In Another Life

by Liesel Browning

  Glenn would leave her alone when he lost his patience. He’d vent to Sadie as they worked in the garage together. “She’d feel much better if she’d just forget about all of that,” he said.

  “I don’t think you can just forget that stuff, Dad,” Sadie said. She felt a little smug, knowing that she knew more about Amelia’s nightmarish time with the sadistic trucker than Glenn knew.

  “You can forget anything, if you try,” Glenn insisted. Sadie rolled her eyes behind his back. He didn’t know how dumb he sounded sometimes.

  When Sadie climbed into bed with Amelia, who hadn’t moved all day, she tried not to stir too much and disturb her. As Sadie stared up at the ceiling, Amelia turned to face her. “There was nothing I could do,” she insisted.

  “Of course not,” Sadie said, and she took Amelia’s hand, squeezing it, as Amelia cried silent tears.

  Sadie knew exactly what Amelia was referring to. She’d told her the horrible story of Amy’s death, how she’d been forced to watch. She and Amy, 11-year-old Amy, were the trucker’s prisoners for several weeks. He kept them hog-tied in the cargo hold as he drove around. He’d stop frequently, sometimes to load the truck up with supplies that he looted or stole, or to play around with his prisoners. He fed them a little, and hurt them a lot.

  He would untie Amelia and force her to lie on the dirty floor of the cargo hold with her legs spread. He’d beat her with his belt, or with a horsewhip he’d found, before he raped her. He’d shove his cock wherever he wanted, cum all over her, and bind her up again before torturing Amy for a while. Watching that was the worst, but he didn’t rape Amelia’s little sister. Not until the night she died.

  The trucker rarely talked to them, except when he was whispering horrible things to them, things that ran through Amelia’s head during her darkest days as she stared at the wall in her bedroom, curled up beneath her quilts. But he talked to them when he came back to the cargo hold that evening. They’d been traveling all night. Or day, as Amelia saw a brief burst of bright light as the trucker slipped into the cargo hold. When he slammed the door shut, he turned on his flashlight and shined it in her face.

  “Hi, cutie,” he said. “I’ve got some bad news.” But she could see his lips, the nasty lips that he’d put all over her body, curl into one of his creepy smiles. “Baby sister isn’t gonna be staying with us anymore. I wish I could keep her and let her grow up into a pretty fuck slave like you, but I just can’t afford to feed two little whores. I tried to sell her, but…”

  Amelia cried out into the duct tape around her mouth as the trucker turned the flashlight beam onto Amy. She was lying a few feet away from her sister. Amelia had spent the last couple of months listening to her sister’s whimpers in the dark. Even over the diesel engine, the roar of the highway, she could hear her sister’s suffering. Maybe it’d be better if she died, she thought. She hoped the trucker would at least kill her quickly.

  But of course he wouldn’t, because he was a sick fuck. He made Amelia watch as he strung Amy up and beat her with his whip. He prolonged her suffering as much as possible before finally pushing her to the dirty floor again. He straddled her and raped her frantically, his hands wrapped around her throat. Amelia watched in horror as her sister died while the rapist finished inside her.

  The trucker left Amelia alone with her sister’s body for a day or so. Amelia screamed into her duct tape, over and over. She wanted to throw up, but if she did, she knew she’d choke on her own vomit. That didn’t seem so bad, considering what she’d witnessed, all she’d been through these past few weeks, but her body wouldn’t cooperate. She hadn’t eaten enough lately to puke up much worth choking on, anyway.

  Though Amelia was raped and tortured by the sadistic trucker for two more years, before she finally found the courage and the opportunity to kill him, it was the night of her sister’s death that haunted her more than any other. She didn’t like to talk about it often, but when she did, Sadie was there for her. She at least understood why Amelia couldn’t forget.

  *

  Sadie sat with Pastor Travis in the dark sanctuary at the new church. A couple of candles on the completed altar were their only light as she pleaded with him to intervene on Amelia’s behalf.

