The Click Trilogy
Page 29
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
Okay. Will go shopping today. Thanks ladies.
From: Ashley Gordon – September 3, 2012 – 10:18 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
Good luck in Ohio, Renee. Hope you knock ‘em dead.
From: Shelley Manning – September 3, 2012 – 10:21 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
Good advice, Ashley. If all else fails and they don’t like you, Sweetie, you can always knock them dead.
From: Renee Greene – September 3, 2012 – 10:23 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
Ah, yes. Murder does seem like an appropriate response if they don’t like me. Will be sure to pack my machete, club and brass knuckles. HA!
From: Ashley Gordon – September 3, 2012 – 10:26 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
I know I haven’t flown in a while, being grounded with Baby Gordon in utero. But I’m pretty sure that a machete is not an acceptable carry-on item.
From: Renee Greene – September 3, 2012 – 10:28 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
Damn terrorists ruining it for the rest of us. I’ll have to pack it in my bag. Thanks for the reminder.
From: Shelley Manning – September 3, 2012 – 10:30 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: The Lion’s Den?
HA-larious. Safe travels and let me know how it goes.
From: Renee Greene – September 5, 2012 – 10:18 PM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon
Subject: All in the Family
I received a wonderfully warm reception from Ethan’s family today. But honestly, with all of the estrogen in that household, it’s a wonder Ethan turned out to be as manly as he did. I’m pretty exhausted between the air travel, time difference, etc. So, I’m going to bed…in a separate room from Ethan.
His parents are quite old fashioned and didn’t think it would be appropriate for us to share a room since we aren’t married. Never mind the fact we live together. His mom must think in a two bedroom apartment, we each have our own room. HA! Good night, my friends. Talk soon!
From: Ashley Gordon – September 5, 2012 – 11:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: All in the Family
Super curious about his sisters. Details, please. And don’t skimp. I’ve got nothing to keep me going and nothing to do on bed rest except watch game shows, Law & Order reruns, and soap operas.
From: Shelley Manning – September 6, 2012 – 8:22 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: All in the Family
Ditto! Not on the “nothing to keep me going” part, but the curious part.
From: Renee Greene – September 6, 2012 – 10:04 AM
To: Ashley Gordon, Shelley Manning
Subject: Lil’ PITA
Sorry. Didn’t mean to skimp on the details. Was just exhausted from the first family meeting. Ethan’s sisters are super nice, albeit very different from one another and a bit nutty. Here’s the rundown:
Oldest sister, Robin – She’s the alpha-gal of the bunch and very protective of her baby brother, who is 15 years her junior. She’s almost like a second mom to him. In fact, her kids are not that much younger than Ethan. She got married right out of high school and started a family young. Her husband was her high school sweetheart and he owns a chain of car dealerships across Ohio. They have a TON of money, according to Samantha (I’ll get to her, so just bear with me). Her kids are 20 and 22 – both in college and – again, according to Samantha – spoiled rotten.
Next oldest, Dana – She is TOTALLY organized. In fact, she already has her holiday cards done for the year…and it’s only September. They are constantly giving her crap about stuff like that, joking that she writes thank you notes before even receiving gifts, etc. Too bad Mark is taken. They could be a match made in heaven. ;) She’s so anal, according to Samantha, no man will put up with her.
Next oldest, Samantha – The above will make sense now…she is a total gossip. She talks to everyone about everyone. You can tell she’s a total trouble maker and likes to stir the pot. However, she does it in a totally hilarious way. She can really tell a story and she’s a great resource for info and how I found out most of the stuff about the other sisters. I just need to remember to keep my nose clean around her. Her knowing something is the equivalent of posting it on your Facebook wall. Oddly enough, the others seem to make fun of her for never having matching socks. Who knew?
Next oldest (and the youngest of the four girls, but still older than Ethan) Belinda – She is your typical mom. She’s married with three little children – a two-year old boy and twin infant girls. Her husband seems to work…a lot. And with three kids all under the age of three, wouldn’t you, too? She’s frazzled and tired but super sweet.
They bicker. They fight. They pick on each other. They push each other’s buttons. They mock each other and point out each other’s flaws. Heck! They’re sisters. But you can tell they all love each other a ton. It’s easy to see how Ethan turned out to be the man he is coming from a family like this.
I learned a lot about dear Ethan from them. For example…
He used to say, “I told you so,” so often that they started a “swear jar” type system where he had to put a quarter in each time he did it to try and break him of the habit. I guess it didn’t work all that well, huh?
He wet his bed until he was nine years old. Nine!!!!
And the BEST…they call him “Lil’ PITA” which stands for Pain In The Ass. He’s the Cuddler no more! Long live Lil’ PITA!
