by AJ Summer
“Dinner is in five,” I say as I stand and turn toward the door behind him.
“Yeah.” His voice is rough around the word and the change in sound whips my head around. The old light at the door is dim but it casts enough light for me to see his eyes from here. And I’m pretty sure they are shining an odd amber color right now.
“J-Joey? Joey, your eyes?” I call, stumbling a step forward.
He lifts his head, no expression on his face, but the worst part of it? His eyes are still brown and not the burning amber I saw just moments ago. I’m starting to see stuff again. I really am a basket full of crazy. One toffee short of a candy-apple.
No one talks at our table during dinner. The silence just makes me edgy. I can feel the old feeling of emptiness creep closer. The sense of uselessness slithers its way into my body like a snake ready to poison me. I know depression. I've dwelled in that black abyss long enough to know what a lost soul feels like. But I also know how to deal with it. All my sessions with Dr P. have taught me that much, but right now I just don't have the energy for it. I’m ready to let the darkness suck me under, and smother me in its thickness. I miss Rhuine so much. Why can't I just remember what happened? What did I do wrong? The scars on my wrist itch and I claw at the skin that feels too tight there. I can't go down this road again. This time, I won't survive.
I dump my tray, collect my pills, one blue for the color of Rhuine’s eyes, two white for the walls and the jacket they put me in.
I make my bathroom pit stop before walking to my room. I’ve just entered my room when Joey calls my name. I turn around and find him standing hesitantly in my doorway. His eyes hold mine, brown to blue. His are brooding, like the storm from earlier. I know once that storm hits, it will create chaos in its wake. Two steps from him and I’m pinned against the wall, staring at the beating pulse in his neck.
“Just this once. Or we’ll always wonder,” he says, before tipping my face up to his.
I hold my breath and close my eyes. I expect him to slam his mouth against mine. But nothing happens. I open my eyes slowly, watching him watching me, like I'm the craziest thing he has ever seen and not caring one bit. It's a funny thing, being accepted for who I am. We just look at each other, breathing each other’s breath. His hands have me caged in but I don’t feel trapped. I feel safe, but I also wish he’d move them, I wish he would touch me, grab me … just let him do something! Joey continues holding my gaze in his stormy one. Ever so slowly, he brings his head down, his hand wraps around my neck. His thumb stroking the skin gently. I don’t move, I think I’ve lost all ability to control my shaking limbs. His head tips forward and he rests his forehead against mine. His eyes are squeezed shut. His breath leaves his body in a heavy rush and fans my face. If he doesn’t do something soon, I’m going to end up on the floor from a serious case of weak knees.
When he lifts his other hand from above my head I almost flinch from the anticipated movement. He places his fingertips softly against his own lips. Joey takes another deep breath and his eyes open slowly, staring into mine again. But now they look calm, so composed. The storm has passed and now I’m their captive. The storm inside of me is still raging. It’s banging shutters and tearing up rooftops.
Joey lays those same warm digits against my lips, resting them there softly, reverently. A flutter starts in my stomach, the gentle tickle of butterfly wings move upward and chip away at the icy cage around my heart. No one has ever touched me so sweetly.
Joey detangles himself from my body and leaves my room with a subtle nod. He’s good like that, doesn't hang around to make things awkward. But me? Yeah, I can make things awkward as hell. I used to like being alone. Now? Now, I just feel … lonely. My head hurts from the intensity of whatever the heck it is that just happened and all this strange emotional nonsense is making me sick to my stomach. Did he want to kiss me? Why didn’t he? And why did a simple touch of his fingers send my mind scattering?
My present and my past are both hectically mixed up now. I'm caught between an unwilling body and a desperately begging mind. What happens to everything in between? I'm balancing on a tight rope as it is, and I'm not even sure if I want the sexy promises that Joey's body is making. Or the warm whispers of something more I can see in his eyes. Not when I can't remember what happened to Rhuine. My heart and body still very much belong to him.
I settle on my bed, with my pillow behind my back, and open Rhuine’s story on my phone. This way I'm at least close to one of them. And if I don't finish tonight, I'll have to ask Dr P. for an extension tomorrow. And that's one more issue I don't want to deal with right now.
THE NIGHT
Eight months have passed and I've done all but forgotten Rhuine. I've not tried to get him to come back since the last time I saw him. Somehow I just know it will work out on its own. I just have to wait. My heart isn't good at waiting. It ticks every second off with a painful beat of its own. Will it be another five years before I see him again? I doubt it. He said it will be over soon. But soon isn't coming soon enough.
“Madi! Madi!” My friends cheered, thumping their fists onto the bar counter as I downed another celebratory birthday drink. I hiss and take a quick breath. I swear the alcohol burns a hole in my intestines. My eyes tear up and I give a very unladylike sniff. I wipe my watery eyes and grab the glass of water in front of me.
“That's my girl!” Melody hollers and lays a flat one on my back so hard that I spill water all over my front.