  Pastor Travis listened with an expressionless face. But when Sadie finished, he said, “I’m sorry. There’s going to be a hearing, but the evidence is on Zach’s face…”

  “He grabbed her,” Sadie reminded him. “He admits to it, he’ll say something at the hearing…”

  “There’s no bruising on Amelia’s wrists,” Pastor Travis said. “Sadie, you know the policy on violence in our community.”

  “But she…”

  “I sympathize with Amelia’s suffering,” Pastor Travis said, putting a hand to his heart to emphasize his point. As if there were anything beating in there, Sadie thought. “So many of us here have suffered. But she has a history of violence.”

  “Everyone has a history of violence here,” Sadie said. “For most of us to have even made it to these gates, we’ve had to do things that we regret.”

  “Yes, and you all came here to find forgiveness and salvation behind these walls,” Pastor Travis said. “And safety,” he went on before Sadie could interrupt. “We can’t have a loose cannon like Amelia here, hitting people when she gets upset.”

  “But she has a son,” Sadie cried. “Listen, if…if he’s infected, let us just take him out of here, and…and he can die with his mother.”

  Pastor Travis frowned in the dim candlelight. “Christian isn’t infected. Didn’t they tell you that his most recent tests came out negative?”

  “But they told Amelia that they’re holding him…”

  “Yes,” Pastor Travis sighed, and his rubber face was molded into a sympathetic frown. “Our scientists are busy with their experiments and treating patients, but they’ve been observing Christian’s behavior lately. They don’t feel that he’s ready to discharge and meet our community’s…expectations.”

  Sadie swallowed. Goddamn Christian. He’d gotten caught sneaking around. She’d warned him…

  But she couldn’t blame the kid. There were so many shady things going on in SC, in what was supposed to be a safe place.

  “He doesn’t need to,” Sadie said. “He’s coming with us.”

  “Sadie, we can’t allow an innocent child to be dragged out there,” Pastor Travis said. “Think about what’s best for your brother.”

  Sadie couldn’t believe that things had come to this. Christian was really a prisoner now, and Amelia was about to get booted out, sent away to become zombie food. Before Sadie could process this, Pastor Travis went on gently, “Besides, Sadie, we wouldn’t be able to let you leave, either.”

  Sadie glared at Pastor Travis in the candlelight. Maybe if she hit him, they’d kick her out, too. But she had to think of Christian in all this, too. “Why not?” she demanded.

  “You took a physical at the hospital the other day, didn’t you?” Pastor Travis asked.

  “They made me do it for the construction job,” Sadie said, her voice a weak whisper now. Did she have the virus? How was that even possible?

  Pastor Travis’s smile was gentle. “Did you know you were pregnant?”

  Sadie gaped at him. “No,” she managed.

  “Then let me congratulate you,” Pastor Travis said.

  “No,” Sadie said again.

  “I know it’s not an opportune time for you,” Pastor Travis said. “But you and your child are still safe here. We’ll set you up with a house. But I think you can see now that it would be in your own best interest to find a…”

  “No,” Sadie cried. Pastor Travis was the one staring now, but he shook off his surprise.

  “Sadie,” he said, his voice almost soothing, almost comforting. “We have a responsibility to your child. To every child conceived and born within these walls.”

  Sadie didn’t know what to say. Yelling and screaming the things she wanted to say surely wouldn’t help. And
she imagined that they’d keep her locked up in the lab, or in the council building, or somewhere, until her child was born. Then they’d boot her out all alone.

  “What about the ones who are born with deformities?” Sadie whispered.

  Pastor Travis waved a hand. “There’s been a few ridiculous rumors about that sort of thing,” he said. “You know that the unfortunate people who were exposed to the most radiation have stillborn children more than anything else.”

  Sadie thought of what Christian told her about the lab experiments. She imagined babies who weren’t good enough to help repopulate the human race being infected with the zombie virus, experimented on as they searched for a cure…or perhaps for a way to kill the zombies. Who knew what those sadist fucks up in the lab, locking up children and torturing disabled babies, were getting up to?

  “Sadie, listen to me,” Pastor Travis said. “I’m trying to help you.”

