Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Fifteen

  Graham

  The first time I saw Serenity again, I assumed she would be so different I wouldn't be able to recognize her. Standing here, leaning against the tree as she walks up the steps with her friend, it’s apparent that while she may have changed a little, it’s in the most subtle of ways.

  Her brown hair is now longer, hanging down her back with just the hint of a wave to it, where before she kept it cropped tightly just above her shoulders. She'd grown a little taller, but still remained a few inches below my six foot frame. She had curves in all the right places, yet still remained relatively thin. I didn't want to focus on the ways her physical body had changed, but shit, I’m a guy, I went there.

  She remained much the same in the ways that mattered most to me. The ways that would always distinguish her from others in a crowd. She still kept her head down when she walked, as if she was unsure of herself, but she did seem to smile more, which to me meant everything. She hadn't done it nearly enough during our time together, but those times she did it had been heart stopping.

  I recognized the friend she was walking with as Emma, the girl she'd told me about when we were getting to know each other. The other keeper of her secrets. While I had only gotten to see Emma through pictures before, it looked like she hadn't changed much either. Still the more outgoing of the two.

  Serenity often talked about Emma and how she was constantly surprised the two of them were friends given how different they are. Emma had been the outgoing one; the one craving attention and who had a flare for the dramatic. Serenity had been the complete opposite of that, preferring to spend time alone and not calling attention to herself. The way she was back then and quite obviously still is now, is one of the reasons I liked her as much as I did.

  I've always been the laid back guy. The one who would much rather spend one on one time with someone I cared about, then being caught in a big crowd of people I didn't know. That was half the reason I didn't go to parties much after she moved to town, focusing instead on spending my time with her and my art. It had always been my passion and even now, it remained with me. Much the same way Serenity herself did.

  Right from that first meeting, she'd gotten under my skin. Getting to know her had become a game to me, one I needed to win. I had to get as close to her as she'd let me and given our history, that was pretty damn close. I didn’t exactly handle everything that happened between us the right way, but I was planning on rectifying all of that now. I’m being given a second chance to get close to the girl that changed my life, there’s no way I was letting the opportunity pass.

  Content that I'd give her more than enough time for a head start getting to class, I pulled myself off the tree and began to follow the very same path I just watched her and Emma take. I'd gotten here early enough this morning to be able to see her before she ran into me. It was a mission for me. I needed to know what I was getting myself into. After spending most of the night restless and unable to sleep, I made the plan in the early hours and was intent on seeing it through.

  It’s time to make my appearance. While there is a little residual anxiety over how she’ll react to me showing up here and in some of her classes, I’m happy that the majority had been taken away the second I saw her again. It somehow solidified what I agreed to and made it more right than it had been the night before.

  “Do not push her. Take things slowly.”

  I wondered if the angel was going to make an appearance. He hadn't said anything last night, but hearing him now is a reminder that I wasn't alone in this. He is right there with me should this backfire. At least I wasn't going in blind.

  “I wasn't planning on pushing her. You've been with me, you should know I don't do that.”

  “You are right. My apologies.”

  “Don't worry man, I got this.”

  Having the ability to talk to an angel is something you never get used to. I found that knowing he was there had its perks, but when he spoke inside my head, it threw me off. That was only compounded by the fact that I could answer him back.

  If Gabriel had given me the right schedule, then I needed to find English Literature. Given what he told me about her dream of being a doctor, I found it amusing that the first class we shared had nothing at all to do with it. Maybe there is more to this girl now then even Gabriel is aware of.

  “Hey man, you lost?”

  I was lost, but I wasn't about to admit it. God starting a new school, even college was exactly the same as doing it when you’re a teenager. It’s awkward as hell. It explained why there wasn't a person alive that enjoyed being the new kid.

  “Not lost exactly, just new.”

  “Been there before. What class you looking for?”

  'English Lit with Professor Michelson. You wouldn't be able to point me in the right direction would ya?”

  The guy laughed which made me feel a little better about not knowing what the hell was going on. He pointed down the hall and motioned with his hands what I needed to do.

  “Go straight, turn right where that one light is dimmed out and you'll be where you need to be.”

