by AJ Summer
“I think that’s your cat, Madi,” Mel says from the back seat.
Owen honks the horn loudly and Ranga dashes across the road and into the shadows.
“Damn stray, he loves the streets more than he loves me. He forgets who feeds him.” My voice is shaky and I’m trembling slightly. Ranga is a long way from home for a cat, and I'm really starting to feel that this was a very bad idea.
Owen shifts the car into gear and eases away slowly, scanning the road for more unseen obstacles. When he’s sure nothing else is going to jump out at us, he accelerates a little. Owen's phone starts ringing and he digs in his jacket pocket.
“Yeah,” he answers.
I lean forward in my seat so I can see the road better now that he’s distracted. He shouldn't be on his phone.
“I'll be right there, Ma. I'm just dropping off my friends,” Owens pauses. “I said I'm coming!” he yells before he ends the call and throws the phone down.
“I have to go home. Do you guys mind making a detour before I drop you off? My Ma, said it’s urgent.”
I see Rhuine before I see the truck crossing the intersection. The light is red and Owen is not slowing down. I yank on the emergency brake and Owen's car skids to the left, before stuttering to a stop. At least he wasn't driving fast.
“Pay attention to the road! You almost ran a red light!” I yell at him. My nerves are shot and I just want to go home.
I look back to where I saw Rhuine, my hand already on the handle of the door. But Rhuine isn't there anymore. What was he doing anyway?
“I'm sorry Madi. It's just my ma … I kind of got distracted.” Owen's eyes are big in his head and his face is an icky pale color.
“Just take me home.” I don't care what his mother wanted, I'm not spending another minute in this death trap. What are we caught in, some final destination movie?
The next couple of minutes are spent in silence as Owen drives us slowly to Trent's house. When Owen finally turns the car into the street leading up to Trent's house, I feel like I can breathe a little easier. My house isn't too far from here. Trent's father is some hot shot lawyer, so they are pretty loaded, my house is in the more middle class area. From what Mel told me, Trent has it made. As long as he stays on the football team that is. His dad is also a huge sponsor for Trent’s and our college team. Owen parks his car in front of the massive house and leaves the engine running.
“Ok, love birds time to go,” he says, patting Trent on the shoulder. I'm glad he bounced back so quickly from my scolding earlier. Maybe I overreacted. He only turned his head for a second, but maybe Rhuine's warning from earlier didn't mean that I'm not supposed to go home with Owen to sleep with him. I just wasn't supposed to go with Owen, period.
Trent lifts his head and his face is covered in Mel's lipstick. She doesn't look any better. Her lips are swollen and her eyes have that lust crazed look.
“Come on babe, let's go,” Trent says, pulling her from the seat as he climbs out. He lifts her over his shoulder and she squeaks before giggling again.
“Wait, Mel are you staying?” I'm a little confused. I don't mind driving alone with Owen, I just thought she would spend the night at my place. Like she always does after a party.
“Yes, she is. The old man is out of town. We have the whole house to ourselves.” Trent answers me before Mel can. He smacks her loudly on the ass and walks off without saying goodbye.
“Oh, okay then,” I mumble, but they don't hear me.
It's just me and Owen now. I'm not really worried. The only time he ever made a move, was when I made it first. That day in the locker room, when Rhuine cracked all the mirrors. As long as he keeps his eyes on the road, we should be okay. We don't talk on the drive over to my house. It's a comfortable silence. I don't feel the need to babble away about senseless stuff that will bore him out of his mind anyway, plus it’s less distracting.
Five minutes later, Owens pulls up my driveway and walks me to my front door.
He smiles at me brightly. “I hope you had a good time tonight.”
“Lots of booze and great friends. What’s not good about that?” I return his smile with one of my own.
“Good night, Madi. I'm sorry about earlier. It's been a weird kind of night.”
“Night Owen, and don't worry about. I'm use to weird. Just drive safe, okay?” I say, unlocking my front door. Just how weird, Owen doesn't need to know.
“Okay.”
I stop to give him a wave before he pulls out of our driveway.
This is the part I’m struggling with. The part I can’t remember. What happens after I take a shower when I get upstairs? Why do I wake up half naked in a corn field? I know it involves Rhuine. The last time I saw him he said it would be over soon, now it just seems soon will never happen. Did something happen that night to change things? It’s so frustrating not remembering!
Four days after I was admitted to Green Hill, I stole a razor blade from the toiletry cupboard in the storeroom. Luke forgot to lock it because I distracted him long enough to make it happen. I had all these questions in my head and no one to answer them. Nobody believed me about Rhuine and his visits for the last twenty-one years. Not even Mel. And she was at the bar when Rhuine was there. A weird foggy sensation wraps around my mind when I say Mel's name. It's like a memory or a flashback. Something about Mel.
“Mel. Mel. Mel,” I repeat her name out loud and pinch my eyes shut tight, as if I'm trying to keep the feint trace of remembrance in my brain.
“You have to stay here, Madeleine. Promise me,” Rhuine's voice was hard. His eyes shining bright blue as we stood in the dark of my room.
“What's going to happen to her? Is she going to die?” I was crying then, clutching onto his arm.
