Breaking Down (The Breaking Series)

by Smith, Calista

  CHAPTER 7

  I filled my friends in over the weekend. I feel like Nat is resisting the urge to tell me, ‘I told you so’, Malachi feels guilty for pushing me to give it a go, and Valerie says I need to brush it off; easier said than done.

  I’m so not looking forward to school today, but I have no choice with it being senior year and all. My grades have already slipped a little since the divorce and I need to bring them back up. I shouldn’t have allowed myself to be distracted in the first place. The one thing I want more than anything is to make it into the Peace Corps. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid, ever since I went on a mission trip with my family. We got to help plant vegetables to help the local people grow their own food. I knew from that moment on, that was what I wanted to do. When I learned about the Peace Corps, it fit perfectly. Anyway, that’s the whole reason I volunteer at the local nursery. I need as much agricultural experience as I can get for my admissions. And the mission trip the nursery is going on is exactly the kind of thing I need to get under my belt. I’m saving every penny I possibly can to pay for it.

  ***

  At lunch, I leave campus and drive around. I didn’t want to risk seeing Dante, he never texted me back that night. Clearly he is back with his ex and I’m not about to make a bigger idiot of myself than I already have. Valerie says he’s a fool. I can’t help but think it’s me who’s the fool.

  I meet up with Shaun and walk to English. He can tell something’s wrong but when he asks, I tell him I don’t want to talk about it and change the subject. We sit next to each other and I pretend to be busy when I see Dante coming into class. He doesn’t even look at me. He sits on the other side of the room and takes out his phone. I’m sure he’s texting his girlfriend and it sickens me. I feel my stomach drop and I swear I’m going to hurl my lunch everywhere. I don’t, thank God, but I feel like I will.

  As time passes, Shaun and I spend more and more time together. Although I enjoy spending time with him, I get the feeling he could be getting the wrong idea about us sometimes. No matter how much I reiterate to him that my feelings are solely platonic, he still acts flirty. The thing is, I truly believe that guys and girls can be friends. Take Malachi and me for instance. He’s a good looking guy, but we’ve never been anything but friends. Speaking of Malachi, he seems to think my friendship with Shaun is a bad idea. I think he’s just jealous because he and I don’t get to hang out or talk nearly as much as we used to. He laughs when I tease him about it. Besides all of that, I don’t like making things awkward for Natalia and Aiden, so hanging out with Shaun is best for all of us.

  Natalia and I still hang out after school and at work when we have shifts together. She totally understands my predicament and doesn’t get too upset with me for not being around as much. The other girls seem to have more of an issue with it; even after I’ve explained numerous times that Shaun and I are not together, just becoming really good friends. But I can see how they perceive it like I’m choosing Shaun over them, since I usually leave during lunch. But it’s not about Shaun. It’s Dante; I can’t bring myself to hold it together after what he pulled. Maybe I should confront him, but the thought of Nat and Aiden being in the middle of it all stops me. Instead, I figure ignoring it is the best thing I can do. Besides, I knew better. I had been warned.

  ***

  Friday night comes and everyone is talking about hanging out at the mall later. I decide to go when Natalia says Dante won’t be there. Apparently he’s going to be with Melanie, his so-called ex, who isn’t really his ex. I invited Malachi but he had to work. Shaun tells me he’ll come, so that’s cool.

  Natalia comes over to get ready at my house. She does our hair and makeup and lets me borrow a dress. She’s going to be a great beautician one day and I can totally picture her working for the Hollywood movie stars, like she dreams of.

  “Girlfriend you are going to be like, POW, when you walk up in there tonight,” She teases me. We’re cracking up like we usually do whenever she and I get together. We finish getting ready and take her car to the restaurant.

  Everyone’s already seated when we get there. Nat takes her seat next to Aiden and I sit across the table next to Shaun. We order our drinks and appetizers, and then look over the menu. By the time the waiter comes to take the order, I’m stuffed from appetizers. As he rounds the table taking each order I contemplate ordering dessert. I’m not hungry for any more food but chocolate always sounds good. All of the sudden I hear—

  “Hey where are our chairs? What, did you forget about us?” Dante teases.

