by Sophie Hart
‘Oh, we’re definitely making huge strides,’ he agreed, beaming at Linda. He reached out and took her hand, squeezing it tightly. ‘We’re so much closer than we’ve been in a long time. Years in fact.’
‘And I’ve particularly been enjoying the group sessions,’ Linda added. ‘Those workshops are such a good idea, and it’s been so nice to chat to some of the other couples, and hear their stories. I bumped into Zoe and Julia the other day in fact,’ she told Annie. ‘They were shopping for Zoe’s wedding dress, and asked me for my opinion.’
‘How lovely! Did Zoe manage to find anything?’
‘She did, actually. She found a gorgeous dress, and she was so excited, bless her.’
‘I’m so pleased,’ Annie smiled. ‘She and Simon are a great couple. They’re such fun to work with.’
‘Unlike us, in the beginning,’ Linda said, looking slightly ashamed of herself.
‘Oh, I didn’t mean—’ Annie began, but Linda cut her off.
‘No, I owe you an apology, Annie,’ she said quietly. ‘I was very… resistant to the idea of coming to these sessions, and I believe I was very rude to you when all you were trying to do was help.’
‘Thank you, Linda, that’s good of you to say. Believe me, you’re not the first person to be somewhat sceptical of therapy. But let’s forget about it, and concentrate on you two,’ Annie smiled. ‘You’ve both said that you’re much happier, and you certainly seem far more in tune and more comfortable with one another. Have you managed to make any progress with the more intimate aspects of your relationship?’
At this question, the atmosphere in the room suddenly shifted. Ray and Linda both looked at the floor, and Linda slipped her hand out of Ray’s, dropping it in her lap instead. There was a long silence.
‘Well, we’re definitely more tactile than we were…’ Ray offered.
‘But you haven’t re-established a sexual relationship?’
Ray shook his head. ‘No. No, we haven’t.’
‘That’s not a problem,’ Annie assured them. ‘As I said, you’ve made great strides so far, and I wouldn’t necessarily expect you to have re-established a full-on sex life by now. But given that you have – by your own admittance – grown closer, what are the barriers that you still need to overcome in order to start making love once again?’
‘Well, I’m ready to go!’ Ray tried to joke. ‘No barriers on my part.’
‘Oh, so it’s all my fault, is it?’ Linda snapped back. ‘Thanks for making that clear.’
‘Ray, I don’t want us to get into the habit of apportioning blame,’ Annie said carefully. ‘You might not feel that there are any barriers on your side, but you have to understand that Linda isn’t at that stage yet. Her reservations need to be taken into consideration and respected by you.’
Ray looked chastened. ‘Sorry. I see that now. I was only trying to make a joke.’
‘That’s fine,’ Annie assured him. ‘And it’s great to have a sense of humour when dealing with these topics. As long as the joke doesn’t make someone else feel uncomfortable.’
Ray nodded in understanding.
‘So, Linda, why do you feel you’re not ready to have sex with Ray quite yet?’
‘I just… I don’t know,’ Linda replied awkwardly, trying her best to be truthful. ‘The idea makes me want to freeze up. I feel far too self-conscious.’
‘Self-conscious?’
‘Yes. I feel like there’s so much pressure on me. Because we haven’t… made love,’ Linda continued, forcing herself to say the words. ‘For such a long time, it seems like it’s a really big deal. As though there’s a huge build up to the act itself. And, yes, I am self-conscious – about being undressed, being exposed. I’m not twenty-one any more.’
‘But I’ve told you before, that doesn’t matter to me,’ Ray interrupted. ‘You’re still the same woman I married, the same woman I’ve always loved. I’m not twenty-one any more either.’
‘But it’s different for you,’ Linda protested.
‘Why? You don’t think that I get self-conscious too? I know that I’ve lost most of my hair, and I’ve got a sticky-out gut and those bandy legs that you see on old men. But I hope you still love me despite that.’
Linda smiled, reaching across for his hand once again.
‘And is this something you’d like to achieve?’ Annie asked Linda. ‘Would you like to get back to having regular sex with Ray?’
