“You can admit it,” she threw the words at him like they were an accusation. “You can admit you miss it more than you ever thought you would, and you love it more than you love us.”
Now he was confused. “Admit what? There’s nothing in the world I love more than you and Carter. What the fuck are you talking about?”
Roni turned around, pushing her fingers through her hair. “You want to go back to it.”
“Back to what? Babe,” he sighed. “You have to tell me what you mean. I can’t read your damn mind.”
Turning around she crossed her arms over her chest again in what he recognized as a defensive move for her. “You want to go back to being a deputy. You miss it, I can tell. You wish you hadn’t given it up to be a part of the club.”
Rooster felt as if he’d been kicked in the chest. Putting his hand back up to the ache, he leaned against the seat of his truck, holding on tightly to the door he hadn’t yet closed. He had no idea where this was coming from, and he knew he had to get to the heart of the matter. “What in the world makes you think that?”
“When you leave to go to the security job, you’re smiling, you’re laughing. You’re excited to go,” she explained like he should know exactly what she was talking about. “You get up to go to the shop, you’re sighing and dragging ass. You’re not excited to be going to the shop anymore. You aren’t excited to be with us anymore.”
She thought she knew his life? She thought she knew how tired he was, how he was burning the candle at both ends, and how he just wanted to curl up with her at the end of the night. “I’m tired, Roni,” he sighed. “So fucking tired.”
“I knew it,” she cried, tears starting to stream down her face. “I knew you would get tired of us.”
Frustrated he growled and stalked to her, pulling her with him to the truck. Bending, he lifted her onto the seat so she faced him. He stood on the outside, one hand braced against the frame. “Stop thinking you know how I feel about everything, because you’re about to get a crash course.”
Rooster got in her face, making sure her eyes met his, hoping like hell she could see exactly what his feelings were on the matter. “You think I like being away from you all at night? You think I like going back to what I was doing?” he growled. “You think I actually enjoy the fact we couldn’t afford to pay for everything that happened to us all at once? It was embarrassing to take on this second job. As if all that’s not enough, I don’t have the energy right now to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And what about Carter? I never get to see him. He’s asleep when I leave; he’s asleep when I get home. This isn’t fuckin’ fun for me, Sharon.”
And having to admit that out loud was even more embarrassing. He wasn’t the type of man to ask for favors, but he’d had to when he realized how small their bank account was and how large the cost of fixing the problems were.
“You just seem like you enjoy it,” she whispered.
“What I enjoy is being with you and Carter. What I enjoy is the fact I figured out a way to make up the money we needed, and even had a little extra left over to get you a Christmas present. If you see me smiling when I leave at night, that’s the only reason why. I don’t like being away from you guys, and I sure as hell don’t like letting Liam know he can’t give me enough work to pay my bills. It pisses me off, if you want me to be completely honest with you. But what really pisses me off, is you would think those things about me.”
“I’m sorry,” her voice was small. She blew out a deep breath. “I guess it looks like I decided to lay blame on you for things I’ve taken the wrong way. I should have talked to you, offered to take some of Carter’s gifts back, should have talked to you instead of making snap judgments.”
The time for apologies had gone by the way side. Now, he was pissed. “You didn’t say any of this shit to Liam did you?”
“No,” she shook her head. “I didn’t, I promise.”
“Good, because I’m here to tell you that sweet ass of yours is already in some deep trouble.”
The tone in his voice switched to one that was undeniably sexy, and he could see the reaction in her eyes.
“Yeah?” she asked as she gave him a grin.
“Oh yeah.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Roni realized pretty quickly that she’d made a big mistake accusing her husband the way she did. All the feelings she’d thought he was having were obviously all in her head and that made her feel awful. The only thing he’d been doing was going to work and making a better life for their family and all she’d done was dump on him for her feelings of being “abandoned”. He hadn’t wanted his old life back, he was working himself to the bone to provide for her and Carter and all she’d done is add to the heavy load he’d already shouldered for them.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again. There was no way he’d know exactly how sorry she was. Normally she wasn’t quick to assume the worst when it came to him but she’d been looking for a fight, apparently feeling sorry for herself when she’d no call to at all.
“You’re sorry?” he gave her a dark grin. “You’re gonna have to come up with something a little more than you’re sorry, Roni. This could all have been avoided if you would have just been up front with me and asked me what the hell was going on, rather than assuming it was all about you.”
She knew that like she knew the sun would rise tomorrow. Had she just been itching for a fight? Had it really been that long? “I don’t know what else to tell you. I am sorry, so sorry, I doubted you for even a little bit.”
“I thought we were past that in our relationship. Together for four years, married for three, and you aren’t sure about me? C’mon babe, give me something better than that. Wanna know what I think?”
Shaking her head no, she ducked her chin against her chest. She didn’t want to know what he thought, because she was sure he’d tell her she was fucking insane.
“Too bad, I’m gonna tell you anyway,” he pulled her down from the truck and kissed her on the forehead. “I think you wanted to push us to get mad at each other so we could make up.”
