Holding On To Heaven
Page 28
*****
“Can I ask you something?”
“Well, that depends on whose asking. Is it the Serenity that drank those three beers thinking I didn't notice, or is it the one that told me she didn’t drink?”
“Ugh really, Hudson, you're gonna be like that?” I ask giggling as I shove my hands into his shoulder, in a weak attempt to knock him over.
“Hell yeah I'm gonna be like that, Richards. You'd just get pissed at me if I didn’t.”
“True.” I slurred out, smile still planted firmly on my face.
“What did you want to ask me?”
“Why don't you have a girlfriend?”
The words tumbled off my lips and I prayed they came out right. It had been bothering me for a while, the amount of time he spent with me when he could obviously be out having more fun with other girls, ones that didn't have mental issues.
“Uh, don't really want one I guess.” he replied awkwardly. “Why do you ask?”
I stopped myself. If we were going to have this conversation, I wanted to complete it, not start, reach my house and have it end. I didn't know when I would ever have the nerve to bring this up again so I wanted to deal with it now.
“Just wondered I guess.”
“You just wondered about my relationship status? Yeah, because that's not weird at all.” Noticing that I stopped, he motioned in the direction of our houses. It’s obvious that as much as I wanted to have the conversation, he didn't.
“Well, I am weird.”
“No you're not, Serenity. We've been over this like a million times now. You're not a freak, weird or whatever. You're different.”
Whenever he called me different it always made my heart speed up and I always found it harder to breathe, as if hearing the words cut off all air flow to my brain, causing me to go numb. Another reason I wanted to go through with this. Living with the way he made me feel is driving me crazy.
“You could have your pick of like, any girl at that party and yet here you are walking my drunk ass home. You spend most Friday nights, which I hear are date nights, home with me watching movies when you could be out at a party and having a good time. Guess I just wondered why that is. Why you would torture yourself that way.”
There. I'd said it, putting it all out on the table. The very things I questioned every time we were together. I guess I always believed he deserved better than wasting his life buried away with me doing something as trivial as movie watching when he had a whole world available to him.
His life shouldn't have to stop because I have issues leaving the house.
“It's not torture.” He states, walking back the few steps to where I stood and resting his hands on my shoulders. Looking me directly in my glazed eyes, he speaks again. “I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing, with exactly who I want to do it with. No torture involved. Okay?”
“I really should get you home, you look like you could fall over any second. I really shouldn't have let you—”
Pushing my lips to his, cutting him off completely, no longer wanting to hear his voice, I allow myself the one thing I’ve been craving, knowing that this was my one and only chance to do it without fear being a factor. As I allow myself to enjoy the feel of his lips on mine, I admit that it’s even more amazing then I imagined it.
The sensation caused sparks to go off inside my brain, making it even fuzzier then the alcohol had earlier in the night. I was about to pull away when he responded in kind, his lips moving over mine, his tongue snaking out just a little to lick across my bottom lip, awakening a burning sensation in my body I have never felt before. A feeling so foreign, yet so inviting I was powerless to resist it.
Desire.
As our lips moved together, about to go deeper, he pulled away, backing up quickly. His fingers flew to his lips, to the very place mine had just been. His eyes were locked on the ground as if afraid to look and catch mine. I’m not sure what to make of it. I felt him respond, hell my body is still overheating from the experience, yet here he is backing away.