  “Don’t let them kick Amelia out,” she said. “Please. She’s…”

  Pastor Travis frowned. “It’s out of my hands,” he said. “But really, I think her expulsion may be the best thing for you.” Sadie wondered if Pastor Travis could see how red her face was getting in the dim light. Now she really wanted to throttle the guy. But she could only listen as he went on. “You have the opportunity to live the way God intended,” he said. “And it would be for the best if Christian were discharged to a stable, loving family. Don’t you think so?”

  Sadie could do nothing but nod.

  Pastor Travis stood up, his signal that their meeting was over. “Thank you for listening,” he said. He actually reached out and took Sadie’s hands in his own. Sadie yanked her hands away and stared at him. “Do you want me to walk you home?”

  Sadie shook her head. “I’d rather go alone. Thanks,” she added, not really meaning it.

  “Let me write you a pass,” Pastor Travis said. Sadie watched, puzzled, as Pastor Travis took a little note pad out of his pocket and scrawled his signature, surely familiar to the guards of SC. “There,” he said, handing it to her. “The guards won’t hassle you if you show them this.”

  Sadie nodded and put the note in the pocket of her jeans. “Oh, and I should tell you that you’ll have to be reassigned again,” Pastor Travis said. “Can’t have you doing construction, you know.”

  “The auto shop…”

  “Now don’t worry about all that,” Pastor Travis said with another flippant wave of his hand. “Once the council gets all that figured out, they’ll be in touch.”

  Sadie turned and headed down the aisle of the new, huge worship center without another word. “Take care of yourself, Sadie,” Pastor Travis called after her. “God bless you!”

  *

  Amelia’s expulsion hearing was scheduled for only three days after she was taken in, so Sadie didn’t have much time to act.

  She hated to do it, but she went to Vanessa’s house. She went the day after her almost entirely useless meeting with Pastor Travis. Unlike most people, Vanessa would be home in the middle of the day. After losing her spot on the council, she wasn’t reassigned to any menial position. She was still in her cute little blue house, too. It was kind of like she was retired.

  Sadie knocked on Vanessa’s white door. She had to knock twice before Vanessa answered. She was leaning against the doorjamb, and she squinted at Sadie. “Hey,” she said, putting up a hand to shield her eyes.

  “I need to talk to you,” Sadie said.

  Vanessa opened the door wide and swung her arm lazily. “Come on in,” she said. Sadie stepped in to the house.

  It was a mess. There were dirty dishes all over the place. Vanessa had taken the cushions from her sofa and lain them out on the floor. In fact, when Sadie followed her out to the living room, she watched as Vanessa flopped down onto these.

  “Sit down!” Vanessa said with loud cheer.

  “You’re wasted,” Sadie sighed, shaking her head. She wasn’t going to be any help at all.

  “Your husband is a good guy,” Vanessa said with an emphatic nod. “He traded me a whole case of moonshine for a bunch of food!”

  “Vanessa,” Sadie said, “I need you to be able to tell me something. That’s it. Okay?”

  Vanessa sat up. The cushions were low on the floor, so her knees stuck up. “Sadie,” Vanessa said slowly. “I would do anything for you. Because I love you.”

  “Jesus Christ, Nessa…”

  “No, I really do,” she declared. “And I loved Manny, too. I didn’t…” Vanessa looked like she was finally gonna let herself cry. A good, drunk cry. Then she’d really be useless. “I was scared, Sade.”

  “I know you were,” Sadie said. “So you’re gonna tell me something, okay?”

  “I’ll tell you anything, Sadie,” Vanessa said. “I trust you.”

  “Great,” Sadie said. She shook her head for a moment. “When people come here, the guards take their guns away, right?”

  “Oh, of course,” Vanessa said. “We can’t have guns around here. We’re trying to…”

  “Yeah, Vanessa, I know all that,” Sadie cut in. “I had my rifle taken. So, I need to know where they put the guns.”

  Vanessa looked thoughtful for so long that Sadie was convinced she’d passed out with her eyes open. “Oh, my God, you’re useless.”

  “No, wait, I know where the guns are!” Vanessa declared. “Yeah, they’re in the bomb shelter.”

  “Bomb shelter?”