She couldn’t deny how sexy he looked in his security uniform. It was almost like his Sheriff’s Deputy one, but it was black and the sleeves were long. He wore a bullet-proof vest underneath and it gave him a bulkier frame. Was that really why she’d gotten so irritated with him?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Oh you don’t?” he turned her around, leaning over her back to place her hands on the leather of the driver’s seat. “Let’s see how you really feel about it.”
Neither one of them were aware of the cold as he crowded into her space, leveraging himself over her back. Using his legs, he pinned her against the truck and ran his hands down her torso, cupping her breasts with his hands. Roni sucked in a breath as both his palms connected with hard nipples and she did her best not to cry out loudly. She hadn’t put a bra on before coming out to meet him, so they swung unencumbered against the flannel of her pajama top. Keeping quiet was hard but she knew she had to, especially since they were out in the open there in their parking lot.
“Nipples are hard,” he observed, as he separated two fingers and squeezed the tips.
She moaned, pushing her ass back against his body, feeling his hard cock already at attention. Wetness flooded her core, making her wonder what exactly he was going to do with her. Before he could ask, he’d moved his hand down her stomach and to the drawstring of her pajama pants.
Snaking his fingers inside, she felt him moan as he discovered she wasn’t wearing underwear. As soon as she took a shower and was in her pajamas, there were no undergarments for her. She’d been so ready to give him a piece of her mind, she hadn’t even thought about it, as she ran from their townhouse. When his finger dipped into her heat, she sucked in a shot of cold air on a gasp.
“Pussy wet and clenching, too,” his voice was dark in her ear. The rasp of his five-o’clock shadow against her neck was enough to m
ake her whimper.
“You know you have me,” she accused. “It doesn’t take much for me to heat up for you. I’m always ready.”
“Yet,” he shoved a finger inside her tight heat. “You felt the need to pick a fight with me. Why is that wifey?”
She thought about it as well as she could, because he was doing things to her he’d never done to her. It wasn’t as if they were newbies to getting freaky outside, they’d done it once or twice but never in the parking lot where anyone could see them. A flash of heat slammed through her as he took his free hand and stripped her pj pants down her legs, letting her feel the frigid bite of the cold air against her flesh.
“Feel good?” he asked.
He was definitely asking too many questions for her to concentrate on. She blinked her eyes heavily and tried to focus on the doorknob on the opposite side of the truck, but she couldn’t even see that clearly. Her vision was blurry as she tried to keep herself upright.
“I wanted you to take me,” she finally pushed out between parched lips. “I didn’t want you to be careful. I wanted you to take me. To make me yours, the way you used to.”
She was so ready for it when she heard him mutter a curse between his teeth and felt his hands going to his belt buckle behind her. She heard the polyester uniform pants give way and wanted to scream in frustration but when she felt the fabric rubbing against her ass, she knew she was close to getting what she wanted.
“This is what you wanted?” he asked seconds later, using the head to tease her core.
She mumbled something, but wasn’t sure what she said.
“I can’t hear you Roni, is this what you wanted?” His voice was as dark as she’d ever heard it, and fuck if she didn’t love it.
Throwing her head back, she answered with an emphatic yes. She moaned loudly when he thrust the last of the way in her body. Her nails scraped the edges of the leather seat, trying to hold on as he kicked her legs further apart. She could almost hear him telling her to assume the position, but that would have been a little crude, even for her.
Pushing back against him, she got herself at an almost ninety-degree angle and held on as he took her on a ride that only he could.
Rooster did his best to hang on to any of the sanity he had left, and he had to admit there wasn’t much. Grasping her hips, he held on carefully to protect them from the beating they were taking as he thrust into her, hoping to keep her from having bruises in the morning. He knew he was heavy on top of her, the bullet-proof vest adding extra weight, but Roni said nothing as she let him take her.
Fuck, they hadn’t even kissed and while part of him felt bad for missing that, there was something about this angry fucking he couldn’t get enough of. And he was angry at her, for deciding she knew what was going on in his head before she asked him any questions. She assumed and he thought they’d finally moved past that in their relationship.
The leather of his shoes squeaked against the cold of the night and just hanging onto her hips didn’t give him enough of an anchor. He had to let her go, even though he was reluctant to do so, and ended up bracing one hand on the doorframe, the other on the headrest of the seat. With that grip, he could swing his hips into her and then away from her and not lose his grip on sanity.
“Rooster,” she called out in time with his thrusts. Hearing the breaking of her voice in time with the rhythm he was fucking her was crude but at the same time, probably the biggest turn on of his life.
“What do you need?” he asked, even though he knew. He liked to hear her tell him, liked when she could let go enough to lose it for him.
“Your finger, my clit,” she ground out as she pushed back further against him.
He saw her nails digging even deeper into the leather of the seat. He hoped when they were done, it would wear claw marks, the way he sometimes did on his back. Talk about an ego boost. Pulling his hand off the headrest, he took his index finger and stuck it in his mouth before rubbing her clit in the same way he thrust and withdrew.
