In Another Life

by Liesel Browning

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sadie planned to meet Manny at Vanessa’s party. As she hung around in her apartment on Saturday afternoon (alone again, and not sure where her husband was), she thought of Amelia, not for the first time that week. She decided to go down to her apartment, just to say hello. If they were going to be on friendly terms, Sadie had to make the next step.

  Amelia, too, was alone in her apartment. She smiled brightly when she answered the door. “Hi,” she said. “I was just thinking about coming up to visit you. Come in.”

  Amelia had dinner going in her small kitchen. “I’m trying out a recipe that my mother always made,” she said. “But hers had beef in it, so I’m trying it with ground turkey…we’ll see.”

  Sadie sat down at Amelia’s little table. Like most of the furniture in SC, it was wooden, made by hand in the furniture warehouse. It made Sadie think of this Amish shop outside of Iowa City that her mother used to visit, where they sold similar wares. She sometimes wondered how the Amish and the Mennonites who lived near her hometown managed after the war. They were better equipped for post-society life, that was for certain.

  “Are you hungry?” Amelia asked from the stove. Sadie once again thought of their life together on the farm, Amelia preparing their lunch while Sadie took a break from her morning chores.

  “I’m all right,” Sadie said. “You don’t mind if I hang out while you eat?”

  “No, I’d like the company,” Amelia said. She dished herself up a mess of ground turkey, stewed tomatoes, kidney beans, and noodles. It wasn’t an attractive meal, but Sadie had eaten worse. Amelia smiled sheepishly before sitting down and trying her concoction. She looked thoughtful for a moment before going, “Meh.”

  Sadie chuckled. “What’re you up to this evening?” Amelia asked as she continued eating her mediocre dinner. She wouldn’t dare let it go to waste.

  Sadie wasn’t sure how much to tell Amelia. “Just meeting up with some friends,” she said.

  “Can I ask you something?” Sadie nodded her ascent, and Amelia set down her fork. She couldn’t meet Sadie’s eye. “Is it true that a bunch of you women get together and…like, have an orgy?”

  Sadie laughed, and Amelia looked up, giggling. “Is that what they say at your little church meetings?” Sadie asked.

  “It’s what some of the ladies there think,” Amelia admitted. “I think I’m kind of over that whole scene. I was supposed to go to this hymnal singing thing at the church tonight, but…”

  “Is that where Zach is?”

  Amelia laughed, shaking her head. “He’s at the church, but I don’t think he’s singing any hymns. Maybe humming.”

  Sadie was puzzled. “What do you mean?”

  “I found out where he’s been going,” Amelia said. “He’s been having some one-on-one sessions with Pastor Steve.”

  “Oh,” Sadie said, nodding slowly.

  “I mean, everyone knows what that means,” Amelia sighed. “Everyone’s talking about me behind my back. And the church doesn’t offer any, like, I don’t know, comfort or anything. Not the way it used to, I guess. So,” Amelia said, returning to her dinner, “I’ll go on Sundays, when I’m supposed to, and that’s that.”

  “Shit,” Sadie said. She put a hand on Amelia’s arm. “I’m sorry.”

  Amelia shrugged, but Sadie saw through her nonchalance. “I never told you how we met.”

  “Through the church,” Sadie said. She’d never forget the day Amelia told her she’d met the man she wanted to marry, some guy with a long beard who was very quiet. Amelia had only known him for a few weeks when she walked down the aisle of the church with him.

  “Yeah, but there’s a little more to it than that,” Amelia admitted. “So, you remember how we each had to sit down with that counselor when we first got here?”

  This was another day Sadie would never forget. She was sitting in a small office in the council building. One of SC’s counselors was assessing her, mostly to ensure they weren’t allowing someone who was crazy or dangerous into their community. Sadie was mostly bugged out by the fact that there was electricity in that room. The little office had no windows, and yet it was bright as day as Sadie sat there, answering awkward questions until the counselor concluded that she wasn’t a nutcase.

  “Well, one of the questions they ask is, have you ever killed anybody,” Amelia reminded her. “I mean, besides zombies or something, but like an actual person…”

  “Right,” Sadie said, nodding.