Linda paused, really thinking about the question. ‘Yes,’ she decided eventually, looking across at him. ‘Yes, I would.’
Ray looked visibly relieved, grinning as he exhaled.
‘Great. That’s fantastic news,’ Annie smiled. ‘What I’d suggest we do is take this in stages – step by step, ensuring that Linda feels comfortable all the way, and only progressing to the next level once she does. Does that sound okay?’
Both of them murmured their assent.
‘Linda, that means you’re in control, so hopefully once you know that, it should take some of the pressure off. You’re in charge, okay, and things are only going to go as far as you want.’
‘Yes, that sounds good,’ Linda agreed.
‘I’ll outline a series of steps for you – we can talk through them today and make sure you’re happy with them. I’ll also give you a document to take away and work through at home. The steps will be things like massaging one another; having a bath together; being comfortable around one another in just your underwear, or swimwear. And I want you to talk through all the different areas on both of your bodies that you’re self-conscious about – whether it’s stretch marks and a saggy bottom, or your sticky-out gut and bandy legs, Ray. I want you both to reassure each other the whole time.’
‘Can we stop going on about my sticky-out gut and my bandy legs,’ Ray said, with mock-annoyance. ‘If I’d known they were going to cause this much excitement, I’d never have mentioned them.’
‘Aw, I hardly even notice them,’ Linda teased, reaching over to pat him on the stomach.
‘So does all that sound acceptable?’ Annie queried.
‘It sounds like hard work,’ Linda laughed.
‘Relationships are,’ Annie said wryly. ‘If it feels effortless then there’s probably something wrong. But as long as you’re fighting for it, and experiencing strong emotions, then that’s important as it means you’re not giving up.’
‘She speaks a lot of sense, that one,’ Ray said to Linda, nodding at Annie.
‘Oh, and I do hope you’ll be able to come to the next group session, as you’ve enjoyed the others so much,’ Annie added. ‘I’ll send more details round nearer the time, but I have something very special planned…’
* * *
After the session had finished, Annie needed a break. She got up to go to the kitchen, lost in her thoughts as she strode down the corridor. Ray and Linda had come so far, and had one final hurdle left to clear. Like she’d told them, they’d made huge strides with their relationship, and she really hoped that—
‘Sorry!’ Annie burst out, as she collided with someone in the corridor. ‘I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going,’ she gabbled, at the same time as the other person said:
‘It’s completely my fault, I was in a rush!’
Annie realised she’d run into someone tall and slim, who was wearing a suit – she was face to face with a silk tie and a crisply pressed shirt – and who smelt delicious. There was something very familiar about that toned torso and that musky aftershave and, as Annie slowly raised her head, she found herself staring straight into Jamie’s devastating blue eyes.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she repeated, feeling hugely flustered. Her heart was hammering at the sight of him, and Annie couldn’t help but remember that the last time she’d seen him, she’d been crushed beneath his body as they kissed with wild abandon on her sofa.
‘Not a problem,’ Jamie said easily, as he gently brushed a stray hair from her face. The gesture felt thrillingly intimate, completely out of p
lace in the work environment. Annie found herself suddenly fantasising about dragging him into her office and locking the door, letting him throw her over the desk and have his wicked way. Very wicked, hopefully.
‘I was going far too fast. Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?’ Jamie asked solicitously, looking concerned.
‘No, no, I’m fine,’ Annie managed, as she somewhat unwillingly disentangled herself from him. She could feel her cheeks growing warm, a delicious tingling sensation spreading all around her body as she took in Jamie’s appearance. He usually looked smart for work, but today he’d pulled out all the stops in a dark grey suit that fitted him to perfection, teamed with a crisp, white shirt and a dark blue tie. He looked composed and professional, like a high-flying city type, or a movie star at a film premiere. He looked… hot, Annie realised, feeling a sudden burst of lust.
‘You look… smart,’ she said carefully, terrified that she was going to say ‘hot’ instead.