His mom continues to be a doll and couldn’t have been nicer to me. I can see why Ethan loves and respects his dad so much. He is lovely. All in all, good people.
Totally forgot to tell you…I’m going to meet Ethan’s high school sweetheart tonight. Apparently his mom HATED her during high school when they were going out because she wasn’t Jewish. She would do horrible things to try and break them up. JEEZ! I sure hope she continues to likes me! Definitely don’t want to get on her bad side.
Once they broke up, she and Eugenia (Yes! Her name is Eugenia!) became best of friends. She’s coming to the big family dinner/meet Renee shindig tonight at their house. I’ll keep you posted.
Okay. Gotta run. More relatives are here to meet me. I feel like I’m on display. Miss you tons!
From: Ashley Gordon – September 6, 2012 – 12:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Lil’ PITA
Wow! Sounds like one interesting family. But I’m not surprised they love you and I’m sure you’ll be your sweet-natured self to the ex.
Regarding Lil’ PITA…can I adopt that nickname for Greg, too? He’s driving me insane.
From: Shelley Manning – September 6, 2012 – 2:13 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Lil’ PITA
Lil’ PITA? Perfection!
Eugenia? OY! (That’s how the Jewish mother probably thought about it.) Who the hell in this day and age names their daughter Eugenia? She’s got to be a real looker, huh?
And how could Ethan’s mom, sisters, dad, et al, not LOVE you like the rest of us do?
From: Renee Greene – September 6, 2012 – 4:13 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Lil’ PITA
Regarding her name…Yeah! I a
sked Ethan about that. He said that it was a family name: Eugenia Fowler and she comes from old money. Everyone called her Genie except for her parents and him. For some reason it was a little inside joke between them. He showed me a picture from senior prom and she was pretty cute, with a blond version of the “Rachel” haircut from Friends and a tight, short little dress a la The Spice Girls.
Hopefully now she’s like two of Ethan’s sisters – married and sporting mom jeans. I’ll keep you posted.
From: Shelley Manning – September 6, 2012 – 4:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Lil’ PITA
Mom jeans? Yikes! How could you leave out that detail in your earlier descriptions?!? Sounds scary!
From: Renee Greene – September 6, 2012 – 4:25 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Lil’ PITA
I know. We’ll see how the ex-girlfriend pans out. Right now, I’m feeling pretty hot, relatively speaking.
From: Shelley Manning – September 6, 2012 – 4:27 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Lil’ PITA
Good luck at the big “meet & greet,” but I am sure the hot “Supermodel Renee” doesn’t need luck!
From: Renee Greene – September 6, 2012 – 11:18 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: High School Drama!
Remember how I told you I was feeling “hot?” Well, now I’m feeling “not!” I met Eugenia, who promptly asked me to call her Genie, as Eugenia is a name reserved only for “certain people.” She’s GORGEOUS. A total blond bombshell. Despite living in Ohio, she could really be walking the streets of New York, Paris or LA. She was stylish, modern, and beautiful.
And get this – she wants Ethan back!!! Conniving little bitch! She’s so high school!
Ethan’s sister told me, that Genie told Ethan, that he wouldn’t end up with me because “guys like him don’t end up with Plain Janes like Renee.” Plain Jane? That’s Plain Renee to you, beyotch! HA! (Still have my humor intact.)
But seriously, she told him that she’s been thinking a lot about him and has been considering a move to LA now that he’s settled in there. Supposedly, Ethan said that she should move to LA.
I confronted Ethan about it. I told him that his sister told me what Eugenia had told him. UGH! This really is so high school.
This is how our conversation went:
Me: I understand that you told Genie you want her to move to Los Angeles. What’s the story there?
Ethan: Who told you that?
Me: Samantha.
Ethan: She’s such a goddam gossip. That’s not what I said.
Me: So, why don’t you tell me what you did say.
Ethan: Eugenia said she was thinking about moving to LA. I told her she would really like LA and should give it a try. I didn’t say I wanted her to move there.
Me: Clearly, she still has feelings for you.
Ethan: Well, that’s her problem.
Me: So you’re telling me you don’t find her attractive?
Ethan: That’s a loaded question, don’t you think? She was really cute in high school and has turned into a really stunning woman. Empirically, she’s beautiful. I think we can all agree on that. But I’m not attracted to her. Looks aren’t that critical to me.
Me:
Ethan: Shit. That didn’t come out right. Let me rephrase that. Looks aren’t the only criteria for me. Yes. She’s really good looking. But you’re beautiful… and smart, funny, charming, generous and kind. She doesn’t hold a candle to you.
Me:
She’s a conniving saboteur and told Ethan’s sister all about how Ethan wants her to move to LA knowing that she would tell me. UGH!
