The Secret Arrangement

by Vanessa Waltz

  At least I have Luke.

  I watched as Luke packed his bags with more force than was necessary. Even he felt like a temporary arrangement. One day he’d wake up and realize that he would have to marry a high-society girl, a woman who would look good hanging on his arm. Hell, a woman without all the baggage I’m carrying.

  That couldn’t—would never—be me. The fairytale would end.

  Luke was silent all the way to the airport and didn’t speak a word during the flight. Like him, I was waiting for the axe to fall. It was only a matter of time before his father when he got wind of the tabloids.

  Relief flowed through my veins when the pilot announced that we were flying over Oakland and would land shortly. I looked down and saw the blue, freezing water of the bay. Luke glanced at his phone after landing and stuffed it back into his jacket.

  What now?

  As I followed Luke out of the plane and into San Francisco’s breezy air, I wondered what the hell would happen. I squeezed his hand as we waited in the chilly air for a cab.

  He turned his head toward me, his windswept hair making him look adorably ruffled. “I know you’re eager to go home, but I don’t want to be alone.”

  He was asking me to stay with him.

  “Luke, I want to be with you.” I didn’t need to add that I had no desire to be in Natalie’s presence, not after what her fiancé did.

  It annoyed me that there were paparazzi still clicking away at us outside SFO. I couldn’t wait to see the headlines: Luke Pardini seen at SFO with a blonde escort, who does he think he's kidding?

  I bounced on my toes to give him a kiss. He drew my body into his and bit down on my lip as I swept my tongue across his mouth. My heart was pounding when he pulled away with a heated look on his face.

  “I can’t wait to get home,” he whispered in my ear as the cab appeared.

  Twenty minutes later, we stumbled up the steps of his Victorian home in Pacific Heights. It was one of the richest areas in San Francisco, where the homes had actual driveways, a luxury in the city.

  He really lives like a king.

  I barely had time to marvel at the beauty of his home before Luke grabbed my hand and led me upstairs. We ran up the steps, and he pulled me to the side, his arms wrapping themselves around my waist. His mouth parted, and I leaned forward to taste those lips I fantasized about all day. His fingers dug into the waistband of my jeans, and I slipped my hands under his sweater. I dragged my thumb across his hard nipple and squeezed his back muscles as he slid around my backside. I could already feel his hardness grinding against my leg, and my core heated, almost like I could feel him thrusting inside me already.

  We were halfway to the bedroom, and his mouth was tracing a downward path from my neck. Then the phone rang, jarring us out of our dance toward the bed. My face hot, I looked up at Luke, who seemed to debate whether to answer it or not. He let out an angry sigh and kissed my head.

  “It might be work, just hold on.”

  Damn it.

  He picked the phone off the dresser and winced when he looked at the screen. I felt cold all over as I realized what his expression meant.

  “What?” he barked.

  Stiffness worked itself through my limbs like poison. It started in my hands when Luke left my embrace. Something was fighting to swim to the surface of my mind, something that made my heart sink.

  He spat angry words into the phone, his face becoming red. “It’s not like that.”

  It was his father. I turned around, feeling numb as I walked out of his bedroom and picked up my purse in the living room. It was torture to wait in the foyer with my suitcase.

  I can’t do this to him.

  His slow footsteps creaked the wooden floorboards.

  “My dad will donate all of his money to charity unless I end things with you.”

  I nodded. A quiet storm was building up in my chest, and my voice was already shaking with the first throes. "So that's it, then."

  “No. Fuck him.”

  It was the last thing I expected him to say, and a surge of joy flooded my heart.

  You can’t do this to him. You can’t force him to throw away his entire fortune.

  Guilt punctured my joy like a needle to a balloon.

  “Maybe you should think about this.”

  Luke’s expression hardened. “I have thought about it. And the more power I give to that bastard, the more miserable I am.”

  “Wait—so what’s going to happen?”

  “I told you. He’s giving it all away. He said he’s calling his lawyer now.”

  It would be all my fault. Luke’s miserable smile sent guilt crashing through my veins. “Giving it all away?”

  “I told you he’d do it.”

  “I can’t let you do that.”

  “Why not?” he said in a loud voice. “It’s my choice. My decision.”

  We barely knew each other.

  I looked at his designer clothes, the rolled-up sleeves of the Armani dress shirt, the ornate hallway echoing with our voices. Would all of this disappear?

  “What about your job?”

  An uncertain look crossed his face.

  “Oh my God.”

  He would be fired. I clutched my t-shirt as my heart pounded with the stress of being the sole reason Luke was stripped of his fortune and yanked from his job.

  No. I can’t take this.

  “This is insane. You will not give up your entire legacy for someone you barely know.”

  “What’s the fucking point of it all if I’m unhappy?”

  He’ll be unhappy with me.

  Maybe I was crazy, but I would have rather left him while there was still a glow in my heart, then months down the line when he would resent me for ruining his life.

  “We don't know each other.”

  The fire wouldn’t stop blazing from his eyes. “I don’t care.”

