Love To Hate You

by Isabelle Richards

  “I don’t think she was thinking,” I reply, breathing a little easier now. “She was desperate and searching for anything that might keep her in the picture a little longer. Either she was going to fake a miscarriage, or maybe she hoped she and Chase would get back together and she’d get pregnant for real. Who knows?”

  Spencer gives Chase a fist bump. “Thank God. I know I told you it would all work out if it was your kid, but I was lying through my teeth. It would have been hell trying to work out custody with her.”

  “Thanks for lying to me, man. I’m not sure I was up for the truth at the time.”

  “Why do you think I lied? You were on overload. One more ‘truth’ and you would have cracked.” Spencer picks up his and Charlie’s plates and carries them to the kitchen. “On that note, we should head home. I have an early flight to Toronto tomorrow.”

  Chase and Spencer clean up the dishes and put all the leftovers in the fridge while Charlie grabs my dress. Apparently her dry cleaner can get anything out. I know she feels bad since she pushed me to wear it, so I let her take it, but even if they do get the stains out, I’m not sure I’ll wear it again. Today isn’t a day I need to remember. After a round of hugs and kisses, Charlie and Spencer leave.

  Chase locks the door behind them then leans against it. “It’s nice, the four of us being able to hang out together without the two of us having to fight to keep our cover.”

  I scoff as I walk toward him. “It’s only a matter of time before we start fighting about something.” Wrapping my arms around him, I lay my head on his chest and breathe in the scent that sets me at ease. “It’s nice though. I worried if it would be weird. The only time we were really all together was after Daddy died, and I was such a mess then. I didn’t know how Charlie or Spencer would handle being around us now. But it was good. Comfortable. How it should be.”

  He squeezes me tight. “Exactly how it should be.”

  I let out a long, loud yawn then giggle. “Looks like the day’s catching up with me.”

  He kisses the top of my head. “We should clean those cuts again before bed.”

  He takes my hand and leads me to the bathroom. Chase opens the bag from the pharmacy, and I get him cotton swabs, cotton balls, and hydrogen peroxide.

  He pours hydrogen peroxide on a cotton ball. “This is going to hurt.”

  “That’s rubbing alcohol. Hydrogen peroxide is painless. Just don’t push down too hard.”

  “I’ll be gentle.” He tenderly cleans each wound. “I am sorry this happened to you. I should have protected you.”

  “No, Carmen did the right thing by holding you back. If you’d gotten into the middle of it, Jenna would have had one more thing to come after you for. I’m tough. I can handle a little cat fight.”

  He dabs a cotton ball on one of the scratches. “I still feel bad.”

  “Enough about me. We’ve talked about me to death. How are you doing with all of this? Are you relieved? About the baby, I mean?”

  He stops and leans against the sink. “I honestly never thought she could be pregnant. At least not by me. The last few months before I finally called things off, the thought of her made my stomach twist in knots. Even drunk, I wouldn’t have gone there. Jenna wasn’t wrong. It was like the moment you stepped foot back in San Francisco, everything shifted for me. You left a message telling me Charlie wasn’t coming over, and the instant I heard your voice, my whole world spun off its axis. I thought I had everything on the right path, and with one voicemail, everything came apart. I was fighting with Charlie, which I never do. My game went in the toilet. I couldn’t tell which way was up. I hadn’t even seen you yet, and I was thrown off kilter. I started avoiding Jenna. I couldn’t be in the same room with her without feeling like it was wrong. Over time, that feeling became more and more intense, and I resented her for it. Which wasn’t fair of me, but I did. I don’t care how drunk I was—there’s no way I would have slept with her.”

  “Why would you resent her?”

  “Because she wasn’t you.”

  My breath hitches. I’m overwhelmed with emotion, and the room becomes charged with an intensity so powerful it’s almost uncomfortable.

