Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Gabriel

  I have always believed that she deserves the truth. From the very first time I appeared to her I wanted to explain everything. Looking back I know that I should have, but my higher calling won out. No matter the truth, it will always win out. It is time to bare all. To let her know just as much, if not more than the demon had. It is the only way I can make her see the right path and not the one she is being guided down currently.

  Before leaving Heaven I had been made aware of everything that up until that moment had been hidden from me. Father truly believed that in keeping it all hidden, he had been protecting me and the investment in his grandest creation. Knowing it all as I do now, I see nothing but the selfish implications that sour every part of it. Had I gone in knowing the vast amount of knowledge I do now, I might have been able to keep the darkness away. As it is, the darkness beat me to the punch, something that does not sit well with me.

  Serenity, as I know of her, is a light made of Heaven. She may have taken on a human form, but she is essentially a ball of energy bathed in the brightest light. She is a force that would inevitably change the world. As I have come to learn, she is much more than that. The demon had most likely told her what I know, but not everything. He left it to me to fill in the blanks and hopefully turn her away from this awful plan she thought could save them all.

  “This is not the first time you have been here, Serenity. You have been here, on this planet for three different lifetimes. While most humans only get the chance to experience life once, you have had three and those are only the ones I know about. My father hasn't been the most forthcoming in that regard, so there may be more that I am unaware of.”

  “What does that mean?”

  I know this isn't going to be easy for her, I only hope that the more I explain in as much detail as possible, she would begin to pick up on it and things would become clear.

  “Your very essence is made of Heaven. Father used you to garner information about the planet on two previous occasions, in an effort to recognize the ways in which he had gone wrong so he could repair them. The first time you were here, you were a writer. Heaven has another name for you, which is the one I recognize you as. You were a prophet. A person sent from Heaven to pass on the word of God and ultimately of Heaven as a whole.”

  Having learned everything that I had of her lifetimes, I knew their ends would not be easy for her to hear.

  “You contracted a disease early on within that lifetime and your time was cut short before information could be collected. The second time you appeared, it was as a singer. It was in the 1920s, an era of great depression, but one in which you made the most of. Your music touched people’s lives then and continues to do so today.”

  “My music is still available?”

  “Yes. It is not well known, given the way you passed, but it is still available. You died early in that lifetime as well, cutting your own life short way before its time. Father let a great deal of time pass before sending you back again. He wanted to be sure that this time, it would end correctly and you would be able to see your destiny through to the end.”

  “Which is the life I'm living now?” she questioned.

  I had been expecting some form of reaction, especially to the knowledge that she had been a pawn for Father. With what I know of the human way of life, it appears they do not enjoy being used. It seems second nature to Serenity though as she still remains stoic listening to my words.

  “Yes. He nurtured you in Heaven, spending time and using angels and spirits to work with you in preparation. There could be no room for failure this time. He wanted everything perfect and it was. You were more than ready for this life. In fact, you demanded it near the end. You wanted nothing more than to please him. “

  “I wanted to please your father?”

  I nod my head in agreement. It seems she was keeping up nicely given the subject matter.

  “He decided who would be in charge of guarding you until you were ready as a human to fulfill your destiny. It had been forever since I had been trusted with a mission of this magnitude, so when he chose me, I was determined to do right by him and you. Your destiny and helping you achieve it became my soul reason for being.”

  “So wait, let me get this straight. You've been with me this entire time? From the minute I was sent down here, no breaks or anything?”

  “Other than your time in the treatment center and the three day break Father asked of me, there has never been a moment where I have not been with you. I was with you during those times as well, but I detached myself to the point that it allowed others to enter your life without my knowledge or acceptance.”

  “You mean Ryan?”

  I could only nod in agreement. Her acceptance of the demon is unsettling to me, but I could not let it show. I did not want to turn her away before hearing me out. It does not mean I have to acknowledge his name though. He would always just be a demon to me, regardless of how she perceives him.

  “So you were told to stay from me? You didn’t lie about that?”

  “Yes. You have to believe me, if I had any other choice, I would have chosen it. Leaving you or at least backing away the way I did, is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It is during that time apart though that everything began to change, not only for you, but for me as well.”

  “Everything began to change how?”

  “I have mentioned to you before the way things feel for me when I am with you. That being with you on those nights for as long as we were, I was beginning to experience feelings the same way as you. It became worse for me as time wore on. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I’ve been changing, becoming human. Experiencing emotions and feelings that angels are just not equipped to feel and I began to question them. I came to learn exactly what has been taking place and everything became clear.”

   “What’s clear?”

  “How I feel about you for one, as well as our combined destinies.”

  “You mean the one where I somehow use my ever growing list of abilities and change the world for the better?  Or, do you mean the one where I marry Lucifer and basically help him turn the world to shit?”

  “It is none of those bella ragazza. Good or bad as they are.”

  “Then what do you mean? Why are you being so vague?”

  “Because what you have told me that you wish for me to do and what I have witnessed with my own eyes today, I am not sure you are ready to hear it.”

  Her exterior which up until that point had been relaxed and non-confrontational, quickly turned until her face hung and her lips were mirroring the upset she feels with a frown. It’s obvious she has strong opinions about my decision.

