by Sophie Hart
‘I suppose so…’ Simon began carefully. ‘I mean, nothing too weird – I’m not really into kinky stuff – but the idea of being tied up like that is a turn-on, yeah.’
‘The idea of relinquishing control? Of letting Zoe take charge?’
Simon nodded, as he and Zoe looked at one another and grinned.
‘And is this something you’ve already tried?’ Annie continued. ‘I know you said before that the two of you had been fairly experimental in the past.’
Simon shuffled uncomfortably. ‘Well, I have tried… I mean, not with…’ Zoe stared hard at him, and Simon swallowed. ‘No, I haven’t,’ he finished quickly.
‘No, Simon, what were you going to say?’ Zoe’s voice had taken on an angrier tone.
‘Nothing. I wasn’t going to say anything.’
‘You started to say that you’d tried it before, but not with me, didn’t you?’ Zoe pressed, her voice growing louder with every word, as Simon looked hopelessly at the floor, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow him.
‘Calm down, Zoe,’ Annie interjected. ‘Simon’s trying to be honest with you, and you need to respect that.’
But Zoe wasn’t listening. ‘Oh, I suppose it was with Emily, wasn’t it?’ she drawled, almost spitting out the name.
Annie looked from Zoe to Simon. ‘Who’s Emily?’
‘My ex,’ Simon managed, still keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the carpet.
‘His childhood sweetheart, who he dated through high school, and they lost their virginity to each other,’ Zoe burst out furiously. ‘Tell her, Simon.’
Simon swallowed, looking deeply uncomfortable. ‘We… um… we went out for a few years, but then she cheated on me, so we split up. I met Zoe a few months later.’
‘She broke his heart, and I’m not sure that he’s ever got over her,’ Zoe told Annie, looking close to tears.
‘Everyone has a past,’ Annie began gently. ‘Simon’s with you now, and he’s marrying you. It sounds as though he’s been very upfront with you about this girl, and you have to trust that he’s over her. She’s his past, but you’re his present and his future.’
‘Hmm, well it’s hard to forget about the past when she lives just down the road, and still keeps in touch with his mother,’ Zoe shot back.
‘Well, how do you think I feel?’ Simon contended. ‘At least you’ve only got one person to worry about. Every time we go to the pub I worry that we’ll bump into one of your exes. You’ve slept with half of Norwich!’
Zoe’s mouth fell open in shock. ‘How dare you!’
‘Simon, that’s out of order,’ Annie warned him.
‘It’s true!’ Simon retorted. ‘I’ve slept with one other person, and she won’t shut up about it. Do you know how many people she’s slept with? Sixteen!’
Zoe turned scarlet. ‘It’s really not that weird. I went through a bit of a wild phase at uni,’ she explained to Annie. ‘But everyone was at it – one night stands were no big deal, and I always used condoms. I had a few relationships, but none of them lasted more than a few months. And none of them really meant anything either. It’s not like I’d been going out with the same person since I was fourteen, and still keep a secret stash of photos hidden in the bottom of my underwear drawer.’
Now it was Simon’s turn to look stunned. ‘I can’t believe you found… It’s just memories, that’s all! We were together for ten years. I can’t help it if she’s in pictures of my cousin’s wedding, my holiday photos, my family Christmases.’
‘I’ve never loved anyone apart from you, Simon,’ Zoe burst out, looking close to tears. ‘But every day I feel like I have to compete with pretty, perfect, blonde Emily, and I’ll never be good enough.’
Annie watched them anxiously. It wasn’t unusual for arguments to flare up when couples were discussing sensitive issues, but she hated to see the two of them at each other’s throats like this. Zoe was usually so positive and upbeat, Simon so funny and laidback; to see them like this was a real shame.
‘This is clearly something that the two of you feel very strongly about, and that affects you both deeply. Remember, it’s perfectly natural to have feelings of jealousy, or insecurity, but the trick is not to let them override everything else. The two of you have chosen to get married – to be together for the rest of your lives – and that’s a commitment you’ve never made to anyone else, so it seems clear that neither of you have ever felt like this before. Don’t let anything spoil that, or come between you.’
