by Sophie Hart
‘Hey, I thought you were supposed to be making me feel better about myself!’
‘Sorry,’ Linda apologised, with a giggle. ‘You’re right.’
‘So to make up for it, how about we both strip off?’ Ray suggested, a naughty grin on his face as he began unbuttoning his shirt, throwing it recklessly to one side. Then he unzipped his shorts and slid off his underpants, looking expectantly at Linda.
‘Oh, stuff it,’ she exclaimed, unfastening her robe and letting it drop from her shoulders. It felt strangely liberating, and she wondered why on earth she hadn’t done it sooner. Suddenly, it didn’t seem to matter about her less-than-pert breasts, her flabby tummy, or her hated bingo wings.
‘Look at us,’ she murmured softly, taking in her husband’s naked body. ‘We’re not exactly hot young things, are we?’
‘I suppose not,’ Ray agreed, taking hold of his wife’s hand. ‘But it doesn’t matter, does it?’
Linda looked at him and smiled. He was right, she realised. They had each other, they had three wonderful children, and they were blessed in so many ways. ‘No,’ she agreed, as she leant across to kiss him. ‘It doesn’t matter at all.’
29
Chapter Twenty-nine
‘Sex is the consolation you have when you can’t have love’ – Gabriel García Márquez
‘Look at you,’ Annie cried, as she spotted her sister waiting for her. She was sitting on a bench outside the Castle Mall shopping centre, her face turned up to the sunshine. ‘You’ve got a bump!’
‘Are you sure it doesn’t just look like I’m fat?’ Holly questioned, as she stood up to hug Annie. ‘I’m in that really awkward in-between stage where I look like I’ve eaten too many pies.’
‘Of course not, you’re absolutely glowing. And your boobs are enormous!’
‘I know. Greg’s thrilled.’ Holly rolled her eyes. ‘He wants to keep playing with them, but doesn’t seem to realise how painful they are. They feel so swollen.’
‘Well, you look amazing,’ Annie assured her.
‘Thanks. I wish I felt it.’
‘But you’re okay generally though? Everything healthy with the baby?’
‘Yeah, we’re both fine. The morning sickness stage seems to have passed – it’s supposed to, once you’re out of the first trimester. I’m feeling pretty exhausted most of the time, but you just keep on going, don’t you?’
‘Make sure you get plenty of rest,’ Annie told her, looking concerned. ‘We can just go and sit in a cafe or something and you can put your feet up, if you want. We don’t have to go shopping.’
‘Don’t tempt me. I could spend the afternoon stuffing myself with cream cakes, insisting it’s what the baby wants,’ Holly giggled. ‘No, I’m excited to have a look round. It’ll be more fun with you than with Greg – he’s not really into nursing bras and sterilising sets.’
‘So where’s our first stop?’ Annie asked, as the two sisters walked into the mall.
‘Shall we try Mothercare? I don’t know if I’m going to buy anything today, but I just want to see what’s out there, and start and get some ideas for cribs and car seats.’
‘Sure,’ Annie agreed.
It was a Saturday afternoon, and the centre was busy, with teenagers aimlessly hanging out with their friends and busy families doing their weekly shop.
‘That’ll be you soon,’ Annie grinned gleefully, as she noticed a woman struggling to manoeuvre a pram up an escalator. A man stopped to help her, and the woman thanked him gratefully.
‘Hmm, well, that’s one way to get some male attention when you’re a new mum,’ Holly quipped, as the two of them made their way into Mothercare.
For Annie, it was like entering another world; a world filled with breast pumps and maternity pads and other terrifying objects that she couldn’t even begin to identify.
‘Nipple cream,’ Annie read out loud, as she picked up a tube and stared at it. ‘Is this like they sell in Ann Summers?’
Holly stared hard at her sister. ‘No, Annie. No, it’s not. That’s something very different.’
‘Oh, okay,’ Annie replied meekly, putting it back on the shelf.
They moved onto the bedding section, which was filled with Moses baskets and traditional cribs.
‘Aw, isn’t that cute,’ Holly sighed, pointing out a white painted cot decorated with Beatrix Potter characters.