  “You don’t right now because you’re angry, but in a few months? You’ll hate the sight of me.”

  “Jess, that’s not true!”

  I avoided the hand that tried to touch my shoulder. “It was fun while it lasted—”

  "Don't do this," he said in a tight voice.

  “I’m not that into you.”

  He laughed. “You’re a bad liar, Jess.”

  I steeled myself so I could stab him in the chest. “You were right about me. I—I don’t want to be involved with you if I’m not getting something out of it.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Let me spell it out for you,” I yelled. “If you’re broke, I want nothing to do with you."

  I got one look at his face, wretched with grief, before I grabbed my suitcase. I ripped it across the floor as I crashed through the door. My suitcase bounced on the steps, and I sped up the hill in a blind rage, determined not to look back.

  What the fuck are you doing?

  I waited at the MUNI bus stop and half-expected Luke to come storming at me and demand for an apology, to call me out on my lies, but nothing happened. He swallowed every vicious word that came out of my mouth.

  I'd never see him again.

  A silent scream ripped through my insides as I forced myself to turn my back on Luke. Not all fairytales have a happy ending, but it was still wonderful while it lasted. I would never forget him.

  10

  “You’re back!”

  Natalie stood up from the couch as I entered our apartment, but quickly sank at the look on my face.

  “Jess, I’m so sorry. Ben swore he wouldn’t say a word.” Her arms trembled as she approached me and her cheeks shined with tears. “Please believe me.”

  I softened when I saw how upset she was over it. She still should have kept her trap shut. “You told him when I asked you not to tell anyone. I made you promise.”

  She gave a frustrated sigh and brushed her hair back with her right hand. "I know I fucked things up for you both. I'm sorry."

  When I looked at her hands, I saw she was
n’t wearing her engagement ring.

  Whoa. “What happened?”

  Natalie's eyes watered and then before I knew it, she had launched herself in my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder, and I reached around to pat her back.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to marry him.”

  Wow. “Seriously? You guys are perfect together.”

  “I was sure before we were engaged, but then he got his new position at the law firm. Now…eh. We barely see each other.”

  “What are you talking about? Don’t you hang out every weekend?”

  “No. He works on weekends. Damn it, Jess. I was so lonely when you left, and then he had to start this whole mess with your foster parents.”

  I didn’t even consider how she must have suffered. “I don’t want you to break up with him because of me.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  A small amount of guilt wormed its way inside my heart.

  I do not want this. If Natalie and Ben weren’t meant together that was one thing—but I didn’t want her to break up over this. What if she regrets it years down the line and resents me for it?

  I gently disengaged myself from her arms and sat down at the kitchen table. As I did, a wave of exhaustion slammed into me. I didn’t realize how tired I was from all the traveling.

  “What about Luke?”

  I was a lot less willing to discuss him. “What about him?”

  Natalie rolled her eyes. “What happened between you guys?”

  “It’s over.”

  “Oh—because his father found out?”

  I looked at her, debating whether to tell her the truth. "I walked out on him."

  “What? Why?”

  I’m wondering that myself.

  My hands gripped the splintered edge of the crappy kitchen table. “I didn’t want him to lose his fortune. He shouldn’t have to choose between me and five billion freaking dollars.”

  “Are you telling me he turned down the money for you, and you rejected him?”

  Fury smoldered from Natalie’s eyes. “Well, yeah.”

  Her hand whirled across my vision as she slapped my head. “Are. You. Completely. Mental?”

  Jesus.

  “It’s not just the money, Nat. It’s his job. Probably his house, too. He’s—”

  “He’s perfect for you, you bleeding idiot!”

  I'd never seen her so upset. She slammed her fists on the kitchen table and shook her head, gazing at me like I was something under her shoe.

  “I know he is. He was the best thing in my life. When we first started out, I thought he was just going to be a typical spoiled rich boy, but he’s not at all like that. Luke made me feel like I was normal. He made me feel cherished, and I’ve never felt that.”

  “Then why the fuck would you ditch him like that?”

  “His dad called and demanded that he stop seeing me, or Luke would never see a cent of that money. He wouldn’t leave me. S—so I left him.”

  She stared at me, slack-jawed with shock. “I don’t get it.”

  “I can’t live knowing I’m the cause that everything went to shit around him.”

  She looked up as she heard the tremble in my voice. “How are you holding up with all this?”

  I covered my face with my hands. I tried to shrug it off, but my breath choked, and Natalie's warm hand touched my shoulder. It hurt. A lot. I wanted him more than anything in my life—more than I wanted to breathe.

  Is Natalie right? Am I going to regret this forever?

  “I told him I didn’t want him if he was broke.”

  She made a small gasping sound. “Jesus, Jessica.”

  “I had to!” I said, lifting my head. “If I wasn’t a complete bitch to him, he would have never let me go.”

  And I love him too much to see him grow to resent me.

  I thought of the old saying, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

  Whoever came up with that was full of shit.

  It was far worse to have a brief taste of true happiness, only to have it ripped away forever.