  “So I explained the whole thing,” Amelia said. “That was pretty awful. But the counselor was really understanding. She sent me to a group that met at the church, for people who had…regrets from before.”

  Amelia explained how mild-mannered Zach, along with his crew, killed a gang who’d raped a young girl in their neighborhood back in post-war Seattle. “That kind of stuff was going on all the time in the cities,” Amelia said. “I mean, to this day…remember when Glenn used to tell us all that? He was right.

  “So basically, we met at a support group for murderers.”

  “You’re not a murderer.”

  “Killing someone makes you a murderer,” Amelia pointed out as she took her cleared plate to the sink. “I mean, I’m not wallowing in it, am I? It’s just a fact. That’s what the group helped me decide.”

  “Well, okay,” Sadie said, uncomfortable with where the conversation was going.

  Amelia came back out to the table. “So that’s how we bonded,” Amelia said. “And I guess it made sense at the time, you know? I thought, he’s a sweet guy, he understands what it’s really like to go through stuff…”

  “Unlike me,” Sadie said, some of her old bitterness resurfacing. When Sadie found out about Zach, it hurt. It was like when Amelia chose Glenn, all over again. Sadie was passed over a second time.

  “No,” Amelia insisted. When she reached for Sadie’s hand, Sadie let her take it. She didn’t pull away, didn’t resist her touch. “I was just trying to make the best of things.” She held on to her former lover’s hand as she admitted, “You know, if it weren’t for Christian, I’d leave this place.”

  “I’ve had the same thought,” Sadie whispered. Sadie had no time to react when Amelia leaned in and kissed her softly. She hadn’t yet decided if she should pull away, or return her kiss, when Amelia leaned back.

  “Oh,” Amelia gasped, “I’m sorry.”

  Sadie wasn’t, and she proved it by grabbing Amelia’s face and kissing her. And in an instant, the old passion between them was reignited. They hardly took their lips from each other as they made their way to Amelia and Zach’s bedroom.

  They got onto the bed, still fully clothed. Sadie tore herself from sweet Amelia long enough to ask, “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

  “It’s about the only thing I’m sure about,” Amelia said, and that was good enough for Sadie. She grabbed at Amelia’s blouse, prepared to tear it over her head, wanting to run her tongue over her sweet little tits, but Amelia grabbed her hands. “Are you in a hurry?” Amelia asked. “Let’s take our time, okay?”

  It was easy for Sadie to forget about her friends, about the party she was meant to attend that evening, as she reclaimed her lover. Sadie took the time to unbutton Amelia’s blouse as she kissed her neck. As she pulled Amelia’s top off, Sadie’s lips trailed down her chest. Bras were a bit expensive in SC, and little Amelia didn’t bother with one, allowing Sadie immediate access to her lovely nipples.

  As Sadie teased Amelia’s erect nipples with her tongue, Amelia threw her head back and cried out. She reached under Sadie’s tee shirt and unhooked Sadie’s bra, reaching back around to feel her up.

  But Sadie was moving down. She couldn’t take it slow with Amelia, not after all this time. Sometimes, just thinking of the way she tasted kept Sadie awake at night, regretting her loss and hating herself for missing it, for missing her, so much. She needed her. She let herself admit it now that she was straddling her topless lover, kissing her hip bones and prepari
ng to unbutton her pants.

  Amelia seemed to have forgotten that she’d asked her true love to take it slow. She raised her hips to allow Sadie to slide her pants off more quickly before she opened her legs and threw her head back. “Oh, God, Sadie,” she gasped.

  Sadie licked her lips before licking Amelia’s silky, toned thighs. She enjoyed teasing her tense lover for a moment, but Amelia was so wet that her inner thighs were sticky. Sadie lapped up her juices before running her tongue over her soaking folds. Amelia’s gasping was all the encouragement Sadie needed.

  Sadie had been with a few other women since coming to SC and being absorbed into Vanessa’s crowd, the closeted lesbians who fulfilled each other’s desires the best they could. She’d learned different things about what different women enjoyed in bed, things to do with her tongue that drove Vanessa crazy, little teasing tricks that sent her work supervisor Helen over the edge.