“I'll stop it. But you need to stay here.” Rhuine's eyes stared down into mine and he pulled me closer. His voice went lower and his hard gaze softened. “We were born on the same day, twenty-one years ago. We fell from the same star. You, to spend your time on Earth. Me, to spend mine in heaven. At midnight our chance to reunite will end. We would've missed our mating day. You have to be here when I return,” Rhuine pleaded with me, all the while holding my gaze.
“No!” I scream when the memory ends. What happens after that? I clutch my head hard and pull at my hair. Remember. Remember. Remember. I pound my head on each word, but it’s useless, there's nothing else. Did he return before midnight? Is he gone because we didn't have sex before our birthday was over? Come on, how lame is that? It doesn't make sense. I'm pacing my room now, frantic with the need to know more.
I asked Mel what happened the night of my twenty-first. She told me about her and Trent doing it on the couch in the lounge, then they had a fight over something stupid and she left. She walked home. That was a really stupid move on her part, something bad could've happened to her. Something bad did almost happen to her, but Rhuine stopped it. That's why she's okay!
I grab my phone and google accidents and incidents for the 21st of June. The day of my twenty-first birthday.
Sure as cherry-pie, they found a guy dead in his car. He gassed himself. His trunk was full of very weird stuff. Duct tape, rope, a shovel. Son-of-bitch! Rhuine left to save Mel! He was in my room when I got out the shower. He was there! Kissing me! But he had to leave to save her. For me, because he didn't want me to hurt. I rub my palm against my forehead, there has to be more! I need to remember! Did he do something to change the events that would lead to her death? Did Rhuine die? But Mel said nothing happened. She had the fight with Trent and walked home. That's it. More questions I would never get the answers to because I can't remember! And Mel doesn't visit me anymore so I won't ask her, my pride won't allow it.
Owen was the last person to see me before I disappeared and he swears he dropped me off at my front door. That’s what Mom told me, when she still visited. I haven’t seen Owen since that night. My friends didn’t like “crazy me” that much. Owen’s story I believe, I know it’s true. That I can remember. I can re
member everything until I got out of the shower. After that, it’s just a big black hole of nothing. I'm starting to feel faint from the way I'm almost hyperventilating. I need to slow down, I don't want another episode, not now that I'm so close to remembering what happened to Rhuine. But it’s so damn hard! If only I could just reach into my brain and pull the memories out! Cold sweat forms on the nape of my neck and I pinch my eyes closed. Deep breaths, Madi. Deep breaths.
The day I slit my wrists, I sat huddled up in the corner of my room at Green Hill. It was my fourth day here and I wasn't coping at all. No one would believe me about Rhuine. The doctors said he was a figment of my imagination. They believed I left the house and got lost. Lost for three days, in my own town? I don't think so. There was no evidence as to why, or how, I left the house after Owen dropped me off. No sign of rape or assault on my body. My clothes were torn and my shoes gone, but that could’ve been easily lost on my way to that corn field. What was I doing there in the first place? In short, the doctor's believed I'd simply lost my mind.
So on the fourth day I tried to get Rhuine to come to me. Why wouldn't he? Surely if I was going to do something as stupid as kill myself he would show up and stop me. After slowly making each cut and Rhuine not showing up, I could feel the will to live slip away. It was then, that I realized maybe I was crazy. Just a little bit. Depressed, definitely. I'd just lost a guy I really cared for. I was trapped in here, I couldn’t even go look for him. And he wouldn’t come looking for me. I felt useless. I wanted to die. Old Stan found me in my room and on that same day I saw Joey for the first time. A little bit of hope sparked in my chest when I saw him, but I've learnt that Joey isn't Rhuine and I've made peace with that.
The doctors managed to stitch me up, obviously, because I'm still here. I ended with two scars on my right wrist and three on my left. The two on the right are the ones I made to end it. The left ones are the ones I made, hoping that Rhuine will show up and stop me. He always showed up whenever I was about to do something stupid, like some kind of sexy guardian angel. I should’ve died, I certainly cut deep enough, but I didn’t die. This stupid heart just kept on beating, never faltering.
Luke calls a “Morning Madi” from my door and I groan. Somehow I ended up on my bed sideways with my phone on my face. I scowl at the early morning rays. I didn't even hear lock up last night. My eyes feel like sandpaper. How long did I stay up after remembering that Rhuine left to save Mel? An hour? Two? At least that's one more piece to the puzzle solved. If I can just stay calm and not have a depression episode I might remember more.
I put my slippers on slowly and make my bed. I bend down to reach for the charger to charge my phone because I left it open on Rhuine's story all night and now it’s dead. I'm going to need my phone for my appointment. I didn't finish but I will have it done in time for my next appointment on Wednesday.
I dashed through my normal morning routine of bathroom stop, no frozen raindrops this time, and at least the rosebush is still there. I devoured my usual breakfast of fruit loops in record time, I was early enough this morning. After yesterday, things feel a little awkward between me and Joey and I didn’t want to risk him having to give his up for me again.