There were a few seconds of silence. Annie waited for one of them to speak, and eventually Simon broke the tension.
‘I’m sorry, Zoe, I really am. I didn’t realise… I mean, I knew you didn’t like me mentioning Emily, but I didn’t know how upset it made you. Emily’s my past,’ he insisted, as he leant across and wrapped his arms around Zoe. ‘I love you, and I want to marry you.’
‘Even though you think I’m the town bike?’ Zoe protested, through snuffles.
Simon forced a smile. ‘I didn’t say that. But you have to understand that I get insecure too. I’m the man. I’m supposed to be the one with all this experience and history, and I don’t have that. I can’t help but worry that all these other blokes were better than me in bed, that they could all show you a better time, and – quite frankly – that they were packing more in the underpants department than I am, and I just hate thinking about all of that.’
‘Simon,’ Zoe murmured, as she snuggled up against him. ‘You know that I love the contents of your underpants just as much as I love the rest of you. We’ve spent many happy hours together – you, me and the contents of your underpants.’
All three of them burst out laughing, and Annie was relieved to see them smiling once again.
‘You’ve made huge progress,’ she told them. ‘Both of you were able to talk honestly about your feelings, which is so important, and together you moved past the issue. I’m proud of you.’
‘We’re such good students,’ Zoe smirked, looking pleased with herself. ‘Now, is it time to talk about my fantasies? Because I know exactly what I want…’
And she looked at Simon and winked.
28
Chapter Twenty-eight
‘Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul’ – Charlie Chaplin
It was the hottest weekend of the year so far, and Ray and Linda were making the most of it. They’d invited their family for a barbecue, and the back garden was filled with the excited shrieks of their four grandchildren, who were chasing each other round the lawn and searching for insects in the bushes. Adam, Rose’s husband, was manning the barbecue, and the last of the meat was sizzling nicely. Ray was relaxing in a garden chair, discussing golf with Marianne’s husband, Daniel, whilst Linda was standing with her two daughters, sipping a glass of rosé.
‘It’s been such a beautiful day,’ she sighed contentedly. ‘I can’t believe this weather.’
‘It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?’ agreed Marianne. She looked very similar to her sister, Rose – the two of them were less than three years apart – and she was wearing a brightly coloured sundress with strappy sleeves. ‘Alfie, let go of that scooter right now and give it back to your sister,’ she bellowed across the lawn.
‘Anyone for another burger?’ asked Adam, as he flipped them for a final time, before moving them onto a serving tray.
‘I couldn’t manage any more, I’m stuffed,’ Rose replied.
‘I’ll squeeze one in,’ Daniel offered, as the others all shook their heads.
‘It’s a no to the burger, but I’ll have another beer though, if you’re asking,’ Ray said cheekily, as Adam levered the top off a bottle of Kronenbourg and brought it over.
‘Ray, are you sure your head’s not burning? It looks a bit red,’ Linda fussed.
‘I’d be more worried about his knees – I’m not sure Dad’s legs have seen the sun for a very long time,’ Marianne giggled, indicating the shorts that Ray was wearing.<
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‘Oi! I can hear you, you know,’ Ray shouted good-naturedly. ‘I’m just fine, thank you very much. Don’t you all go worrying about me.’
Linda shook her head affectionately, turning back to her daughters. ‘So what are your plans for this evening?’
‘We’ll probably head off shortly,’ Rose replied. ‘I want to get the kids in bed at a decent time, then we can have a bit of peace and quiet this evening. I’m sure they’ll pass out in the car after their exciting day at Granny and Granddad’s.’
‘Same here really,’ Marianne added. ‘And I’ve got to try and keep the kids out of the way tomorrow, as Daniel’s got work to do before he’s back in the office on Monday. He’s got a really big project on, and he’ll go mad if they disturb him.’
‘Well, we could always have them,’ Linda offered. ‘They can stay here tonight, and we’ll drop them back to you tomorrow evening.’
‘Would you?’ Marianne asked gratefully. ‘That would be such a huge help, if you’re sure it’s okay.’
‘Of course,’ Linda insisted. ‘We’d love to have them, wouldn’t we, Ray?’
