up, exposing tan thighs.
“Nothing.” She grinned back at him. She needed what she was about to do. She’d held him at arm’s length because he hadn’t known about the baby, it felt wrong to move forward when he hadn’t known about the secret, but now that he did, she wanted to move forward in a bad way. Locking eyes with him, she reached down and pulled her T-shirt over her head, throwing it behind her into the bed of the pickup.
“Do you know what you’re doin’?” he asked her. Rooster had stopped walking towards her, wanting to make sure she was okay with this, that this is what she wanted. Once he got a taste of her again, he knew that he wasn’t ever going to let go. It wasn’t in him to lose something twice.
“I do.” She glanced around the parking lot. The lights in most of the apartments were out, they were closed up for the night, and she wanted this, more than she’d wanted anything in a very long time. Reaching behind her, she unhooked her bra, catching it with her arms before it fell completely free.
He was to her in three long strides, his hands in her hair, tipping her mouth for him. Before she could inhale, he’d captured her lips with his, coaxing them apart and slipping his tongue inside. He plundered, shivering when he tasted her.
Grabbing him around the waist with her legs, she locked him to her, never wanting to let go. She’d let go of so much in her life, this was something she’d come to realize she didn’t want to let go. This was a new lease on life, a new start for them, and if she felt like starting her new lease in the rain, in the middle of the night, on the bed of his pickup truck, then so be it.
Rooster tilted her head back, taking her exposed neck, nibbling on her throat as his other hand swept away the bra, throwing it back to where her shirt had landed. “You sure about this?” he asked, his voice loud to be heard over the rain. He didn’t want her to regret this in a few hours after all was said and done. He wouldn’t be able to handle that. He’d waited too long.
She nodded. “I’m sure.” To prove that she was, she reached down, unbuckling his belt and the button that fastened his pants together.
“Roni,” he breathed harshly in warning against her throat when her hand slid against his stomach, pushing the elastic of his underwear down and snaking her hand underneath to grip him.
“I want this,” she told him again, running her hand up and down the hard length of him.
“Wait a second,” he cautioned, cupping her cheeks and forcing her to look at him. Letting her cheek go, he reached into the pants that drooped off his hips and pulled out a plastic packet. After the things they’d gone through today, he didn’t want there to be any kind of question as to whether they could make a baby here or not. Neither one of them were ready for it and neither one of them were in the right mind for it.
She waited as he opened the condom and placed it over his hard length, her fingers digging into the muscles of his forearms. Finally, in a flurry of movement, the two of them worked to get her wet clothes down her legs. Once they were far enough down, she lay back against the metal of the pickup. It was still warm from the heat of the day, and it felt good against her back. The rain caused her to keep her eyes closed and it heightened her other senses. Goosebumps rose along her thighs when Rooster ran his hands there, separating them to make room for his body. “Hurry,” she told him. “We can take our time later.”
Groaning, he moved one knee up onto the truck and planted one foot on the asphalt to help his balance. Seating himself inside of her transported him to another time, another place; it took him to a feeling that he hadn’t ever had since, and for the first time in a long time, he felt at peace, at ease. No matter what this life threw at them, they were going to make it. In this second chance, failure was not an option.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Roni was afraid to move. Sunlight was shining in her eyes between the curtain and the blind, but she didn’t want to ruin the romantic haze she’d been in since she’d convinced Rooster to take her on the bed of his truck. She lay in the arms of the one man who’d had her heart her whole life. She didn’t want to wake him up and then have him regret everything they’d done the night before. That was her biggest fear, that they had both been blinded by the need to forget the crazy stuff that was going on in their lives. That she had been a warm body, any warm body. She was almost afraid to breathe.
“You don’t have to worry about waking me up.”
The male voice was rough and full of sleep. It was what she had imagined for years it would be like. Was this how their lives would have gone? Would they have woken up like this each and every morning? Their arms and legs entwined with one another, both naked, her sore from what they had done the night before? It was almost enough to make her cry, thinking about what they had given up because of circumstance.
“I just didn’t want to ruin this,” she admitted, running her hand along his chest.
“There’s no way we could ruin this.” He ran his fingers through her hair, cupping the back of her scalp. Pulling her mouth up to his, he brushed a chaste kiss against her lips. “I want to be awake and present for all the time we have together.”
There was a part of her that wondered if he really meant it. “Are you sure? I know I dropped a huge bombshell on you yesterday. One you probably never even thought of where I’m concerned.”
Rooster rolled over onto his back, blew out a deep breath, and put his hands to his forehead. “It was a shock, I’m not going to lie, and I am pissed. But I stand by what I said. I’m not pissed at you. I’m pissed at William. He’s lived his whole life playing with other people’s lives. None of that’s right, and I’m glad he’s finally behind bars where he hopefully can’t hurt the people that I care about any longer. If he tries to mess with you again, then I’m ready.” He reached for her hand and closed their fingers together. “I don’t want this to ever be broken again. Last night, I got back a piece of myself that I’m still not sure I knew was missing. I don’t want to let that go, babe. I know it seems easy, but I’ve lived a long time without you. I think we’ve been punished enough.”
He hadn’t called her that in a very long time, and hearing the endearment was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Could things finally be falling into place? Could she finally believe that they really would be alright? It was scary to even consider, but she knew that she had to try. “Do you have any questions? I can try to answer them for you,” she offered, wanting to make this as easy as possible for the two of them.
Rooster sighed, wondering if he should ask what was on his mind. There was a part of him that was cautionary, then there was a part of him that wanted to know everything he could to make their lives together easier. “I do have two. They kept me up last night after you’d gone to sleep, and I wanted to wake you up and find out the answers to them, but you looked peaceful, so I didn’t dare.”
“Then ask me
,” she begged him. She didn’t want there to be any doubt in his mind where she was concerned. It was time to move past all the nonsense. “I want to be as honest with you as I can be.”
“Did it hurt, and can you still have kids? I know that some women, once they have an abortion, they can’t have children anymore. It won’t make or break our relationship either way; it’s just something I have to know.”
She was quiet for a long time—she struggled with what to say. She’d build this moment up so big in her mind that the easy question he asked floored her. To say she was shocked was an understatement.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Rooster finally told her, pissed at himself for even asking the questions—even though she’d told him it was okay. Any man in his right mind should have known they weren’t. Shit, this was hard.
“No, I want to,” she argued, shaking her head. How did she tell him the things she wanted and needed to? This had always been a slippery slope for her, but now it wasn’t and that left her dangling. “I’m trying to find the right words to explain it to you, so that you understand.”
“Say them, whatever they are. I gotta know, Roni. It’s killing me. There’s this clenching in my gut, and I know enough about myself to realize that if I don’t find out, I’m going to ruin everything we’re building just because I can be a fuck face.”
The words sounded as if they were forced from her throat. “It did physically hurt. The abortion itself. I bled for three weeks afterwards and thought I was going to die. I was convinced that God was punishing me, and just when I was getting over the achiness in my bones, the emotional hurt sat in. I think a lot of that manifested itself in physical pain because I would think I was okay and then out of nowhere, I’d be in bed for a few days. It was awful—easily the most painful experience of my life, and I went through it alone. Liam wasn’t around, my mom wasn’t around, you weren’t there, and I didn’t really have any girlfriends that I could call up and ask questions to.” She saw the despair on his face and she wanted to make it easier on him, but it was hard considering that had been the most difficult time in her life.
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