KNOW - Mattie & Milo (Fettered Book 4)

by Lilia Moon

  I need this.

  Ari’s on her stool just inside the door, chatting with a couple of the regulars. They grin and wave and head inside, and I can hear the pounding beat of Doms on the Bottom in the lounge, Scorpio ripping the lead vocals. “They’re on a roll tonight.”

  Ari grins. “They should be. Harlan made Scorpio wear the maid costume again.”

  That outfit’s become the stuff of Fettered urban legend. “What did she do?”

  “I don’t know. She was still hissing and spitting when they got here, so she hasn’t told me yet.”

  Harlan’s a total sweetie, but he likes to stoke Scorpio’s fire. “So basically she’s going to yell into a mike all night and then go home and jump him until he begs?”

  She nods, and I can hear the whiff of sadness she hasn’t said out loud. I know what it is, because it lives in me too. We both love Scorpio to death—and we’re both jealous. Which is no way to think on a night when the club’s packed, the music’s pounding, and I have needs that a bunch of Doms in there would be very happy to meet. I eye my best partner-in-crime. “You angling for anything tonight?” Ari doesn’t always scene, but the antidote to sadness lies down that road, and if I have to give her a push to get there, I totally will.

  That’s what best partners-in-crime do.

  She shrugs and gives me a careful once-over. “Maybe. Quint let the newest group of trainees out to play, so maybe I’ll give him a hand.”

  That’s usually my gig, but I don’t want to play with newbies tonight. “We need to play for real, girlfriend. Together, maybe?” Not always the easiest to organize on the fly, but Ari’s a matchmaking genius. And a sub goddess. Doms trip over themselves for a chance to play with her, sometimes literally.

  I can see her interest sparking. “That could be fun. Want me to go hunt us up a couple of boys with big arm muscles?”

  Muscles don’t always know how to use paddles, but she knows that at least as well as I do. And she loves the hunt. “Sure. I’ll go help Quint behind the bar for a bit.” That’s where he watches the newbies as they walk through their first negotiations in the wild. I stay out of that part, but I can at least keep the drinks flowing smoothly. The man gets cranky when the ice melts in his fruity concoctions.

  And club bar maid is a role I find comforting.

  Ari’s fingers brush along my arm. “You’re sure that’s what you want tonight?”

  I shrug, suddenly uncomfortable. “I was just thinking about something Gabby said today. About how we all play roles here, and maybe relationships outside the club aren’t like what we see here.”

  Ari raises an eyebrow. “Out of the mouths of babes.”

  Maybe. “Gabby’s wise, but she’s not me. She’s soft, and I’m totally not.”

  “You’re more like her than you think.” My friend has that look on her face—the one she gets right before she lays down the word according to Ari. “You get the same goopy look in your eyes as she does when Evie or Tash is in your lap. You’re a sub, but you’re also a woman who wants to be a mom, and I think that makes you totally like Gabby in some really important ways.”

  Except for the part where I don’t have a Dom who knows me down to my toes and loves me like Daniel loves her. I swallow—it’s not at all like me to be bitter, even for a moment.

  Ari brushes her fingers along my arm again. “Are you going to ask Milo to scene with you?”

  I have no freaking clue. “Maybe. I’m not sure.” I wave at the door to the inner sanctum. “I need this, you know? It’s a big part of who I am. And Milo doesn’t really know what he wants right now.”

  She nods slowly, and the understanding in her eyes slays me. “Let him see what you need, sweetie. He’s still got some choices to make.”

  He’s not the only one. I look at Ari and make mine. “Find us some play buddies.”

  “Limits? The usual?”

  I think a moment. “Yeah. Impact play, underwear on, no sexual touch.” My standard opener with a new Dom. “Someone who can really work a paddle would be great.”

  Someone to chase all the confused thoughts in my head away.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Milo

  I’m sitting on a couch in the corner of the lounge, listening to Scorpio give her man hell via scathing song lyrics. It’s fun watching Harlan squirm, which was my first excuse for sitting down. I should be in the dungeon, monitoring bolts and subs and enjoying my gear being put to good use. That’s always been nice fuel for my gas tank, even when I don’t feel much like playing.