  My stomach is in knots. What is he doing here? I look up at Natalia and her eyes are pleading with me. I hear my phone buzz and fumble with my purse to get to it; anything to avoid looking at him. I can’t believe he brought her! I can’t believe I was so stupid to think he wouldn’t.

  Babes, I’m so sorry! He said he wasn’t coming. He’s such a jerk! I’m so sorry. Please don’t cry! Don’t give them the satisfaction! If you want to leave we can. You tell me what you want to do. Rock whatever you do keep your head up okay? You’re better than that! ~N

  I finish reading her text. I’m stubborn as hell. There is no way I’m doing this here. I feel Shaun grab my hand under the table and squeeze and it nearly causes me to lose my battle with my tears. When the waiter comes back I order a brownie. Hell! If I’m going to suffer, I might as well suffer with chocolate.

  Everyone is laughing and talking; I’m sitting here, slowly devouring my dessert, eyes focused on my fork— other than when I look up at Shaun. I’m purposefully avoiding looking across the table, where Dante and Melanie squeezed in between Val and Nat. I can’t take the risk of seeing him, or worse yet, him with her. Shaun manages to coax a couple smiles from me. I even have a silent laugh to myself at the thought that thankfully, Natalia worked her magic on me tonight. I’m rocking the killer heels and the black dress she let me borrow. I hear my phone buzz again and check it.

  I thought I told you not to wear dresses for other guys ~D

  No he did not text me! I look up and meet his eyes. Why did I do that? I feel so panicked and without a word I scoot my chair back and leave the table, in a hurry. I need air. I rush out the front door, pushing past the crowd of people waiting to be seated. The gust of cold air that suddenly hits my face does nothing to help me catch my breath. I need to get out of here. I need somewhere to sit. I can’t stop crying. People are walking passed me. No one stops but I see the concerned looks on their faces. I wipe at my face to stop the tears but it doesn’t work and I’m positive all I’ve done is smear the makeup I’m wearing.

  “Raquel!” Natalia is yelling.

  I stop and turn towards her and see her, Aiden and Shaun coming at me. Oh, God, this is so embarrassing. I’m sobbing uncontrollably. The next thing I know, they’re putting my seatbelt on and Natalia is kissing Aiden goodbye. I ruined everyone’s night. Great! We ride home in silence. Well, other than my occasional deep intakes of breath from crying so hard.

  We get to my house and Natalia calls my Aunt, letting her know she’s spending the night. I thank her. I don’t want to be alone since mom is working late again – what’s new?! I take a quick shower and change into comfy pajamas. When I come out, I see Natalia helped herself to a pair too.

  You would think we were related; by the way we act. People say we resemble one another too, but I think she’s a way more beautiful version of plain Jane me. She has big beautiful green eyes and dark brown hair that always looks so perfectly done. I wish I had half her confidence. Guys go crazy over her and it has little to do with her naturally big boobs, though they definitely don’t mind them. She is always laughing. Her laugh is infectious. She has a positivity that radiates and people are drawn to her. I’m sure that’s why she and Aiden get along so well. He’s a lot like her. They make such a cute couple and I truthfully couldn’t tell you which of them loved the other more. I can’t imagine my life without her. I don’t think I could have made it through any of the challenges I�
��ve faced in my life if it weren’t for Nat.

  “So you ready to talk about it?” She finally asks, as she cuddles up on my couch.

  “No, but you are.” I gripe.

  “Rock, what happened? You were fine one second and next thing I know you took off hyperventilating. You scared me!” She frowns and pats the cushion next to her.

  I plop down and grab a blanket, “He texted me,” I say handing her my phone.

  “What the hell?” She snatches it from me.

  “He’s referring to the steakhouse thing.” I explain. I glance at the coffee table and realize she laid out popcorn and soda.

  “Yea, I see that! What is his problem? You should have put him on blast right there, in front of her. How dare him!” She hands my phone back and grabs the soda in front of her.