‘Are you going to find out the gender?’ Annie wondered, looking from Peter Rabbit to Jemima Puddle-Duck.
‘I think so, yeah. We have the twenty-week scan coming up soon, but we’re doing the nursery in white and buttercream regardless. We’re getting someone in to do it – Greg’s a bit useless at that kind of thing – and he’s gutted that we’re losing the spare room. He’s got all sorts of rubbish in there that I’ve told him to get rid of.’
‘Poor Greg,’ Annie laughed. ‘Oh look, isn’t this sweet,’ she exclaimed, picking up a squashy, pastel-coloured elephant.
‘Getting broody, are we?’ Holly teased, as Annie blushed.
‘No,’ she insisted. ‘I’m just excited for you.’
‘So when’s it going to be your turn?’
‘Stop it with the questions! I don’t know! For now, I’m just going to concentrate on being the most amazing auntie ever. In fact, why don’t I buy the baby its first present?’ she suggested, giving the elephant a little squeeze.
‘Thank you, that would be a lovely gesture,’ Holly smiled. She wandered into the pram section, as Annie headed for the till.
Waiting in the queue, Annie couldn’t help but think about what her sister had said. Would she ever have a baby of her own? Right now, she was perfectly happy with her career but, at the risk of sounding like her mother, that might not always be the case.
Annie was well aware that with her thirty-fifth birthday approaching, she needed to get a move on if she wanted to start a family, but with no husband and no serious boyfriend on the scene, the decision seemed to have been taken out of her hands. Still, there was always the sperm bank…
‘Someone’s in their own world,’ Holly teased, as she joined the queue behind Annie, carrying a maternity bra and a set of newborn babygros.
‘Yeah, I was just thinking about hiring a sperm donor.’ Holly looked at her in shock, and Annie started laughing. ‘Well, not really, but it makes you think, doesn’t it?’
‘Oh Annie,’ Holly said softly. ‘I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.’
‘No, you haven’t at all,’ Annie insisted. ‘I’m so excited for you, and I know you’re in exactly the right place in your life. You’ve got Greg, you’re married, the natural next step is to have a baby. I’m just not there yet,’ she sighed. ‘I don’t know if I’ll ever have a baby, or if I even want one.’
They reached the front of the queue and paid for their purchases.
‘I think Tom’s still available,’ Holly said, as they collected their carrier bags and walked back out into the mall. ‘You know, if you’re looking for a sperm donor.’
‘I’m not that desperate,’ Annie snorted.
‘Think about it – the baby’ll have great abs,’ Holly giggled. ‘In fact, Greg said he’s been talking about you a lot recently.’
Annie frowned. ‘Tom? That’s weird! What’s he been saying? Calling me a crazy, forty-year-old psycho again?’
‘No, he’s been saying nice things apparently. He seemed quite taken by your “feistiness”,’ Holly explained, putting quote marks around the word. ‘Greg said that Tom saw you out with some guy, and it’s made him jealous.’
Annie burst out laughing. ‘That’s ridiculous!’
Holly shrugged, looking intently at her sister. ‘So who was the guy?’
‘What? Oh, it was just Jamie.’
‘Really?’ Holly was increasingly suspicious. ‘And who’s “Just Jamie”?’
‘Just a guy who works in the same building,’ Annie explained, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. ‘We bumped into each other at the cinema, the
n went to grab a bite to eat afterwards, and that’s where we saw Tom.’
Holly’s eyes were wide, her love antenna on full alert, sensing there was something Annie wasn’t telling her. ‘And do you like “Just Jamie”?’
‘Stop calling him that,’ Annie complained, attempting to change the subject. But Holly wasn’t going to be distracted quite so easily.
‘Well?’
‘Holly, don’t ask me that.’
‘Why not? I’m your sister, and I need every last detail.’
Annie took a deep breath, ready to make her confession. ‘Okay, yes, I do like him,’ she admitted, as Holly squealed and clapped her hands together.
‘Hallelujah! Break out the bunting! So are you seeing each other?’
