Bunkers

by Nicholas Antinozzi

  “Who says I won’t?”

  “Hey buddy,” said Mark, “you shouldn’t stoop to her level.”

  “He’d have to be a snake to do that,” said Tina. “I’m sorry, but I’m done pretending. She didn’t need to put on her thong bikini. My God, she tans in the nude. She brags about not having tan lines, all the time.”

  Mark checked his watch and walked to the door. “I’m going to take one last walkthrough of the bunker. I’ll be back in a little while.”

  “Don’t you dare go over there,” said Tina.

  “Yeah,” said Gadget. “She tans in the nude.”

  “I never planned on going over there. Will the two of you grow up?”

  Mark walked out the door and didn’t stop walking until he stood at the open door to the bunker. He had already made several final walkthroughs, but he couldn’t think of anyplace else to go. He had only wanted to get out of the house. He despised Tiffany, but that didn’t mean he wanted to see her hurt. He had never used a tanning bed, but he had known several people who had been overcooked by them. Something bad was about to happen and he wanted no part of it.

  Mark sat down and began leafing through the pages on a book about gardening. Half an hour later, he began to pace. Fifteen minutes after that, Mark left the shelter. He walked up to the house and wasn’t surprised to see that Gadget hadn’t moved a muscle. He gave Mark a defiant stare. “If I have to, I’ll go over there, myself,” said Mark. “This isn’t funny.”

  “She’s probably not even burnt, yet,” said Tina.

  “She’s been in there for nearly an hour. She was drunk and hopped up on pills. One of us is going to wake her up, right now.”

  “Fine,” said Tina. “I’ll go over there.”

  Finally, Gadget stirred. “No,” he said, “I’ll go and wake her up. I hope she’s good and cooked.”

  “Good,” Tina said. “Because I didn’t want to go over there, I don’t want to see her naked.”

  “She looks better with clothes on,” said Gadget, walking out the door.

  Mark went to the window and watched him shuffle off towards Tiffany’s. Gadget was certainly in no hurry. Mark wondered if he wasn’t being overly concerned about Tiffany’s welfare. Maybe she was just getting what she had coming to her. He stayed in the window until Gadget strolled into the house. He turned around and walked to the kitchen table. “Will you calm down?” asked Tina. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were carrying a torch for our Miss Tiffany.”

  “You do know better,” Mark replied, taking a seat across from Tina. “She was right about one thing: I’m going to miss this place. I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep tonight. We’re going to be leaving a lot of ourselves, here.”

  “I know we are. I’ve been trying not to think about that, it just hurts too much. I’m barely holding it together. Can we change the subject?”

  “Sure we can. We need to talk about what we’re going to see out there. You need to prepare yourself, Tina. I don’t know any other way to say it: this is going to be a nightmare. To be honest with you, I wish you would ride with Gadget and Tiffany on the way down. That way you wouldn’t have to see what’s out there.”

  “I’ve seen death, Mark. I know what it looks like.”

  “You haven’t seen anything like this, sweetie. I want you to think about what I said. I know you can’t stand Tiffany, but we’re only looking at a seven or eight hour drive. I’m sure you could handle her for that long.”

  “I’ll think about it, okay?”

  “That’s all I’m asking you to do.”

  “Do you think we should bring our guns?”

  Mark nodded. “I doubt we’ll run into any trouble, but we can’t be too sure. I don’t know what we could possibly have that anyone would want, at least, bad enough to try and take it. I’m more worried about the Russians or the Chinese.”

  Tina got up and walked to the window. She stood there for a moment before returning to the table. “Why, do you think they’ll invade? Don’t they have their own people to worry about?”

  “I don’t think anyone is about to invade. That doesn’t mean we don’t need to guard ourselves against that. If they are forming a militia down there, I’m going to join up.”

  “Are you serious? Mark, you’re almost fifty years old.”

  Mark took Tina’s hand. “That doesn’t matter. If and when the time comes, we’re going to have to fight. I can’t just look the other way. Besides, I’ve had some training that could be useful.”

  “I saw your box of medals. You were a hero, weren’t you?”

  Mark laughed. “I was a scared kid, that’s what I was. I just got lucky,” he checked his watch. “She must not have fallen asleep. We would have heard something by now.”

