Putting the Heart Before the Horse

by Zoe Chant

  “Please,” he said. “I know you weren’t expecting this, but please give me another chance. I didn’t mean to come on too strong. I just—I want to be with you. In whatever way you’re comfortable with.”

  Hope took a deep breath. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? After we’ve both had a chance to calm down and think about things.” Josh nodded, and when she turned to look, she saw him sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her go.

  ***

  The next day, Josh tried not to stare at his cell phone. He paced in the hotel room. He read half of a book without paying any attention to it. He went down to the gym and lifted weights, a poor substitute for galloping around the ranch with the wind in his mane. He got room service and flipped channels on the TV while eating a burger that might as well have tasted like sand.

  Finally he gave up and called his uncle’s cell phone.

  “Hey, Josh, how’s it going?”

  “Something went wrong, Uncle Rick.” He gave Rick a slightly censored version of what had happened with Hope, leaving out the more lurid details.

  “Yeah,” said Rick, raising his voice above the background noise Josh could hear through the phone, “it does sound a little like you stepped in it good. But it wasn’t your fault that she didn’t know.”

  “I guess I just thought that because I felt the bond, she’d feel something too.”

  “Maybe she does,” Rick reassured him. “She’s just moving at a different speed from you.”

  “What should I do?”

  “You already know what you have to do. You didn’t call me for advice. You just wanted someone to feel a little sorry for you.”

  “Do you?” The noise level on the other end of the phone rose again. A pang of longing struck him. He wanted to be back there, able to run out his problems in the cool evening breeze with the long grass tickling his legs.

  Rick tried and failed to conceal the amusement in his voice. “Of course I do, son.”

  “I know you’ve said that it’s different for different people. That some are like me, and know immediately, and some people take a little more time to realize it.” Josh took a deep breath and gripped his phone tightly. “Do you know what it was like with my parents? All I ever heard was that they met at the dance.”

  “It was something to see, I’ll tell you that.”

  Josh could almost see his uncle settling back in his recliner, ready to tell a story.

  “Sixteen years old, both of them. It was the Homecoming dance, with nothing fancier than tissue paper streamers hanging from the ceiling and a sad little punch bowl in the corner. But as soon as your mom walked in and saw your dad, her face lit up and made her look twice as pretty as she already was. And your dad, you couldn’t get a coherent word out of him for a week. After that dance, they were never apart again. You’re definitely your father’s son.”

  “What about you and Aunt Susan?”

  “We actually met on a double date. She was with the other guy, and I was with the other girl. We spent the whole night at the roller rink trying to avoid each other.”

  “Wait, avoid each other?”

  “You think I’d go on a date with a girl and dump her for the friend she brought along?”

  “No,” Josh admitted. “I can see the problem.”

  “But I got her phone number, and I waited a while, and eventually I called her. And the rest is none of your business.”

  “That’s nice,” Josh said. “Gives me some hope, I guess.”

  “She’s the one?”

  “Yeah, definitely” Josh replied, remembering Hope’s smile and her quick wit, and her amazing, lush curves...he coughed and decided it was time to change the subject. “Everything okay on the ranch?”

  “Spent the day checking the fences and found a couple of breaks,” Rick summarized.

  “The Armstrongs?” Josh cursed under his breath, but from the sound of Rick’s chuckle, he’d heard it.

  “More than likely. Unless some barbed wire decided to snap all on its own.”

  Josh sighed gustily. “Damn. If we could only get some proof, convince the sheriff—”

  “I know,” Rick said. “We’ll get ‘em eventually, don’t worry. You just focus on your new lady.”

  “I hope she’s my lady.”

  “Sure sounds like she is.”

  “Well, she is,” Josh agreed. “I just hope I can convince her.”

  He asked briefly after the rest of the family, then said goodbye to Rick and hung up. Phone in his hand, he stared at the phone icon on the screen. He wanted so desperately to call Hope, but he knew it would be the worst thing he could do. If he pushed too hard, he’d just scare her away. He had to prove that he respected her enough to let her make her own choices.

  But if she didn’t call him soon, he was going to have a hard time sticking to that.

  Chapter Four

  Hope woke up the next morning and enjoyed a relaxing few seconds until she remembered the events of the night before. Her stomach roiled while embarrassment and nervousness fought it out with the memory of the intense pleasure Josh had given her.

  What had she been thinking? She hadn’t been thinking, of course. She’d let her heart rule her actions. Well, if she was honest, a few other body parts had been involved in the decision too. But she’d envisioned a fun night with the promise of another date, not an immediate lifetime commitment. Could she imagine being married to Josh, living with him, having his children? Sure. But not on the basis of one meal and a roll in the hay.

  She winced at that mental image. Maybe there were things you had to be careful about saying around horse shifters.

  Mates. She still was having a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept. It was easy to understand why it wasn’t common knowledge. Ignorant people could easily misinterpret it, make rude jokes, even try to take advantage of it.

  But Josh—she knew he was genuine. He wasn’t lying or just trying to use it as a pickup line. He really believed she was his mate.

  But did she believe it? Could she?

  Her cell phone chimed at her with a text from Kathy.