  Chase breaks my gaze and squeezes some cream onto a cotton swab then applies it to my neck. “I didn’t realize it at first. I fought it actually. Tried to dig my heels in harder. I hated you and was marrying her was the line I told myself on repeat. But the longer you were back and the more I saw you, the more it came together. I was still in love with you, but I couldn’t have you. You belonged to someone else, and it ate me alive. I was mad at you for leaving, mad at myself for doing whatever I’d done to lose you. No matter how much Jenna tried, she couldn’t be you, and I just iced her out.”

  I really don’t want to hear about him and Jenna, but listening to him talk about his experience helps me feel closer to him. His raw honesty and self-reflection make it abundantly clear how much Chase has matured since the last time we were together. A few years ago, he never would have accepted his role in this or that he had done wrong. His guilt-laden eyes draw me in, tugging at my heart.

  “I wasn’t much better to Henrik, if that makes you feel any better. Once I actually said out loud that I was still in love with you, I flew to South Africa and ended things.”

  “Whatever you did worked much better than what I did. Henrik took you to Africa, and Jenna stole a million dollars to plan a fake wedding. Speaking from personal experience, I know you’re a much more efficient heartbreaker than I am. For once, I concede that you win this category, Aldrich.”

  I kick him in the shin. “Don’t be an ass. And to think I was just feeling sorry for you shouldering all the blame.”

  He smiles as he rubs his leg. “I’m definitely not shouldering all the blame. It wasn’t entirely my fault. When I was floundering, all Jenna could do was talk about the wedding, not caring at all that I was in a crisis. We didn’t have the same priorities, and it just became blatantly clear that Jenna and I had nothing in common. We weren’t a good match.” He puts the covers back on the tubes of cream. “You’re all clean. Ready for bed?” He holds out his hand.

  When we crawl into bed, I nestle next to him. He rests his chin on the top of my head. The moment I lie in bed, my body begs for sleep.

  I’m almost asleep when he asks, “Did you mean what you said today?”

  “Which part?”

  “That you would have stayed with me. If Jenna was pregnant, you would have stayed.”

  “Without doubt.” My eyes close, and sleep takes over.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chase

  I lie in bed, waiting to hear the shower turn on. The second I hear it, I dive for my phone and dial Spencer. Ari and I have been together nonstop for the last week. It’s been the best week of my life, but I haven’t had two minutes of privacy to make this very important phone call.

  “Spencer Fairchild.”

  I keep my voice low. Sometimes Ari has supersonic hearing. “Hey, dude. I need your help.”

  “I’m walking into a meeting. What’s up?”

  “Remember that Israeli guy you told me you could connect me with?”

  “Zev? You want to meet Zev? Now? I didn’t think you were ready for that kind of investment. With all the insanity going on, do you think that’s a wise move? I’d wait until things are stable.”

  “I’m ready. Can you set up a meeting today? Ari’s going to be busy, so I’ve got some free time.”

  He sighs. “I’ll try.”

  “Thanks, dude. I owe you.”

  I step toward the bathroom as I hang up and dial my sister. While it rings, I sniff the air. Lavender. She’s conditioning. I’d better hurry up or else I’m going to get caught.

  “I hope this is a real call and not another butt dial,” Charlie says when she answers. “Last time was just so gross. There are things sisters should never have to hear, and that was one of them.”

  I keep an eye on the bathroom. “We have to talk fast.
What are you doing today?”

  “Pilates, my painting class, nothing major. Why?”

  “Cancel everything. I need you today. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Be ready.”

  I hang up before she answers, just in the nick of time too.

  Ari comes out of the bathroom, wrapping a towel around her hair. “Did you say something?”

  I shrug. “Nope. Must have been the TV.” I point at the TV on the wall. “SportsCenter’s on.”

  She cranes her neck to look at the clock on the wall. “I need to hurry. I wish David had given me more notice for this meeting,” she says as she walks into her closet. “I have no idea what it’s about. It could be business, or maybe he just wants to check in on me.”

  “That would make sense. Epstein and your dad were so close. I’m sure he’s been thinking about you. What did he say when he called?”

