“I didn’t even know I had it until I saw it in the vial. I remember leaving a party a few years ago to go and retrieve it…” he cleared his throat. “I think this might have been what Nathaniel was talking about.” I glanced up at him with a blank expression. “You know…when he said I received what I wanted but Chester didn’t? I think this was it.” I gazed at the ring with a heavy heart but continued to say nothing. “Yeah, I found it was still in my jacket pocket all this time later, but to be fair, the Outpost was far too hot to be wearing this old thing anyway.” He chuckled.
I tried my best to keep my composure as I gazed at the last remaining link to the Kay I used to know. “What happened, Kay?” I finally managed to say, too tired to try to disguise the sombreness of my voice. “Why did you never come back?”
Kay slowly shrugged. “I don’t know…the vial gets cloudy whenever I try to focus on that; the same thing probably happens to Chester as well.”
Of course; it would just be too convenient for me to learn the truth, wouldn’t it? “You should take it.” I held the ring back up to him but kept my eyes focused intently on the Dunes in the distance.
“I…really think you should keep it.” His warm hand pressed into mine as he wrapped my fingers around the ring and pushed my hand back towards me. My heart leapt at his touch; a feeling I would have thought had dissipated by now. Kay returned to the party as I slid the ring onto my finger; a perfect fit.
“So Nathaniel made this…?”
I bit my lip as I stared at the piece of jewelry, trying desperately to switch my mind to unrelated thoughts. The memory was too strong to ignore, though; the ring burned its existence into the forefront of my mind. That night in my room…it was only a few months before Kay vanished.
Kay had shown an uncanny interest in what I would be wearing for the Christmas party; he refused to believe that I had nothing.
“Show me what you have and I’ll help you pick something out.”
I had looked at him in confusion and laughed. “Why do you care?”
“This could be the last party for a long time; maybe even ever! Why don’t you want to celebrate it?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to…I just don’t think I should be asking for anything else this year.”
“Then let me help you out.”
I had eventually agreed; there was nothing else to do anyway. I lead him to my bedroom and showed him the limited supply of clothing I had in my closet. “It’s mostly clothes from when I was a kid,” I said, “I’m holding onto them for hand-me-downs for any Birthing Ceremonies that might come up.”
“You actually participate in that? I never bothered; seemed like there was already an abundance of people pitching in for new babies.” Kay laughed at the idea.
“Well it doesn’t exactly hurt anything to offer some help; why not put my old things to a good cause? Where else would they go?” I giggled. “I think you’re just lazy, Kay.”
He pretended to be hurt by my words, causing me to burst into laughter and he shortly followed suit. “More forgetful than lazy, I think; I have a pile of old clothes I really need to do something with.”
“Yeah; you have more clothes than my mother.” We exchanged smirks and turned our attention back to my pitiful wardrobe…or so I thought. “Maybe this…” I was poking at an old, white blouse that I had never actually worn before, thinking Kay was right behind me when I caught his movement from the corner of my eye. “Kay?”
He was fiddling with my jewelry box that always laid unused on my vanity. “Hmm…what about this?” He slowly opened the ornate lid to reveal a mass of tangled beads and wires. “Maybe we can find you something nice enough to spruce up some jeans and a tank top.”
I laughed. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“You never know.” Kay fiddled with the entangled jewelry until a small, golden ring managed to escape. It was adorned with tiny emeralds; my father had given it to me for my birthday a few years prior, after I had just finished learning all about rare gems in a book I had found in the basement.
“Most of this is my mother’s.” I had said as I joined him in untangling bracelets from necklaces. “She gave me them for Christmas…stuff she didn’t want any more I guess. Or maybe she was hinting at me to dress nicer; I dunno.”
“I doubt she would want you to be something you’re not.” He was holding up two different piles of jewelry, the items so entangled that I could clearly see the defeat in his eyes.
“Who knows.” I replied, not wanting to get into it with him. I struggled to free a few pieces of jewelry and in my distracted state Kay must have taken the ring and stuffed it into his pocket. He knew it was a perfect fit because I had worn it all day when I received it and he was always there for my birthdays, even if no one else was.
I had noticed that it was missing a few days later and casually mentioned it to him; I hadn’t actually thought he had it at the time but he played stupid nonetheless. Then, a few weeks later, he said he randomly found it outside in the sand. “It must have fallen into a shirt or shoe and then fell out when we went outside.” The words came out so quickly and easily; almost as though they were rehearsed. It was a weak excuse but I never really cared, I was just glad to have the ring back and we never mentioned it again.
I gazed at the golden ring on my finger and thought back on the events that brought us here. Just what did my Kay plan to do with this? What did he have planned for our journey together? I suppose I could ask what the vial showed him…but would I really want to? Is it really that important to know what could have been? I don’t think he’d want to divulge that information anyway…he seems pretty adamant that he had no feelings for me and he quite clearly has none now; in fact, the thought that we were ever even friends seems too much for him. The Kay I have now is not the Kay I once knew…and not a Kay I would want to know, either, and it was time I accepted that fact. Same for my father…or should I say Chester? Kay Thomes and Chester Morgansen were dead – I had to accept that.
I slowly raised myself up from the hard ground and watched the sandstorm of the Dunes, its ferocity starting to dwindle in the ongoing night. I swallowed hard but my mind was made up; more so than it had ever been in my life. I started walking. I twirled my new ring on my finger incessantly; a memento of the men I used to know and love…the men who no longer existed. Unlike the first time I did this, this was a goodbye I no longer had difficulty with. I don’t know where I intended to go or what I planned on doing but it no longer mattered. With the dusty Dunes spread out before me, I wrapped my bandana tight around my face as I wandered into the night.
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