With all of this drama and the three-hour time difference, you’d think I’d be exhausted. But no! I can’t sleep. So I’m sitting in his parents’ kitchen emailing you and slowly – one tiny sliver at a time – devouring a homemade chocolate cake.
From: Shelley Manning – September 7, 2012 – 9:12 AM To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: High School Drama!
Seriously! How is it possible this shit happens to you? I just don’t understand. You tell that Genie that she better watch it or I’ll stuff her skinny ass – blond hair and all – back into a bottle if I need to. Don’t mess with my friend!
From: Renee Greene – September 7, 2012 – 1:12 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: High School Drama!
Ah! Thanks. I’ll let her know she’s messed with the wrong gal, because that gal has a friend who knows how to take care of business. And how to take care of her friends.
From: Renee Greene – September 9, 2012 – 11:52 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Pressure’s On!
Okay, so yesterday’s series of phone calls were some of the most fun of my life. Can’t believe I got to share such amazing news. I’m engaged. Me! Yahoo!
But seriously, WTF? Ethan and I just got engaged…yesterday. And people are already asking when we are going to get married. Can’t we just enjoy being engaged? For a few days at least?
I remember my sister saying that the minute she got married people started asking when she was going to have a baby. And the minute the baby pops out (well, it doesn’t really pop out, does it? We can just ask Ashley about that pretty soon, huh?), they start asking when she’s going to have another one. Come on, people. Let me just have a few moments to be “in the moment,” will ya?
Oh, and all of the pictures. It wasn’t just the “papa”razzi, but the “mama”razzi too, with his dad, mom, sisters, brothers in law, etc. all snapping away photos with cameras and cell phones.
But I must say the petty part of me LOVED showing the ring off to Genie. All of the color drained from her face when Ethan told her the good news. I guess this “Plain Renee” has triumphed. Long live Supermodel Renee. Hurrah!
From: Shelley Manning – September 9, 2012 – 1:13 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Pressure’s On!
Hurrah indeed! Congrats again, and take THAT back to your bottle, evil ex-girlfriend Genie! Sweetie, I’m just thrilled beyond words for you and I say enjoy the moment. BTW, you forgot to describe the sparkler to me when we spoke yesterday. Details!
From: Ashley Gordon – September 9, 2012 – 2:36 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: CONGRATS!!!!!
Again, thanks for the call yesterday and soooooooooooooooo very happy for you and Ethan. Can’t wait to see your ring. Call me when you’re back and we’ll get together.
From: Renee Greene – September 10, 2012 – 8:25 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Pressure’s On!
We’re on the plane coming home and I can’t stop staring at it. I love the way the light flashes and sparkles as I click clack away at my laptop. It’s…GORGEOUS! It’s a one and a half carat, square cut diamond in a very simple, yet elegant setting. The stone was his grandmother’s and his grandfather wanted Ethan – his only grandson – to have it. He said the original setting was a little dated and he knew I was a “simple” girl. But he said “simple” in the completely right way, if you know what I mean.
BTW, his big marriage advice: “Iron no more! Leave ‘em on the floor!” I guess I need to let it slide that Ethan leaves his dirty boxers on the floor.
Anyhoo, had I known I was getting engaged, I would have gotten a manicure. All of these people – Ethan’s sisters, brothers in law, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends and even a few random strangers at the game, have all been staring at my hand. But I will not complain. It certainly is a welcome surprise – the surprise of a lifetime.
From: Renee Greene – September 10, 2012 – 8:31 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: CONGRATS!!!!!
Thanks Ashley. I’m so excited too. It feels like a dream. I keep pinchin
g myself to make sure it’s real. I’m on my way back now. I’ll call you tomorrow and come by when it’s good for you. Anything you need?
From: Ashley Gordon – September 10, 2012 – 9:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: CONGRATS!!!!!
A surrogate!
From: Renee Greene – September 10, 2012 – 9:07 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: CONGRATS!!!!!
HA! It’s a bit too late for that. But I can bring you some root beer and ice cream for root beer floats and some gossip mags to distract you from your non-surrogate, bed-rest reality for a while.
From: Ashley Gordon – September 10, 2012 – 9:09 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: CONGRATS!!!!!
Okay, since the surrogate option is out, that’ll have to do. Thanks!
From: Shelley Manning – September 10, 2012 – 10:37 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Pressure’s On!
Again, you enjoy, enjoy, enjoy this moment! You are a lovely, wonderful, caring, thoughtful person who deserves all of the happiness imaginable.
From: Renee Greene – September 10, 2012 – 1:30 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Pressure’s On!
From: Shelley Manning – September 10, 2012 – 2:25 PM
To: Renee Greene