  “Just that he was in town and had to see me today. When I tried to press him, he rushed me off the phone. I don’t even know where we’re going after I meet him at the St. Regis. I’m guessing we’ll probably go to lunch somewhere.”

  Oh good, she’ll be gone all afternoon then.

  She comes out holding up a black dress. “Do you think this will work?”

  I shake my head. “Don’t wear black.”

  “You’re right. He’ll think I’m still in mourning.” She walks back into the closet.

  “It’s okay if you are, you know. There’s no set time period for getting over the loss of your father. I know I’m not over it.”

  “I’m certainly not over it. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it, but at least I’m functioning now.” She comes out with a maroon dress. “Better?”

  I nod. “That works. You’ll look stunning as always.”

  She blows me a kiss then goes back into the closet. “I don’t know why I’m nervous, but my stomach is in knots. Maybe I’m just not ready to talk about it yet, and I know he’ll want to talk about it.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?” I’ll go if she needs me to, but I really hope she says no.

  “No, I need to go myself.”

  Yes! Internal fist pump.

  She comes out of the closet in the dress, and I was right—she does look stunning. I want to pull her back into bed until neither of us can walk, but I can’t. Bigger priorities today. And that’s saying something.

  She reaches into her jewelry box, pulls out a pair of earrings, and slides them in. “If I knew it was a social call, I’d say you should come. But he might want to talk about business. I’m not sure if there’s anything Daddy was scheduled for that maybe David’ll want me to do. Or maybe we’ll just revisit the ‘you need a penis to be taken seriously’ talk.” She tries to clasp her tennis bracelet.

  “That’s bullshit.” I wave for her to come over. “Let me do it.”

  She leans across the bed and kisses me then offers me her wrist. “Either way, it’s probably a conversation I need to have on my own.” She kisses my cheek. “Thanks though. What are you going to do today?”

  “Well, since you’ve kept me locked up as your sex slave for the last week, I have a mile-long list of things to do.”

  She throws a pillow at me before getting up. “You loved every second of it.”

  “I’m not complaining, but I’ve got a ton of shit to do. I’m not sure when I’ll be done.”

  “Just call me, and we can meet up for dinner.” She looks at her watch then kisses me. “I’ve got to run. See you later handsome.”

  As soon as she leaves, I hop in the shower, get dressed, then haul ass over the Charlie’s. There’s a ton a traffic, so it takes forever. My patience wears with each red light I get stuck at. Giddy like a kid on Christmas, I bang on her door.

  “Hold your horses. I’m coming. I’m coming,” she shouts. She opens the door then leans on the door frame. “You going to tell me what all this is about?”

  “We’re going shopping. But you have to hurry. We only have a few hours.”

  She grabs her coat from the hall closet. “What are we shopping for?”

  I look at her, shocked she hasn’t figured it out yet. “What do you think? What would I need my sister to come shopping with me for?”

  After closing and locking the door, she looks me up and down. “From the looks of it, shoes. Those loafers are hideous. Did Ari see you wearing those? I can’t believe you left the house wearing them.”

  I look at my feet as I walk to my truck. I open the passenger side door for her. “What’s wrong with my shoes? You know what? Never mind. I don’t care. We aren’t shoe shopping.”

  Sliding into the passenger seat, she snorts. “The hell we’re not. I’m not going to be seen with you in those.”

  “Will you forget about my damn shoes? We’re going ring shopping.” I close her door and move to driver’s side.

  Her eyes widen. “Really? Ring shopping? Like ‘the ring’ shopping?”

  I nod as I start the ignition. “The ring shopping.” Putting my hand on the back of her seat, I look over my shoulder as I back up. I catch a quick glance at her.

  She looks at me with wide eyes. “Wow. Ring shopping… that’s just… wow.”

  As I drive away, I wait for more. I had been expecting squeals and screeching at such high pitches they’re barely audible and certainly not understandable. Excessive jumping and clapping and hugging. Lots and lots of hugging. But there’s none of that. She’s just quiet.