‘I think so,’ Annie began, and found that once she’d started talking, she couldn’t stop. She told her sister all about how she and Jamie often bumped into each other at work, and how they’d agreed to make their cinema meetings a regular thing. She told her how Jamie had come over to hers the other week, and the kitchen disaster that had ensued, before the two of them had finished the night kissing passionately on Annie’s sofa.
‘You kissed him,’ Holly shrieked, her eyes as wide as saucers.
‘Yes! Keep your voice down! And I’ve no idea what’s going on between us, but now he and his brother have got some amazing new contract with a big company, which means they have to move offices, so I might never even see him again,’ Annie finished, feeling exhausted. It was a huge relief to finally be able to talk to someone about everything that had happened.
‘Of course you will. He soooo likes you. He’s totally into you, I can just tell,’ Holly told her confidently.
‘But it’s as though he’s holding back somehow, and I don’t know why. There’s definitely chemistry between us, and kissing him was incredible, but I don’t know where we stand.’
‘Maybe he’s shy?’
‘He doesn’t seem like he is.’
‘So why don’t you ask him? March into his office, grab him by the tie, snog his face off, and tell him you fancy the arse off him.’
Annie raised an eyebrow at her sister.
‘Okay, maybe not the snog-his-face-off bit. Or the grab-him-by-the-tie bit. But you can tell him how you feel at least.’
‘I can’t do that!’
‘Why not? Maybe he’s saying the exact same thing about you – “I think she likes me, but I’m not sure how she feels…”’
‘Yeah, but he’s the—’ Annie began, then broke off suddenly.
Holly stared at her triumphantly. ‘What were you going to say? That he’s the man, so he should take the lead? Annie Hall, I’m surprised at you! Emmeline Pankhurst would be spinning in her grave. Is that what you tell your clients, hmm? That the man should do all the running? Exactly! It should be fifty-fifty, and the woman has to make an effort too.’
Annie was squirming uncomfortably, knowing that her sister had a point. She could be sensible and logical when advising her clients, but when it came to taking that advice herself, it was much harder.
‘We were supposed to be meeting up this afternoon, actually,’ Annie admitted. ‘But he cancelled. Something came up apparently.’
‘It happens,’ Holly shrugged. ‘Give him the benefit of the doubt.’
‘Maybe,’ Annie sighed. ‘Can we change the subject now please? We’re supposed to be shopping for you.’
‘Hmm, okay then,’ Holly agreed. ‘You’ve given me lots of good stuff today, so I’ll stop interrogating you. But the moment anything happens, you have to let me know.’
‘I will,’ Annie laughed, grateful that her sister was in an understanding mood. ‘So where to next?’
‘Let’s head to the Early Learning Centre. I want to check out their baby toys, plus I need a present for Greg’s niece. It’s her birthday on Wednesday, and we’re going to her party next weekend.’
They carried on chatting as they made their way over to the toy shop, and they were almost there when Annie stopped suddenly. Through the crowd of people, she’d spotted someone she recognised. Her first thought was that she must be mistaken, but as she blinked and looked back again, she realised it was definitely him.
Annie’s heart began to pound, the colour rising in her cheeks.
‘What is it?’ Holly asked, noticing how strangely her sister was behaving.
‘Talk of the devil. That’s him.’
‘Who?’
‘Jamie,’ Annie whispered urgently, unable to tear her eyes away from the familiar figure.
Holly’s mouth fell open. ‘Where?’
‘Just there.’ Annie tried to point discreetly. ‘The tall guy with the blond hair, wearing a blue jacket.’
‘The one heading towards us, walking with that blonde woman?’
‘What? Oh, I don’t think they’re together.’ Annie squinted, looking closer. She’d been so busy looking at Jamie that she hadn’t noticed the woman. Now that Holly had mentioned it, they did seem to be walking beside each other. Then Jamie turned and said something to her, and the woman laughed. Yes, they were very definitely together, and they seemed worryingly at ease in one another’s company.
Annie swallowed; she had a very bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. ‘Maybe it’s his sister,’ she said in a small voice. ‘He mentioned he had a sister.’
‘It could be,’ Holly agreed, looking worriedly at Annie. ‘What do you want to do? Shall we go and say hi?’