  How did it go? Was he a skunk or a hunk?

  “Ha, ha,” Hope muttered as she texted back, Too much to fit in a text. Brunch?

  She arrived at the restaurant before Kathy and picked out a booth in the back, which would hopefully prevent anyone from overhearing the details of her scandalous hookup. Kathy’s conversational style tended to be on the raucous side.

  “I see you’ve already started,” Kathy said, gesturing at Hope’s mimosa as she sat down. Catching the waiter’s attention, she ordered her own drink and made patient chit-chat until it arrived. Then she unleashed the barrage of questions.

  “So? Was he cute? Is he a shifter? What happened?”

  “Yes, he’s cute. Yes, he’s a shifter. And God, so much happened, I don’t even know where to start.”

  Kathy’s brown eyes sparkled mischievously, and she scooted her Bloody Mary to the side of the table so she could lean forward. “That good?”

  “Uh,” Hope said, inconveniently flashing back to the muscled expanse of Josh’s torso, his long-fingered hands...

  “You slept with him?”

  Hope winced at Kathy’s high-pitched squeal, which carried to the neighboring tables despite Hope’s precautions. “It wasn’t the plan.”

  “Damn.” Kathy fanned herself with a hand. “I haven’t seen an expression on your face like that since the last Colin Firth movie marathon.”

  “Yeah, like that,” Hope admitted. “Times about a thousand.”

  “Okay, spill,” Kathy said. “I don’t need details, but this sounds like a big deal.”

  Hope took a big gulp of her mimosa and related the events of the past couple of days. Kathy let her tell the story without interrupting, which Hope appreciated. Listening to herself explain how she and Josh had met and immediately fallen into bed, it felt like it had happened to someone else, or like it belonged in one of those movies Kathy
had mentioned.

  After she finished, she fell silent. Kathy regarded her with slightly narrowed eyes, toying with her glass. “So what’s the problem?”

  “Are you kidding me? I barely know him, and he’s convinced I’m his mate! You were the one who said this matchmaking service was a weird idea.”

  “Yeah, but from your perspective, it worked. They matched you with a hot guy that you really liked, and he’s great in bed.”

  “Come on,” Hope said skeptically. “That’s not a reason for me to drop everything and marry him right now.”

  “I understand. But it is a great reason for you to keep going with this, and see what happens.” Kathy shrugged, and the motion set her long earrings swinging. “You could sit here forever, making excuses and having second thoughts. You want someone to tell you what to do, so I’m telling you. Take the chance.”

  “I’m not the kind of person who enjoys taking chances.” She’d never been the first to start a conversation with a new person, never the one to stick out her hand or try a scary-sounding dish at a new restaurant.

  “I know.” Kathy laid her hand over Hope’s. “I’m not telling you to change your entire personality. But you did take a chance. You already took the first step and reached out. And you met a great guy with a big family that could be yours.”

  “Or they could be horrible.” Hope envisioned a room full of screaming, bickering people who judged her for being different from them. Her, sitting in a corner, miserable and wishing she could escape.

  “You’re not going to know unless you meet them, and that’s not going to happen unless you give him another chance.”

  Hope took a shuddering breath. “I’m scared.”

  “I know that too,” Kathy said. “You don’t think I’d be scared? But you have to decide what you’re really worried about. If you don’t think he’s someone you could spend the rest of your life with, fine. If he just jumped the gun a little bit because he wants you so much, is that really an excuse for you to chicken out?”

  Hope knew that her history with her parents had made her wary of abandonment, and consciously or not, she’d spent her adult life making sure that no one else in her life could do that to her. Having no real ties to anyone meant that she was always in control, and no one could take her by surprise. But if she really wanted her life to change, Kathy was right. She had to do things differently.

  Really, it comes down to this, she told herself. Are you honestly prepared to never see Josh again?

  Hope took another deep breath and held it for a few seconds. When she let it escape from her lungs, she imagined that all of her doubts and fears left her body along with the air. Then she reached for her phone, trying to ignore Kathy’s enthusiastic thumbs-up. “Josh?” she said when he answered. “It’s Hope.”

  As Kathy tactfully left the table, Hope could hear the relief in Josh’s voice. “I’m so glad you called. I want to apologize again for what happened last night. I thought we were on the same page, but I would never want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable.”

  “I know,” she said. “I do. And it’s okay. I get that it was an honest mistake, not you trying to rush me into anything.”

  “Good. I just really wanted to make that clear. I understand that the mate thing—it may not be okay with everyone. And if you never want to hear from me again, I’ll respect that.”

  “No, I think we should definitely want to see each other again.”

  “Oh, thank God,” he breathed. “I had that whole speech prepared, but I’m really glad you’re willing to give it another try.”

  Hope took a second to organize her thoughts. “This is what I think. I’ll come visit, like you suggested. It will give me a chance to meet your family and see what your ranch is like.”

  “That sounds amazing,” he replied. “I know they’ll love you, and I think you’ll like them.”

  “But no promises,” she cautioned, wanting to make the situation clear. “If everything goes well, we can decide what we want to do next. If not—”

  “I’ll drive you straight to the airport whenever you want. Scout’s honor.”