‘Thanks. I’m glad you approve,’ Jamie grinned, his eyes sparkling as though he knew exactly what she was thinking. Then his expression grew soft, his voice gentle as he asked, ‘So how have you been?’
‘Good, thanks,’ Annie replied shyly. ‘You?’
‘Busy, hence all the rushing around. You remember I told you about that important meeting Matt and I had lined up? Well, we got the contract!’
‘Oh, that’s wonderful news,’ Annie burst out, genuinely pleased for him. ‘It’s a big deal, right?’
‘A huge deal,’ Jamie confirmed. ‘We’re meeting the money men today to go over some of the finer details – they should be here any minute.’
‘I’m so pleased for you,’ Annie beamed, but Jamie didn’t return her smile. ‘What’s the matter? It’s good news, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, I suppose so. I mean, financially, it’s great news, and it’s what we’ve always dreamt of for our business. Gamejacker wanted to buy us out, or for us to go and work for them, but we were adamant we didn’t want that. So, for the moment, we’ve signed a massive deal with them, and we still get to work independently.’
‘Sounds perfect!’
‘Yeah,’ Jamie said half-heartedly, not looking as though it was perfect at all. ‘The thing is… Well, like I said, it’s going to be a huge project – far too much for just the two of us – so we’ll need to take on more staff… and move to a bigger office.’
‘Brilliant. Sounds like an amazing opportunity.’ Annie’s mouth was moving on autopilot as her brain tried to register what Jamie was saying. He was moving to a new office? Leaving the building where Annie worked?
‘I suppose it is. But it means we’re going to have to leave this place. We’ve had some good times here,’ Jamie said wistfully, not breaking eye contact with Annie as he added, ‘And, of course, the neighbours are pretty cool.’
A sad smile spread across Annie’s face, as she realised what he was saying. ‘So how long until you go?’ she asked, trying to keep her tone neutral, although her stomach felt as though she’d swallowed a ball of lead.
‘Matt’s already handed our notice in to the management company, but we can move into the new office straight away. We’re planning to be out of here fairly soon…’
‘Right.’ Annie bit her lip, as she and Jamie stared at each other, a long moment of silence stretching out between them. There were a thousand things that Annie wanted to say, but she didn’t seem to be able to get the words out. She knew that if she was counselling one of her clients, she wouldn’t hesitate in advising them to be proactive and go for what they wanted. But when it came to her own life, she just couldn’t do it.
‘Listen—’ Annie began, at the same time as Jamie said:
‘Annie—’
The two of them started to laugh, and Annie indicated that he should go ahead.
‘I’ve been so busy, I haven’t even seen you,’ Jamie began apologetically. ‘Matt and I have been in back-to-back meetings, and we’ve been offsite most days, which is why I haven’t been around. Look, are you free tomorrow night?’
Annie shook her head. ‘I’ve got clients up until nine pm, so I won’t be out of here until at least ten. The day after?’
Jamie pulled a face, grimacing apologetically. ‘I don’t think I can. It’s the only night Matt and I both have free, and we’ve agreed to sit down and work through everything in the new contract. He’ll kill me if I cancel it. Friday?’
‘I’m staying at my sister’s. Her husband’s away, and she doesn’t want to be on her own.’
Jamie nodded in understanding. His mobile buzzed, and he looked down at the phone in his hand, noticing the time. ‘Damn, I’ve really got to hurry or Matt’s going to freak out. These people will be here any second.’
For a moment they looked at each other, clearly wanting to say something more, but it wasn’t the place or the time, Annie realised.
‘Go,’ she insisted. ‘We’ll catch up later.’
‘I’ll give you a call, okay?’ Jamie told her hurriedly, as he sprinted off down the corridor.
‘Sure. Congratulations again,’ Annie called after him. He turned and grinned at her, that sexy smile that made her heart skip a beat, before he disappeared round the corner.
Dammit, she was really falling for this guy, Annie realised, terror and excitement flooding through her in equal measure, as though she was standing on the edge of a cliff preparing to dive into the dazzling blue water below.
And all she needed now was the courage to jump.