‘What’s that?’ he grunted. He’d been deep in conversation with Daniel about Europe’s prospects in the next Ryder Cup.
‘I was just saying to Marianne, we don’t mind having the kids this evening, do we?’
Ray frowned, easing himself out of the lawn chair and getting to his feet. ‘Sorry, Marianne love,’ he said, putting an arm around his youngest daughter. ‘We can’t do tonight.’
Linda looked at him in confusion. ‘Of course we can. Why not?’
‘Tonight, we have plans,’ Ray explained with a wink.
Linda immediately realised what he was talking about, and blushed, waving away his words. ‘Oh, that doesn’t matter. We can do that any night.’
‘No,’ Ray said firmly, much to Linda and Marianne’s surprise. ‘We’ve made our plans, and we’re going to stick to them. Hope you don’t mind,’ he continued, directing this comment at Marianne. ‘But we have the kids over a lot, and we never turn you down, and for once your mother and I are going to say no, and spend some quality time together.’
Marianne couldn’t help grinning at the way her father was behaving. ‘Isn’t he masterful, Mum,’ she giggled, nudging Linda. ‘I never knew he could be like this. Okay, I’ll leave you both to your secret plans. I guess I’ll just take them out of the house tomorrow – maybe we’ll go over to Fairhaven, as it’s supposed to be another sunny day.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Linda looked awkward. ‘You know we’d usually have them…’
‘That’s fine,’ Marianne insisted, not looking at all put out. ‘Like Dad said, you have them all the time. We’ll probably get going soon anyway,’ she continued tactfully. ‘Come on, Alfie, Mia, start getting your toys together. It’s time to go home.’
‘We’d better make a move too. Leave Mum and Dad to their secret plans,’ Rose added, her eyes twinkling, and her voice loaded with meaning. She didn’t know exactly what had been going on with her parents over the last few weeks, but her mother was in a far better mood recently. She kept taking time off from the shop, and had even suggested hiring someone else part-time so that she could scale back her hours even further. Whatever the reason, it was good to see her parents happy for a change.
Half an hour later, Rose, Marianne and their respective families were climbing into their cars, laden down with Tupperware boxes filled with leftovers and carrier bags full of kids’ toys. Ray stood with his arm around Linda as the vehicles pulled away, the children waving frantically from their car seats.
‘I can’t believe you did that!’ Linda exclaimed, as the cars rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. ‘What are they going to think?’
‘Who cares?’ Ray replied recklessly. ‘They need to understand that we’re not just here as a babysitting service and a cashpoint. We’ve got our own lives to lead as well.’
He squeezed Linda to him, planting a kiss on top of her head as they went back into the house. Linda immediately headed for the kitchen, running the hot water and rinsing the plates, before loading them into the dishwasher. The place was a mess; they’d brought in everything from outside, but now the work surfaces were full of empty salad bowls, plates covered in congealed tomato ketchup and sticky barbecue utensils.
Ray sneaked up behind her, snaking his arms around her waist, and turning off the taps. ‘Leave that for now,’ he told her, planting a kiss on her neck.
‘I need to get it out of the way. This grease will stick like glue if I don’t—’
‘I’ll do it later,’ Ray promised, taking the empty potato salad bowl from Linda and placing it back on the side.
‘Ray,’ Linda began. She turned to look at him, her eyes full of hesitation. ‘Maybe we should leave it for tonight. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired, and I really need a bath…’
‘If you don’t want to do this, then I’m not going to force you into anything,’ Ray replied softly, trying to hide his disappointment. ‘But we told Annie we’d try. I understand that you’re nervous, but the whole point is for us to get over this. I’ll be with you all the way,’ he reassured her, before taking her hands in his, bringing them to his lips and kissing them. ‘Do you want to come upstairs with me?’
Linda didn’t reply. Gently, Ray tugged at her hands, and she took a couple of steps forward. Ray smiled, and they continued like that, Ray leading her out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into the bedroom.
‘Give me ten minutes,’ Linda pleaded, as Ray began drawing the curtains. She fled across the hall to the bathroom, and moments later Ray heard the sound of the bath being filled. He switched on the bedside lamps and plumped up the pillows, trying to make the bed look as inviting as possible.