  “Where the hell do you get off? Telling me what I can and can’t handle? I've been pretty much told that I can either save the world or end it, and I'm still here willing to figure out a way out. I don't see any other human being able to do that.”

  “Serenity,” I say, her name falling off my lips calm yet firm. “I made a judgment call and I would gladly make the same decision again. While you may be able to handle everything that has been thrown your way, you have not allowed yourself to acknowledge your true feelings in relation to the demon and until you do, I do not believe you can handle what I need to tell you about our lives.”

  “If it's our lives you want to talk about, then don't you think we should both make the decisions? You can't hide things about my life from me, Gabriel, even an angel should know that. How do you feel knowing your father kept things from you?”

  She makes a valid point. I had been angry when Father explained everything to me, informing me of his reasoning for holding back as long as he did. I owed her more than that. No matter how she felt about the demon, she deserved to know it all. We could always deal with the fallout later.

  “In order to explain to you what I am keeping, I need to know how much you already know and understand. How familiar are you with soul mates?”
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br />   “You mean the idea that God created androgynous souls which got split when they came to Earth, one male and one female. In each reincarnation they find each other and when they both reach the other side fuse back into one singular being?”

  I am taken aback at her level of understanding and it must be obvious to her because she speaks again, not missing a beat.

  “I've taken a lot of classes over the years, Gabriel. I was bound to pay attention to some of it eventually.”

  I watch as her lips curved back into a smile, again switching positions from the anger that only minutes before had been flowing deep through her body.

  “That is the basic idea yes. There are also beings known as spiritual guides and then those called the beloved.”

  “Which one are we?”

  “Serenity, we are two things to one another. You are my beloved. The one being in the universe meant for me. I am also your spiritual guide. No matter what life you find yourself in, I will always be that to you.”

  “Then why the mention of soul mates? I'm not sure what that has to do with us if we're betrothed or beloved or whatever.”

  “We're beloved to one another, but the soul mate concept is also a part of your life that you need to be made aware of. I have only found out about that recently, so I have not been able to inform you until now.”

  “Then go ahead, explain it.”

  I am not sure if it is the ever present human part of me that is attempting to force its way through or if it is just me not wanting to get into this right now, but I cannot tell her this yet. She had to process what we meant to each other before I could even attempt to move on and tell her the rest. The demon may have turned her world on its axis with his confessions but I am about to completely blow it apart.

  “I will get to that I promise you, but I think there are more important things you need to understand right now. Can you accept that?”

  “Do I have a choice? I'm the one that said you needed to tell me everything, state your story and it’s up to you what way you do that. I guess I have to be alright with it.”

  “Let me make something very clear to you, Serenity. You always have a choice. I don't care what it is regarding, but the ability to choose will never be taken from you. If you need to know what I mean by soul mates, then I will tell you.”

  She seemed to ponder what I said for a minute before speaking again.

  “No, go ahead. Right now that's not the most important thing.”

  I wait before speaking again, to give her time to change her mind. I would never be the one to take her choice away. While Lucifer may very well want to do that, it is not how I operate. She would always be the one to make the final choice.

   “What the demon explained to you about your destiny as it pertains to Earth and Heaven is correct. It was Father's hope that you would reach your full potential in terms of power and be ready to save the planet from turning on itself. When you were created originally, there had never been a threat of another destiny for you so there was no need for a choice. As it would seem, the choice is now up to you.”

  “Do you believe that I am really the answer to the world’s problems, Gabe? I mean really, after spending so much time watching me, do you really believe it to be true?”

  I can hear the doubt in her voice, unaccepting of her own strength and abilities and I also understand where it comes from. She has always been the odd girl in life. The one that felt things more powerfully than others, sensed things that others couldn't even begin to and saw and heard things that were unheard of in a world where normal seemed to be the watchword.

  “I believe it with every fiber of my being. I may not know everything there is to know about you and what will present itself as time goes on, but the one thing I know for sure is that you are stronger then you realize. You will take on Lucifer if you see fit and you will win. It will not be because of the power as you believe. It will be because of your heart. As long as you have that, nothing can defeat you.”

  “A—and if I can't do it? What happens to m—me then?” she stammers, realization slamming into her at full speed. The doubt has always been there, even in the most mundane of circumstances, but now that she is faced with saving the world, it is running at a new high. It is so powerful it is taking her away from the strong person she has become and back to the girl she had been.

  “You will go home. “I state. “You will go home with me.”

  “That's it, really? I'll just go back to Heaven as if none of this ever happened? I'll just cease to exist?”

  “You could never cease to be, Serenity Richards. In all three lifetimes you have left your mark, even though you are unaware of it. This one included. You will always exist.”

  She became silent and I worried about her. I could easily see into her soul and find out what she was thinking, but wanting to be completely open, I want her to be able to tell me herself instead of violating everything I am desperately trying to rebuild.

  “I don't know how much more of this I can take. Yesterday when I woke up, I thought I was Serenity, the freak of nature with the uncanny ability to speak to the dead and talk to other people in their heads. Now, I'm beyond a freak. I'm not even sure there’s a word for what I am.”

  “You are a gift, Serenity. A most treasured gift. You always have been.”

  After a few more seconds of silence as she seems to ponder over what I told her, she looked up and met my eyes.

  “Who is my soul mate?”