  “Thanks man.” I say, shooting the guy a wave as I begin to jog in the direction he just explained. I reached the door, but as I’m about to pull it open and make my way inside, it opened from the other side. Before I had a chance to react and move out of the way, the body slammed into me. The force wasn't strong enough to knock me over, but I couldn't say the same for the person who hit me. With a squeal her body landed on the floor in front of me.

  “Jesus, I'm sorry. Here, let me help you up.” I hold out my hand for her and when she places her hand into mine, I notice how much smaller than my own it is, right before the shock hit my body and ran straight through me. Looking down at her as I help her up, I realize just who it is that I bumped into. Serenity. The very person I joined this pointless class to see.

  Talk about timing.

  Helping her to her feet I watch as she begins wiping at her clothes, obviously trying to brush off any remaining dust and embarrassment she may be wearing on her face. She hadn't yet looked up and caught my eyes, so I used the time to admire her.

  She really is the same old Serenity. Awkward and clumsy to a fault, never paying the right amount of attention to the world around her. Always caught up inside her head. God, how I missed her.

  “I'm sorry. I should’ve been watching when I opened the door. I didn't hurt you, did I?” She looked up as she asked the question, the light going off in her head as she realized just who she'd bumped into. She knew me and now the blush that had been on her cheeks spread even more until her entire face began turning red.

  “You most definitely didn't hurt me.”

  Watching the red deepen even more, I couldn't help but smile. I know I wasn't helping her much, continuing her embarrassment, but she’s so damn cute doing it, I wasn't going to go out of my way to make it stop.

  “Umm—Wow—Umm.”

  “Yes?”

  “Graham?”

  “I wondered how long it was gonna take you to figure it out, princess.”

  “What—are you—doing here?”

  I haven't heard that stammer in years and though I didn't want to admit it, it still drove me wild. It wasn't so much that the stammer itself is attractive, it’s more that even after all this time, she’s so affected that she’s reverting back to the way she used to be that did it. She was that much more attractive when completely taken out of her element.

  “Just transferred in. I was told they have a pretty good art program, so I figured I'd give it a try.”

  She nods, not trusting her voice to speak. She’s nervous and truthfully, I kind of like it.

  “You're taking English Lit?”

  “Yeah, needed to fill out my schedule, seemed like an easy enough choice.”

  “Well, I won't keep you.”

  She began to move around me, but before she could get far, I reached out instinctively, resting
my hand on her arm. I couldn't let it end this quickly. She had a habit, just as I did of bolting when things became awkward and uncomfortable, but I couldn't let her do it this time. She had no reason to feel that way around me. She didn't need to run.

  “Ser, wait.”

  Looking at my hand on her arm and then lifting her eyes to meet mine she seemed to regain her composure. At least if the stony look in her eye is any indication.

  “Yeah?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I stupidly left the book we're studying in my room. I've got maybe two minutes before the professor gets here to run and get it. So if you'll excuse me.”

  She pulled her arm out of my grasp and quickly made her way down the hallway. The further away from me she went, her brisk walk breaking into a run. As if she couldn't get away from me fast enough. It bothered me to no end.

  I knew coming back into her life this way was going to take time. I couldn't just walk back in given our history and expect her to welcome me with open arms, but I’d been hoping for a better reception then I was getting.

  As I watched her retreat, I swore I heard a hushed tone inside my head, one I most definitely didn't want to deal with right now.

  “That went well.”

  “I'd like to see you do better.”

  “I could have.”

  “Oh yeah wise one? How would you have done any better?”

  “I would have gone after her.”

  The same way it happened with my mom the day Serenity had come into my life, it happened again. A light bulb turned on in my brain. I knew what I had to do. Gabriel’s right, I had to go after her. Backing away from the door I turned and followed her for the second time. If I’m going to do what both Gabriel wants and also what I promised myself, I had to start now. I couldn't miss any chances. There is no way I’m letting Serenity out of my sight again.

  No way in hell.

  Serenity

  I can't move fast enough. Of all the times for my legs to be tired, for me to be drained, now is not it. I need to move and I need to do it quick.

  Graham Hudson.

  What the hell is he doing here? Sure, I'd been thinking about him this morning, but that didn't mean he had to show up. I knew there was a reason I didn't like bringing him up and now I’m faced with it. I hadn't dealt with the way we left things and now here he is to dredge it all up again.