I snort and start to giggle uncontrollably. The alcohol is working its magic on me. Each one of my friends has had a turn in mixing me a special drink and by now I have a heady cocktail of various liquors swimming in my veins. My head is fuzzy and my vision is grainy at best. I embrace my wonderful booze goggles and stand up from the high chair I'm occupying. The world tilts dangerously to its side, but mercifully rights itself when Owen grabs my arm to steady me. Nature calls and I doubt he'll carry me into the ladies bathroom.
“I have to pee,” I slur in his face.
He chuckles and hands me over to Melody like a messy child covered in mud.
“Come on Madi, I'll walk with you,” she says, leading me by the hand to the rest rooms.
“Wow, Madi, don't look now. No! Don't look,” she giggles, pulling my already searching head back to her. She grabs my lips between her fingers and squishes them together as she whispers way too loudly, “There's a hotty sitting at the table behind you. He is totally checking you out right now.”
I turn around and trip over her feet, falling flat on my ass with absolutely no grace at all.
“Whoa,” Mel cries as she flails her hands to catch me.
But when she looks down at my drunk ass on the floor she folds in half in a fit of high pitch giggles. I can't help but laugh with her. Melody tries to pull me up, but her spurts of random giggling just make her arms jelly and she fails miserably.
“You okay down there?” a warm voice asks from behind me.
“Yeah,” I answer, tipping my head backwards.
Rhuine. Sexy as hell, upside down, Rhuine. Hair dark as night, eyes as blue as the deepest ocean, sans the glow. Dressed in a killer black shirt and perfectly worn, ripped jeans. I swallow, hard. I swallow again, harder this time. He stares. He grins. Wow! The inky tendril just touching his jaw, the one I was kissing the last time I saw him, is still in exactly in the same spot. It didn't move. I frown. That's weird. It’s supposed to move. Why didn’t it move?
Rhuine reaches his hand out to me and I grab it with a floppy hand. His palm is warm and a familiar tingle dances over my skin. Melody clears her throat and my eyes snap between the two of them. Can she see him? Rhuine's grin grows wider and I know he knows what I'm thinking, but the bastard doesn't say anything.
“Hi, I'm Melody,” she sing-songs. Trust my friend to just introduce herself.
I suppress a laugh.
“Nice to meet you, Melody. You can call me Rhuine,” he says on a smile. But he doesn't offer her his hand. It's sti
ll holding mine firmly in his hot grasp.
“Nice to meet you, Rhuine. That's a very weird name.” Melody flutters her long eyelashes at him and I can almost see her licking her lips. She wants him and that puts a sour taste in my mouth. She’s not getting him!
“Weird name, for a weird guy,” I huff, like the forgotten toy in the corner of the room.
Melody giggles and then looks at me abruptly. “Do you two know each other?”
“We've met,” I grumble.
“What?” Melody hisses, pulling me to her side. My hand slips from Rhuine's and a frown descends on my face.
“You've known hotty over there and you didn't say anything?”
I pull my arm from her grip and stumble on my feet. She can't have everyone. Rhuine is mine.
“You have Trent.” I take a step in the direction of the bathroom, if I don't go now, I'm going to go all over the floor.
“Madi!” Owen calls, appearing out of nowhere. “Are you okay? I saw you fall.” He looks me up and down, even turns me around so he can see my back. I let him, because, honestly, I'm just way too drunk to care right now.
“I have to pee.”
“I'll walk you to the bathroom,” Owen says, tucking my hand into his elbow.
The lights of the bar flicker and dim briefly before going back on again. I smile. Rhuine must be having a great time with the way Owen is touching me right now. I bet his testosterone levels just skyrocketed into the ‘I'm-going-to-knock-him-out’ level. And I'm loving it.
Owen holds the door to the bathroom open and waits for me to move inside. The first cubicle is open and I steer my intoxicated body toward it. I barely manage to undo my pants before I fall back and land with my ass smack onto the toilet seat. I'm so wasted. I lean my head against the wall. Everything is spinning and it's not a good feeling.
“Having fun?”
“Rhuine. Fuck! Ever heard of privacy? Get out!” I whisper fiercely.
He doesn't seem bothered by my little scolding. Instead he leans against the stall wall with a sexy grin on his face. If I wasn't so drunk I'd jump up and lick it. His grin, not the wall. Instead I opt for offense. He’s invading my privacy after all.
“What are you smiling at?” I ask.
This appearing out of thin air is friggin' annoying. I finish and pat my dress back into place. Mel's idea, not mine. I don't wear dresses, ever. But apparently 21st birthdays are a very big deal. I push pass Rhuine, squashing him into the wall and pull on the latch to open the door.
“Are you going home with him?” Rhuine asks in a low rumble from my back. He sounds almost unsure of himself. It's not the normal commanding tone I'm used to from him.
His heat sneaks up around my body and warms me from the inside. Damn him and his sexy voice ... his sexy every-friggin-thing.
“Who?”
My brain is muddy water at the moment. Alcohol and Rhuine, both fighting for domination, leaves me with little wits to take care of myself.