  “Were you actually a Boy Scout?” she teased.

  “Hey now, I looked good in that uniform. I might still have the tie somewhere.”

  For a moment, they’d slipped right back into the fun, flirty connection they’d had last night, and she couldn’t deny how good it felt. “I’ll call you later and we can finalize the details.”

  “Sounds great,” he said. “Just let me know.”

  They said goodbye, and Hope ended the call a little unsure how to feel. But she remembered what Kathy said. It was only one step. If it didn’t work out, she could return to her life and try again later. But she couldn’t deny her hope that this one step was the first step of a long journey with Josh.

  ***

  Josh tried to contain his anticipation as he wheeled his suitcase through the airport. He felt pretty sure Hope would be there to meet him at the gate. She’d said she would be there. If she wasn’t there, he...he didn’t know what he’d do. Fly home and hide from the rest of his family for several days while he figured out if it was possible to be happy without his mate.

  Fortunately, when he reached the gate, she was standing at the podium, waiting in line to talk to an agent. He caught her attention and pointed to indicate where he was going to sit. From the number of people in the boarding area, it looked like a pretty full flight.

  Hope sat down next to Josh, settling her suitcase, her purse, her scarf, her inflatable travel pillow, and her refillable water bottle. “They were able to switch my boarding pass so we could sit together.”

  “You don’t mind sitting in the middle?”

  She gestured to her legs, stretched out next to his. “Leg room is not a problem for me.”

  “If we’re lucky, there won’t be anyone else in our row,” he said, searching for a safe conversational topic.

  “Maybe.”

  “I’m glad you could get a ticket on such short notice.”

  “Frequent flier miles,” she explained.

  God, Josh hated small talk. When they’d had dinner together, it had been natural, easy to tell her about his family and his life on the ranch. Now everything felt stilted. He was trying not to spook her again, and it made him second-guess every impulse he had.

  He gestured at her accessories. “It’s pretty obvious you’ve done a lot of traveling.”

  “What?” She looked around at the pile of stuff surrounding her. “Oh, I guess it is. I mostly run on auto-pilot when it comes to flights. Important stuff goes in my purse, water to stay hydrated, scarf to keep me warm, and pillow for my neck. I also have ear plugs, in case there’s a crying baby nearby.”

  Without intending to, she’d made him feel like an ignorant country bumpkin who seldom traveled more than fifty miles from where he’d been born. He suddenly worried that everything about him seemed to reinforce that impression. His flannel shirt, his slightly unkempt hair, his scuffed boots. His complete lack of neck pillow or reusable water bottle.

  Perhaps sensing his discomfort, she said, “So tell me what it’s like, where we’re going.”

  “It’s called the Golden Horse. It’s in a valley,” he explained, “so there are mountains to the west of us. Sunsets are amazing, as the sun sinks down behind the peaks. Our land is mostly flat, but there are some hills here and there. Enough to make the view interesting, I guess.”

  “It sounds nice, to be able to look out of the window and see something other than more people.”

  He nodded. “It is. There’s no shortage of people, of course, but if you want to be alone, there’s plenty of places you can go.”

  Her voice softened, and Josh caught the scent of her perfume when she leaned a little closer. “Where do you go, when you want to be alone?”

  “There’s a creek that runs near the south pasture.” He closed his eyes and imagined himself there. “There are cottonwood trees on the bank, so it�
��s always shady and a little cool. You don’t hear anything except the wind through the leaves, the water in the creek, and the sound of the cattle in the distance.”

  “That sounds beautiful,” she said reverently.

  “It is.” He opened his eyes to find her even closer, her shoulder pressing against him as she turned her body towards his. He reached out a careful hand to stroke her cheek. “I’m glad you’re coming with me, so I can show it to you.”

  “Me too.” She took a shaky breath and leaned back; he let her go, still careful about pushing too far, too fast. He cast around for a new topic.

  “So, I’ve told you about my family, but I’m not sure that’s really prepared you for meeting them.”

  “That bad?” When he didn’t answer, she said, “Uh, that was a joke.”

  “Right,” Josh said. “I don’t mean anything like that. They’re all wonderful. There’s just...a lot of them.”

  “I know,” she said. “You did mention that.”

  “I’m just saying, we can be loud. And opinionated. And pushy. There are a few in-laws who were kind of traumatized at first.”

  “I’ve got my friend Kathy on speed dial, in case you guys turn out to be some kind of freaky cult.” He worried for a moment until she laughed to show she meant it as another joke.

  “I’d never hurt you, Hope,” he said seriously.

  She sobered, the laughter gone from her voice. “I know. Honestly, I do. I trust you.”

  “I’m glad to hear that.” Maybe he still had a chance. She’d agreed to come home with him. The next step was to see if she could envision herself living there.

  The conversation died out after that, and he dug into his bag for the book he’d bought at the airport bookstore. Flying anywhere when you lived on the Golden Horse meant a lot of time on planes and in airports. But he loved his land and wouldn’t trade it for anything, even though there were inconveniences.

  Maybe Hope would love it too.

  Chapter Five