  Throwing open the door to Tamara Hall and racing inside, I waited for the door to shut completely before breathing a sigh of relief. With as out of breath as I felt running my way across the campus like a crazy person, having a chance to suck in some air without fear of Graham around the corner was very welcome.

  It’s only when I look up that I see him. He’s making his way to the door and in a few seconds, if I didn't move, we'd be face to face again just the way we had been in front of class.

  No, I definitely couldn’t take another round of that right now. Seeing him once had been enough.

  I started to take the stairs, two at a time, slowing only as I heard the door open behind me. A shiver of fear ran through me. Yes I know this guy, know him better than anyone, but that didn't mean I wasn't scared as hell he was following me.

  “Serenity stop! Please! Don't run from me.”

  My feet planted themselves on the stairs obeying his command. God, why did this guy have to have this effect on me? It had been years for crying out loud. Surely something like that wears off after enough time passes.

  “Go away Graham.”

  “No. Not until you stop and talk to me.”

  What can he possibly have to say? He let me leave without so much as a goodbye and now here he is, two years later, wanting to talk? Just who the hell does he think he is?

  “We have nothing to talk about. So, turn around and go.”

  “I can't do that.”

  Spinning around on the stairs so I could get a look at the man I was yelling at, I was shocked by the expression on his face. The pain in his eyes. The very same look I'd seen just the day before on Ryan, right after he kissed me. I’m definitely not in the mood for another go round with this.

  “Why not?”

  “Because there are things I need to say to you. Things that I need you to hear and I can't leave until you do.”

  “You've said more than enough already, by not saying anything at all. Leave. Please.” I pleaded, hoping that he'd take the hint and go. I have way too much on my plate as it is and having him here is just going to add to it.

  The voices were starting to seem like a blessing with the way my outside world was imploding.

  I start making my way back up the stairs again, this time taking them at a slower pace. The small burst of fear I originally felt is gone, replaced instead by a burst of anger just on the surface that was begging to explode. I have no idea what his game is with this, but I don’t want any part of it.

  Thinking he'd taken my advice and left, I started making my way up the second flight when suddenly I felt a light brush against my arm. Spinning around, I ran straight into his chest. For the second time, I felt his arms spread around my body to my back absorbing the pull sensation as he brought me as close as he could to him.

  “Let me go.”

  “Holy shit.” he whispered, causing me to look up in alarm.

  “What?”

  “It feels even better than I imagined it would.”

  Now I’m confused. What the heck is he talking about? Intrigued to find out what he meant, but not willing to ask, I begin struggling against his body for release. I just want to get to my room and shut the door. I could block him out and everything would be fine. I just needed to get away.

  “I'm not going to hurt you, Serenity, you know that. Please stop fighting me.”

  After a few more attempts at breaking free, I finally felt my body surrender into his. He’s right. I know him and know he wouldn't physically hurt me. He just has no idea that him being here the way he is, holding me, is doing exactly what he doesn't want to do. He’s hurting me, just not in the way he thought.

  How is it that in the span of a weeks’ time, I not only have a voice that drives me crazy, a guy that kisses me yet doesn't seem to want to kiss me, and now the first boy I ever loved all back in my life? Just who had I pissed off on the other side to earn this?

  “What did y—you mean when you said it was b—better than you imagined?” I choked out, my stutter back in full force.

  “Holding you. Having my arms around you. I've been waiting years to find out and now I know.”

  Oh this is too much. I have got to be dreaming. There is no way in hell Graham is really here and acting exactly the same way he's always been, making my belly do flops over the sweet sound of his voice. I definitely had to be dreaming.

  “Oh. Okay.”

  Not letting me go, in fact, making a point of continuing to hold me, rubbing his hands up and down the small of my back, he speaks again.

  “I know that I owe you an explanation and I want to tell you everything. I don't expect to make everything right with a few words, but I really hope you'll at least let me try. I just found you again, I'm not ready to walk away yet.”

  “I'll listen, but please let me go.”

  He did as I asked immediately and I released the breath I'd been holding, letting my body finally relax. Motioning to the rest of the stairs we still had to travel, I began walking, enjoying the silence even though I wasn't naive enough to think it would last forever. No, I know that once we got to my room, it was going to be anything but silent. I’m just not sure how I feel about it.

  What did Graham being here mean and am I going to regret even asking the question?