‘No,’ Annie said quickly. ‘Not yet.’
The two of them watched for a moment as Jamie and the mystery woman continued walking towards the Early Learning Centre, in the direction of Annie and Holly. They were barely metres away when the crowd in front of Annie parted, and she had a clear view, allowing her spot something – or someone – she hadn’t noticed before. A young girl, who looked about seven or eight years old, was walking in between Jamie and the blonde. They were each holding one of her hands, and she was swinging their arms happily.
As they approached the toy shop, the little girl turned her face up to Jamie, her pigtails swinging as she moved. ‘Daddy, will you buy me something, please?’
Her voice was loud, the words clear and unmistakeable as they carried across the mall. Annie gasped, turning on her heel and instinctively hurrying away.
Holly immediately ran after her. ‘Sis, are you okay?’
Annie shook her head. ‘No. No, I’m not.’ She looked utterly shell-shocked. ‘Do you mind if we leave now? I don’t think I can…’
She trailed off, and Holly instantly understood. ‘Of course, that’s fine. Let’s go.’
Annie felt utterly stunned, grateful for her sister’s support as Holly took her by the arm and steered her towards the exit.
30
Chapter Thirty
‘Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it’ – W.C. Fields
Annie was standing at the front of the minibus, feeling a little bit like a tour guide, or a teacher on a school trip. It was a glorious day in early June and, ever the optimist, she was wearing shorts and a vest top, with a pair of jewelled sandals.
‘Come on, Annie, tell us where we’re going,’ pleaded Nick.
‘Yeah, don’t keep us in suspense,’ added Simon, from where he and Zoe were cosied up on the back seat.
Annie was running one of her Saturday group sessions, and there were eight couples seated on the minibus, looking at her expectantly. She’d told them that this would be an all-day event, and that it would be something a little bit different, but other than that, she’d kept them in suspense. Until now…
‘So today we’re going to…’ Annie stared around, dragging out the drama.
‘Get on with it,’ Ray heckled, as everyone laughed.
‘The beach!’ Annie exclaimed. ‘Specifically, Great Yarmouth. More specifically, the Pleasure Beach.’
‘The Pleasure Beach? Sounds filthy!’ Zoe quipped.
‘Not that kind of pleasu
re, I’m afraid,’ Annie grinned. ‘Although hopefully it might lead to that later, if you play your cards right.’
‘Do you mean all those big rides and the rollercoasters?’ Linda asked, looking terrified. ‘I’m not sure that’s my kind of thing.’
‘You don’t have to go on them, if you don’t want to. Although maybe we can get you on something gentler, like the carousel?’
‘Maybe…’ Linda didn’t look convinced.
‘You see, one of the main aims of today,’ Annie explained, as the minibus bumped its way out of the car park and onto the main road. ‘Is to get your adrenaline flowing, and also to release endorphins into your system.’
‘Is this the science bit?’ Zoe wondered.
‘Yes, it is,’ Annie smiled. ‘Bear with me here. All of you are in long-term relationships and, as I’ve explained to you before, after three years oxytocin – also known as the “cuddle hormone” – kicks in, making you get comfortable with your partner.
‘In some ways, this is great, because it boosts your trust in your other half, helps you fall in love and increases overall happiness. But, as we know, getting too comfortable can be a dangerous thing, so every now and again we need to give ourselves a kick up the backside.
‘When you’re scared, and in danger – as in an amusement park, for example – your body gives off all kinds of hormones. And if you and your partner have just survived what your brain perceives as a “near death experience”, then the outcome really can be to bring you closer together and ramp up your sex drive. If you’ve narrowly escaped death, your body’s natural instinct is to try and reproduce. So fun times all round!’
‘Are you saying that we should regularly put ourselves – and our partner – in danger?’ Simon asked curiously. ‘I’m just wondering whether I should push Zoe off a high building once a week?’
‘Maybe not that extreme,’ Annie acknowledged with a smile. ‘But it’s good to put yourselves in a new situation from time to time. Even something as silly as going to the park and playing on the swings can have the same effect.’