  “I was just thinking the same thing. Damn it, I guess there’s no such thing as karma.”

  The words had no sooner escaped her mouth, when a scream carried into the kitchen window. Tina was up in a flash. Mark slapped a hand to his forehead. “You were saying about karma?” he asked.

  “Oh my God,” said Tina. “Tiffany looks like a Granny Smith apple. Don’t come over here! Put some damn clothes on!”

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” said Mark.

  “I’m not! She’s naked and running straight over here. Would you mind going upstairs?”

  “Not a problem. See if you can get her to put some aloe on her burns.”

  “Hurry up, she’s almost here!”

  Mark got up and quickly climbed the stairs. He had no desire to see Tiffany, not like this. He was no sooner inside his bedroom when he heard the front door bang open. “Look at me!” shrieked Tiffany. “I’m blaming you for this!”

  “Blame us all you want, but Mark told Gadget to wake you up in half an hour. I was standing right here when he said it. You weren’t even in your house by then, so don’t think this is our fault. You’re the one who had to fall asleep in a tanning bed.”

  “You should have come over and woke me up.”

  “I can’t believe you’re naked inside my house.”

  “This isn’t your house, its Mark’s. I need you to help me rub lotion on my back.”

  “Oh my God, are you serious?”

  “You’re so funny. Of course I’m serious. Look at me, I’m a lobster!”

  Mark stood listening at his open bedroom door. He spotted his robe on the bed. He was going to leave it behind, so he rolled it up into a ball and tossed it down the stairs. “Put on my robe,” he shouted. “I’ll go find the aloe.”

  “I can’t put anything on, my skin is on fire! You’ve seen a woman’s body, before. Quit being such a prude.”

  “You either put it on, or you can go back home. I’m not kidding, Tiffany.”

  “Oh, fine then! Will you just help me?”

  Mark waited a minute, and then Tina gave him the all clear. “Okay, she has the robe on!”

  Mark walked down the stairs, doing his best not to stare at Tiffany. Tina had been right: Tiffany’s skin was tomato-red. He brushed past her and walked down to the hallway closet. He found the bottle of aloe on the third shelf. He walked into the kitchen and tossed it to Tiffany. “Smear it on as thick as you can. You’ll want to keep putting it on. Trust me: I’ve seen men that were sunburned in the desert. That stuff really works.”

  “I know about aloe. What, do you think I’m stupid?”

  “Let’s see, you fell asleep in a tanning bed, drunk, without a timer. I wouldn’t call that a good decision. But you sure got some color.”

  “I’m going to peel, I just know it. Damn that Myron, damn him all to hell. This is his fault.”

  “I’m going to take a walk,” said Mark. “I’ll let you ladies get to work.”

  Tiffany was out of the robe before Mark had even turned to leave. “Tiffany!” shouted Tina. “Will you knock it off?”

  Mark had caught an eyeful and he charged out the door. Outside, he thought Gadget had been right about one thing. Tiffany looked better
with her clothes on.”

  Later that evening, after Mark and Tina had gone to bed, they talked long into the night. They laughed about Tiffany’s sunburn, mourned over leaving their homes, and speculated about what they would find in Kansas City. The talk reaffirmed their feelings for each other. “I can still have children,” said Tina. “I want a baby.”

  “Wow,” said Mark, “you don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

  “I’m thirty-four years old. I don’t have time to beat around the bush. Actually, I want to have two children. I need to know how you feel about that.”

  Mark had already told Tina that his plumbing was still connected, but he hadn’t asked her about her own reproductive organs. He thought about what she said. Mark had to admit that he also wanted another chance at having a family. “Are you sure?” he asked. “We hardly know each other.”

  “I know that I love you. Yes, I’m very sure. I want to have your babies.”

  “I love you, too,” Mark said, for the first time. “I’d be honored to be the father of your children.”

  “Not so fast. You’re missing something.”

  “What, do you want to get married?”

  “Is that a proposal?”

  Mark took a deep breath. “Yes, I suppose it is.”

  “Then, I accept. I guess we’re too old for all that romantic garbage, but I was hoping it might be a little more special.”