“Owen, Madeleine. Are you going home with him?” He hisses low in my ear. The bite is back and my heart flutters in my chest.
Rhuine has a way of making words sound terrifying. As if the very syllable can gut you and spill your blood all over the floor. I lay my head against the stall door and breathe a heavy sigh.
“No, of course not.”
Why would he even ask something so stupid anyway? Rhuine doesn't reply or explain his ridiculous question. I feel the chill on my back and I know I can’t turn around to ask him, because he’s already gone.
When I step out of the bathroom, Owen is still waiting for me. He is such a nice guy. I bet Owen doesn’t come with a whole bag of hot, sexy and dangerous drama. Too bad I’m a fool for hot and dangerous. The drama? Not so much, but it’s not enough to keep me away from Rhuine. Owen smiles at me before taking my arm and leading me back to the bar. I try to spot Rhuine in the sea of laughing faces, but he isn't here anymore. Something was different about him tonight. If my brain wasn't swimming in booze, I could probably figure out what it was. Owen pulls my chair out and helps me get seated. I appreciate the help, falling from this high chair and tripping over my own feet are two very different kind of falls.
“Can I get some water for the lady?” Owen asks the bartender.
I can't help smiling at him. He is so sweet. I don't need any more alcohol, in fact, I bet one more sip and I’d have to get my stomach pumped. That’s not something on my to-do-list. Ever. The bartender hands me my water and a beer for Owen. I take a small sip and scan the room again. Nothing, no Rhuine. He’s gone again. That just pisses me off. Why'd he come here in the first place then? To check up on me? To spoil my night by showing me what I can't have? Him.
Melody pulls Trent's shirt from his jeans and her hands splay over his sexy abs. I giggle a little at her horny PDA.
“Get a room!” Owen says, throwing his bottle cap at them.
Neither of them even acknowledges him. I should stop staring at them, I'm being creepy, watching them like this. But Trent has the dominance thing going on. The way he touches Mel, likes she belongs to him and there isn't a single person here that he doesn't want to know that. His tongue licks around her bottom lip slowly, before he catches it with his teeth. He growls, Mel whimpers. Shit that's hot. I'm getting all worked up just watching them. Add the liquor to their show and I'm about to do something really stupid. As usual. I turn my head away from them when they start to really get into each other. I come face to face with Owen. He's been watching me. I won't do it, not with Owen, not when I only want Rhuine. But I've proven time and time again, that I can't even trust myself.
“Do you like that?” Owens asks. He swallows hard. “Watching them like that? I mean.”
I flush. If I wasn't so drunk I'd drop my head and giggle at such a personal question.
“Yeah, um ... I think it's kinda hot, the way he kisses her. Like she's every one of his favorite things at that moment.” And my answer is even more mortifying. But saying stupid stuff is better than doing something stupid, so I don't mind talking.
“I get that,” Owen says, then takes a big swallow of his beer.
“We’re going to get out of here,” Mel says.
Trent nibbles seductively on her ear. That's so not cool. The last time I had any action was with Rhuine, and that was such a long time ago.
“Yeah, sure, let's go,” Owen says.
He hands me my bag from the counter and holds out his hand. I take it gratefully. I don't want to fall down again. I should phone a cab. None of us are really sober enough to drive.
“I'll phone a cab,” I finally pipe up.
“It's okay, Madi. I can drive,” Owen says, holding the door open for me.
He looks okay, but I can't really say. I'm not even sure how much he's had to drink. Hell, I'm not even sure how much I’ve had to drink, but I know it was way too much.
“Come on, Madi,” Melody calls in her sing-song voice.
The cool breeze whips my hair in my face and I sway a little on my feet. Mel slides into the back seat with Trent next to her. Owen watches me from the driver’s side of his car. I've got a feeling that I'm not supposed to get into that car with them. None of us should.
“I don't think you should drive,” I say. I sound stupid. What's my reason? A gut feeling?
“I'm fine, I'll get you home safely.” Owen looks so adorable as he says it. He really means it. So I move my ass and settle into the passenger seat.
“Buckle up,” Owen instructs.
He starts the engine and backs up slowly. Buckle up, yes, right. I pull the strap and click it in place. My hand accidently touches Trent's leg and I freeze. What the hell? Mel is lying on her back in the backseat and Trent is on top of her. They aren't going to do it in the car, are they? It sure looks like it. I snap my hand back and cover my face.
“Oh my word, you two! Can’t you wait til you get home?” I mutter into my hands.
Mel just giggles and not long after that the moaning and sloppy kissing
noises start again. Owen turns the music up and pats my thigh softly. I jump from the contact and he laughs.
“Why so jumpy?”
“I have no idea,” I answer truthfully.
Maybe all the alcohol's finally made it to my brain. Owen drives slowly. We’re only a couple of blocks away from Trent's house. A cat that looks very much like Ranga runs into the road and Owen slams on the brakes.
“Fuck!” Trent shouts from the back when he’s jostled from his missionary position and into the back of our seats.
“Damn cat,” Owen mutters.
Ranga stops in the road and hisses in our direction.