  But Sadie didn’t need to call on any of her new tricks with Amelia. Amelia, she knew very well. And when she slid her fingers into her lover, enjoying her radiating heat and her silkiness, she gasped, too.

  Sadie took her time as she fucked Amelia with her fingers, with her tongue, over and over, wanting to make up for the last couple of years without her, somehow. Wanting Amelia to understand how much Sadie missed her. Still, after Amelia’s fourth orgasm, Sadie kissed her lips and told her so.

  Amelia tears were sudden. “I missed you, too,” she whispered, her lips trembling. “I miss our family. I miss Christian.” Sadie held her lover as she sobbed against her shoulder. Sadie released her pent-up feelings by fucking the person she loved most; Amelia released her own by crying it out, and it seemed to do her some good. Sadie held her and let her cry until she was through.

  Amelia sniffled. “Did you forget that I’m a crazy person?”

  “Not at all,” Sadie teased. She kissed the top of Amelia’s head. “I miss Chris, too.” She told Amelia that she had Vanessa looking into the situation.

  “I haven’t seen him in over a month,” Amelia sighed. “He’s still such a little boy.” Whatever treatments he’d gone through were keeping him alive and marginally healthy, but they’d also stunted his growth. He’d lost a lot of the muscle he’d once built up from helping out on the farm.

  Sadie squeezed her lover. “It’s gonna be okay.”

  Amelia sniffled again and took one of Sadie’s hands, bringing it to her lips. “You should go to your party,” Amelia whispered. “Unless you want me to…?”

  Sadie chuckled. “You’ve been crying.”

  “I’m sorry,” Amelia said. “You’re so amazing.”

  “Hey,” Sadie said, “Come with me.”

  “I don’t think…”

  “Come on,” Sadie said. “You’re not sitting around here moping all night. Have a couple of drinks with me, meet my friends.” Sadie was grateful to have that much, a group of people she could trust. It had almost made up for losing Amelia, but not quite. And now that she had her lover back, Sadie wanted to keep her by her side as much as possible.

  *

  Vanessa was very particular about who she invited to her home. As a council member in the conservative community, there was a lot at stake. But she knew about Sadie and Amelia’s history from many drunk conversations, and she was a friendly hostess when Sadie brought Amelia to her house that night.

  It was a mild evening, and Sadie talked Amelia into wearing the pink poodle dress. “It was always my favorite,” Sadie said. She helped her lover get dressed, and Amelia did not resist when Sadie gently touched the network of scarring on her back, bending down to kiss her softly.

  Amelia still had the pink heels, too, and she wore these as well. When Vanessa let them into her little blue house, she immediately took notice of them. “My wife Tonya was obsessed with heels. Our whole closet was full of shoeboxes.” Vanessa had a mixed drink in hand. Whenever she brought up her wife, the love that was taken from her, it was often a sign that she was a little bit drunk.

  It was a small gathering that evening. Manny was chatting with a couple of young women on the couch, but when she saw Amelia walk in, she shot out of her seat. “Hey!” she called with exaggerated friendliness. Sadie felt a bit uneasy as she greeted Amelia. “Haven’t seen you in forever. How’s it going?”

  Amelia kept hold on Sadie’s arm as she offered Manny a hesitant smile. “Hi,” she said. “I’m good. How are you, Manny?”

  Manny nodded. “Good. Good.” She glanced at Sadie, but Sadie couldn’t meet her eye.

  “Christian told me all about that bike you’re building the last time I saw him,” Amelia said quickly, to break the silence. “It’s really so kind of you.”

  Manny nodded. “He’s a good kid,” she said. “How’s he doing?”

  Amelia frowned, her grip on Sadie’s arm tightening. “I, uh, I haven’t gotten any updates in a while.”

  Manny nodded, her mouth drawn into a solemn line. “I want to take Amelia’s mind off things tonight,” Sadie said. She squeezed Amelia’s arm. “You want a drink?”

  “Sure.” Sadie led Amelia into Vanessa’s kitchen. As Sadie mixed up a cocktail using more of her husband’s moonshine, Amelia looked around the kitchen and sighed.