  “Some of the founders stayed in this underground bomb shelter after the war,” Vanessa said. “All the land around here used to belong to one of them, or some of it, or something.”

  Sadie nodded. “Okay, yeah,” she said, trying to move past Vanessa’s ramblings. “So, where is this bomb shelter?”

  “Oh, it’s just right behind the council building,” Vanessa said. “It’s pretty cool, it’s got like beds and stuff down there from when all those people were hiding out in the uh…what’d you call it?’

  “What?” Sadie asked.

  “You know,” Vanessa insisted. “Like, the period after the war ended, but before people came to SC. It was their…”

  “In-between life,” Sadie said. She’d thought that coming to SC was the start of a new life. But in-between life had never ended for her.

  “Yeah!” Vanessa declared, pointing at Sadie. “That’s it. Shit, you’re clever.”

  “One more question, Nessa, then you should go to bed,” Sadie said.

  “I’m fine,” Vanessa said.

  Sadie ignored this. “Do they keep the bomb shelter guarded?”

  “Huh? Oh, no,” Vanessa said. “Nah, I used to sneak down there all the time with Nancy and we’d…”

  “Nancy?” Sadie asked. “You never told me about that. I thought you hated her.”

  “I do hate her,” Vanessa said. “It made the sex really hot.”

  Vanessa looked so pathetic, sprawled out on the cushions like that. She was such a beautiful woman. Most of the time, she seemed so controlled, hardly letting any cracks show unless she let loose a bit with her friends. But now, she was drowning her guilt and her sorrows. Sadie felt bad for her.

  “Come on,” Sadie said, taking Vanessa’s arm. “Let me put you in bed.”

  “Stay with me, Sade,” Vanessa said. “We haven’t played in a long time.” Sadie chose not to respond to this as she put Vanessa’s arm around her shoulders and helped her down the short hallway.

  “Oh, but you’re with Amelia now,” Vanessa went on. “But I heard she’s getting expelled! Things have really gotten crazy lately.”

  “Yup,” was the only response Sadie would commit to.

  Vanessa was already dressed in comfortable clothes, so Sadie didn’t bother to undress her before covering her with a quilt. It made Sadie think of the ones from her grandparents’ farm, the ones she still had in her apartment. She had a special purpose for them now.

  “Hey,” Vanessa said, “Is that why you’re trying to get guns?”

  “Don’t worry abou
t it,” Sadie said.

  “You’re not gonna shoot anybody, are you?”

  “Not if I don’t have to.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  That night, Sadie went to an event at the church. She found herself thinking of the church Glenn used to make her go to when she was a kid. When she went on Wednesday nights, they always had games and stuff for the kids to play. It wasn’t that bad. Only about an hour of Bible stuff, then dinner and an hour of playing around. She didn’t always want to go, but she had a few friends there.

  The “singles event” that she attended at the church was nothing like that. It was a bunch of young adults, so they weren’t exactly playing dodgeball, of course. But it was basically an awkward, chaste mixer. About a dozen people came, and they all paired off into opposite-gender couples and sat at tables in the dining hall. Pastor Travis and Sophie went around trying to match people up.

  Sophie steered clear of Sadie, but Pastor Travis beamed at her when he saw her slip in. She tried to act like she hadn’t wanted to be seen. “This is a pleasant surprise!” he declared.

  Sadie forced a sheepish smile. “Well, I was sitting around this evening, and with everything that’s been going on…I guess I really didn’t want to be alone.”

  Pastor Travis smiled, not gloating in his triumph. “If you want to have a seat, I’ll send someone to bring you a snack.”

  “Thank you,” Sadie said. And she spent the next hour talking to a young man named Troy. Troy was only 19 (to the best of his knowledge), and had been living in SC for a couple of months. “I like it here,” he said. “The new church they’re putting up is real pretty.”

  Troy was a dimwit, but Sadie had to tolerate him until after nine. At that point, she excused herself with minimal politeness and sought out Pastor Travis. He and his fiancée were sitting on their own, observing the couples. When Sadie approached, Sophie looked down at the table as Pastor Travis beamed up at her. “How is it?”