  Ignorance is bliss.

  Natalie’s gripped my shoulders and hugged my back. “You need to talk to him. Tell him you were talking out of your ass.”

  “No, I won’t.”

  “Yes, you will. He’s not a guy you throw away!”

  “What’s the point? He would’ve tossed me aside to marry a high-society girl, eventually. You know I’m right.”

  “How the fuck is he going to do that now he has no money?”

  “It doesn’t matter. I can’t live with the fact I’m the reason it’s all gone. Don’t you get that?”

  The fire receded from her eyes as she nodded.

  “I get it. I just think it’s a mistake.”

  “It was a Cinderella arrangement, not a mistake. It would've ended at some point.”

  I spent the next day in a jet-lagged stupor. I felt like shit. The best thing I had in my life was gone, and the money in my bank was dwindling. I sat in my computer chair, staring at the four-digit number in my bank account.

  I would give it all just to have him. More than anything, I wanted to fall into his arms. I opened my phone, hoping to see a text, but there was nothing from him.

  What do you expect? You ripped his heart out.

  I promised Natalie I wouldn’t Google him, but it was too easy for me to type his name into that white bar and hit ‘enter.’

  Luke Pardini takes red-eye to Chicago without blonde escort

  I balked at “blonde escort,” but at least they weren’t mentioning me by name. I clicked on the link as my stomach fell through.

  Did he leave already?

  There was a picture of him dressed in the same clothes I’d seen him in yesterday. His suitcase was in his hand as he dashed across SFO. Another picture showed him arriving in Chicago. Had his father taken a turn for the worse? Is that why he left so abruptly?

  “Stop reading into it. He’s done with you. Get over it,” I said to the empty room.

  My email blinked, and I realized I had several unread emails. Recognizing neither, I clicked on the first.

  Holy shit!

  I scanned one. They were offering me an interview at a place I had applied to before I left to London. It was in a few days. I shot them an email, agreeing to the time.

  Finally!

  I tried not to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help but grin as I reread the email. A horrifying thought popped into my head: What if they Google my name and find all these escort articles?

  I headed to the bookmarked sugar baby website and typed in my username and password. I was determined to delete everything, but something happened.

  Error: that username does not exist

  I tried it again. Nothing. Then I logged into the email I created for the account, but that vanished too. Finally, I searched for myself on the sugar baby website. Then I looked for Luke's. Nothing. It was as if everything disappeared.

  Luke must have paid someone to do this. To hide the evidence.

  The euphoria at getting a job interview evaporated. I needed to get out of the stifling apartment. Natalie was at work, and I hated the silence that permeated the walls. I grabbed my purse and flung open the door as a crowd of people surrounded me, screaming.

  What the fuck?

  I blinked in the bright, winter sunlight.

  “Miss Knight!”

  They elbowed each other in their attempts to shove huge black cameras in my face. Flash. Click.

  “Miss Knight, what did you and Luke do together? Would you like to sell a story to Huffington Post?”

  The woman shoved a microphone under my nose. I stared at in shock for a second, refusing to look at the video camera aimed at me, and smacked it away. Didn’t they understand that I didn’t want to be harassed?

  “No. Get off of my lawn.”

  None of them budged. When I was with Luke, he always shoved through the paparazzi l
ike moving through a packed concert. I edged through them to get to my crappy car parked on the street. They followed me like a strange, nonthreatening mob and encircled my car. All their requests were drowned by the car's engine, and they moved out of the way when it lurched forward.

  They took pictures through the windshield; some of them still screaming requests. Jesus. How long is this going to last? Surely, people would tire of reading about the blonde hooker—escort—or whatever it was they were calling me.

  I didn't feel like going to the store because I knew I would have to drive back home with the groceries where they were camped out. So I veered my car into the highway and headed instead toward the soup kitchen.

  I wasn’t scheduled to come in, but I couldn’t handle sitting in my apartment alone all day. As I walked across the parking lot, I saw that half the soup kitchen's windows were smashed.

  “What happened?” I asked the men sweeping up the broken glass.

  They shrugged. “I don’t think you’re supposed to go in there.”

  Ignoring him, I pushed through the door, and my shoes crunched over shards. Inside was a scene of devastation. Black graffiti covered the yellow walls in high arches. I bent over and righted a chair. As I walked through to the kitchen, a sick feeling descended over me.

  Shelly was there with a clipboard in her hands, shaking her head. “Our inventory suffered a huge loss. They took our best pots and made a mess out of the pantry.”

  “Who did this?”

  “You haven’t even seen the worst of it.”

  She beckoned me to the back that led to the small garden I helped build. I stared in dismay at the lumps of brown earth everywhere and pushed the door open in a rage. There was nothing left but tatters of green. All of our herbs—gone. The bok choy and the cabbage lay on the ground like headless corpses.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I croaked. “We’ll just have to do it again. Re-plant everything.”

  “I’m not sure Carol will want to. It’ll be hard enough replacing all the supplies we lost. There’s no money in the budget for the garden.”