  Mark took her in his arms and he kissed her. “I’ll make it up to you. I wasn’t thinking.”

  Tina held him tight. “No, you just made me the happiest girl in the world. I was worried that you wouldn’t want me.”

  Mark laughed. “The first thing we’re going to do after we get to Kansas City is find a minister. I don’t see any point in putting it off, do you?”

  Tina kissed him and smiled. “It’s like you were reading my mind. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Mark. I want a family and a house with a picket fence. I want a big flower garden and cats and dogs and I want it to be perfect. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Tina SleepingBear, it kind of has a good ring to it.”

  “Can I tell you a secret?”

  “Go ahead.”

  “I lied to you. I’m not on the pill. Larry had a vasectomy.”

  Mark lay back on his pillow and smiled. “You were pretty sure of yourself, huh?”

  “No, but I was sure about you. You’re a good man, Mark, the best.”

  Feeling happy and excited for the first time in many months, Mark fell asleep. He surprised himself, sleeping like a rock until his wind-up alarm clock began to ring at 4:00. He got up, dressed, and started the coffee. Tina came down the stairs a few minutes later. Packed and ready to roll, they looked out the windows for signs of life from Gadget and Tiffany. Neither was surprised not to see any lights. Mark gave them until 4:30 before he walked over to the motorhome and knocked on the door. Gadget answered, his voice was thick with sleep. “Tiffany isn’t talking to me,” he said. “Will you go up and knock on the door?”

  Mark threw up his hands. “Whatever,” he growled. “Just don’t go back to sleep. The Lindeman’s will be here in half an hour.

  But Mark would prove to be wrong on that count. Five hours would pass before the Lindeman’s drove up in their little Bronco 2. The delay would prove to be disastrous.

  Chapter 28

  “I keep telling you,” said Tiffany, “they left without us.” Overnight, she had ripened into a crimson color. She moved slowly and only when absolutely necessary, and had done nothing but complain, all morning long. “Hello?” she said, as if she were speaking to a gathering of morons, “I keep telling you that we should just leave. I’ve been to Kansas City, before. I know the way.”

  “Will you shut up?” asked Tina. “They will be here.”

  “Sure they will. You just keep telling yourself that. Dear God, how did I get stuck in a village with three idiots?”

  “Please,” said Gadget, “will you just stop? You’re not helping.”

  “Oh, well pardon me,” Tiffany said with a sneer. “I suppose I should just keep my mouth shut, huh? I bet you’d like that. I’m just trying to say that it’s almost ten O’clock. Will you people wake up and smell the coffee? They’re not coming!”

  Gadget slapped his forehead. “I can’t take this, anymore. I’m going to take a ladder out to the bunker and disassemble the antenna. We’ve got the time. There’s no sense in leaving it.”

  “I thought we’d just get one down there,” said Mark.

  Gadget shrugged. “We might as well play it safe. If they do show up, just beep the horn.”

  “We don’t have any room, remember?” asked Tiffany. “That’s what you told me.”

  “I said we didn’t have room for your war chest. You’ll survive without that crap.”

  “War chest?” asked Tina.

  “Trust me,” said Gadget, “you don’t want to know.”

  “Or would she?” asked Tiffany.

  “That’s enough,” said Mark, angrily. He turned to Gadget. “Do you want some help?”

  “Nah, I can handle it.”

  Mark watched as Gadget limped up to the Quonset hut. He emerged wearing a tool belt and carrying Mark’s aluminum ladder. He soon disappeared into the woods. The morning was cool and cloudy, but the clouds looked as if they were breaking up.

  The three of them stood out on the cul de sec, all dressed up with nowhere to go. Tiffany wore a white sundress that exposed plenty of cleavage, over a pair of white sandals. On her head, she wore a wide brimmed, floppy white hat. With her raging case of sunburn, Mark thought she looked like a candy cane. Tina was dressed in a canary yellow blouse over a pair of tan khaki shorts. She completed the conservative ensemble with a pair of white Nikes. Mark was dressed in his best denim. Josie had bought the shirt for him, up on the White Earth Reservation. The button-up shirt had a dream-catcher embroidered on the front pocket. On his head, Mark wore his NRA cap.