  After five minutes without even a question as to which jewelry store we’re going to, I break the silence. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

  Tapping her fingers on the armrest, she shrugs. “Nothing. Why do you ask?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Your glum expression. The fact you’re sitting over there shifting in your seat so much I was about to ask you if you need a pee stop. This is not the reaction I expected. After last time, I thought this was what you wanted.”

  “What do you mean, ‘after last time’?”

  “When I told you Jenna and I got engaged, you were so mad at me that you weren’t part of the planning that you faked a migraine and left the restaurant before the drinks arrived.”

  She scoffs. “Oh, that wasn’t why I left. I was livid that you were marrying Jenna. Based on how things played out, I think we can agree I was right about that one. I was furious because you decided to get engaged just days before Ari’s retirement. I went straight from the restaurant to the airport so I could be with her when the news hit. Yes, I was pissed at you, but the fact that I wasn’t included in the planning had nothing to do with it.”

  “You went to Sydney? I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you tell me that?”

  “I was pissed at you. It was so obvious you did it just to kick her when she was down.”

  Spencer had thought the same thing. I can’t believe my sister and best friend really think so little of me. “I swear that wasn’t what I was doing.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, okay,” she says in a mocking tone. “You can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me.”

  Tapping my thumbs on the steering wheel, I hope I can put this issue to rest forever. “Yes, I was trying to hurt her, but because of Henrik, not the retirement. I was so blinded by how pissed I was at her that I didn’t put that together. I’ll fully admit I was a dick, but I wasn’t that big of a dick.”

  “If you say so.” Everything about her tone and demeanor tells me she doesn’t believe a word I’m saying.

  We stop at a red light two blocks from Union Square. I can see the iconic robin’s-egg blue awning from here. Looking at Charlie, I don’t feel any of the excitement I did when I arrived at her house. The doubt written all over her face is sucking the energy out of me. If she’s going to do this, I have to know what’s going on.

  “I really thought you’d be more excited about this,” I say. “I figured I’d need to give you at least twenty minutes of calm-down time before you were settled enough to take into a store. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Are y
ou sure you want to do this now?” She looks at me the same way she did whenever I talked about marrying Jenna.

  I’m so shocked she could knock me over with a feather right now. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” From the worried look on her face, I start to panic. What does she know that I don’t? “Why? Did she say something?”

  She shakes her head. “No. No. Nothing like that. It’s just… the ink on Jenna’s psych commitment is barely dry. Between the Jenna stuff and Aiden’s death, there has been so much drama since the day you two decided to get back together. Are you sure you don’t want to take some time to… I don’t know… catch your breath? I don’t doubt that you two are meant for each other, but maybe it’s not a bad idea to take a beat, let things settle down. Enjoy being together before you jump off the marriage cliff?”

  “When we were at Carmen’s and Ari said she’d not only stay with me but she’d embrace any child of mine as her own—I would have married her there on the spot. She’s really in it this time. If I learned anything from my catastrophe with Jenna, it’s that I can’t pick someone to spend the rest of my life with based on how well we are in the good times. Clearly I can get along well with anyone when times are good. I need to be with someone who will stand by me when the bottom falls out and everything goes to hell. Look at you and Spencer. I know how hard this fertility stuff has been for you. I see the way you lean on each other month after month. Those dark times are the times in life that really matter because when you’re with the wrong person, you feel completely alone. Ari’s it for me. I’ve already waited two years too long. I’m not wasting any more time.” I pull into a space in front of Tiffany’s. “Look, I need you with me on this.”

  She gives me a weak smile. “I am. Trust me, there’s nothing I want more than to see the two of you happy. I just have this unsettled feeling that you need to give this more time. But if you’ve thought this through and you think now’s the time, then I’m behind you. You’re sure you’re sure?”

  “I’ve never been this confident about a decision before.”

  She looks into my eyes, probably searching for certainty. “Okay then. Then let’s go buy a ring.”