by E. L. Todd
“I’ll make you try it eventually,” she said. “Just wait and see.”
“That’ll only work if you’re on your knees or your back.”
She cocked an eyebrow while she looked at me. “Meaning…?”
I smiled because she was so ignorant. “That was a nice way of saying you’ll need to give me head or let me fuck you before I’ll eat that fake food.”
“Oh…” Her cheeks blushed. “Gotcha.”
Her innocence was cute. I liked the fact she wasn’t slutty. It seemed like girls gave it up too easily. “Can I ask you something personal?”
“You’ll ask me anyway if I say no.”
“Good point,” I said with a chuckle. “If you’ve been hung on this guy for so long does that mean you haven’t been around much?”
“No, I wouldn’t say that,” she said. “I’ve been with a few guys. The sex was…okay. But I guess it wasn’t memorable because there were no real feelings there.”
“And you think if you have sex with Nathan it’ll be magical?” I asked.
“I would hope so,” she said. “He’s the only guy I’ve ever really cared about.”
I was really starting to hate this guy who I didn’t even know. He had the love of a beautiful woman and he didn’t even want her. How did he pull that off? If I were a billionaire would she notice me? If I ignored her would she pay attention to me? Why did I care?
“How about you?”
“What about me?” I asked, forgetting what we were talking about.
“How are your conquests?”
“I have too many to count,” I said honestly.
“I can imagine,” she said. “Women must throw themselves at your feet.”
I stared into her eyes. “Not all.”
“What made you want a serious relationship?” she asked.
She asked me this before but I didn’t really give her an answer. “It’s just lonely. I see what my friends have now and they are really happy. I want a wife to come home to and kids. I can’t have kids without a wife. They kind of go hand-in-hand.”
She nodded. “True.”
“And it seems like the sex is better when it’s with someone you actually care about. But I haven’t found any luck finding someone. And every time I tell a girl that’s what I’m looking for, they throw themselves at me. An honest request becomes a pick up line.”
She chuckled. “I didn’t foresee that problem.”
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m the problem,” I said. “How can every girl I meet not be the one? Maybe I’m just not marriage material. Maybe I’m forcing it when it’s just not possible.”
She dropped her teasing humor and turned serious. “That’s not true, River. The only reason you haven’t found someone is because you don’t settle. And that’s not a bad thing. Wait until you know you’ve found the right girl. If there’s any doubt, don’t pursue it. And these things take time. They don’t just happen overnight. Be patient.”
“Well, I’m almost thirty. I’m running out of time.”
“There’s always time,” she said. “Don’t stress about it.”
I continued eating until I finished.
Her teasing tone came back. “Although…maybe you can’t find someone because you’re an arrogant jerk that kisses every girl he sees.”
I chuckled. “Maybe. But I doubt it.”
She finished her plate then released a sigh. “Man, I’m full. That was really good.”
“We make a good team.” I cleared the plates and dropped them in the sink. Meadow turned on the water and grabbed the sponge. I turned off the water and steadied her hand. “No. Leave them.”
“You cooked and I’ll clean.”
“You’re my guest.” I grabbed her elbow and pulled her away from the sink. “Forget it.”
“Bossy like usual…”
“I just know what I want. There’s a difference.” I guided her to my living room and turned on the TV.
“I like your apartment,” she said. “It’s definitely masculine but not a total man cave.”
“Thanks. I like it too.” I sat on the leather couch.
She moved to the spot beside me. “But could your TV be any bigger?”
“No,” I said honestly. “I got the biggest one.”
She chuckled. “Until the next model comes out…”
“I have the guys over a lot so a big screen TV was necessary.”
“That’s cute,” she said. “Are they your best friends?”
I rolled my eyes. “Guys don’t have best friends. They just have friends.”
“Well, would you consider them to be your best friends if someone asked you?” she pressed.
“I’m not a girl.”
She nudged me in the side. “Come on. You love them.”
“Now you’re just making me sound gay.”
“I love my girlfriends and I’m not afraid to admit it.”
“But if you were gay that would be hot,” I said honestly. “And I would love to see that first hand.”
“Typical,” she said under her breath.
I flipped through the channels. “What do you want to watch?”
“I’m surprised you asked.”
“Why?” I asked. “I’m a gentleman.”
“I just figured you were going to make out with me the whole time.”
I turned to her with a grin on my face. Then I tossed the remote on the other couch. “Well, if you insist…”
She laughed then tucked her hair behind her ear. She was clearly nervous.
I snatched her then pulled her onto my lap. I knew she could feel my hard-on but I didn’t care. I was proud of my immense size. I was much bigger than she was so I pulled her against my chest. She was lighter than air. Then I pulled her lips down to mine and began a slow kiss.
My hands gripped her hips then moved up her sides. I stayed in appropriate zones because I knew she didn’t want anything more than an innocent embrace. Her chest pressed against mine and I could feel her voluptuous tits. I hoped we would do this all night. Maybe she would forget about Nathan if this went on long enough. We clearly had the right chemistry. I’d experienced a lot of good sex in my life but I’d never been content just making out with a girl, not since I was fifteen.