  “I’m going inside, said Tiffany, “time for some more aloe. Mark, would you mind rubbing some on my back? We’ve got time to kill.”

  “Very funny,” said Tina. “That ain’t ever gonna happen.”

  “I forgot, Tina, no man of yours would ever want to put his hands on my body.”

  Tina held up her hand, but Mark grabbed her by the wrist. “Stop it, both of you,” he growled. “I’ve heard enough of this bickering.”

  Tiffany laughed as she disappeared into the motorhome. Tina twisted away and began walking in the direction of her house. “I’ll be right back,” she said. “Don’t you dare go in that motorhome.”

  Mark shook his head. Tina’s warning deserved no response. He walked over to his pickup and kicked the tires. He hoped the 1970 F-150 would make the trip. The old Ford had just passed the 100,000 mile marker, but the engine and transmission had both been rebuilt the previous year. He checked the small load he carried in the box. Everything looked good. He just wished he knew what was keeping Matt and his family. Mark checked his watch and sighed.

  Mark heard the vehicle before he saw it. He stepped over to stand in front of the Winnebago. A car was approaching at high speed, trailing a billowing cloud of dust. Mark turned to knock on the windshield, and saw Tiffany standing between the front seats, naked as the day she was born. “Put your clothes on,” he barked, turning his head away. “These are decent people, Tiffany.”

  “Well, it’s about time,” Tiffany said through the open window.

  Mark watched as the car rapidly approached. Something wasn’t right, Mark was suddenly sure of it. The car looked similar to his cruiser, but it was midnight blue with dark tinted windows. The car braked in front of the Winnebago. Two men in white biohazard suits emerged. Both were wearing full-faced gas masks. “Oh shit,” said Mark.

  “Oh my God,” said Tiffany, who had quickly slipped back into her dress. She stood on the first step of the motorhome, her hand over her mouth. “What’s going on?”

  The men approached Mar
k. One held something in his hand and he was waving it around. “Turn around,” ordered a gruff, muffled voice. “We need to see if you’re contaminated.”

  Mark became suspicious, the men didn’t seem interested in Tiffany; but he turned, just the same. Blazing pain shot through his back. Mark fell, face-down onto gravel, his body in spasms. Tiffany screamed. The pain returned, sharp and electrical; and dully, Mark realized that his arms and legs were being bound. As his head cleared, he recognized the sound of peeling duct tape. Roughly, he was rolled onto his back. The men took off their masks. “Surprise,” said Clyde Lystrom. “We’re back!”

  “You bastards,” groaned Mark.

  “Now, is that any way to greet your old friends, buddy?” asked Mitch.

  “Yeah,” agreed Clyde. “Old friends, that’s a good one, Mitch.”

  “I can’t believe you guys are alive,” said Tiffany. “How did you survive?”

  Mitch rolled his eyes and held up his gas mask. “I swear, Tiff, you should have been a blonde. Where is Jumbo? We need to talk to him.”

  “Jumbo’s in Anita’s flower garden,” said Tiffany. “He was up at the house when it happened.”

  “Oh shit, really? Where is Larry?”

  “He’s dead, too. They’re all dead. What a bummer, huh? You guys want a beer?”

  “Yeah,” said Clyde. “A beer would be good.”

  “Later,” said Mitch, “we’ve got some work to do.”

  Mark writhed on the gravel. “You son of a bitch,” he hissed. “Let me go!”

  “Clyde, slap a chunk of tape over his pie-hole, will ya?”

  “I can do that.”

  Mark heard the sound of stretching tape. Clyde pasted it firmly over his mouth. Mark twisted, just in time to see Tina running across the lawn and onto the cul de sec. He tried to scream. “There she is!” shouted Mitch. “Get her!”

  Clyde and Mitch scrambled after Tina. They caught her before she could get back into the house. She fought them, bravely, but Clyde backhanded her and her head fell forward. Triumphantly, he held up the roll of duct tape. “We got work to do,” he shouted, playfully.

  Mark shook his head and strained his muscles. He watched as the men carried Tina into her house. He turned to see Tiffany, sitting on the steps of the Winnebago, a beer in her hand. “For what it’s worth,” she said, “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help.”