27
Chapter Twenty-seven
‘I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt’ – Groucho Marx
‘Hello, you two,’ Annie grinned, as Zoe and Simon made their way into her office, flinging themselves down on the armchairs like it was a second home. They were rapidly becoming two of Annie’s favourite clients; their easygoing and open nature made them a lot of fun to work with.
‘Hi Annie,’ Zoe replied, beaming. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m good, thanks. How about you two? What have you been up to?’
‘We’ve had such a great week,’ Zoe gushed. ‘We’ve finally got the date and the venue confirmed – July eleventh, at two pm.’
‘Congratulations,’ Annie smiled. ‘Where’s the ceremony going to be?’
‘St Stephen’s, which is Simon’s local church,’ Zoe explained. ‘It’s in the village where he grew up, and his mum and dad are regulars, so the vicar was happy to marry us at short notice.’
‘That sounds wonderful.’
‘It’s a gorgeous venue,’ Zoe enthused. ‘So quaint and old-fashioned. And Linda – you know, from the Saturday sessions – is going to do the flowers and she’s giving us a really good rate, so the church’ll look incredible when it’s all decked out.’
‘Sounds perfect,’ said Annie. ‘I bet you can hardly wait.’
‘I certainly can’t,’ Simon commented wryly. ‘I just want to get the ceremony over and get her into the marital bed.’
‘Simon!’ Zoe exclaimed, going pink with pleasure. ‘Oh, and we wanted to give you this,’ she said to Annie, rummaging in her handbag, then passing her a crisp white envelope with silver writing. ‘It’s a wedding invite,’ Zoe explained eagerly, before Annie even had a chance to open it. ‘You’ve done so much to help us, and we’d love it if you could come.’
‘Aw, thank you,’ Annie told them, looking genuinely touched. ‘I’ll check my diary, but I can’t see that will be a problem.’
‘And you have a plus one, in case there’s anyone you’d like to bring,’ Zoe couldn’t resist adding.
‘Thank you,’ Annie said primly, not giving anything away as she tucked the envelope inside her notebook. ‘Now, how did you both get on with the exercise I set you?’
Last week, she’d given them a creative task, asking them both to write an erotic story using themselves as the main characters, and then to read them aloud to each other.
‘It was so much fun,’ Zoe squealed. ‘I wrote a piece ab
out being kidnapped and locked in a tower. Simon came to rescue me, fighting off the guards then having his wicked way with me.’
Annie grinned. ‘It sounds fabulous. How about you, Simon?’
Simon pulled a face. ‘Writing’s not really my thing.’
‘Oh, but you did such a good job,’ Zoe insisted, turning to Annie and adding, ‘I loved his story. We were both so horny by the end!’
Simon fidgeted awkwardly in his chair. ‘It was about how I get this mysterious note to go to a big, fancy mansion, and when I get there, Zoe opens the door, all dressed up – you know, in sexy clothes – but I’m not allowed to touch her. She invites me up to the bedroom, and tricks me, so that I’m naked on the bed, tied up by my wrists and ankles. And then she does whatever she wants with me…’
‘There was more detail than that in the actual story,’ Zoe added helpfully. ‘My favourite bit was where I danced for you, and you wanted me so badly, but you couldn’t touch yourself because you were all tied up.’
‘Wow, sounds like we might have the next Fifty Shades of Grey on our hands,’ Annie teased.
‘Ooh, I loved that book,’ Zoe giggled, as Simon shook his head.
‘So the reason I set you this particular exercise,’ Annie continued, ‘is because it’s a great way to lead into the subject of fantasies. One way to keep your relationship fresh and alive, once you’ve been married for a few years, is by acting out fantasies. And by sharing them now, it will give you a deeper understanding of your other half – what really turns them on, and what are their deepest desires. Are you both comfortable discussing that with me today?’
Zoe and Simon nodded, Simon looking far more enthusiastic than he had done about the writing task.
‘Simon, we’ll start with you.’ Annie turned to him. ‘Looking at your story, there were elements of S&M in there, of being tied up, and a theme of bondage. Is this something you fantasise about? Something you’d want to try?’