  Instead, I’m keeping my eye on Ari. She’s flitted across the lounge several times, chatting with various Doms, heading to the bar in between to put her head together with Mattie. A very standard Saturday night, but I’m pretty sure something’s brewing. Ari’s a master negotiator and often helps other club members pull together scenes that will have them leaving happy.

  Mattie’s not usually one of them, though, and that’s making me unreasonably cranky. She usually arranges her own scenes, and that typically takes her all of ninety seconds with a Dom who enjoys impact play.

  All of the ones Ari’s chatting with fall into that category.

  “Is that scowl meant for me, Sir?”

  Mattie is standing beside me, gaze demure but steady, holding out a glass of something fruity and very pink. I wince. I’ve made her come to me, and that’s terrible Dom manners. I open my arms and offer her my lap if she wants it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be sitting here giving off confusing signals.”

  She sets the drink down on a side table and gracefully slides into my lap. “We played. Did you mean for that to be exclusive?”

  That’s a very polite way of asking me if I forgot to discuss such an important limit. I wrap my arms around her and stop before I bury my nose into her neck. “No. I don’t think I can offer you all of what you need. It would be unfair to ask for exclusivity in that context.” I sound formal, even to my own ears. Saying what I know I should be saying, instead of what I want. I growl, mostly at myself. “I’m just wishing I was the guy Ari was negotiating with.”

  Her body stills in my lap. “You want to play tonight?”

  I’m still trying to figure that out. I definitely want something I currently don’t have. “I’m not sure. What is she arranging for the two of you?”

  She shrugs. “Basic impact play scene. Dom’s choice of tools. Fun, satisfaction, no sexual touch, no newbies.”

  Nothing in there calls to me at all—but she does. “Ari’s right not to be talking to me.”

  Mattie deflates a little. “She might not be talking to you, but I am.”

  Brave sub. I tip my forehead into hers, trying to find a direction to head this that doesn’t involve selling out either my needs or hers.

  Ari walks into my line of view, and she’s not alone. I move my hands subtly, telling Mattie our moment has been joined.

  She looks up and nods at the experienced Dom at Ari’s shoulder. He stays silent—he’s clearly got a part to play in whatever’s coming next, but he’s not running the show. Ari sits on the couch beside us. “Manny has a request. It involves a certain ringtone that his sub may or may not have put on his phone.”

  I have no idea what she’s talking about, but Mattie clearly does. She casts a surreptitious glance at the big Dom who’s taken a seat on the coffee table.

  I try to remember what I know about his sub, Ella. She’s elegant, new to the club, and quieter than a sleeping mouse. It’s hard to imagine she would have done anything to get into trouble on purpose. Or it would be hard to imagine if I couldn’t so easily read the glances firing back and forth between Ari and Mattie.

  If anyone could drag a wildly obedient sub over to the dark side, it would be these two.

  Manny nods, as if he’s worked out the same thing. He looks at me, face stern—but I can see the amusement in his eyes. “My sub has earned herself a punishment for messing with my phone. Which is a problem, because punishment is one of her hard limits.” />
  I catch the flicker of defiance in Ari’s eyes and do the math. “Serious punishment is a hard limit, or funishment as well?” Lots of subs angle for the scenes that mix fun and concocted punishments.

  Manny raises an expressive shoulder. “It’s an area she’s indicated she’s willing to try, but she’s got good reasons for her limits, and I want to be careful about how and why and where I push her.”

  He’s an observant, careful Dom. One who clearly cares about his sub and wants to help her work through something heavy she’s carrying. “It sounds like she’s playing right into your hands.”

  He points a raised eyebrow at Ari. “Someone is, anyhow.”

  “She needs this.” To my surprise, it’s Mattie talking. “Obedience isn’t real, not bone deep, anyhow, unless you can also choose to not obey. She trusts you a lot, but she needs to know she can push back and not break that trust.”