  “I miss my house so much,” Amelia said. “I know it’s just stuff, but…” Sadie handed her lover a glass. “Thank you.”

  “There’s usually more people when we get together,” Sadie said as she led Amelia back to the living room. “Let me introduce you around.”

  Vanessa replaced Manny on the couch, chatting with Brooke, an electrical intern, and Yvette, a trash collector. Sadie was old enough to remember that in another life, people like “garbage men” were looked down on as uneducated blue-collar workers. But in the modern world, most people were uneducated. And collecting trash, maintaining the electrical grid or the sewage system, jobs like that, were essential. When society fell apart, those were the sort of services that people missed.

  Amelia was friendly when Sadie introduced her to the other women. This surprised Sadie. Amelia was once so shy, so nervous around other people. If Christian hadn’t been bitten, if she’d never learned for certain that SC existed, she would have been content to stay on the farm for the rest of her life. But as Sadie stood beside her and held her hand and listened to her talk, Sadie wondered what Amelia was like in her former life, before the war, before the zombies. She knew a little bit. She was from a close-knit, wholesome family; she liked to run cross-country; she was beginning to question her sexuality when the war began, making that issue seem irrelevant. Did she have a lot of friends before?

  As much as Sadie hated living in SC sometimes, she saw that it brought out a side of Amelia she’d never seen. She liked seeing her be all bold and confident, flirting mildly with Yvette. Even though she knew Amelia so well, there was still more to discover. She squeezed her hand, and Amelia turned and gave her a smile before continuing her conversation.

  Sadie noticed that Manny was being standoffish, sitting alone at the table while everyone talked. Sadie reluctantly released her lover’s hand and went over to her. “Hey,” she said.

  “Feel like having a smoke?” Manny asked. She got up and headed for the back door before Sadie could answer. Sadie followed.

  Drinking and smoking were, of course, technically against the rules in SC. But like elicit love affairs, they happened, and nobody ever got into trouble over it, unless someone got wasted and did something reckless or violent. Still, Vanessa insisted that no one smoke in her house or in her yard. She allowed her guests to make use of her shed, which had an old sofa and a couple of armchairs.

  Sadie stepped into the shed first and pulled the chain dangling overhead. It was just like the shed at their old house, where Johnny kept his little distillery. It had been moved to Manny and Hank’s place, so Sadie knew that her husband spent at least part of his free time there.

  When Sadie sat down on the couch, Manny pulled a face. “When’s the last time Vanessa cleaned that thin
g?”

  Sadie shrugged. “You don’t even wanna know what she and I have done in here.”

  Manny chuckled as she sat down in the armchair. “I think I do,” she said. She took a slightly rumbled joint and an old metal lighter from the pocket of her jacket. After she started it up, she said, “So, you and Amelia are fucking again?” It wasn’t a question, really.

  Sadie shrugged. “When we moved into the apartment building, we kinda just…reconnected.”

  “This is the same woman you told me you hated,” Manny reminded her. “You said you never wanted anything more to do with her.”

  “Because you mean everything you say when you’re pissed off,” Sadie said, taking the joint. She used Remy’s old lighter to spark up.

  “Just be careful,” Manny said. “She’s one of the churchy ones.”

  “She said she’s over that scene.”

  “Well, Courtney lapsed and relapsed,” Manny reminded her. “Those churchy girls get all confused.”

  Sadie couldn’t deny that Amelia was confused, but weren’t they all? Sadie used to resent it when Glenn would pore over his Bible, dredging up the same details and ideas over and over again, trying to find answers to the problems that mankind created. And when she and Amelia were avoiding each other, she made fun of her and the other devoted ones. But she knew she had to try to understand.

  “You know, it’s just funny that now that her husband is sucking Pastor Steve’s dick, she comes running back to you,” Manny observed.

  “You knew about that?”

  “Everyone knows,” Manny said. “You always think you’re above gossip, but see? It’s useful.”

  “She told me she doesn’t care,” Sadie said. “She just doesn’t want everyone talking about her.” She gave her friend a pointed look.

  “Of course she’s gonna tell you she doesn’t care.”

  Sadie shook her head. “You don’t understand.”