  “I don’t understand, Nat. I thought we liked each other and then I start thinking that it was all in my mind and then he messes with my head like this. What is his problem? I can’t do this.” I grab a handful of popcorn. “He likes me and then he disappears on me. Then he likes me again and the next thing I know he turns up with his ex or his girlfriend or whatever she is, but he texts me?” I eat what’s in my hand and grab some more.

  Nat snatches the bowl off the table and places it between us, “You shouldn’t have to deal with it. He’s a jerk! You’re going to have to say something.” She pops a few pieces into her mouth, “You can’t let him do this to you.”

  “I will, don’t worry about it. I don’t want you and Aiden getting involved, so let me handle him. Okay?” I know she’ll feel obligated to defend me. She feels bad she couldn’t be there for me at my other school. I cringe as those thoughts start to surface and immediately push them back down.

  “Okay, Raquel. But if you don’t say something to him and he keeps this up, I can’t promise you anything!” She takes another sip of soda and peers at me at the same time. I know she means it.

  “I understand,” A few tears escape my eyes.

  She moves the bowl of popcorn, scooting closer, “Don’t cry Rock, you’re going to make me cry! Then my nose is going to turn red and we’re both going to look like Rudolph.” Her eyes start to tear up and she hugs me.

  “I know, but I left my brownie,” I half laugh and half cry, as I do my best to lighten the mood.

  We eventually start a movie and after she falls asleep, I put on my headphones, turn the radio app on and lay down. It’s another thing Nat and I used to do when we were kids. We would listen to a station that played love songs as we fell asleep. I’m crying again when I hear Mariah singing “I Can’t Let Go.” I’m surprised at how appropriate the song is.

  CHAPTER 8

  The rest of the weekend goes better. Natalia and I spend a lot of time together. We even go to L.A. to have dinner with Malachi. The highlight of the weekend is when we both take old eyeliner pencils and write on my mirrored closet doors. Everything I wrote was about Dante. ‘Dante Sucks! I wish Dante would make up his mind! What a Gorgeous Jerk! The Wizard, The Asshole!’ stuff along those lines. It kind of helped to get it out. Once we were done, we sat back laughing at how immature we were behaving.

  ***

  I finally call Shaun. I need to apologize for how I left and explain what exactly happened. He has some choice words about Dante. I let him vent for a second but I have to stop him after a while. As much as I think Dante deserves it, I still have feelings for him. Besides it’s a little different having a guy bashing session with Nat, Malachi or Val, as opposed to one with Shaun. Awkward! Before we hang up he mentions that I need to move on and when he suggests it be with him, I get irritated. I tell him I don’t want to ruin our friendship, and he drops it. I really hate that he does this. It’s uncomfortable and I can’t help but wonder if Malachi’s right. Maybe I should distance myself from him. I hope he leaves it alone for good. I enjoy being his friend and I don’t want his attraction for me to ruin our friendship.

  ***

  Monday is definitely not something I’m looking forward to, but here goes nothing. Opting for an ‘eat your heart out, you jerk’ look, I throw on the cute sundress my mom recently bought me. Luckily, Southern California still has some sunny days, even as winter approaches. I slip on my flats and grab a little sweater.

  Managing to get through most of the day avoiding Dante, I feel strong. At fourth period, I receive a text from Shaun saying he won’t be walking to class with me today; he had something to do in the office. Great!

  ***

  I walk out determined to get to fifth period as fast as I can. Panic is threatening to rear its ugly head. No way am I letting Dante get the best of me, yet again. The smile on my face admits to none of the anxiety I feel building within. Concentrating on not tripping down the crowded path to my next class becomes a much needed distraction. Just when I feel a pang of confidence, the rug gets pulled from underneath me. Looking up, I see Dante, alone. He’s unaware of the fact that I am steps behind him. As if he can sense me, he stops and pulls out his phone. Crap! I barely avoid bumping into him and with as much confidence as I can muster, I walk briskly passed him.

  “Oh, so you can go around spreading rumors, ignore my texts and walk passed me like nothing? What the hell is your problem anyway? What the hell did I do to you?” Dante yells.