Now that the moment was near, Ray had to admit to feeling a pang of nerves himself. Although he and Linda weren’t planning to do the deed tonight, they’d agreed with Annie to spend time exploring each other’s bodies, talking through their fears and hang-ups, and reassuring one another. The focus had all been on making sure that Linda felt comfortable, but now Ray realised that he wasn’t overly confident either.
Standing in front of the mirror, he saw an ageing man, with everything that entailed – grey hair, wrinkles, sagging skin and gnarled hands. His belly hung over the waistband of his shorts, and no matter how much he sucked it in, it wouldn’t lie flat. His posture was poor, he realised, as he pulled back his shoulders and stood up straight, noticing for the first time how knobbly his knees were. He untucked his shirt, wondering if he should strip down to his underwear, or whether that would be a step too far.
As Ray bent down to take off his socks, feeling his back groan in protest, he heard the bathroom door open with a click. Linda emerged, swaddled in her dressing gown, biting her lip anxiously. She hesitated for a moment, as though scared to step into the bedroom.
‘So,’ she asked nervously. ‘What do we do now?’
‘I don’t know,’ Ray admitted.
He caught Linda’s eye, and suddenly the two of them began to laugh uncontrollably.
‘Honestly, what are we like?’ Linda managed, through her giggles. ‘Married over thirty years, and all of a sudden I’m shy about you seeing me in my dressing gown.’
Ray was shaking his head, wiping away tears. ‘Come here,’ he said, sitting down on the bed and motioning that Linda should join him. She did as she was told, crossing her legs and clutching her gown more tightly around her.
‘It’s not fair – you’re fully clothed,’ she pointed out.
‘I took my socks off,’ Ray argued, and the two of them burst out laughing once more.
‘They’re not the prettiest feet, are they?’ Linda commented, as she looked at them. His big toes were hairy and the nails were yellow.
‘So you don’t want to suck my toes then?’ Ray couldn’t resist asking.
The expression on Linda’s face was all the answer he needed. ‘Annie didn’t suggest that, did she?’
she wondered, looking horrified.
‘No, she didn’t,’ Ray admitted. ‘But you are supposed to give me reassurance on the areas of my body I’m self-conscious about. So,’ he continued, a wicked gleam in his eye, ‘do you love my feet?’
Linda paused, searching for the right word. ‘Well, I wouldn’t exactly say love…’
‘No.’ Ray was shaking his head. ‘That’s what you have to say. I’ve got the sheet Annie gave us if you want me to prove it.’
Linda couldn’t help but smile. ‘Okay then, I love your hairy, ugly feet.’
Ray frowned. ‘I’m not sure that’s exactly right.’
‘It’s as good as you’re going to get,’ Linda grinned.
‘Okay then. What about you?’
‘Me?’ Linda thought for a minute. There were plenty of body parts that she hated, but she didn’t want to reveal any of them to Ray right now.
‘How about if I open this?’ Ray suggested wickedly, tugging at the belt of her robe.
‘No!’ Linda screamed, clutching it to her. ‘I’m not ready for that. Okay, okay, I hate my legs,’ she confessed, kicking them back and forth beneath her dressing gown.
‘What?’ Ray looked outraged. ‘You’ve got amazing legs. I’m always telling you that.’
‘Not any more I don’t,’ Linda said sadly. ‘The skin’s gone all slack, and my thighs are all dimply, and I’ve got a horrible varicose vein right here,’ she said, indicating the back of her knee. ‘Which means I hate wearing skirts.’
‘Linda,’ Ray told her seriously. ‘I absolutely love your legs. You know I do. They’re long, and luscious, and supremely sexy,’ he insisted, making a grab for them.
Linda shrieked, and swatted him away. ‘You daft sod!’ she chuckled. ‘Anyway, now it’s your turn.’
‘Me? What is there to dislike about the way I look? I’m a man in his prime,’ Ray joked, flexing his biceps like a muscle man.
‘Sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re hardly giving Brad Pitt a run for his money,’ Linda replied archly.