  Manny looks insulted.

  Ari lays a hand on his arm. “This is about Ella’s fears, Sir. Not about your trustworthiness.”

  He puffs out an annoyed breath. “Of course. My apologies. It’s just that I love her, and I hate how scared she still gets sometimes.”

  Mattie grins. “She wasn’t scared when she changed your ringtone. She was practically cackling.” She eyes Ari and promptly sobers up. “Or at least I bet that’s how it went down.”

  Manny’s back to being amused—and well aware Mattie’s slip was totally intentional. He glances over at me. “I was thinking this might be entirely appropriate for a group-funishment scene. Something very public, where Ella can take her cues from her co-conspirators.”

  It’s a smart strategy. Club brats are funishment veterans, and these two can ham it up better than anyone I know, especially if it will help a friend heal.

  He looks at the two subs. “I need your help with that. Show her how to find the fun. I’m limited in what I can do there, because she needs me to be her Dom.”

  Mattie sits up straight, every line of her clearly proud to be asked. “We can totally do that. What did you have in mind for the scene?”

  “Paddling. Not her favorite kink, but nowhere near her triggers.” He shrugs and looks sheepish. “I was hoping the two of you might egg your Doms on a little so that she gets the hint.”

  Ari snorts at Mattie. “He thinks we need instruction on how to be brats.”

  Manny rolls his eyes at me. “You in?”

  He thinks I’m Mattie’s Dom.

  Ari eyes me steadily. “That’s just what I was coming over here to ask. I have a Dom to play with me, but no one for Mattie yet.”

  She’s talked to enough guys to have this scene filled three times over. I get the message. I’ve just been solidly, thoroughly set up. And now I have a choice.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Mattie

  I don’t know whether to laugh at the mess I’m suddenly in or be pissed off at how many people are trying to help me stay there.

  Milo’s thighs are stiff logs of tension under my bare legs. Which would sway me hard toward pissed off, because playing with me shouldn’t be such a hard choice—except I can also feel his hand, stroking gently in the small of my back. His breath, blowing into my collarbone. His fingers, interlaced with mine.

  He wants at least some of this.

  I feel his shift before I hear it. “Yes, I can do this. You’ll want three benches. Circle set-up?”

  Manny nods, all business.

  Milo taps my back, a signal this time. “I’ll go set it up. You two start practicing your guilty looks.”

  He might be done with me, but I’m not done with him. I hop off his lap and take his hand. “I’ll help. I can test the sight lines so that we know Ella can see both of us. Maybe one bench at an angle to the other two—which way does Ella like to turn her head?”

  I can see that I’ve impressed two Doms.

  “Right.” Manny’s answer is quick and certain, which is part of what Ella trusts him to be for her. I know enough of her story to know why this matters—and why she needs some help finding the fun part of kink.

  I look over at my Dom, at least for the night. “I’m thinking the squishpod for Ella and a couple of basic benches where Ari and I can look all bad-ass and bothered?”

  He makes a face. “Can’t you guys come up with a sexier nickname than that?”

  The squishpod is the softest bench in the dungeon. “Clearly you’ve never been restrained on it with your ass in the air.”

  Ari giggles. “He has, actually.”

  He gives her a dirty look that only makes her giggle harder. “Which Dom is yours for the night? I think I need to have a little chat with him.”

  “Tank.”

  I hide a grin. He’s one of Quint’s recent graduates. A huge guy, still afraid of his own strength. He won’t have any idea what to do when Ari screams bloody murder at a small tap of the paddle—and then begs for more.

  Manny shakes his head. “Well, that should keep Ella distracted.”

  I cast a quick glance at my Dom. Maybe distraction will help him too.

  Milo takes one look at my face and starts walking, bringing me along with him. “You didn’t get much of a say in this, but you have one now. This is a scene where I could easily fail to give you what you need, and one where I can’t just re-route because that might destabilize Ella.”

  I’m not worried about her—or me. “Why are you doing it then?”