A knock on my door interrupted our kiss.
“Expecting company?” she asked, still kissing me.
I sincerely hoped it wasn’t one of my regulars. That would be awkward—for both parties. “No…”
Meadow moved her lips to my neck and sucked the skin.
It felt good so I leaned my head back and enjoyed the touch. Who gives a shit who’s at the fucking door?
They knocked again. “River, open the goddamn door!” Judging the strain in her voice, I knew exactly who it was.
Meadow stopped kissing me and pulled away. “It sounds like they’re eager…”
I was irritated my sister was ruining my night with Meadow. “Let me get rid of her.” I shifted Meadow off of me and headed to the door. I opened it with a pissed off look on my face. “Now isn’t the best time, Sarah.”
Her eyes were heavy and lidded, and she could barely stand on her feet. Her clothes were baggy and her pants were practically falling off. My sister wasn’t the type of girl that went out with her friends and got drunk to have a good time. She was the type of person that had to be drunk all the time otherwise she couldn’t function. She was a raging alcoholic without a job. She was a low-life, the kind of person who asked for money as people passed on the street. And she was a pain in the ass. “Can I stay here?” she asked with a weak voice. “My man kicked me out. I have nowhere else to go.”
I was getting sick of this. Every time she finally left my apartment, she went out and got screwed up again. Nothing I did made a difference. I admitted her into rehab several times but that didn’t do anything. She downed liquor the moment she was free. “No. I’m not helping you anymore. Go somewhere else.” I started to shut the door.
“River, pleas
e.” She begged me with her eyes and her tears. “I have nowhere else to go…”
“You’ll figure it out.” My sister only went out of her way to see me when she wanted something. We didn’t have any kind of relationship. She was a leach. I’d give her money to stay at a hotel or apartment but I knew the money would never be used for that purpose.
“River, please.” She fell to the ground. “You’re all that I have. Mom and Dad won’t even look at me anymore.”
“Because they’re sick of your shit,” I snapped. “And I don’t blame them.”
She sobbed into her hands. “Please…”
I couldn’t stand there and watch my sister cry. Every time I thought I had the strength to turn her away I didn’t. I succumbed to pity every single time. “Fine, you can stay here for the night—that’s it.”
“Thank you so much. You’ve always been such a good brother.”
I opened the door wider and allowed her to come inside.
Once she wobbled into the entryway, I grabbed Meadow’s purse and handed it to Meadow. “Don’t let this leave your sight.”
Meadow took it but didn’t say anything.
“I didn’t mean to ruin your evening,” Sarah said.
She said that every time. “Go to bed.”
She headed down the hall and shut her bedroom door.
I didn’t get embarrassed easily but my sister humiliated me. I didn’t want Meadow to see this side of me. I had a pathetic sister who didn’t know when to quit the bottle. I didn’t want anyone to think I was the same way.
I sat on the couch beside Meadow. “Sorry about that.” I didn’t look at her as I said it. I didn’t want to see her look of disapproval, pity, or agitation. Making out didn’t sound appetizing to me anymore so I turned on the TV and put on the first thing I could find.
Meadow scooted closer to me on the couch then leaned her head against my shoulder. Her arm moved around my waist and she cuddled with me.
It was nice to feel her arms around me. Her hair sprawled down my shoulder, and the smell of her hair came into my nose. It reminded me of coconut. Instead of watching the TV I watched her. Her gesture of comfort meant a lot to me.
“I’m sorry.” That was all she said. And her arms remained tight around me.
“It’s not your fault.”
“I’m sorry anyway,” she whispered. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I never told anyone about my sister. Even the guys didn’t know. “It’s been going on for a long time. My sister met a bad guy and got into some serious stuff. Her life spiraled out of control even though I tried to stop it. At some point, she crossed a line she could never uncross. Now she’s just a roaming alcoholic, living on welfare and spending her money on booze. She doesn’t even remember most conversations we have. When she wakes up tomorrow, she won’t understand how she got here.”
“Maybe you should take her to rehab or AA.”
“I have—many times. But the truth is, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. So, I’ve given up. There’s nothing I can do. I told myself I wouldn’t let her crash here anymore but I caved, like always. That makes me weak and I know it. But she’s still my sister and it’s hard to leave her on the doorstep.”
“That doesn’t make you weak,” she said. “Emotion is a strength. Hopefully those feelings will help her someday. She’ll realize she has a brother who loves her and cares about her, and her behavior is hurting him.”
“Well, I don’t think she has many logical thoughts…”
“Don’t lose hope.” She moved her head off my shoulder and looked into my face. “You’re a good person, River. She’s lucky to have you.”
“My parents refuse to see her. They’ve disowned her.”
“That’s harsh…”
“They just got tired of it. I don’t blame them, honestly. I’m really all she has.”
She rubbed my arm. “I wish there was something I could do to help.”
“You’re already doing it,” I whispered. “I feel better.”
She continued to rub my arm while looking at me with those beautiful green eyes. “You can always talk to me about this. You know one of my darkest secrets and now I know one of yours.”