I'm standing in the queue for my meds. I'm next, after Joey. He is shaking slightly this morning. Nurse Sophia puts her hand on his forehead and he flinches.
“You’re burning up. I think you should go lay down after shower hour.”
She hands him two extra pills from her first aid kit and jots it down on his chart. With a nod from the nurse, Joey’s done.
“Joey, wait!” I call after him. He stops and I take three steps toward him. I lay my own hand against his forehead and my eyes close. He’s so warm. I move closer to him and wrap both arms around him. Snaking them up under his soft grey shirt and burying my fingers into his smooth skin. My cheek rests against his strong chest and I inhale deeply, he smells like Joey. Calm, safe, Joey. And I’m totally invading his personal space, but I don’t care because right now he feels so much like Rhuine.
When he finally pushes me away I keep my tear filled eyes to the floor. I need Rhuine or I'm going to lose my mind. But after last night, I'm almost sure Rhuine is dead. Or at the very least, in a place very far from here. And I'm left here with a broken mind.
When I step up to Nurse Sophia and she empties the three pills into my palm, two white and one blue. I hold out my left hand too. Nurse Sophia looks at me with concern on her young face before she nods and pulls her clipboard closer. Then she hands me the one white pill with the red stripe. Red to remind me I never want to go into solitude again. I haven't had to use it in so long, that I almost made myself believe I didn't need it. But me attacking Joey so I could feel close to Rhuine just proved I'm a long way from healthy. Add the frozen episode of yesterday and I'm not even average anymore. I need to stay average, so I can remember what happened. I need to fight the darkness nipping at my heels and most of all, I need to remember Joey is not Rhuine.
Dr. Piqmabren is a middle aged man with mocha skin and bushy eyebrows. Sometimes he talks too fast and has to repeat himself, several times. He has my medication file in front of him and I know this morning's episode is going to be the topic of today's discussion. He lowers my file and makes a note in his diary.
“How are you feeling, Madeleine?”
He already knows. But I answer anyway, mostly because I need to be nice for him to give me the extension on my assignment.
“I'm fine,” as long as the medication holds I add to myself.
“Do you want to tell me what happened this morning?”
“I grabbed Joey. I was feeling affectionate.” I lie, because they tend to believe lies. The truth is taboo.
“Are you sure it doesn't have anything to do with your friend, Rhuine? The one you said was warmer than everyone else. The one that no one knows about?”
“Mel knew about him. She met him in the bar that night.” That night, the night he left to save her and I ended up disappearing.
“Yes, that is true. But she saw him once. You claim to have had visits from him for over twenty years.”
“I told you, no one could see him but me!”
“Yet she saw him that night. Why?”
Because he came to fetch me. We were going to be together. I remember now, but I don't tell him that. It'll just be more stuff he doesn't believe me about.
“I don't know,” I lie.
“Did touching Joey because he had a fever have anything to do with Rhuine's higher than normal temperature?”
Dr P is clicking his pen against his diary now. Staring at me with those bushy-browed eyes of his.
“Yes.” This time I answer truthfully because maybe Dr P believes me. He certainly will after he reads my assignment. And my armor is failing, my ice melting and worst of all, my mind is slipping.
“I see. Is your assignment done?” Damn guy read my mind.
“Almost, I need an extension until my next appointment on Wednesday.”
“I can see you are having a tough time. So I'll grant the extension, but no later than Wednesday. Why do you think you are struggling this week? You were fine the last time we spoke. You were strong.”
My lower lip starts to tremble. The ache of sorrow forming pulses like a thunder bolt in my chest.
“I don't know.” I do know. It's the assignment. Rehashing all the old memories, bringing them to the surface, remembering what I had with Rhuine. What I've lost. It hurts. When I wasn't doing the assignment I didn't have to think about it, I just hoped my memory of that night would return. Now it’s real and it's tearing me apart.
My first real tear in months, spills over my cheek and lands softly on my hand. Inches away from the angry red scars on my wrists. If I could just see Rhuine again, if I could just ask him what happened that night, I might be fine. I survived for five years apart between his visits. Even if he tells me we can never be together, at least then I'll know. If I could just see...
“Are we done?�
�� I ask, so quickly that Dr P jumps a little in his chair. I know how to get Rhuine to come back. The last time I tried it, it didn't work and I almost died, but it might work now.
“Sure. Are you okay? You look a little out of sorts?”
“I'm crazy, I’m supposed to be out of sorts. See you on Wednesday.”
Dr P huffs something but I don't stick around long enough to hear. I run down the corridor, cringing every time my shoes squeak on the floor. I have to shake my hands out as I go. I run pass Nurse Theresa on her way to start her shift and straight out the front door.
Now I just have to wait. After a couple of minutes pass my excitement starts to dwindle and I get antsy.
I'm bouncing on my feet when Evie's mom's black car pulls into the gate. She always visits on Monday mornings and she drives like a lunatic. She ignores the first slow down sign and speeds ahead. I rush down the steps and into the street. The speeding car races toward me and then I'm airborne, no pain, no blood, until I hit the ground. My elbow bangs against the hard surface and I cry out. The rest of me is covered in blissful warmth. Rhuine. It worked, he saved me.