  He makes it almost to the dungeon door before he speaks again. “Because I want to see if I can. If I can get through a scene like this without feeling gray the whole time.”

  Pissed-off wins. “The goal isn’t getting through, and I don’t want to scene with a Dom who can’t see any better outcome than decent.” I’m facing him now, and I’m steaming. “I’m worth more than that. I don’t care whether you truly want to paddle my ass or not, but I do care that you want to scene with me. For good reasons, not as some stupid effort to convince yourself you can tolerate whatever we’re about to do.”

  His eyes are wide, probably because my voice is loud enough to carry and more than one person has turned to look.

  He nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry—that came out badly. I want to do this. I want to scene with you, very much, and I want to keep experimenting, because the feel of you coming on my hand yesterday was the best thing I’ve felt in a long time.”

  We’re putting on a serious show for the spectators now, and I totally don’t care. “That was awesome. Maybe this could be awesome too.” I need him to stretch my way. I need him to try, and I’m just now understanding how much.

  He eyes don’t leave mine. “I want this, and I want to try bringing a new perspective into something I haven’t enjoyed for a while. But that could go awry, and if it does, it’s going to affect you and we’re going to be limited in what we can do about it.”

  Which means this is a bad idea, but I don’t care. “You don’t usually do public scenes.”

  His lips quirk. “I don’t usually want an audience when my sub gets bratty.”

  I laugh, even though I’m very sure that’s not the whole story. “Too late.”

  He looks around at the people who love us and respect us and are quietly laughing at us. “Yeah. Oops.”

  We’re connecting, just like we did on his couch. Despite all the worry about what won’t work, I want his hands on me. To have that sometimes wobbly, sometimes self-deprecating honesty of his totally focused on me and my needs and how he can be my guide into where I need to go. “Do this with me, Sir. Please. Let’s see if we can find awesome together.” I raise an eyebrow. “Unless you think you can’t keep up with me.”

  He teeters on the edge of my dare for a moment—and then he jumps all the way in. He touches his fingers to my chin and winks. “Go tell Ella the jig’s up.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Milo

  I push the third bench over an inch and tug on the left ankle restraint. The set-up is good. Mattie and I have made sure of it,
and there’s a quiet pleasure in sharing this caretaking with my sub. Every person in this scene will be using equipment we’ve touched, tended, and arranged thoughtfully for maximum effect.

  She smiles at me. “We love that you check everything so carefully—you know that, right?”

  She’s speaking on behalf of all the subs. I wonder if she has any idea how often that happens. It comes from the top. Damon and Harlan have made proper sub care part of the foundations of this place, and they’ve never failed to show their appreciation. “It’s what I do.” That’s my standard answer, but I want to give her more. “It makes me feel good too.”

  She snorts and tugs on the opposite ankle restraint. “Duh.”

  I hide my grin. She’s in full-on brat mode, which isn’t actually very typical for her in the lead-up to a scene. She’s doing it for me. Giving me something to push into, and I’m smart enough to do just that. “I’m going to have a paddle in my hand in a few minutes. We’ll see if that improves your respect any.”

  She makes a face that’s a hairsbreadth short of sticking out her tongue. Which makes a few newbies who’ve gathered to watch gasp. The regulars mostly manage to hide their grins. This kind of banter only happens when respect is rock solid, and they know it. We’re stepping into roles, and I love it when a sub tugs on the lines of power like this. It makes her surrender in the end so much sweeter. For both of us.

  Manny’s in a corner, talking to Ella, making sure she’s ready for this. I can see fear in her body language, but also determination and growing curiosity. She’ll be fine.

  I’m less sure about Ari’s chosen Dom for the night. Tank’s hovering uncertainly behind her as she subtly plays the crowd. He’s got good instincts, but he’s green—and he’s watching the scene set-up like it might jump up and bite him.

  Ari sidles over to me. “Give him a chance. I’ve played with him before, and he just needs a little practice. He could be really good at this—he just needs a little more confidence and a chance to see that not all Doms are alpha jerks.”