“That’s it,” she breathed heavily for him, he could hear it in her voice; see it in the way her body had tightened into a coil. She was close and so was he. Even in the cold air of the night, sweat ran down his temple.
“Don’t stop,” she begged.
He would never stop, never give up until she reached her goal, and then he would follow her to the other side. His thighs screamed as he kept his knees bent to continue reaching her spot, his stomach ached from how tight he was keeping his abdomen, and his fingers were going numb because of the grip he had on the door frame but it didn’t matter. Whatever it took to get them there, he would do.
“Oh fuck, Rooster,” she cried out brokenly as her body answered his with a new wave of wetness.
That was all he needed as he thrust deeper, slamming home, and collapsing on top of her back.
“Shit,” he wiped the sweat out of his eyes.
“I know,” she laughed softly. “I can’t believe we just did that.”
He couldn’t either, but he quickly realized he had to let her up. The weight of him and the vest, along with everything else was probably making her stick to the seat. Levering himself off of her, he helped her pull her pants up, right her shirt, and he tried valiantly to shove himself back in his pants and zip the polyester back up.
Together, holding hands, they walked to their townhouse.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
“You should have told me you had a cop fantasy,” Rooster teased as they lay in bed that morning. Both of them had called in sick to work and dropped Carter off at daycare so they could have the day to themselves. The first thing they’d done was come back and relax under their warm comforter.
She snorted, rolling over so she could face him. “I wouldn’t exactly call it a cop fantasy per se. It’s just always been a fantasy of you losing that firm grip you always have on your control.”
He chose to ignore what she said, because nothing could ever change who he was, and how he conducted himself. He’d had to keep a firm grip on himself for most of his life to make it through what he’d been through.
“What time do we have to go get Carter?” he asked, as he glanced at the ceiling, seeing the time on their projection clock.
“About three, so we have a few hours,” she told him, yawning. “I’m so tired. I don’t know how you’ve been keeping this work schedule you’ve been doing.”
“I’m doing it for you and Carter. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for either one of you. It’s just hard, ya know? We’d never been in a situation like that before. Where we weren’t able to afford our basic expenses and it pissed me off. If it felt like I was pulling away a little, it was only because I felt as if I wasn’t doing enough to make the situation better. I’m used to fixing things, not having to go to other people.”
“I know,” she pressed her hand against his chest. “I know exactly what you mean, because I know the type of man you are. I know who you are, and I know what you do for us. I’m sorry I doubted you, but sometimes you hold things so close, I’m not sure what you’re willing to tell me and what you’re not.”
“Willing to tell you and actually being able to push the words out into the open are two very different things,” he sat up in bed and leaned against the headboard. “But I promise not to keep stuff from you like that again. All in all, the best thing about the security job was me having enough money to get you a Christmas gift.”
Her eyes lit up and she frowned. “Makes me feel like a bad wife, since I got you the combination birthday and Christmas gift a few months ago.”
“That zero turn mower is the stuff of male fantasies, babe. Trust me when I tell you, I’m completely okay with the mower.”
She sat up next to him. “I’m assuming you’re going to give me my gift since you brought it up and since we’re kid-free.”
He put a hand to his chin, seeming to ponder the thought. “I don’t know if you deserve it early or not, maybe I should make you wait until Christmas,”
he gave her a teasing look.
“You could, but you know I’d be so focused on Carter, I’d just be like, oh thank you, that’s nice, and go back to helping him. You want me to appreciate this or you wouldn’t have brought it up.”
She really did know him so well. He wanted her to have time to appreciate what he’d gotten her. When it came time to Christmas shop for his wife, Rooster had dug deep in his memory of something she wanted or needed. After three weeks, he’d finally had an idea.
Walking over to their closet, he pulled aside some clothes and emerged with a large wrapped gift.
“It’s bigger than I thought it would be.”
He couldn’t resist injecting a little humor in the situation. “That’s what she said.”
Roni rolled her eyes and pulled the covers up over her body so they could sit with one another. He placed the present in the middle of the bed and waited for her to open it.
When she glanced at him, he scooted back. “Have at it.”
Those were the only words she needed to hear as she tore into the gift.
As soon as she got the paper off, she could smell the leather, and Roni was excited to see what was inside the box. There were a bunch of things leather could mean, from a jacket to a purse to boots. And she would love any of them.
Jerking the top off, she pushed aside the Christmas themed tissue paper and gasped as she saw what lay there side by side. A brand new jacket and a pair of new leather chaps. One of the reasons she hadn’t been riding with him in the winter was because she had curves since having Carter and she could no longer stand the cold air.
She’d wanted new leathers for a while but they’d never wanted to take the money and spend it. Then they hadn’t had the money to even think about spending. Now, she could ride with him all night long, if she wanted to.
“I missed you cuddled up on the back of my bike and I hate having to take the truck everywhere, especially if it’s just me and you,” he said by way of explanation.
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