“I’m glad you don’t judge me for it.”
“Judge?” she asked. “I think more highly of you.”
Things like this made me like Meadow. She was sweet and caring, and she was also understanding. Even though she’d never been in this situation, she knew how hard it was for me. Everyone else would tell me to suck it up and throw my sister out. But Meadow understood how hard that was. It was the first time I saw Meadow in a different way. She wasn’t just some girl I wanted to kiss, and she wasn’t just my client.
Now she was my friend.
7
Meadow
I felt terrible for River. His sister clearly had a drinking problem but it was severe. She actually seemed pretty hopeless. The pain and embarrassment was clear in his eyes and I didn’t like looking at it. And I didn’t like him thinking I was judging him for something completely out of his control.
It made me respect him more.
The week at the office was different than all the others. Nathan came out of his office a lot more often. Normally, he would just call me or email me if he needed something. But now he was going out of his way to talk to me face-to-face. I wasn’t sure if I was overthinking it or imagining things that weren’t there but it seemed like something was different.
I continued to wear the new clothes River recommended. It was uncomfortable because I felt like I was on display all the time. The heels were much higher than I was accustomed to, so I tried to sit at my desk as much as possible. Whenever I did have to get up, I made sure I got everything I needed so I wouldn’t have to get up again.
Nathan came to my desk for the fifth time that day. “Did you get that fax from Albert?”
He asked me this three times. “No, I haven’t. I’ll call him and check on the progress. Maybe something came up.” He wasn’t normally this pushy with things. But perhaps this fax was important.
“No, it’s okay,” he said immediately. “Just checking.”
Didn’t he have more important things to do than check? Not that I minded. Any excuse to look at him was a good excuse. I did my best to seem indifferent to his handsome features. I fantasized about kissing those lips so many times. He could probably see the desire on my face everyday. Hopefully, I was doing a better job keeping my feelings in check now.
“So, what’s new with you?” he asked.
He never asked me something like this. He stuck to business related topics, at least when we were in the office. “Nothing, really. How about you?”
“How’s that kickboxing class?”
He remembered? “Good.” Then I realized he probably remembered because of Danielle. He was intent on sleeping with her, whether she was gay or not. I was surprised he was still pursuing that. He clearly wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted.
“You look in shape,” he said. “It must be working.” He gave me a smile.
Did he just compliment me?
“You have plans for lunch?”
“No. Just a date with my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”
He chuckled. “You want to get lunch with me today?”
He never offered before. “Uh, sure.” Was I just imagining this or was he looking for excuses to spend time with me? I had to keep my heart in check otherwise Nathan would crush it all over again. I’ll never forget the way it felt to stand in the middle of the crowd and watch him hit on a blonde at the bar. I felt abandoned.
“Great,” he said. “I’ll see you in an hour.”
Nathan and I went to a deli just across the street from the building. We ordered our food, and I was surprised when Nathan paid for my meal.
“I can get it,” I offered. “But thanks.”
“I insist.” He handed the card to the cashier.
I knew it was st
upid to argue so I just said, “Thank you.”
We took a seat near the window then unwrapped our sandwiches.
Nathan watched me while he ate, his eyes scanning every inch of my body and not just my face. “You look nice today.”
“Thanks.” I felt the heat flush through me, making me warm in every place. First, he was talking to me at the office and now he was having lunch with me. River was a genius. His plan might actually be working.
“I like what you’ve done with your hair.”
He noticed I cut it? “Thanks.”
He chewed his food and remained quiet for a while.
I kept my gaze averted and felt nervous like I usually did. I didn’t know what to say. Nathan wasn’t intimidating but he constantly made me anxious. I thought about every sentence before I said it, wondering if I should say it or not. I was always aware of my frantic heartbeat. Spending time with him wasn’t pleasurable as much as overwhelming.
He finished half of his sandwich then wrapped up the other half. “So…how’s it going with that guy?” He asked it casually, like he didn’t really care about my answer.
“Good.” I didn’t know what else to say. River said it was important to say as little as possible.
“So, you guys are still together?”
“Not together,” I said. “But we’re seeing each other.”
He nodded. “Does that mean you’re seeing other guys as well?”
Uh, how do I answer this? “No.” I hoped that was okay.
“What does this guy do for a living?”
I noticed he never asked what his name was. “He’s a computer programmer for a company.” It was the most vague thing I could think of.
“Did he go to college?”
“Yeah.” What did it matter?
“Are things getting serious?”
“They are about the same.” Was Nathan into me? He’d never expressed this much interest before. I would have to ask River what I should do next. But if Nathan really did like me, wouldn’t he just ask me out? Or was I overanalyzing the situation, something I was notorious for?
“Cool.” He never used that word.
I finished my food and felt uncomfortable. Nathan was staring at me but I was too nervous to stare back. I had to pretend to be indifferent to him. That was so hard to do. I wish I could just be myself but I could never be myself around him. Ever since we were kids, I was quiet around. “Are you seeing anyone?”