  I turn slowly, not sure if he’s talking to me or someone on his phone. But as I turn, I realize he’s right behind me and he’s pissed, at me! “What are you talking about?” I’m in shock and the lump in my throat is making it hard for air to get through.

  “You! And don’t stand there all innocent like you don’t know what you did, either!” He snaps.

  “Dante, I haven’t the slightest clue what you are talking about and frankly I don’t care! Whatever games you are playing, game over! I’m done. Just leave me alone!” I yell back at him.

  He quiets his voice, but the anger is clear, “You walk around like you are so shy and so innocent. You started this, not me! Didn’t you know I’d find out? Or did you really think you could play me?”

  “I haven’t— ugh! Forget it! Just— forget it!” I throw my arms to my side and turn to storm off, holding back the burning tears in my eyes.

  “You are forgotten, stupid bitch!” He yells loud enough so everyone around us can hear.

  I stop dead in my tracks. I can’t believe the audacity of him, to say that to me. My stomach drops to my feet and I feel like my legs are made of lead as I try to run to class. It finally dawns on me, he said I was talking crap about him and I have no clue what he is referring to. Why should I care? He totally degraded me. But a part of me is stuck wondering what he could possibly be talking about.

  Finally reaching class, I throw my backpack to the ground and plop into my chair. I take out my compact and wipe my eyes, trying to avoid smearing my makeup.

  Dante walks in steps behind me and sits in the desk right beside me. I can’t believe him. What is his freaking problem? I take out my notebook and begin my class work.

  “Is this fun for you, Raquel?” He angles his body towards me.

  I slam my notebook shut, “Don’t do this, Dante. Not here, not now! We can talk later, just leave me alone.” I firmly reply without looking at him.

  “Leave you alone? I tried! You’re the one going around talking, you and your boyfriend. Why don’t you two leave me alone, huh? Leave me and my name out of your mouth. As much as I’m sure it’s fun for you— having me in your mouth!” I’m so hurt at his words and there are so many things I want to say, but my mouth hangs open and nothing’s coming out. His lips curl up into an evil smirk.

  I finally find my voice again, “What? Dante— I, I don’t even know what to say to you. You’re being a real jerk right now.” I wipe at the tears spilling down my cheeks.

  He lets out an eerie chuckle. “Oh what, not enjoying me? Not having a good time, Raquel? Scared Shaun might find out? Should we go hide?” He looks around, like he’s scared to get caught by some imaginary person. “Maybe that would be bette
r, huh? We can go sneak behind old lover boys back and—”

  Suddenly, Shaun walks in and sees my face. He takes one look at Dante and immediately walks up to his desk. “What the hell! What’s your problem, Dante?” Shaun shouts, slamming his hands on the desk. Without a second to process, I see the teacher pulling them apart. Shaun’s face is bright red where I can only assume Dante punched him. They’re both spewing every curse word under the sun and several proctors have shown up, shoving the boys into the hall. I’m stunned. It all happened so fast. What have I gotten myself into? Swear to bears, kill me now! I pull out my phone and text Nat. She doesn’t reply right away, but when she does, she’s as confused and concerned as I am.

  Next thing I know, I’m summoned to see the principal. Great! I’m dreading each and every step I take. I gulp hard as I shuffle into Principal Schaffer’s office. He’s sitting in his big leather chair, banging away at the keyboard. He stops and looks up at me, gesturing for me to sit in one of the two wooden chairs in front of his huge desk.

  “Raquel? Do you know why I’ve asked you to come to my office today?” He sits back into his chair, crossing his arms.

  My hands grow clammy and I try to wipe the sweat off, “No, Sir, I don’t” I attempt to swallow the ball in my throat. I feel so tiny peering up at this tall, intimidating man.

  When he speaks again, it sounds like his voice is echoing through me, “It’s been brought to my attention that you were involved, in one way or another, in an altercation with two students in your class.” This time he leans forward resting his elbows on his desk.

  I lean back to keep the distance between us. “Sir, one of them is my friend. The other is a— an acquaintance.” How else do I describe who Dante is to me? “I was not involved in any fights.” I feel like he’s fishing and I’m not about to offer anyone up on a platter.